Govardhana – Ekadasi Yesterday I

October 22nd, 2000

Govardhana – Ekadasi

Yesterday I was feeling discouraged and hopeless because my concentration was not deep, although I was trying. I felt that I would never become a devotee. Today chanting, however, came easy. Sometimes Krishna encourages one in this way. It is undeserved kindness.

Devamrita Swami came to visit me. Devamrita Swami is from New York and joined in Henry Street after graduating from Yale. He has a rare vitality and vision for preaching. He is making many devotees in New Zealand and I was impressed with the dynamics of his vision. I have heard of his preaching as he sometimes comes to meet Bhurijan Prabhu in Perth and Bhurijan told me about it.

Maharaja opens up independent urban preaching centers where he devises and implements a multitude of programs to interest several different types of people. He has yoga classes, a cutting edge lecture series, and book distribution. He creates a dynamic culture in his centers so that once people visit, they become attracted. Part of that culture is developing camaraderie among the people centered on studying and distributing Srila Prabhupada’s books. His method of book distribution, however, is thoughtful. He stresses developing relationships with the people so that they read the books, maintain some sort of contact, and hopefully visit the center. He told me that a big book distributor in his program is, therefore, someone who just meets a few people a day and not only sells them a book but has such an impression on them that they eventually visit the center. By organizing book distribution in his way everyone connected with the center can easily participate in the mission. It makes sense.

I wrote a quick list today of how bhakti comes into the heart. It is a first draft and subject to discussion and revision.

  • The process is sadhana-bhakti, the conscious utilization of the senses in Krishna’s service for the purpose of awakening devotion in the heart.
  • The essence of sadhana-bhakti is to remember Krishna and never forget Him.
  • The acarya finds the best ways and means for the people to do so among the nine basic practices of devotional service.
  • The best way to remember Krishna is to chant His holy names, although proper execution of any of the nine activities of devotional service can invoke full remembrance of Krishna.
  • Lord Caitanya specifically recommended nama-sankirtan as the best means of becoming Krishna conscious.
  • Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati and Srila Prabhupada emphasized dedicating oneself to distributing the holy name as the best way for us to remain absorbed in chanting and hearing about Krishna.
  • If one does not have the taste to remain fixed in chanting and hearing about Krishna, service to the great souls will give one an affinity for hearing about Krishna.
  • Although chanting is the best way to remember Krishna, unless one has the mercy of the Lord and a service attitude one cannot chant with concentration and devotion. Therefore to do nama-sankirtan properly it is essential to fullysurrender to a bona fide spiritual master.
  • If done properly, there is no dichotomy between chanting and hearing about Krishna and serving the mission of the spiritual master, which includes sadhana-bhakti.
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Govardhana Preliminary stages of chanting:Fix

October 21st, 2000

Govardhana

Preliminary stages of chanting:

  • Fix a time and place for the holy name.
  • Focus the mind on the holy name.
  • Search the heart and pinpoint our present level of spiritual desire.
  • Nourish that desire by determination and prayer.

Even if we have no bhakti, we can pray for bhakti, and that’s bhakti. Some spiritual desire, according to our level of realization, must accompany our chanting. If it doesn’t, our chanting can become simply mechanical. The first level of chanting is accompanied by at least the desire and prayer to control our mind and free it from the distraction of material desire.

I am eating much less and realize that as I am older and less active I need very little to keep the body and soul together. Two small practices can give one an immediate boost in spiritual life: Eating properly and rising early.

An English devotee visiting Govardhana today from Vrindaban told me about a sadhu from Orissa, Fakir Mohan, who is staying in the house next to my place in Vrindaban. Fakir Mohan was a friend of Srila Gaura Govinda Swami. He will stay in Vrindaban for three weeks and speak on the Bhagavatam everyday. I was also told that for the last three years he has been lecturing on just the fourth verse of the Catur-Sloki Bhagavatam to some ISKCON devotees in Orrisa who live near him, but stressing nama-kirtan. I was surprised when I heard that he even gave Srimad Bhagavatam class at Krishna Balarama Mandir for two days. I am eager to meet him and sent a message to his assistant that I would like to visit him and hear him speak and that I will therefore visit Vrindaban in a few days. I hanker for sadhu-sanga.

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Govardhana I received a message

October 20th, 2000

Govardhana

I received a message today from an old friend that upset me. In fact, my mind seemed to dwell on this for much of the day. I recalled something from Narottama dasa Thakur’s famous verse?that when one’s mind is full of anxieties, one cannot see Vrindaban. To maintain Vrindaban consciousness I finally just walked to Govinda-kunda to bathe.

I thought about what upset me:

  • Good relationships?whether it is friend, servant, parent, or lover?mean mutual commitment and service. When one gives oneself to another it is disappointing when the other party does not reciprocate properly, or at all.
  • I am disturbed when Krishna moves things against my plans.
  • Chanting brings purification. Purification means giving up attachments. Krishna is reciprocating my chanting by an arrangement to purify me of my attachments.

As real culture has broken

October 19th, 2000

As real culture has broken down people are losing the ability to relate with others properly and are thus starved for loving relationships. People are thus more insecure, neurotic, and depressed. We need a proper culture.

I woke up early and tried my hardest to focus, but the name would not
come easy. Possible reasons:

  • I indirectly criticized a Vaishnava yesterday and Krishna withdrew His mercy.
  • Krishna is independent. I fell under the illusion that the process of chanting is mechanical, that the Lord will appear on my tongue by my effort and power alone. Krishna withdrew His mercy to teach me dependence on His mercy.

My realization reminded me in some ways of the story of Dhruva Maharaja. By his determined spiritual practice he gained the direct darshan of Krishna, but then Krishna suddenly disappeared. When he tried again to gain the Lord’s darshan by the same process and determination, he failed because the process of Krishna consciousness is not mechanical. Srila Prabhupada analyzes this point brilliantly in his purport to Dhruva’s Maharaja’s failed second attempt at directly seeing the Lord.

?When He pleases, being satisfied with the sincere attempt of devotional service depending completely on the mercy of the Lord, then He may be seen out of his own accord.? (Bhag. 1.6.20)

When you increase your chanting, your taste for chanting increases, which increases one’s concentration, which makes one’s chanting even more attractive. Illusion also has a snowball effect. When one associates with lower modes, spiritual life becomes more difficult, which makes one more susceptible to the modes of nature, which makes chanting more difficult.

Govardhana About five years ago

October 18th, 2000

Govardhana

About five years ago an old sadhu told me that after years of practice the mind could become one’s humble servant. It was said with conviction. Imagine, in the morning, having our distracted minds humbly obeying our order to just focus on the Holy Name without diversion.

Besides its mystical potency, the dhama, like every place, carries the vibration and mood of the people who reside there. It also carries the vibration and mood of the environment that it’s residents construct according to their modes. Unfortunately, the dhama is now being covered by materialism. Vrindaban is now even filled with cyber cafes, although they are quite primitive by modern standards. Even still, although the dhamas are now somewhat externally vibrating with materialism, the potency of the dhama cannot be denied?especially if one approaches the dhama with the determination to live there for the pleasure of Hari.

Fortunately, Govardhana is still just a simple village. The vibration there is very powerful from the pure sadhus and Krishna’s best servant (Haridas-varya), Giri-Govardhana. If one enters Govardhana with some determination for spiritual life, the mind becomes subdued and the holy name becomes much easier to hear. I chanted today with faith and concentration.

Absorption in the holy name touches the heart and one’s vision becomes clear. Unfortunately, that means that one also sees oneself. I saw my selfishness. Even writing this journal seems somewhat self-serving. Ceto darpana marjanam?chanting cleans the heart. The attic is being swept and the dirt is coming out.

Fear is also there. I fear becoming a servant. I am attached to a world that grossly and subtly moves for my comforts and pleasures, not the satisfaction of God. These attachments are deep-rooted and I don’t want to surrender. Good chanting always comes to the point of facing one’s lack of surrender. The choice is then given: Continue with determination, purify yourself, go further and surrender, or slacken up and stay where you are. The anchor of attachment has to be pulled up, but it takes sincerity, it’s takes courage, and it takes strength.

The heart is churning. Hope arises for Krishna’s mercy. At least I am not bored by nama-seva.

I think I realized today what Bhurijana Prabhu was explaining just the other day about the relationship between realizing the bliss of Krishna consciousness and becoming compassionate. We had another sat-sanga in Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu’s room. The discussion was about the nature of Govardhana, but we also discussed how the dhama becomes covered. That led to a discussion about how materialism was rampant.

With the expanding development of information technology, the world is becoming more and more opposed to spiritual life. It has thus become, in many ways, more difficult for devotees to become Krishna conscious than even ten years before. It has become increasingly difficult for people to maintain basic mental health?what to speak of Krishna consciousness. Jayadvaita Swami mentioned how Mrgesh, his assistant for the month who works for one of the biggest chemical (drug) companies, told him that the industry is shifting in a big way to an emphasis on the development of antidepressants. Suddenly I began to remember my last eight months in America, and how I counseled at least five devotees with the initial symptoms of a nervous breakdown and several others with clinical depression. I became disturbed and felt deeply for these devotees. It was a markedly strong emotion, compassion. Govardhana has made spiritual life such a positive reality. I strongly desire to give it to others because spiritual life can pacify the mind and satisfy the heart.

I sometimes worry about my disciples. That is the karma ones gets for taking disciples.

The good old days in Vrindaban meant you were cut off from the rest of the world. I remember when Satsvarupa Maharaja used to visit us in Vrindaban in the late ?70s. He would very much appreciate that there were no phones in Vrindaban and that being in Vrindaban completely isolated you from the world. To us today, such a place may seem even hellish. What is night for the conditioned soul is the time of awakening for the introspective sage.

I am doing my deity seva very carefully for Kartik. No short cuts, but conscientiousness and cleanliness?no succumbing to passion, distraction, ignorance, or laziness. Such worship gives taste in Krishna consciousness. Attentive spiritual life brings bhakti because it is meditation on Krishna. From meditation comes attachment for the object of meditation. That attachment is bhakti and bhakti is pleasure.

Govardhana Received a letter that

Govardhana I appreciate good philosophy.

October 15th, 2000

Govardhana

I appreciate good philosophy. I read today from Jaiva Dharma by Bhaktivinoda Thakur:

“The eternal nature of a vastu, or truly abiding object, is it eternal dharma. Nature arises from the elementary structure of an object (ghatana). By the desire of Krishna, when an object is formed, a particular nature is built into that structure as an eternal concomitant factor. It is this nature which is the eternal dharma of an object.

“When by force of circumstances or due to contact with other objects, a change takes place in a given object?its nature becomes altered or distorted. With the passage of time this distorted nature becomes fixed and thus takes the appearance of permanence, as if it were the eternal nature of that object. This distorted nature is not the true nature, or svabhava; it is called nisarga, that nature which is acquired through long-term association. Occupying the place of the factual nature, this nisarga identifies itself as the true nature, or svabhava.

“Water, as an example, is an object and liquidity is its svabhava. When, under certain circumstances, water solidifies and becomes ice, the acquired nature of hardness acts in place of its substantial nature. In reality the acquired nature is not eternal; it is occasional and temporary. It arises due to some cause; and, when that cause is no longer effective, it vanishes automatically. However, the svabhava, is eternal. Although it may become distorted, it remains inseparablyconnected to its object. When the proper time and circumstances arise, the true nature can certainly be established.” (Jaiva Dharma, Ch. 1, p.8, Gaudiya Vedanta Publications)

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Govardhana Second day of vrata.

October 14th, 2000

Govardhana

Second day of vrata. In Kartik one should do nitya-seva, simple and regulated service. Perhaps now the journal will become boring, because my life has become very simplified?the same exact thing every day. Internally, however, Kartik should be exciting. I am just settling into the rigors of chanting, but with steadiness the realizations will come.

Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu is residing in Govardhana for Kartik and he is observing a strict vrata. He organized a sat-sanga tonight to exchange our realizations. Jayadvaita Swami, Bhakti Vidya Swami, and myself joined him today. He told us jokingly, “We need some devotees who do nothing!” In other words, there is a need in ISKCON for at least some devotees, for some time, to concentrate on deepening their devotion by concentrated chanting and hearing. We read from Giriraja Swami’s new book Watering the Seed, which includes many enlightening anecdotes about Srila Prabhupada. We read a short vignette where Srila Prabhupda stresses that chanting Hare Krishna is the most important order of the spiritual master.

I also provided supporting evidence from the Bhagvatam in the life of Narada Muni:

?The whole idea is that simply by hearing the Lord’s pastimes one can become one of the associates of the Lord. One can attain the highest perfection of life simply by attentive hearing of the transcendental pastimes of the Lord from the right sources, as Sri Narada heard them from the pure devotees (bhakti-vedantas) in his previous life. The process of hearing in the association of devotees is especially recommended in this age of quarrel (Kali).” (Bhag. 1.5.26, purport)

Govardhana First day of Kartik.

October 13th, 2000

Govardhana

First day of Kartik. I am quite busy with my kartik-vrata, so there is not so much time to make entries in the journal. Walked to Radha-kunda in the late morning. Govardhana is very conducive to spiritual life?much more than even Vrindaban. Govardhana is also becoming covered by materialism, but it is still more like the Vrindaban I saw when I first came here, twenty-six years ago?more rural and much less commercial. Perhaps Vrindaban will gradually be covered by materialism and we will have to take shelter of Sridham Mayapur. I’m expecting that even in my lifetime.

Sad news from Mother Srimati, our Ekachakra-dhama guide and teacher, whom I met with yesterday in Vrindaban. She was lamenting that the road in Ekachakra has been paved with asphalt and that electricity has finally been brought to the village. Those who have visited previously should keep the cherished memories of a pristine Ekachakra-dhama in their heart because it will never be the same.

I am busy all day chanting, hearing, and writing. The soul is satisfied by devotional activities. Why don’t I keep this schedule all year?

Lokisaranga Maharaja paid a surprise visit at ten o’clock. He saw Waves of Devotion in the box of books that I brought with me to Govardhana while my rikshaw was parked in Radha-kunda. I stopped there on the way to Govardhana. He surmised where I was and decided to visit me that day.

Loki, as he is known affectionately by his friends, is an Italian Godbrother from the Bronx, but with his dark complexion, Smith Brothers beard, hooked nose, thin frame, and renounced and gentle disposition it is impossible to distinguish him from any Indian-born sadhu. For several years he has lived in a small house on the outskirts of Radha-kunda donated by a friend, but he still remains very reverential to the dhama. In fact, he won’t even bathe in Radha-kunda!

One could expect a staunch sannyasi follower of Srila Prabhupada to preach at least some of the time, not reside permanently in Radha-kunda. Loki, however, is very faithful and respectful to Srila Prabhupada, his devotees, and his mission. The simple fact is that his attributes and disposition are just not very suited to that of a traveling preacher. They are, however, very much suited for ksetra-sannyasa?sannyasa in the dhama. Loki is very simple, humble, and very naturally renounced. In fact, he even lived for some years as a devotee in the Himalayas. Being a sadhu in Vrindaban is therefore a suitable offering for him in service to Srila Prabhupada. I certainly appreciate his association .His short visit was very pleasant.

Vrindaban/Govardhana Hectic day. Moved to

October 12th, 2000

Vrindaban/Govardhana

Hectic day. Moved to Govardhana for the month of Kartik. Bhurijana Prabhu also came, but only for the day, as he leaves for Australia in a few days. We bathed in Radha-kunda on the way.

Settled into my room. I have a full darshan of Giri-Govardhana from my room. Breath-taking view!

Bhurijana Prabhu talked about the necessity for compassion to advance in Krishna consciousness. He described how one can invoke compassion in one’s heart by recalling and meditating on the religious, or nectarean experiences one has had in Krishna consciousness.

Compassionate means that one is unable bear the distress of others. Unless we deeply value Krishna consciousness, how can we feel compassion for those who have forgotten God? How can we realize that the greatest pain is to be bereft of Krishna consciousness?

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