Vrindaban For the last year

January 7th, 2001

Vrindaban

For the last year I have been seeking inspiration to understand in which way I should direct my service to Srila Prabhupada?s mission. I was given the gurukula and I took that service as my life and soul. I left that to preach in America, and although I certainly feel that preaching in the US is part of my service, it doesn?t fully utilize my energies and abilities because of various circumstances and restrictions beyond my control. To find clear direction in service is a real concern of mine. Sacinanada Swami gave me the advice to increase my desire and prayer for that clarity. I did.

I think I felt a breakthrough today. I hope it is not just sentiment. While working on my next book, a comprehensive study of the First Canto, a surge of satisfaction beset my heart. I have a strong inspiration to write, to feel absorbed and engaged in the service, and it is conducive to my situation.

Years ago I wrote Satsvarupa Maharaja about my uncertainty to as what Srila Prabhupada wants me to do now that it is not possible for me to pursue his instruction to develop gurukula. He gave me very practical advice?a bit bold for the time. I remember it something like this: ?Just find out what you want to do for Krishna, and just accept that as what Srila Prabhupada wants you to do.? It wasn?t advice to act whimsically, but practical advice to offer my best to Krishna and to understand that that?s what Srila Prabhupada wants.

Devotional service means to please Krishna. We generally like to do activities that we do well, and whatever we do well is naturally the best we can offer to Krishna. Isn?t that how the spiritual master practically engages his disciples? Arjuna fully surrendered to Lord Krishna?sarva dharman parityajya?and Krishna told him to fight.

I am sitting at my desk, in direct view of Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi. His presence is felt, although my windows and curtains are closed to seal my room off from the harsh winter winds. This realization came while I was writing on Srimad Bhagavatam, 1.1.8. I return to my writing and am taken aback when I realize what is described in the section I am about to study:

?The secret of success in spiritual life is in satisfying the spiritual master and thereby getting his sincere blessings. Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti has sung in his famous eight stanzas on the spiritual master as follows: ‘I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of my spiritual master. Only by his satisfaction can one please the Personality of Godhead, and when he is dissatisfied there is only
havoc on the path of spiritual realization.’?

I take it as a further confirmation and continue to write.

Vrindaban A morning visit to

January 6th, 2001

Vrindaban

A morning visit to one of my favorite lila-sthans, Govinda-kunda, the mystical pond on the side of Govardhana Hill where Lord Indra bathed Lord Govinda with the sacred waters of the celestial Ganges and the milk of the divine surabhi cow.

We sit by at the base of the mount of Govardhana by the large elongated sila that I occasionally worship with opulence and devotion and affectionately call Govinda-Hari. The morning sun rises in the east, shining straight across Govinda-kunda, radiating and shimmering on the large boulders of the sacred hill standing before us. We also sit and bask for a moment with welcome relief from the chilly winter night. I close my eyes and feel a rare and soothing silence slightly mixed with some distant shouts from the peaceful residents of Annayor, the small adjacent village, who wash their clothes and bathe there. A stilled and tranquil mind is rare for a born New Yorker, but that is the mystical potency of this sacred space.

I sense that the devotees with me also feel the hallowed moment. Bathed in the sanctity of this holy place, I begin to speak of its glories. I suddenly recall another magical day spent at Govinda-kunda and tell a personal story indicative of her sacredness. It is late morning and Govinda-kunda is especially quiet?the solitude assisted by the heat of a mid-April sun. We are searching for a sila. It is something I never do, and something I don?t recommend, but my friend has been sanctioned, and certain unique events indicate that Giriraja is calling him for service.

After a long search, His Lordship appeared?a small perfectly square-sized shiny Govardhana sila the size of a small matchbox. We then seek, as is the tradition for this solemn worship, the blessings of a local brijabasi. I approach a lone brijabasi nearby who was sweeping the dirt floor of a simple makeshift Govardhana temple which humbly consisted of a stone platform before a huge Govardhan sila protruding from the mountain, covered by a simple shed. The handful of brahmanas at Govinda-kunda who maintain the few temples surrounding it are not the scholarly types, but poor, simple and friendly brijabasis. Not much concerned for the inviolability of this wonderful tirtha, they gladly give their blessings to anyone?for some small donation, of course. With confidence, I called this old brijabasi over and causally asked him to give us the sila we selected. I pointed to our small Giriraja, now neatly placed on a larg!e boulder in front of us. We were staggered by the response.

His raised his right hand, pointing his index finger, and forcefully rebuked us for our apparent irreverence. Occasionally pointing at Govardhana Hill he shouted, ?Bhagavan hai! Visvatma hai!” This is Krishna! This is the soul of the universe! After giving us a good admonishment, he finished our hopes with his final answer: ?If I give you this sila then?MAI SARIRA NASTA!?my body will be destroyed.”

My humble friend fell to his knees crying in shock, ?I?m not qualified! I?m not qualified!” We got the message, although Giriraja eventually came to my friend in another way. Still, time is short and the puja must start so I begin kirtan.

A full abhisheka begins. Govinda Hari is bathed repeatedly in water from Govinda-kunda and massaged with a full 200-gram bottle of fine saffron oil. With a new towel he is dried and then painted elaborately with will six different colored tilaks. By now the brahmanas arrive. They wait patiently, irreverently sitting on Govardhana Hill right behind our worship. From experience they are confident that I will amply renumerate them both for their blessings and for their ability to keep the many young village children who have arrived from disturbing our ceremony. A large herd of white cows pass, kicking up the soft sands. It?s Krishna Book-like: the cows, the brahmanas, the brijabasi children and Giri-Govardhana. We become more and more absorbed in our worship.

Next Govinda Hari is offered a large tulasi garland, six rose garlands, and a triple-twined red, white and black gunja-mala. We forgot the flute and peacock feather today, but Govinda Hari is stunning and the brahmanas grunt and nod their heads to the side, brijabasi style, in approval.

It is a small festival today so we do not pack the sweets in the fine wicker baskets that we keep for the worship. Still, three boxes of high class sweets from a brijabasi sweet shop are offered before Giriraja to fed to the the brahmanas, children, our devotees, and the cows, in that order. A dozen rupee notes and a bunch of coins are also placed there as daksina to the brahamanas for their blessings, but more as a bribe to keep our happy festival free from their harassment. Arati begins and everyone is given incense to offer which is carefully placed all around Giriraja like a smoking picket fence. The kirtan gets louder and the brahamanas are smiling ear-to-ear, patting us with both hands on our head and shoulders indicating, ?Well done, well done, I offer you all our blessings.? The festival is so engaging that one becomes lost in time. It?s over and we leave, but the effect is very powerful. We fe!el it strongly in our hearts.

Vrindaban How the psyche changes

January 5th, 2001

Vrindaban

How the psyche changes due to vaisnava aparadha (offense). Paraphrased from Bhakti-sandarbha:

Crookedness, duplicity – a devotee is simple and straightforward, but aparadha brings on duplicity. The heart becomes hard and cruel by accumulated offense, but one still poses externally as a Vaishnava.

Lack of faith in sastra – Offense gradually covers our faith and we lose trust and interest in sastra.

Attachment – The quality of bhakti is firm faith in the Lord and our position as his servant. Due to offense, attachment and absorption develops in those things that will deviate one from nistha (firm and fixed faith) in devotional service.

Slackness – One loses interest in the practices of devotional practices.

Pride – A devotee does not have pride that he is doing great service. Rather he is humble and feels he is not sufficiently serving his guru and Krishna. Due to aparadha one starts to feel that his service is the best and others are envious of him.

If these desires are not diminishing?or even increasing?despite practicing devotional service, one has to sincerely introspect if it may be the fruit of vaisnava aparadha.

Vrindaban Writers block. Not as

January 4th, 2001

Vrindaban

Writers block. Not as much to say. Is it a result of a regulated and boring life in the winter when the international pilgrims go? That’s no excuse because when life is reclusive and peaceful, much more goes on inside. Partha Sarathi has left for Puri, Bhaktividya Purna Maharaja has gone London. All my senior Vaishnava friends are gone for the winter. I was nourished by their realizations.

Vrindaban I read today in

January 3rd, 2001

Vrindaban

I read today in the Bhagavatam how the troubles of a devotee are described as steppingstones to God. In other words, the troubles come, but Krishna protects
us and we use those troubles to gain the realizations we need to become closer to Him.

Vrindaban From Jaiva Dharma: A

January 2nd, 2001

Vrindaban

From Jaiva Dharma:

A madhyama-adhikari is characterized by four behaviors:

  • He worships God.
  • Makes friends with the devotees.
  • Preaches to the innocent.
  • Neglects those who are inimical.

The characteristics of those who are inimical are five:

  • An absence of faith in God.
  • The belief that God is nothing more than a natural potency which brings the results of all action.
  • The belief that God has no particular form.
  • The belief that the jivas are not eternally subordinate to the Lord.
  • The absence of mercy.

Bhaktivinoda Thakur?s definition of the neglect of the inimical reflects his thoughtfulness and practicality:

“The word upeksa, neglect, does not imply that one should abandon all social dealings normally exchanged between one human being and another. Neither does it mean that if an inimical person falls into difficulty or deprivation one should not endeavor to alleviate his distress. Grhastha Vaishnavas remain within society and thus have many types of relationships?such as dealing with relatives through marriage, with others through business dealings, through the maintenance of property and bringing up of animals, through endeavor to mitigate the suffering and ailments of others, and through their position of citizens of the state. Avoidance does not mean that one should at once give up all connections with inimical people, which these different social relations entail. One is obliged to conduct routine affairs and to interact with people who are indifferent to God, but one should not take their association when it comes to spiritual matters.” (Jaiva Dharma, p.165)

Vrindaban I didn’t go to

January 1st, 2001

Vrindaban

I didn’t go to the temple today, so I asked Seva-Priya to describe the Deities new outfit to me. I am not sure why the Deities have a new outfit for New Years
Day, but why not?

She described it as a Valentine’s outfit. It was pink and white with heart and rose patterns. The Deities also had heart-shaped designs painted around their eyes and face. On the part of the backdrop visible between the Deities was a large rose surrounded my many hearts. She felt that the whole effect “really
expressed the love between Them.”

Vrindaban “An intelligent person, expert

November 30th, 2000

Vrindaban

“An intelligent person, expert in perceiving the world around him and in applying sound logic, can achieve real benefit through his own intelligence. Thus sometimes one acts as his own instructing spiritual master.” (Bhag. 11.7.20)

I found this interesting verse in the Eleventh Canto in Lord Krishna’s instructions to Uddhava. It is from the prelude to Krishna?s description of the avadhuta brahmana?s account of his 28 gurus in nature, based on the brahmana?s discriminating observation of the world. In other words, from individually observing natural phenomena like the sun, wind, and fire, and also from different species of life, he learned important lessons in life. For example, because the python maintains himself with whatever comes of it’s own accord, the brahmana learned?from the python’s example?dependence on God.

Surprisingly, one of the most important instructions he learned was from Pingala, the prostitute. With great care she had dressed herself very attractively and waited in immense anticipation for the arrival of a customer, but although she waited all day and night, no one came. Her experience was so distressful that she finally gave up her desire for the arrival of a proper suitor and renounced the world to exclusively meditate on the Supreme Lord. She became peaceful and eventually attained perfection. From Pingala, the prostitute, the astute avadhuta brhamana learned that hopes for sense gratification are the root of all anxiety.

Jiva Goswami also makes an interesting statement in the purport to this verse: gurv-anusarane pravartaka ity arthah. “The knowledge acquired by one’s own perception and intelligence leads one to appreciate the value of the representative of the world.”

In other words, a detached and objective study of the world will reveal the same teachings as the spiritual master, the saintly people, and the scriptures. It will thus increase one’s sraddha (faith) in sabda brahman (deductive knowledge descending froms a transcendental source). Studying the 28 gurus of the avadhuta brahmana also confirmed my own realization in writing this journal, that an objective view of the world bolster’s one’s faith.

Today I learned a very important lesson from Bhakta Herman:

As I was leaving the temple this morning, following my regular late morning darshan of Sri Radha-Shyamasundar, an older brahmacari came up to me to present a garland from some of the South African lady disciples of Partha-Sarathi Prabhu who were standing nearby. I was intrigued by this brahmacari, who introduced himself as Bhakta Herman.

Bhakta Herman was in his late fifties, not much taller than five-feet tall, and somewhat crippled in both feet. Although he could walk without a cane, he struggled terribly?like a devotee blistered on both feet after parikram. His disability, however, was obviously permanent, either congenital, or due to serious accident or disease. His jaws were also constantly gnawing, either from pain or a nervous disorder. He had a strong South Brooklyn accent, and a fairly serious speech disorder, so that his already strong accent was further slurred by an almost childish and squeaky tone. As by habit I study people, I began a conversation with this very humble and likeable devotee.

“Where are you from, Prabhu?”

“I stay six munts of da year in Burkly, and six munts in Vrindavan.”

“What do you do?”

“I mop flawz and wash pots.”

His service was so menial that I almost felt embarrassed to have asked him, but from the tone of his response I could sense his absence of false prestige. He wasn’t bothered at all by my question, or by his answer. “Where were you born?” I continued.

“Coney Island in Brooklyn. Ya know where dhat iz?”

“Coney Island! Hey, I?m from Cropsey Avenue! Coney Island’s less then fifteen minutes away.” A rapport was developing.

“Yeah. Dats just ovah da bridge.”

I continued our pleasant conversation and could see that he was from the most humble background. I began to recall fond memories, even before I was six years old, of my grandmother taking me occasionally to Coney Island, the most prominent amusement park in New York City fifty years ago. It was a big treat for me at the time, but I recalled that even as young child I could sense that Coney Island, like all old amusement parks, were meant for visiting, not for living?at least not for living at any level of decency. “How do you like Krishna consciousness, Herman?”

His face lit up, with the humble happiness of a recipient of mercy. “I don’t know why, but I git such necktuh. Such necktuh comes. All of a suddin,necktuh!” With each “necktuh” his heart became lighter and his face became brighter. It wasn’t a show. Bhakta Herman was very sincere. He definitely was experiencing something wonderful in Krishna consciousness.

I learned from Herman the relationship between bhakti and an absence of false prestige. All Herman seemed to have was Krishna, but that made him very dependent on Him. We all are dependent on Krishna, but unfortunately due to so-called material assets like wealth, beauty, intelligence, or birth we gain a false sense that we are controlling the world independent of God. We lose the sense of surrender and shelter needed to approach the Lord feelingly, a sense that is the foundational emotion of bhakti. Factually, dependence is actually our taste of bhakti, just like a child’s love for his mother is that sense that she is his protector and maintainer. I pray to become free from the false sense that I am independently controlling my destiny, so that I can depend on Krishna and experience the nectar of Krishna consciousness.

While writing this I was thinking of Jiva Goswami’s commentary: gurv-anusarane pravartaka ity arthah. “The knowledge acquired by one’s own perception and intelligence leads one to appreciate the value of the representative of the world.” The same lesson reinforced by meeting Bhakta Herman is also one of the key messages throughout the teachings our beloved master, Srila Prabhupada. Here are a few examples:

From Queen Kunti:
“My Lord, Your Lordship can easily be approached but only by those who are materially exhausted. One who is on the path of [material progress], trying to improve himself with respectable parentage, great opulence, high education and bodily beauty, cannot approach You with sincere feeling.” (Bhag. 1.8.27)

From Narada Muni:
“As they were leaving, those bhakti-vedantas, who are very kind to poor-hearted souls, instructed me in that most confidential subject which was instructed by the Personality of Godhead Himself.”

A little explanation is needed here. Narada Muni got the mercy of bhakti-vedantas because they were dina-vatsalah, kind to the poor. Narada Muni was just the son of a maidservant and he was so destitute that he didn’t even know who his father was. It made him, however, naturally humble, and because of this, he was able to serve the bhakti-vedantas with gratitude and respect. Although he was self-controlled, disciplined, and had many good qualities, some of the commentators reveal that the quality of Narada that ultimately attracted the mercy of the bhakti-vedantas was his realization of his humble position.

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Vrindaban I received a note

November 29th, 2000

Vrindaban

I received a note appreciating my journal explaining that it “gives people a chance to hear philosophy when they don’t have time to read or make time to read.” It’s more likely that people don’t make time to read and this disturbs me, although I am sympathetic to the plight of the devotees. I also find it sometimes hard to read when my schedule is upset and my day becomes passionate. Not making time to read has more to do with our lifestyle and the modes we attract than our lack of time, although I understand how exhausting working and family life is in today’s world.

Another problem is that, in many places, the Hare Krishna movement has failed to provide an attractive and nourishing spiritual environment to inspire devotees in Krishna consciousness. Nonetheless, we have to sincerely analyze our style of life and see what changes can be made so that are lives are more impacted by goodness and devotion. Ultimately, everything rests on our sincerity, our desire to become Krishna consciousness.

Sometimes I think that many, or even most people, are not capable of really studying philosophical books on their own; otherwise why do so few devotees seem to read Srila Prabhupada’s books regularly? In Vrindaban and other holy places we still see that most people learn philosophy by hearing others speak. The Hare Krishna movement needs to concentrate more on developing learned and engaging speakers who can attract people to hearing. Hopefully, then the devotees will also become inspired to read.

I read some relevant points in Bhakti-Sandarbha in this regard:

bhaktya tat-katha rucer?bhakti means the taste in hearing about Krishna; the eagerness, relish, and willingness to hear about Krishna.

eva paravastha-rupaya prema laksanaya?this taste is hearing itself which will transform into prema; the extreme taste for hearing is prema.

I see the disciple of Narayan Maharaja who sent the note from him. I asked her exactly what Maharaja had told her. I was surprised that she said that it was her idea to request me to visit and that, due to miscommunication, it came out as if Maharaja was making the request. I probably wouldn’t have visited at this time if it wasn’t for her letter, but I am not unhappy that I did. Krishna works in strange ways.

Vrindaban/ Mathura I arrived at

November 28th, 2000

Vrindaban/ Mathura

I arrived at the Kesavaji Gaudiya Math at 10AM, as planned. The Sri Kesavaji Gaudiya Math is an important tirtha since, among other things, Srila Prabhupada took sannyasa there, stayed there for sometime, and also donated their Mahaprabhu deity. Being there again brought up a lot of pleasant memories from a time I used to regularly visit there and especially from the very warm relationships we had with many of the devotees there.

I was apprehensive about how I would be greeted because some of his disciples were upset with us when we stopped visiting, but I was determined to just maintain my poise as a humble Vaishnava visiting a senior devotee. I noticed that the Math (monastery) was not bustling, as it usually it is, with the visiting international devotees and local brajabasi pilgrims. It was just the local brahmacaris there, and the atmosphere was more subdued and peaceful, like it
was in the early ?90s before Narayan Maharaja became so popular.

As I entered the temple room on the second floor of the Math, Sriman Premananda Prabhu, the temple president, pays obeisances to me and then affectionately holds my hand. He has been honored by their society as seva-ratna?the jewel of servants. To this day he is still their main cook. I still remember how he would immediately prepare delicious prasadam for any guest who visited and then serve them with great happiness.

When I entered Maharaja’s room there are about fifteen people sitting there. It appeared that he was initiating a young brajabasi lady who has come with her mother. He is instructing her and she is crying. Maharaja has not realized that I have come in and I sit on the floor in a corner quietly. He soon, however, recognizes me, and motions with his hand that he needs five minutes before he can meet me. I reply that I am in no rush at all and that he should take his time.

I am not sure why he called me. Perhaps he was concerned that I may have not been welcomed properly at their Govardhana-annukut last month and I had not returned to visit him during his stay. I was not really so concerned with why he called, only happy to meet a person who is a longstanding friend and a well-wisher.

After five minutes he offers me a chair and slowly clears out the room so we are basically alone. He even has his assistant latch the door. He inquires about my welfare and we exchange pleasantries. He looked quite healthy and vibrant today?not much different from when I first met him. He certainly didn’t look 80 years old and, in jest, I asked him about his secret to remaining youthful. He replied, “You also look youthful,” clenching his fists at his side which seems to indicate that I got stronger and gained weight. I was somewhat surprised at this because I thought I had actually lost weight since the last time I saw him.

I told him that he must be so tired as he is busy from day to night. He said, “I am helping others and that is also helping me. My body, mind, and words are fully engaged in Krishna’s service, so it is not tiring.” He asked if I was fearful of visiting him. I told him that I wasn?t, that I was just waiting for the crowds around him to die down, but it is evident that there will always been many people around him. “That is the main thing”, he said, referring to the fact that I should not be hesitant to visit him. He asks me to visit him from time to time when I come to India.

I read him the part of the introduction in Waves of Devotion where he is acknowledged. He just nodded, but I could see he wasn’t very interested. I quickly put the book away thinking that perhaps it wasn’t proper to present oneself as an author of philosophy before one who is so senior.

Maharaja is leaving tomorrow and the crowds outside his door are building. He lets in another Indian couple that had been eagerly waiting to see him. His attention turns toward them.

I ask him if I can ask just one question: “If the qualification for spontaneous devotional service is the greed to serve the residents of Vrindaban, then how does that qualification come when most devotees need to practice vaidhi-bhakti?” He quickly replied that “if one properly enters the Caitanya Caritamrita, then everything can come.”

In the process of vaidhi-bhakti that we follow there is ample opportunity to hear about spontaneous devotional service. If one executes that process sincerely, immersing oneself in gaura/govinda-lila, then certainly the greed to follow the residents of Vrindaban should eventually manifest.

Time is up. I excuse myself, thank him, and walk out through the back door with his long time assistant Naveen Krishna, now Madhava Maharaja.

I rush back to Vrindaban as His Holiness B.B. Govinda Swami is hosting lunch for his friends, and many other devotees have been invited after that for kirtan at his house.

For those who have lived in Vrindaban, the program of kirtan and prasadam is a regular part of the culture. I remember fifteen years ago, when along with my good friend Rupa Vilas Prabhu, we used to host regular feast and bhajan programs for the senior devotees at his home. The cook was one of my assistants, Vishwanatha das, a Bengali Vaishnava, who was certainly one of the best cooks I’ve ever seen. One feast in particular was so extraordinary that?in the middle of the feast?H.H. Tamal Krishna Maharaja looked up and in a sober but enthusiastic voice declared: “I knew that one day in this movement we would be experiencing the ecstasy of Caitanya Caritamrita, but I never expected it this soon!” Maharaja was not only commenting on the feast, but the type of affection that flows through the heart, and to the heart, in an august assembly of devotees that one has affection for.

I felt the exact same way today in the company of such wonderful devotees as H.H. B.B. Govinda Swami, H.H. Sacinandana Swami, H.H. Bhakti Vidya Purna Swami, H.H. Niranajana Swami, H.G Kesava Bhararti Prabhu, Nandanandana Prabhu, and Dadu.

I sat next to Sacinandana Swami. He’s deep. I was soaking up his humble personal realizations of his own spiritual journey. I sense his single-minded determination to surrender and deeply experience Krishna consciousness. We have tentatively scheduled another meeting between us if I go to Bombay next month. If I want to proceed further in spiritual life, it is essential for me to spend time discussing personal spiritual practices with senior and like-minded Godbrothers now?especially in the absence of regular access to a senior siksa-guru. Of course, Paramatma is also siksa-guru.

The kirtan goes on for four hours. Niranjana Swami leads the most wonderful bhajans. B.B Govinda Swami also provides life with his powerful and rhythmic mrdanga playing, his incredibly sweet voice and his sheer power. One can’t help but appreciate the devotion that Govinda Swami puts into his kirtan, but I also can’t discount what he has brought from his birth: Maharaja is from Nashville, and his father is in the Country music hall of fame.