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In-Flight: Delhi to JFK Twilight

March 3rd, 2004

In-Flight: Delhi to JFK

Twilight Zone

An older lady, about 60 years old, sits next to me. She inquires politely about my path. I explain Hare Krishna.

I mark that she has an uncanny resemblance to the German wife of a friend in Vrndavana?an older Indian gentleman who worked with me in the gurukula.

The lady asks advice. She is a yoga teacher in her native Stuttgart, Germany, and has just spent two months studying yoga at the Sivananda Asrama in Hrisikesh. She is now contemplating retiring. Should she retire to India? She doubts that a German lady could tolerate a women?s role in their monkish asrama or the poverty and disorder she?d see outside its gates. I politely respond. The conversation ends.

I couldn?t help but notice how exact the resemblance of this lady was to my friend?s wife, even down to her smile and manner of speech. And both come from Stuttgart!

As I shuffle down the crowded aisle to disembark, I hear her polite voice behind me. ?Swamiji, what is your name??

?Dhanurdhara Swami,? I turn and reply.

?Oh. Mine is Yasoda,? she responds.

That?s my friend?s wife?s name! I want to shout in disbelief, but manage to keep the curious coincidence to myself.

Suddenly I hear Rod Serling?s spine-chilling voice?You are now entering the twilight zone!?followed by the eerie theme song to his show. His TV science fiction thriller was a favorite of our youth for its intriguing paranormal stories. I guess my chance meeting with Yasoda invoked my forgotten memory of The Twilight Zone, since it had some of the bizarre components of a typical episode.

My mind continues to race: What does this coincidence mean? Is there a message here? Is Krishna telling me something? Could it have anything to do with the fact that my friend and his German wife have been deeply on my mind since I left Vrndavana yesterday?

Over 25 years ago, my friend gave up a successful engineering business in Germany to join ISKCON-Zurich. A few years later he brought his wife and younger children to settle in Vrndavana. They haven?t left since, although their children have long settled in the West.

My friend, however, is now in his seventies. He requires medical attention and personal care for himself and his wife. On their son?s request, they are returning to Europe under their care?forced to sadly acknowledge that they will never see Vrndavana again.

On my final day in Vrndavana I went to see them. We both realized that it would be our last meeting. Just the thought of a dedicated devotee never seeing Vrndavana again in this lifetime disturbed me. More upsetting, however, was that it was a final goodbye to a friend. It hurt. It was a painful reminder of the temporality of our worldly relationships, reminders that hit me more as I advance in age.

As I walk toward the exit I continue to try to make sense of it all:

Okay. I was thinking of my friend, but this meeting with the replica Yasoda is not just a product of my mind. I can see her. She?s right behind me. What does this mean? Why is it happening?

I continue: Could it be that Krishna arranged all of this for this story to be written, that a special message lurks here? But what is that message? Don?t leave Vrndavana at any cost? Be practical in spiritual life even if it means leaving Vrndavana? The shocking temporality and tragedy of this world, where we see friends for the last time?a world where everyone we love will someday be gone?

I make the final turn to the exit and pass the last have-a-nice-day stewardess, but my mind is still reeling. Perhaps the message is that you?re such a neophyte that, even after 30 years of rigid Krishna consciousness practice, The Twilight Zone is still in your brain. As I step off the plane into New York, I again absurdly hear the show?s theme music?dun dun dun dun; dun dun dun dun ?and come to a conclusion.

This episode of the traveling swami will hopefully end one day with the sonorous voice of my dear friend Krishna gently awakening me from the nightmare that I am anything other than His servant.

Vrndavana Writing means regulation. I

February 12th, 2004

Vrndavana

Writing means regulation. I haven?t had that in a while. Since leaving for the U.S. for a short preaching tour in mid-November and returning in mid-December, I?ve been on the go. My pilgrimage tour is technically two weeks long, but I?ve been taking devotees out on parikrama since I?ve come back to India. I will go out again tomorrow, this time to Nandagram. I am not unhappy about this. I like to do it. I just regret that I haven?t been able to adequately service the growing readership of my journals?many of whom cannot come to Vrndavana and see these journals, in some way, as their connection to the dhama.

I should, however, begin my regular schedule soon, since tomorrow looks like the last group outing until I return to the U.S. on March 3rd.

A few months ago, on September 21, I sent out a journal entry called ?When Vrndavana Turned Into New York,? where I expressed my disappointment in seeing Vrndavana sadhus with cell phones. I am forwarding you a picture that was recently sent to me by Pyari Mohan Prabhu to accompany that article and illustrate my dismay, and to begin what will hopefully be regular journal entries from the dhama. You?ll hear from me soon.

Sadhu With Cell Phone

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October 30-November 5, 2003 – Karttika

November 5th, 2003

Govardhana

Surviving Karttika

Karttika can be quite intense in Vrndavana, especially after Govardhana-puja. The sheer number of pilgrims alone is a distraction to the solitary life of chanting because the multitude of visiting devotees naturally creates a social environment?the antithesis of what I need to remain focused. I feel protected in the Bhaktivedanta Sadhana Asrama.

Varsana Impressions

Bhurijana Prabhu asked Radha Govinda Swami how he prepares for his Bhagavatam kathas.

?I don?t,? Maharaja replied. ?I just relish.?

Bhurijana appreciated his answer. To understand and communicate spiritual truths, one must live and taste them.

Similarly, to understand the blessed truth of Srimati Radharani it helps to appropriately visit Varsana?especially the secluded garhavan, the sacred forest she personally planted at the foot of Man Kutir.

We start our pilgrimage with the Varsana parikrama, a short walk on soft sands and simple paths through her small village, seemingly protected from the apparent invasion of modern life. My thoughts while walking: Because Srimati Radharani is the embodiment of compassion, her village still embodies simplicity and sweetness by Her mercy.

Govardhana-Puja

In the same way that one reveals oneself to another according to the intimacy of their relationship, Krishna manifests His inner-self to His devotees according their closeness with Him. Govardhana provides the most secluded and stunning setting to facilitate the most confidential and loving exchanges between the Lord and His devotees. It is the place where God can be most Himself and is therefore His topmost residence.

??And superior to the forest of Vrndavana is Govardhana Hill, for it was raised by the divine hand of Sri Krishna and was the site of His various loving pastimes?.?

Srila Prabhupada?s Disappearance Festival

I joined Kesava Bharati Goswami and Gopiparanadhana Prabhu for an intimate observance at ISKCON Govardhana. I made the point that, normally, anyone residing in Vrndavana should almost feel guilty to honor the disappearance festival for Srila Prabhupada at any other place than the place of his sacred samadhi?except when one honors that sacred day at Govardhana. I explained this further.

One?s innermost desires often become revealed when facing death. I was in the room when Srila Prabhupada startled his disciples by ordering us to make arrangements for all the devotees to accompany him to Govardhana by padayatra. His doctor, however, warned us that, for Srila Prabhupada, undergoing such an arduous journey in his condition was tantamount to suicide. It consequently never took place. We can be certain, however, that Srila Prabhupada?s last and deepest desire was fulfilled and that he eternally resides in Govardhana, for Krishna is bound by the wishes of those with pure love for Him. I thus concluded that although Srila Prabhupada left this world in Vrndavana, it is just as significant to honor his disappearance day at Govardhana.

Akincana Krishna dasa went to Vrndavana for the festival and gave me a summary of some of the offerings there. Here are two that struck me:

Guru Kripa Prabhu told a story about how Srila Prabhupada called and challenged him by asking, ?Why aren?t you a paramahamsa?!?

When Bhurijana Prabhu spoke, he referred to Guru Kripa?s offering and sincerely lamented how much he missed Srila Prabhupada?s pressure in his life to become a paramahamsa, to push him forward in his spiritual life.

Jayadvaita Swami spoke about how everything is in Srila Prabhupada?s books and that no matter how much you learn from them, they will always be ahead of you?just like no matter how much Mother Yasoda tied Krishna with rope, she was always two inches too short.

The feast there to honor Srila Prabhupada was especially wonderful. ISKCON fed nearly 5,000 of its members. I was told by many people that the Chowpatty brahmacaris did such an expert job of organizing and serving the feast that all the devotees felt as if they were among just a few being hosted. How wonderful!

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October 23-October 29, 2003 – Karttika

October 29th, 2003

Govardhana

Final Karttika Japa Thoughts

In the evening, I chant while walking on the roof outside my room, gazing at Giriraja. A thought came to me: I look forward to and relish my evening chanting now, but at other times of the year even a few rounds in the evening can be a chore. What am I doing this month that makes the holy name so alive?

The answer came quickly in terms of the core moods and conceptions that I have purposely focused on in Karttika to increase my relish of the holy name:

1. A stable mind: I planned to organize my chanting at times of the day when the mind is especially stable. That usually means in the early morning before the passion of the day starts. At Govardhana, however, the passion of the day never starts.
2. Respect: Offenses distance us from the pure name?especially the offense of sadhu-ninda, the criticism of devotees. I have vowed to vigilantly avoid criticism of devotees, even in jest. Avoiding sadhu-ninda helps to reveal the holy name.
3. Avoiding things unfavorable to bhakti: I must strictly stick to my schedule for writing, studies, and correspondence or they just won?t get done, since the rest of my time is for scheduled chanting. I am, therefore, too busy for frivolous talk and other things unfavorable to devotion. By avoiding those things that impede bhakti, devotion grows without impediment.
4. Saranagata (surrender): I?ve made a conscious decision to accept God?s will in the form of my destiny unconditionally, thus helping me to see my position. I am not the controller of destiny, but a humble servant of my fate. Humility is the foundation of devotion.
5. Guru-nistha (Fixedness in the service of the spiritual master): Devotional activities, even chanting, bear proper fruit only when done for the pleasure of the spiritual master. I?ve renewed my dedication to Srila Prabhupada?s mission. I have no independent life. My residence here and the nature of my spiritual practices are under his direction and solely for his pleasure. That confidence, which is his mercy, enthuses my practices. Guru-nistha is the core devotional sentiment that sustains devotion.

What I Accomplished Here: Not Much

Spiritual life means surrender?to never be independent of guru and Krishna. It can be done in retired life or it can be done in married life, although the activities of that surrender may vary. The main thing is to always do one?s duty and avoid offenses. I don?t work, have a family, manage anything, or even have pressing service like extensive preaching tours or books to edit. What else is there for me to do but chant? If I don?t, I am being independent of guru and Krishna?an un-surrendered soul.

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October 22, 2003 – Karttika

October 22nd, 2003

Govardhana

I realized that I may not be able to keep up a daily Karttika Journal. Writing takes time, and I just don?t have that time this month. I also don?t want my writing to be forced, writing something because I must, rather then because I have something to say. I am mostly alone in my room for the day – then what to write about? – especially as one?s inner life is not always appropriate for a journal. The main thing is I need time, which just isn?t there this month. My strong desire, however, remains to remind devotees of the glories of Vrindaban and spiritual life during the month of Karttika.

October 20, 2003 – Karttika

October 20th, 2003

Govardhana

Parikrama III
I confided to Akincana Krishna that although I thought I had spoken nicely yesterday on our praikrama to Nandagram, and in fact gave most of the lectures, I was most moved by Vaisesika Prabhus?s short talk about Srila Rupa Goswami at Ter Kadamba. I explained to Akincana how after Vaisesika Prabhu?s short talk, I almost felt guilty about not distributing Srila Prabhupada?s books. Surprisingly, Akincana, who admittedly never showed much fervor for preaching, excitedly responded, ?I felt the exact same way!?

Vaisesika Prabhu helped us envision Srila Rupa Goswami sitting at this same scenic Rupa Kund writing his books – books like the Sri Upadesamrita and the Bhakti Rasamrita Sindhu. He then gave us an interesting insight, ?An author obviously writes for his audience and strongly wants them to hear his message. Especially, a great teacher writes to share his instructions for the benefit of others. How much pleasure Rupa Goswami must feel when the books he wrote in this lonely place are being distributed and studied throughout the world, and how much mercy we can get by pleasing him in this way.?

Any place where the Lord is intensely worshiped, especially a place of the Lord?s pastimes, has immense potency to invoke not only the presence of the Lord, but also the presence of that devotee who has deeply worshiped Him there. We therefore naturally felt attachment for Srila Rupa Goswami here and strongly desired to please him. Vaisesika Prabhu?s potent insight thus affected us, especially as it was something that Srila Prabhupada had stressed again and again.

October 21 – Karttika
Govardhana

Spiritual Paradoxes
When we don?t chant, it is not a question of time but a question of taste, but if we don?t spend time with the name, then how will we get taste for the name?

When we seek personal enjoyment, then real pleasure escapes us, because the very nature of pleasure is love, which is selfless.

A person who is spiritually advanced thinks they are not very elevated, for tasting the boundless ocean of devotional service, even a drop of it, makes one realize how much unlimitedly more there is to attain.

October 19, 2003 – Karttika

October 19th, 2003

Govardhana / Javat / Nandagram

Parikrama II
I went to Nandagram today with a few visiting devotees. We started at Javat, where Srimati Radharani lived with her so-called husband and in-laws. From there, we sauntered over to Nandagram along the very path she walked with her friends every morning to go to cook for Sri Krishna. At the halfway point, we stopped at Ter Kadamba, a secluded place of incomparable loveliness, where Krishna herds his cows during the day and meets with the gopis at night. It?s the same forest where Srila Rupa Gosvami later wrote of these pastimes in such masterpieces as Lalita-Madhava, Bhakti-rasamritasindhu, and Ujjvala-nilimani.

The walk is scenic and pleasant. I am really enjoying it. I meditate: I am happily walking here and Krishna?s eternal associates were walking here. What?s the difference?

The difference is pure love. The activities in the spiritual world may parallel ours externally, but the eternal residents of Vraja are spontaneously imbued with overwhelming emotion, fixed in thought and heart on the service of Sri Radha, even in the simplest of everyday tasks.

If we develop this love, we too can swim in the greatest joy, even today, by cleansing the temple, cooking for Krishna, or walking in the early morning to Nandagram.

October 17, 2003 – Karttika

October 17th, 2003

Govardhana

Japa Thoughts VI
Chanting inspirational verses before and even during japa is helpful to attentive chanting. We naturally focus best on those objects that we have strong emotions toward. Appropriate verses that invoke attachment for Krishna help us remain absorbed in Krishna in the form of the holy name.

I thus chanted:

tamala syamal tvisi
sri-yasoda stanam-dhaye
krsna namno rudhir iti
sarva sastra-vinirnayah

?The only purport of the holy name of Krishna is that He is dark blue like a tamala tree and is the son of Mother Yasoda. That is the conclusion of all revealed scripture.?

October 16, 2003 – Karttika

October 16th, 2003

Govardhana

Japa Thoughts V
A friend made a simple vow for Karttika: He promised not to criticize anyone. When I thought about his apparently minimal vow, it dawned on me how it could unleash a spiritual dynamic. Sadhu-ninda, the criticism of devotees, is the most serious namaparadha, but the one we are probably most prone to commit. Avoiding it certainly propels us forward in our attempt to chant purely. I therefore decided to also vigilantly avoid criticizing devotees as part of this month?s vow.

This small practice has been an eye opener. By trying to not criticize others, I am realizing how much I do. It?s not that I am caustic and rude, but during a friendly exchange, for example, there is too much joking at the expense of others. I am realizing how subtle and ingrained this offense actually is.

In the Bhagavatam the topmost devotee is defined as one who is free from the propensity to criticize others, which reflects the essence of material consciousness, envy. We are here to compete for lordship, and thus impelled to grossly and subtly put others down.

Srila Jiva Gosvami says some heavy things about criticizing others. ?It?s worse than envy,? he writes, ?for envy is in the heart and criticism is when it comes out.? He also says that it is worse than putting a spear through someone?s body, because a lance can only pierce the body, but criticism can pierce the heart.

A humble suggestion: During the last five days of Karttika, called Bhisma-Pancaka, one can make specific vows and receive the benefit of Karttika. Why not vow to abstain from criticism and observe the fun of the mind struggling with this simple vow?

October 15, 2003 – Karttika

October 15th, 2003

Govardhana / Vrndavana

The Disappearance Day of Srila Narottama dasa Thakura

The appearance and disappearance days of the great acaryas are an opportunity to get their mercy by our worship of them. I try to take advantage of these days with at least some minimal observance. It is a fact that the conduit of mercy from the great souls is our worship and glorification of them, especially on these days. I thus jumped at the invitation of Indradyumna Swami to attend today an initiation ceremony at the Vraja Mohan Mandir, where the original deities of Narottama dasa Thakura from the very first Gaura Purnima festival at Kheturi are now located in Vrndavana.

The Bhakitvedanta Asrama has a very protective spiritual environment. All of your needs are provided in a pure atmosphere free from distraction. I am attached to it, so I have practically avoided leaving the property for the month, even to go Vrndavana.

On the way I notice that, for some reason, our taxi driver wants to diverge from the straight path to Vrndavana to get something for himself. I?m already late, so when he tries to make his detour, I become angry in an effort to get this point across. There is such a disparity between this anger and my peaceful and simple mood in Govardhana that the contrast feels exceptionally pronounced. I sense the anger almost like a poison consuming my body. It dawns on me that if this simple car trip to Vrndavana is such a disturbance in comparison to life in Govardhana, then how am I going to leave its shelter for the West? I have no answer, except that a pure devotee is not even attached to his own peace.

Of course, by leaving one?s bhajana for the service of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, one becomes an object His mercy. And that mercy can certainly carry one to places in his spiritual life that are even unattainable by our peaceful efforts in a life of exclusive sadhana.

It is wonderful to sit at the lotus of feet of Sri Sri Radha Vraja Mohan again. Surprisingly, Maharaja asks me to give the lecture. I speak on accessing the mercy of the guru parampara through service to the mission of the spiritual master. I also comment on how Krishna and his devotee are expert judges of time, place, and circumstance and how the time, place, and circumstances of this initiation are so ideal: Karttika in Vrndavana at the lotus feet of Vraja Mohan on the disappearance day of Srila Narottama dasa Thakura.

Pradip, from Bombay, who is being initiated, is so sincere that when he recites his vows, he spontaneously makes extra promises to not only chant, but to chant attentively, to distribute Srila Prabhupada?s books every week, and to become a servant of the servant of the Vaisnavas. I can?t even remember all of his vows, but I could see that he is a very sincere soul. His chaste wife and beautiful six-year-old son are also sitting next to him. Everyone could feel the auspiciousness of the ceremony.

In tune with the mood and place of the initiation and the special day on which it is being held, Indradyumna Swami responds to the moment. ?Your new name is Narottama dasa Thakura dasa!?

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