Waves of Devotion

Simantadvipa, Navadvipa

By the end of the day I am totally exhausted from the full day of parikrama, kirtan, and katha, but I feel enlivened. This type of exhaustion is good for Krishna
consciousness, as it does not leave one with time for anything but Krishna, and it definitely makes my sleep totally devotional service. I don?t know, however, how I will write this journal as I can hardly lift my hands from the keyboard and my brain is too fatigued to think. I?m that worn out. I?ll just scribble a few notes and finish later.

When people arrive from the West, they often are not steadily practicing Krishna consciousness, filled with anxiety, and have little taste for chanting and hearing. The guide may initially have to carry the group by his own enthusiasm until, by the mercy of the dhama, the devotees become peaceful and thus more spontaneous in their attraction for chanting. It sometimes can become an austerity. This year, however, the devotees are enthusiastic from the very beginning of the parikram. It is surely the mercy of Sri Nabadvipa-dhama.

Today also we begin our parikram at the Yoga-Pitha. Again, full absorption in the holy name and unbounded enthusiasm with the sense we can chant forever. I only stop the kirtan to explain a little about the place we have visited and because there are many other places to visit today. Following the path of Sri Caitanaya Mahaprabhu we again walk to Srivas Anga, and then a half-kilometer to the Caitanya Gaudiya-Math, which marks the forest of Vraja in Mayapur. There we take darshan of Radha and Shyama kundas, Govardhana Hill, and the samadhis of Srila Gaura Kishor das Babaji and Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur. Each holy place has a distinct personality and mood that can be easily detected by an experienced visitor. For those of us who have visited Vrindaban before, it?s uncanny how much the Caitanya Gaudiya-Math, established personally by Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvat Thakur, mirrors the mood of Vraja.

We proceed another two kilometers down the road to the island of Simantadvipa. According to the Nabadvipa-dhama Mahatmya, a very long time ago, and for the only time in history, Lord Jagannatha left Jagannatha Puri for the purpose of seeing Sridham Mayapur?all on the pretext of a great demon that had attacked His abode. Lord Jagannatha is still being worshiped at Simantadvipa in a beautiful open-air temple in heavenly tropical surroundings that is now well managed by the ISKCON Mayapur?s pujari department. Like Jagannatha Puri-dhama, Lord Jagannatha here is offered chapan bhoga?56 items at one offering. Unlike Puri, however, there are no restrictions in entering the temple. We have audience of Jagannatha, Baladeva, and Subhadra and then take the remnants of Lord Jagannatha?s noon chapan bhoga. I overhear comments from several members of our party that the feast was by far the best they ever tasted.

Born and bred, anxiety-filled, New Yorker Deva Dhrita, from the Lower East Side, comments in unbounded appreciation at every place we visit?in a New York accent that even makes my Brooklyn brogue sound like a British School teacher??It ain?t normal!?

As Deva Dhrta has been awe struck with appreciation at every place we?ve visited, it?s obvious that by this unusual phrase he is not criticizing the places we?ve visited, but praising them. I thus ask him, ?Why do you keep on saying at each place that ?It aint normal!??

He replies with typical city logic that somehow twists to a crystal clear point. ?It aint normal! Da world is jus sufferin. It ain?t normal!?

It is our second day and I conclude that without Nabadvipa parikrama it is difficult to understand the concept of mercy. Sure, there is a sincere effort by our pilgrim group to serve the dhama by kirtan, but the reciprocation is way beyond our effort and expectations. By the practice of Krishna consciousness something may come by a sustained effort, but when our effort wanes, the fruit of our practice usually also soon fades, at least externally. Here, however, after our initial effort on parikram the flow of mercy seems to hover over us like a cloud, a companion of shade, that comforts us from the misery of Kali Yuga, follows us throughout the day and even welcomes us the next morning. The mood of Nabadvipa is magnanimity. We can feel it. Once accessed by nama-kirtan it almost seems to pour like a floodgate without much further exertion.

Is this just by own bubbling enthusiasm and insane optimism? I don?t think so. The others also share my sentiments, although they are generally the more pessimistic types, the hard to impress city folk from the West.

Are the residents here experiencing what we, as pilgrims, are? I can?t say, but there is something to the common phrase that ?familiarity breeds contempt.? We have an advantage. We are here for a short time, without any other business then chanting and hearing, and for most of us, too new and in awe to create offense. Lord Caitanya instructs us that by humility one gains taste for the holy name and is able to chant incessantly. New pilgrims can be at advantage as the unknown creates a mood of humble dependence and thus creates receptivity for genuine sentiments of devotion.

Mayapur

?All important holy places are situated in Navadvipa-dhama, and if there is any holy place that is not situated here, it has certainly lost all of its piety. Whatever is obtainable after spending one hundred years in places like Prayag, Ayodhya, Haridwara, Kasi, Kanci, Avanti, Puskara, etc., can be obtained by spending one night in Nabdvipa-dhama. One who walks through Navadvipa achieves with each step the merits of ten million asvamedha sacrifices? One never has to take birth again. Simply by eating the food grown in Navadvipa-dhama, one gets love of Godhead, and while one is sleeping one is offering dandavats (obeisances). By taking shelter of Navadvipa-dhama all souls easily cross over Kali-Yuga.? (Gauradesa, p.22)

Vraja Kumar, the building manager, is a great host?very competent, but soft-hearted. A real Vaishnava. Along with his wife he organizes and personally cooks our breakfast in the new kitchen adjacent to a small clean open-air prasadam hall that sits about fifty people and overlooks the Jalungi. We sit in rows facing each other behind small wood chokis (sit down tables) and are served a home-cooked breakfast that includes freshly baked German bread and fresh lettuce from the guesthouse gardens. It?s not quite yet Bengali fare?that will come?but we are eating as Vaishnavas, sitting together, being served nicely, and sharing krishna-prasadam.

These simple aspects of Vaishnava culture are so important for spiritual life, but unfortunately often rare in modern devotee life?especially in the West where the buffet style is prominent, and the traditional serve out, when done, is often by passionate and famished newer devotees.

Our parikram begins. We leave for the Yoga-Pitha, the birthplace of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, which is just one kilometer down the road. We opt, however, for the scenic back path, so we can pass through the villages of Mayapur. Due to the long plane ride and the general spiritual malaise of Western living, I expect little from the group on the first day?especially in terms of wholehearted kirtan. I am wrong. There is not a single straggler here. The kirtan is full of enthusiasm and the fervor increases as we enter Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu?s birthplace.

A perfected soul has two manifestations in perfection: a siddha svaraupa, an eternal associate of Lord Krishna in Goloka Vrindaban, and a sadhaka rupa, a practitioner of Krishna consciousness in Navadvipa-dhama. The latter seems attainable. Chanting through the villages of Mayapur and entering the Yoga-Pitha, absorbed in nama-kirtan, we glimpse our eternal identity?associates of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, kirtaneers in Nabadvipa-dhama.

Thirty feet south of the appearance of Lord Caitanya, which is still marked by a neem tree, is a very small temple with two Siva-lingas. The smaller one on the left is Gopisvara-Siva. The larger one on the right is Ksetrapala-Siva, the protector of the dhama. At the beginning of Navadvipa parikram, devotees pray to these Deities to reveal the dhama and to manifest gaura-prema within their heart since Lord Siva is in charge of the false ego.

Our false egoist conception as the enjoyer and controller cover our understanding of God as the master and our identity as His servant, naturally impelling us into seeing everything as separate from Him. One thus imbued by false ego is naturally incapable of perceiving the abode of the Lord, which is directly the Lord?s internal potency, and moves singularly for His supremacy and pleasure. As Lord Siva protects the dhama from non-devotees by the covering of false ego, sincere pilgrims pray to Ksetrapal-Siva to help them access the glories of Sri Navadvipa-dhama. We take a moment of silent prayer and beg for a successful parikram.

250 meters from the Yoga-Pitha, on the Bhaktisiddhanta Marg, we enter Srivas-Angam, the house of Srivas Pandit, the place where the sankirtan movement began. The chanting explodes and we chant with abandon. It is a spiritual experience. Although the intensity of the kirtan increases, it does so without degrading into passion, as so often is the case when the youthful, or passionate, become enthusiastic in kirtan. I can?t help but feel our prayers at the Yoga-Pitha have been answered; the false ego is diminishing, we?re tasting the holy name, and the dhama is gradually being revealed.

I was in Vrindaban in 1976 when Srila Prabhupada asked the devotees to also attend the noon arati commenting that Vrindaban is meant for bhajan. Mayapur is also meant for bhajan. We therefore congregate in the late afternoon for more kirtan and to hear more gaura-lila. I read from Caitanya Bhagavat. We sit in rapt attention and hear how the sankirtan movement began in the very place that we chanted this morning.

I am so inspired by how things are going, I decide to book the guesthouse the same time next year for our pilgrimage. I am hoping that if devotees know the dates of the tour well in advance it will help them to makes plans to attend.

Mayapur

?He who lives in Nabadvipa-dhama is very fortunate, for he achieves attraction for Krishna. He who happens to go there becomes freed from all offenses. What one attains by traveling to all the holy places is attained just by remembering Nabadvipa. In this way the scriptures sing. He who sees Nabadvipa-dhama gets ecstatic love of Krishna birth after birth. Even one who goes to Navadvipa desiring to gain material comforts through pious activities will not take another birth. The sastras say that one who walks around Nabadvipa attains the fruit of millions of asvamedhas-yajnas at every step. And one who lives in Nabadvipa and chants mantras obtains the sound of Caitanya as his mantra and easily gets free from maya. What yogis obtain after ten years at other tirthas is obtained in three nights at Navadvipa.? (Nabdvipa Mahatmya, Parikrama-Khanda, Chapter 1)

The facilities for our group are ideal. We have all to ourselves a small but spacious new guesthouse/conference hall in a rustic setting next to the temple goshalla and its pastoral gurukula, but only five minutes from the bustle of the temple by a scenic, tree-lined and winding dirt road raised over acres of the temple?s paddy fields. A few hundred feet behind our guesthouse flows the Jalungi River. From the window of my room I can even see across the river to svananda-sukhada kunja, Bhaktivinoda Thakur?s residence.

Everything is perfect, but where is our group? They were to arrive at 7AM. It is past 2PM.

I remember hearing a Bhagavatam class over twenty years ago years where the speaker described waiting as the greatest surrender. Surrender means to accept Krishna?s will. That?s hard to do when Krishna?s will is delaying the arrival of your friends. I am anxious to see all the new pilgrims and I struggle to surrender and wait patiently.

The group finally arrives after 3PM. Their plane was turned back to Delhi because of the heavy fog in Calcutta. It?s a nice mix of devotees, from recent high school graduates to working people, from newcomers to seasoned devotees. Many have longstanding friendships, but everyone feels welcome.

Several members of the tour had written to me independently with the same concern?they feel unqualified to enter the dhama and have some trepidation about going. Although many are not the strictest practitioners they are approaching the tour seriously in a humble mood. That makes them qualified to receive the mercy of the dhama and good association for me.

They settle in quickly. Not really knowing what to expect, I can sense their relief when they see that the facility is suitable in terms of their comforts, but also in terms of the setting in rustic India.

After prasadam we walk five minutes to Srila Prabhupada?s samadhi, a spectacular and powerful Vatican-like sacred space that appropriately communicates Srila Prabhupada?s stature. We are then surprised to find ourselves unexpectedly right in the middle of the temple?s colorful Sunday Deity procession, which happens to be circumambulating the samadhi at exactly the time we finish our darshan. The kirtans, the mantras, the flaming torches, and the beautiful Deities on Their huge elephant carrier? We are enchanted. It?s an exotic entrance into Mayapur that more than makes up for the tiresome journey to get here.

Vrindaban/Delhi

I leave as scheduled to Delhi to pick up my train to Calcutta, where I will meet the devotees coming from the US for pilgrimage. As usual, when traveling out of Delhi, I stop for prasadam at the house of my friend, Ghanashyama. They are exceptionally hospitable. With a phone call and a few hours notice I can send anyone there to take prasadam or stay the night.

Ghanashyama left home when he was ten years old to go to Vrindaban to be a sadhu. His father finally found him and told him that he didn?t mind if he didn?t want to get married, but he should help his family until he reached maturity. On the request of his father he completed his education and became a civil engineer to help support a joint family of his five brothers. However, he still remained somewhat of a sadhu and never married. He is renown in his community for his beautiful brajabasi bhajans?especially about Giriraja.

He is now working on a construction project in Nigeria, but his brothers always welcome me. When he is informed that I am staying at his house in Delhi, he often sends me a message by email. Last year he shared with me a thought-provoking realization:

?I think Vaishnavas sometimes get all their remaining karmic reactions for several lives in one lifetime so that they can finish up their business in this world and return to Godhead at the end of this life.?

This year, as planned, he retired to Vrindaban at fifty.

I can only stay a few hours and rush to catch the late afternoon Rajadhani to Calcutta. I am eager again to see Mayapur.

Vrindaban

His Holiness Radhanatha Swami will be here for the day. I finished my morning program early so I could attend his class. I was surprised that the temple room, which by design is partially exposed to the outside, was packed in the middle of the chilly and cold winter.

ISKCON is not as united as it needs to be. There are too many disputes and grudges. Unfortunately, that is also the case here in Vrindaban, and it is therefore difficult to sense the spirit of community which, for most people, is necessary for spiritual life. A spiritual leader, however, immediately creates a sense of community, uniting people around the desire to hear about Krishna. I sensed that today upon entering the temple.

Maharaja told the story about the Chand Kazi in a very animated way. At the end of class, someone asked how the devotees felt toward the Chand Kazi considering that he had initially persecuted the Vaishnavas. Maharaja spoke very strongly about the Vaishnavas? quality of forgiveness.

I was sitting near the altar in front of Krishna-Balarama. I noticed a former Vrindaban gurukula student from America, sitting in the front of the class. He had been at times very vocal about the mistakes made in the pioneer days of the development of gurukula, and my responsibility for them as head of one the main schools. Fortunately, this former student has very good parents who supported him. Thus, despite whatever difficulties he faced in his youth, he is well-situated, happily married, and a good devotee.

When Maharaja was speaking about forgiveness, I sensed that?seeing both the former student and myself in the audience?he was also subtly directing the point to him, especially as I believe this devotee has regard for Maharaja. That Maharaja?s preaching may have been somewhat directed in this way seemed to be confirmed later in the day when I returned to the temple in the evening for Aindra?s kirtan and noticed this devotee chanting right opposite me. When the kirtan finished, he surprisingly came over to me in a friendly and respectful manner to ask me how I was doing. We talked casually for a few minutes before he had to leave tomeet his wife. I was relieved that he seemed to have forgiven me and it also gave me hope that in time progress can be made with some of the other students that are still affected by bad experiences in gurukula.

His decision to approach me could have been simply a result of his natural maturity. Still, I can?t help but sense that the discourse this morning was a factor.

Vrindaban

I am very busy trying to get everything done and ready in two days for the pilgrimage to Mayapur. No time to mull over my realizations for the day. Even if I did, I doubt how many I would have in this whirl of passion.

Vrindaban

Met a young devotee just out of high school who was originally coming for my tour, but came with a friend who convinced him to come early. It was a mistake. He has already decided to return to the West after two days in Vrindaban. I didn?t try to convince him to stay as his mind was already back home and his parents?who didn?t want him here in the first place?already booked his return flight. If only he had come to Vrindaban as planned he could have had a different experience. He might not have even wanted to leave.

I gave some encouragement and advice:

?There is a fruit to your short and abruptly ended tour in the form of an important lesson. Spiritual activities should be done more carefully under guidance, especially in areas where one is inexperienced and the intelligence is not yet fixed.?

His difficulties also show how much perception is dependent on consciousness?especially in relationship to spiritual phenomena like the holy dhama. Bhaktivinoda Thakur therefore compares the dhama to a beautiful ocean covered by a thin layer of oil, as Yogamaya shelters the charm of the holy dhama from materialists by a thin veil of material energy. The holy dhama?s glories are thus revealed to one who approaches it with a suitable consciousness under the proper guidance.

Vrindaban

Up early for studies, a little exercise, chanting, bathing, and then giriraja-puja. A morning filled with spiritual sound has a strong effect on one?s consciousness. Today I will need it.

Got into an argument with Panditji, our chokidar (the gatekeeper). He didn?t give a bill for some items he was supposed to purchase for the ashram, and some things that he bought were definitely used. He is generally respectful in his own loud way, but he is very proud and has a terrible temper. Although it is certain that he cheated us, he took offense that I questioned him. He now also comes and goes when he wants. I complained to Muna, our neighbor, who is supposed to be managing the japa-kutir for Baladeva. Muna says he will speak to the chokidar. Panditji does keep the place very clean and well repaired, but I prefer that he is not here. I just tolerate. Some young Indian devotees who I helped bring to Krishna consciousness came to see me to complain about how they are being treated. The issue is somewhat complex and the people dealing with them have legitimate concerns. I make some calls and try to mediate. It could have been resolved easily, but now the differences seem irreconcilable. It?s a touch of the craziness of kali-yuga, the age of quarrel and confusion. When my service in Vrindaban was administration, this would have been a typical day. Actually with the problems we had to face it would have even been one of the more relatively peaceful days! I now have quite a different life and it?s a blessing. I want to keep Vrindaban sacred which is difficult for me to do in the midst of constant turmoil. I didn?t come here for that.

Vrindaban

For the last year I have been seeking inspiration to understand in which way I should direct my service to Srila Prabhupada?s mission. I was given the gurukula and I took that service as my life and soul. I left that to preach in America, and although I certainly feel that preaching in the US is part of my service, it doesn?t fully utilize my energies and abilities because of various circumstances and restrictions beyond my control. To find clear direction in service is a real concern of mine. Sacinanada Swami gave me the advice to increase my desire and prayer for that clarity. I did.

I think I felt a breakthrough today. I hope it is not just sentiment. While working on my next book, a comprehensive study of the First Canto, a surge of satisfaction beset my heart. I have a strong inspiration to write, to feel absorbed and engaged in the service, and it is conducive to my situation.

Years ago I wrote Satsvarupa Maharaja about my uncertainty to as what Srila Prabhupada wants me to do now that it is not possible for me to pursue his instruction to develop gurukula. He gave me very practical advice?a bit bold for the time. I remember it something like this: ?Just find out what you want to do for Krishna, and just accept that as what Srila Prabhupada wants you to do.? It wasn?t advice to act whimsically, but practical advice to offer my best to Krishna and to understand that that?s what Srila Prabhupada wants.

Devotional service means to please Krishna. We generally like to do activities that we do well, and whatever we do well is naturally the best we can offer to Krishna. Isn?t that how the spiritual master practically engages his disciples? Arjuna fully surrendered to Lord Krishna?sarva dharman parityajya?and Krishna told him to fight.

I am sitting at my desk, in direct view of Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi. His presence is felt, although my windows and curtains are closed to seal my room off from the harsh winter winds. This realization came while I was writing on Srimad Bhagavatam, 1.1.8. I return to my writing and am taken aback when I realize what is described in the section I am about to study:

?The secret of success in spiritual life is in satisfying the spiritual master and thereby getting his sincere blessings. Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti has sung in his famous eight stanzas on the spiritual master as follows: ‘I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of my spiritual master. Only by his satisfaction can one please the Personality of Godhead, and when he is dissatisfied there is only
havoc on the path of spiritual realization.’?

I take it as a further confirmation and continue to write.