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New Ekachakra-dhama Meditation On Humility

July 16th, 2001

New Ekachakra-dhama

Meditation On Humility IV
A humble person doesn’t necessarily denigrate his abilities or opulence. Even though he might recognize them, he sees them as God’s to be given or taken by His grace. Therefore, despite recognizable talents, a humble person feels insignificant and dependent on God’s mercy.

A humble person also does not lack personal confidence or initiative as he is dependent on Krishna, the Supreme Powerful, and confident in His shelter, protection, and empowerment.

Although our position is infinitesimal, we should not be discouraged that our potential for happiness is infinitesimal, since humility and dependence allow one to possess love, the greatest happiness, which is the essence of God’s pleasure potency. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu tells us this in his Siksastakam?anandam buddhi vardhanam?that the infinitesimal living entity can experience an unlimited ocean of happiness by purely chanting the holy name of Krishna.

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Boston Meditation On Humility III

July 15th, 2001

Boston

Meditation On Humility III
Krishna Kaviraja prayed that ?I am lower than a worm in stool.? A question arises: What’s the difference between humility and low self-esteem?

Humility is a lack of false prestige. It doesn’t, however, necessitate condemning oneself. Our constitutional position as servant may be cosmologically very small, but it is not worthless, as it has relation to God.

A truly humble person may still feel unworthy and in need of God’s mercy, but it is not a psychological aberration. It is an expression of one’s deep realization of God as unlimited and fully independent, and one’s deep realization of the self in relation to Him as infinitesimal and dependent.

On the other hand, people with low self-esteem may desire prestige. They feel unworthy in relation to the status of others, not out of a revelation of their position in relation to God. As their unworthiness is not a product of realized knowledge it still fosters our material illusion and causes duality and pain.

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Boston Meditation On Humility II

July 14th, 2001

Boston

Meditation On Humility II
We are constitutionally infinitesimal. We are thus not the controller and not independent. It is a tough pill to swallow, but to accept this willingly is humility. Humility therefore means to realize and be satisfied with the self. It’s not just an intellectual understanding, but a realization of one’s cosmic insignificance.

New Jersey Meditation On Humility

July 13th, 2001

New Jersey

Meditation On Humility I
Something is pure only in its original nature, without additions. For example, water, when pure, is only water.

Srila Prabhupada comments, “Living entities in a pure state are called devotees.” (BG 9.30, purport). Purification thus means the gradual cleansing from the self of anything external to its pure state of devotion.

We are naturally attached to the things we need to be purified of as we have adopted them out of material attachment. Relinquishing attachments is painful. Purification is, therefore, painful. The false ego, the conception that we are independent from God, especially has to be gradually removed. Purification therefore also takes humility.

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New Jersey Went today to

July 12th, 2001

New Jersey

Went today to inaugurate the 24-hour kirtan in honor of Dadu, Sri Krishna Mohan, who passed away almost two weeks ago. I already wrote about his passing in a previous journal. Since he left there have been programs at his home every night. I could see how comforted the family was in such a spiritual atmosphere. They are feeling deep separation and shed many tears, but it was noticeable that they were not at all morose. That’s because their separation was enriched with so much love and honor for their father whose life was successful and whose destiny is assured, and because that love and honor is being nourished by so many devotees who are visiting daily.I sensed that the underlying joyfulness in their home?despite, almost contradictorily, their grave feelings of loss?was because in their remembrance of Krishna Mohan, their home was pervaded by the love of a devotee, and such love is happiness, even in separation.

I did kirtan for almost an hour. The organizers of the program from ISKCON-Towaco then transferred the kirtan quietly to an adjacent room so that I could speak?especially to his extended family, many of whom I have never met before. It was as much a pleasure to be with them as it was a pleasure to be with Krishna Mohan because, like him, they were alive with piety and emotion in our personal exchanges. I took the theme of my talk from something I read which I expanded and applied to the life of Krishna Mohan: A person is remembered neither by what they had or even what they accomplished, but how they made people feel.

I am receiving some nice letters from devotees who met Dadu even briefly who read about his passing from my journal and remembered him. Some excerpts:

“I was very sad to hear about Dadu. I loved him very much.” ?Narottama

“Was also saddened when I received your journal earlier this week about the passing of Krishna Mohan Prabhu. Actually, I was surprised how sorrowful I was after reading it. I remember Dadu from living in Towaco and seeing him regularly. He was certainly a special person. Next Friday is the 30th Anniversary of Sri Sri Radha-Gopivallabha’s installation in Boston and I am helping to sponsor that festival in honor of Dadu and the benefit of Satyabhama and Krishna-priya and their family.” ?Rathi Krishna

New Jersey Staying with Mahamuni

July 11th, 2001

New Jersey

Staying with Mahamuni and Nitai. They’re devotional and clean; a good place for some writing today.

Almost four months in the US?a long time for me. I?m feeling a need to go home to Vrindavan. It’s now time to concentrate more on chanting and writing. I have my own place there, so it’s conducive for that. In the US I am an itinerant preacher, but my mission is done?not done, but what I needed to accomplish is done, at least for this visit. I’ve met and encouraged the devotees I needed to see. I’ve helped to provide sadhu-sanga, opportunities for devotees to chant and hear about Krishna. I sense a change is now necessary, at least for some time, but when and where to go?

My prayers today are for clarity of direction. I have a theory about solving dilemmas, especially for a spiritual person. My theory is that dilemmas are often caused by the mental plane. The mental plane is that plane of selfish calculation where we hover over the mind?the mind being a repository of our desires?analyzing which desires eke out superior personal comforts and pleasures. One on the mental plane becomes concerned with even the smallest increments of personal enjoyment in his decisions, and thus even the smallest judgment is painstaking.

For a spiritually minded person, ultimately, his personal decisions are centered on deciding what God wants. On the most basic platform this is called seeking righteousness. Generally, such directions come easily when one makes a conscious effort to transcend the mental plane, for what God wants for us is usually clear and only obscured by our separate interests. In other words, God is always manifesting His will, either externally through His saints, or internally through the Supersoul, which can also manifest as our conscience. There is thus generally no dearth of clear direction for a devotee other than their own inability to hear and interpret those directions.

Based on my understanding and observations I am convinced that a God-conscious person can generally get decisive direction by an internal determination to supplicate his will to the will of God. Of course, it is helpful when a suitable guide is conveniently there for advice, but even when there is good advice, many decisions are still ultimately meant to be decided ourselves.

In Vrindaban, whenever I was agonizing over crucial decisions I would go to Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi and sincerely surrender. My simple prayer: ?What you want, I will do.? My experience was that if I sincerely cleared the haze of excessive self-interest, God would soon speak through a devotee or some unusual circumstance to tell me what to do, and I was sure of it.

My prayer again today: ?God, what you want I will do.?

It’s uncanny. As I am writing this essay some direction is coming. I will make some calls tomorrow to get further indication. What happened? As I was writing and meditating on the nature of the mental plane and the obstacles it places to realizing God’s will, I began to meditate on the various options to my present dilemma and realized that subconsciously some of the alternatives were not being given appropriate consideration based on self-interest.

In conclusion: Dilemmas are often caused by analyzing things selfishly?where we get caught up in the minute details of what gives us more or less pleasure?but if we consciously desire what Krishna wants, it usually becomes much easier to attain clarity of direction.

The Passing of Krishna Mohan

July 3rd, 2001

Ye anilo prema dhana?

When I returned from my walk today, a neatly written message by Giri-Govardhana was left on my desk evidently relaying a message she received by phone from Ekachakra:

?I am at the house of Dadu (Krishna-Mohan). If you could call and talk to the family, it would be very much appreciated.?

I called hoping to speak to Dadu and was deeply saddened to find out that he passed away peacefully yesterday morning at the age of 83. I am confident of his destination, but he will be missed dearly.

Krishna-Mohan was an older Indian gentleman, a retired doctor, who imbibed genuine humility. He would visit me weekly in my room when I stayed in Towaco, falling down to the ground like a rod begging me for my mercy every time. He would often cry and sincerely express his insignificance and his need for grace. I felt embarrassed since, although he considered me his guru and revered me with the deepest reverence, I looked at him as my senior both in age and devotion. By the force of his sincerity I would sit or recoil on the edge of my couch, praying that he would soon rise and relieve me of my shame, but he would not rise quickly. He was absorbed in full submission to Krishna through His devotee. It was a personal and deep mediation, governed by the heart and not dictated by obligation or time. I sat and waited for him to rise, praying to Krishna to accept his devotion and prayers.

One time Vraja Kishor, a lover of Dadu, was in the room watching him begging for my mercy. When he left, Vraja Kishor was quite moved. I appreciated what he said to say about Dadu, paraphrasing Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s response to the humble entreaties of Rupa and Sanatana: “His humility is breaking my heart!”

Barring the extraordinary mercy of the Lord or His devotee, how many lifetimes must it take to make one’s heart so soft and kind? Dadu drew the spontaneous affection of all because he wasn?t envious of anyone, almost exemplifying the prayer of Srinivas Acarya to the six Gosvamis?dhiradhira-jana-priyau priya-karau nirmatsarau pujitau.

Dadu was an elderly and respected doctor from Punjab, but he wasn’t dry. In personal dealings he instinctively knew the art of spontaneous affection and no barrier of age or culture could dam his expression of it. No matter who it was, one would immediately feel the joy of loving dealings in his presence. Actually, Dadu was rasika; he loved Krishna, and he understood that love in a way that he could easily apply that love naturally to whomever he met. I remember when Raghunatha, from the band Shelter, came to a program that I was doing at his house on Christmas Day. He had never met Dadu or his wife, Satyabhama, before, but by the end of the evening they seemed to have such a deep bond of affection, almost an intimate relationship. It was like that with all the young devotees who met him. I have never seen such an elderly gentleman who could relate with these young devotees with such intimacy?or with anyone for that matter. It was indeed a rare gift from God.

The last time I saw Dadu was three weeks ago, the day after he returned from the hospital for the last time. A few days before, Jahnava had called me from Dallas and offered me a ticket to see saintly Mother Kirtida before she also left this world. I have some regret in not being able to take up her offer, but it was Krishna’s will, since I was able to see Dadu that Thursday and would have missed seeing him for the last time.

When I arrived it was obvious that Dadu?oxygen tubes in his nose, pale, and very weak?was in a very precarious condition after his third heart attack and a bout of pneumonia. We sang Vraja bhajans for almost an hour as he lay on the sheet-covered couch in the living room by Radha-Shyamasundar, his Deities, smiling in approval, and even sometimes struggling to play along with a small set of kartalas. When I was to about to leave, I was shocked that he
somehow managed to get down from the bed, fall to the floor, and pay dandavats at my feet with tears in his eyes, begging for mercy. I felt so bad. I could only think about how bad it was for his health?his head bowed to floor, the blood rushing to his head?but he ignored by pleas. “Dadu, Dadu, get up! This is not good for your health!” Finally Anjali, his granddaughter, was able to gently encourage him to rise. He sat back on the couch, thanked me for coming with his gentle smile and a shine from his kind eyes.

I love Dadu and I now pray to him, a great soul with Krishna, to open my heart like him, without fear, to the love of the devotees.

I was a receiver on

June 23rd, 2001

I was a receiver on the following message sent by Mahatma Prabhu.

?Mother Kirtida left her body Tuesday morning. It was her desire to leave during the brahma-muhurta hour, hearing kirtan, with a Govardhana sila on her head, and be peaceful and in full consciousness. All these desires were fulfilled.

?For two weeks before she left her body, there were continual kirtans and readings in her room. For the last week there was only 24-hour kirtan. She was in ecstasy in those last days and she was never happier in her life.

?She expressed no fear of death. She boldly fasted until death, taking either only a little coconut water or water for 60 days. For the last five days of her life, she didn’t take anything. Her mind was fixed only on Vrndavana and Srimati Radharani and her assistants. Thus everyone who came into her presence felt that they had come to Vrndavana.

?Her dying brought the Dallas community together in a way that no other devotee could. Even the doctors and nurses that attended her were astounded with her level of spirituality and were deeply moved and impressed.

?I feel fortunate to have witnessed this event. Her example of fearlessly dying in ecstasy cannot be forgotten by anyone who witnessed her passing. We all agree it was one of the most purifying events in our lives, perhaps the most purifying.

?There is so much more to say about this wonderful event. A small biography is being written and it will include the details of her passing. But at least I wanted to give you a few details. Mother Padma was present, so you may want to contact her to get the full story.”

I have been following the passing away of Srimati Kirtida-devi dasi at the Sri Sri Radha Kalachandji dhama in Dallas mostly through messages from Jahnava and a telephone call from Seva-Priya. Jaya Subhadra and Govardhan Lal also gave me a report upon returning from Dallas. Kaustubha and I talked extensively about it over the phone as well. They all said the same thing. Kirtida gave herself selflessly to others her whole life?and especially to Srila Prabhupada’s mission and devotees?and whatever love she gave was being returned in her last days, all at once, in a floodgate of affection from those whose hearts she has touched. Her consciousness was fixed to the end in the humble service of the devotees; there were incredibly intense 24-hour kirtans surrounding her bed; she was conscious, fearless, and blissful. Not a scent of illusion or despair entered her consciousness for a minute at anytime.

Srila Tamal Krishna Maharaja, her spiritual master, was at her bedside practically the whole time. Toward the end, seeing her unwavering devotion and the overwhelmingly vibrant and loving devotional mood expressed through the continuous and intense kirtan surrounding her, he lovingly commented to her, “There is not a chance that maya can seep into here!” How fortunate! Actually, for those who knew Kirtida, maya never had a chance to seep into her life.

I knew Mother Kirtida quite well from Vrindaban, where she came to leave her body almost eight years ago. She was always very frail and sickly, but somehow she continued her life by devotional energy. I was amazed by the gusto in which she regularly did Govardhana parikrama. A few years ago I asked her to lead some of the younger ladies on my tour on Govardhana parikrama and they reported that they were unable to keep up with her, despite her ailing and aging body. The only explanation? She was not on the bodily platform. I would sometimes take her friends from South Africa on pilgrimage, and she would reciprocate so nicely, always ordering three new sets of sannyasa attire for me, in appreciation, with the local cloth merchant, Ganga Prasad.

Looking back I can say I only saw the deepest kindness and humility in her demeanor and I wished I served her more. If we think carefully, there are pure devotees in the Hare Krishna movement, sincerely humble Vaishnavas, rare souls, fully dedicated to the mission of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. We should seek them out and try to serve them and not mistakenly wait until they leave to recognize them. A word of advice: They may be in any country, in any position, in any ashram, and in any gender. They are recognizable by their qualities and generally loved by everyone. I now suspect at least a few such unalloyed devotees?actually, quite a few?and I am inspired to serve them, not just remember them at death.

A few years ago I wrote a Vyasa-puja offering to Srila Prabhupada where I tried to document the phenomena of the remarkable success at death by those who served or even touched his mission. Mother Kirtida is another magnificent example. Srila Prabhupada is an ocean of mercy. We are fortunate, and should just remain forever obliged.

New Ekachakra Dham The devotees

June 5th, 2001

New Ekachakra Dham

The devotees left last night, but my mind is still very much thinking about the program.

The best part of the festival: One gets to actually live what one hears about. We hear about how one attains the mercy of Lord Nityananda by humbly serving the Vaishnavas with sumptuous prasadam, and we actually experienced the mercy of Lord Nityananda by humbly serving the Vaishnavas a feast of many varieties of chira soaked in yogurt and condensed milk.

Two days of constant chanting, hearing, and serving had such a visibly uplifting effect on the devotees that my mind has been reeling since the festival with ideas how to expand and continue such programs. Devotees need a presentation of Krishna consciousness that is engaging for their minds and hearts, which represent their ideals, which offers them an opportunity for encouraging devotional service, and finally, which inspires them with a sense of devotional community. I pray that our attempt was successful.

I want to help develop such a facility at New Ekachakra dhama. Urugaya and Giri-Govardhana are also enthusiastic. This morning, we discussed practical ways to eventually expand the facilities to accommodate the festivals such as a retractable awning for the porch, a speaker system for the house, and the development of the patio downstairs. He also suggested the land across the stream over the stone path as a possible place to construct a hermitage for my studies and to base my preaching, if the resources become available.

I remember watching Srila Prabhupada pacing outside his room in Dallas in 1975. The GBC man at the time was respectfully seeing that Srila Prabhupada was not disturbed. He told me that Srila Prabhupada would often simply be meditating on how to spread Krishna consciousness. I remember telling one fairly respected sadhu in Vrindaban, who chanted at least one lak (64 rounds) a day, about Srila Prabhupada’s daily activities?how he would sometimes give three or four preaching programs a day, how he would wake up early to translate, how he would answer so many letters, and how he was constantly traveling around the world. The sadhu, a bhajananandi, looked puzzled and wondered out loud how Srila Prabhupada made time for his own personal bhajan, since to him, bhajan meant chanting and meditating at least eight hours a day. He then said to me respectfully, “His preaching was his bhajan.”

From the time I arose this morning my mind has been absorbed in plans to develop the preaching and community of devotees in the Northeast. Today, beyond my basic practices, my preaching was my bhajan.

New Ekachakra Dham We begin

June 4th, 2001

New Ekachakra Dham

We begin the program again this morning at 7:30 AM. I am focusing my talks on the life of Srila Raghunatha dasa Goswami. We sit until almost until 2 PM with a short break for breakfast and Kana Porcelly’s grain ceremony. It feels like Mayapur or Ekachakra, where the dhama’s mercy mystically makes spiritual life easy.

Srila Prabhupada was once asked, “What is the result of chanting?” He answered with conviction, “More chanting!” Chanting purifies the heart and gives
attraction for chanting. Often we don’t experience that because we don’t give much effort to chanting. We surrender to the initial inertia of the modes and become inattentive, or don’t chant at all. Thankfully, that wasn’t at all the case today. Our chanting led to more chanting.

The story of Raghunatha dasa Goswami describes the power of Lord Nityananda’s mercy. It also promotes a very renounced life. Srila Krishna dasa Kaviraja comments on the stringent renunciation of Raghunatha dasa Goswami and the followers of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu:

“Renunciation is the basic principle sustaining the lives of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu’s devotees. Seeing this renunciation, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, the
Supreme Personality of Godhead, is extremely satisfied.” (Cc., Antya-lila 6.220)

Raghunatha dasa Goswami’s renunciation attained such limits that eventually he was eating only the inner portion of outwardly rancid rice, but still not a drop of pride crossed his mind:

“If one’s heart has been cleansed by perfect knowledge and one has understood Krishna, the Supreme Brahman, he then gains everything. Why should such a person act like a debauchee by trying to maintain his material body very carefully?” (Cc., Antya-lila 6.314)

Renouncing the taste of Krishna prasadam? How is that devotional service? On the path of bhakti-marg the process of advancing is sadhu-sanga, not vairagya (renunciation). Vairagya is the path of jnanis, the seekers of moksa (liberation). What then exactly was it about the stringent and seemingly punishing renunciation of Raghunatha dasa Goswami that was so pleasing to Sri Caitanya Mahprabhu and how is this pastime relevant to us?

The point here is subtle. Raghunatha dasa Goswami was not focused on vairagya like the jnanis who count or analyze the material elements to distinguish it from spirit for the purpose of salvation. He was focused on his service exclusively for the pleasure of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and as a result rejected anything of inconsequence to that service. In fact, his absorption in the pleasure of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu was so consummate that he simply had no concern or time for anything else. And what was his service as directly ordered by Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu?

“Do not talk like people in general or hear what they have to say. You should not eat very palatable food, nor should you dress very nicely…. Do not expect honor, but offer all respect to others. Always chant the holy name of Krsna, and within you mind render service to Radha and Krishna in Vrindaban.” (Cc., Antya lila 6.236-37)

Srila Prabhupada comments on Dasa Raghunatha’s service:

“The principle of very rigidly carrying out the order of the spiritual master must be observed. The spiritual master gives different orders to different people. For example, Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu ordered Jiva Goswami, Rupa Goswami, and Sanatana Goswami to preach and he ordered Raghuntha dasa Goswami to strictly follow the rules and regulations of the renounced order. All of the six Goswamis strictly followed the instructions of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. This is the principle for progress in devotional service. After receiving an order from the spiritual master one must strictly try to execute that order. That is the way of success.” (Cc., Antya-lila 6.312, purport)

Now, how does Dasa Raghuntha’s example apply to us? Such severe renunciation would certainly be phalgu-vairagya (false renunciation), as it would force us to reject basic things needed for our service to Krishna?including many simple needs of life. Although it is not our service to imitate the extreme renunciation of Raghunatha dasa Goswami, we should follow his example. We can do this by giving up those things that have nothing to do with either our own devotional service, or our basic social and occupational responsibilities.

This pastime gives us nice meditation at whatever level we practice devotional service: What in my life is superfluous to my basic needs that can be renounced
to help me attain love of Godhead?

Brajajana is a wizard in the kitchen. I also like his manner of cooking. It’s a deep meditation, like that of a scientist. Gaura-Priya and he organized and cooked a superb feast that brought happiness to the assembled Vaishnavas. I counted 19 exotic offerings. My favorites: Navaratna-chira (fancy Bengali chira with panir, cashews, and a slightly sweet base), Meditteranean chira (with kalamata olives, feta, roasted peppers, and olive oil), and mango chira (chira soaked in kheer with perfectly ripened mangos).

The purpose of a festival is to gather devotees together to offer love to Krishna and share affection among themselves. A nice way to express love is the little details, the extras that express one’s special effort to please others. The clay pots for honoring the Cira-Dahi added an authenticity to the festival, but it was also a wonderful expression of affection for Lord Nityananda and his devotees, a desire to offer them the best, down to the details.

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