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Govardhana As kartika continues, chanting

November 7th, 2000

Govardhana

As kartika continues, chanting becomes easier, much easier. It becomes difficult to think to think of living any other way in any other place. At the same time, the inspiration to give Krishna consciousness to others also increases. That is the dilemma of spiritual life.

Received a letter today from Ekachakra dasa. Akincana Krishna dasa and he opened a Krishna club at NYU and new people came. When they initially approached me with the idea, I was naturally enthusiastic and encouraged them. His Holiness Radhantha Swami also visited the ashram and very much encouraged them. He stressed aggressive preaching, not in the sense of the old-style forcefulness in pushing ourselves on others, but in our determination to establish opportunities to give Krishna consciousness to others and to preach despite all obstacles?including our modes and mind. They initially met with resistance from the university, especially since the University funds the program, but after much perseverance, their first meeting was finally last week. I am looking forward to return to New York so I can spend some time with them but, for now, my duty is to stay here and purify myself.

Ravindra Svarupa’s younger son, Rupa, came to Govardhana today. He is a very interesting, very independent, and an extremely intelligent 23-year-old. He would have made a great?what we called in the old days??heavy hippy.? He is the only mathematics major at Antioch University, where he is also getting college credit for serving in Vrindaban’s Food for Life program. Ravindra Svarupa told me seriously after meeting his son this morning, ?I wish I was as smart as him.?

I took Rupa to Radha-kunda this morning and we visited all the tirthasthans there. He’s not a sadhaka, but he is devotional and respectful to the dhama and its inhabitants, with a healthy fear of committing offenses here.

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Govardhana ?O Lord, although You

November 6th, 2000

Govardhana

?O Lord, although You are able to give all kinds of benedictions, I do not pray to you for liberation, nor eternal life in Vaikuntha, nor any other boon. My only prayer is that your childhood pastimes may constantly appear in my mind. O Lord, I don’t even want to know Your feature of Paramatma. I simply wish that your childhood pastimes may ever be enacted in my heart.? (Damodarastakam 5)

When one has devotion he does not perform devotional service with the mindset that he has to attain something else by it, nor that he will accrue some benefit for doing it. His consciousness will be that now Krishna should be pleased by my activity. One should therefore chant because Krishna is pleased by our glorification, or at least that our chanting will purify us, and thus one day Krishna will be pleased by our devotion. The gopis do not chant on beads, but they chant Hare Krishna for the pleasure of Krishna. Our chanting should be done sweetly for the Lord’s pleasure.

If one is chants the Damodarastakam properly, it will express and nourish one’s own aspiration for devotional service. I am very attached to the intimate ceremony here. One should take advantage of kartika by simply offering the Lord these sublime prayers, wherever one might live.

Without bhakti, devotional service can even feel burdensome?like working for someone you have no relationship with and without recompense. That same service done with bhakti is the deepest pleasure of the heart, like doing humble service for one’s most beloved.

Without at least some austerity, however, it will be difficult to get bhakti and devotional service will remain a burden. Even singing these simple prayers and
offering a lamp to the Deity, a moderate vow for kartika, can bring some devotion to our hearts and make our devotional service easier. Who will not avail himself of such an opportunity?

“As indicated in the Padma Purana, this practice is extremely powerful, especially when performed in Vrindaban. In his commentary, Jiva Goswami says that if one performs kartika-vrata in Vrindaban, even without devotion, the Lord will very easily offer his personal service.” (Waves of Devotion, p.93)

His Holiness Giriraja Swami once told me?though I forget his reference?that kartika is like a sale for bhakti. What is usually sold at a very high personal price, bhakti, is given away cheaply during kartika for a relatively minimal effort.

Govardhana The spiritual enlivenment of

November 5th, 2000

Govardhana

The spiritual enlivenment of kartika in Govardhana awakens remembrances of ecstasy.

  • Chanting at the Henry Street temple in Brooklyn at my first Sunday feasts. No pleasure in this world could compare. I gave up everything to pursue the selfless pleasure of spiritual life.
  • Lord Caitanya’s mercy the first time I went out on book distribution. The inundation of Lord’s Caitanya’s mercy was mystical. What was it? I became too busy as a teacher to continue and give it much time.
  • Kirtana procession to the Yamuna every afternoon for two years without fail when I first came to Vrindaban. The next morning at mangala-arati, I would immediately and enthusiastically begin jumping when the Deities would appear, still feeling the double purification of harinama and yamuna-snana.
  • A midnight bath in Radha-kunda on Bahulastami, Her appearance day. I was with Yasodananda Swami, Jagat Guru Swami, and Pradyumna. I witnessed our false egos wash away into small puddles next to us on the floor. That humility gave a taste for chanting?kirtinayah sada hari.
  • Kumbha-mela in 1988. Bathing at the Triveni [the confluence of the Ganga, Yamuna, and Sarasvati] at 3:30 in the morning, followed by mangal-arati with Lokantha Swami leading. As he sang, I was so convinced that nectar was flowing from the heavens that I would tilt my head to let it come more directly in my ears.
  • Nabadvipa Mandala Parikrama, 1994. Nine days in another world.
  • Kartika in Gita-nagari, 1995. Divine austerity and Radha-Damodara’s mercy gives me a taste for the holy name.
  • Maha-yajna, New Ekachakra Dhama, April 2000. Relief, affection, and devotion flood the dhama as the gods stop the rain to bring sunshine and auspiciousness.
  • Kartika in Govardhana, 2000. Sleeping is considered dandavat-parikrama. Where else can one get such a boon in the ignorance of his day?
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Govardhana narada-vinojjivana sudhormi-niryasa-madhuripura tvam krsna-nama

November 4th, 2000

Govardhana

narada-vinojjivana sudhormi-niryasa-madhuripura
tvam krsna-nama kamam sphura me rasane rasena sada

?O Krsna-nama! You infuse life in Narada Muni’s vina, and the sweetness which flows from You is the personification of the essence of waves of nectar. Therefore, I pray that You always manifest on my tongue with transcendental rasa.? (Namastaka 8)

I am inspired here. I feel like I should make this month-long vrata a life’s program. Now I am 50 years of age. It’s time to get serious. Absorption in hearing and chanting elevates the consciousness. One becomes peaceful, and a small hankering for Krishna’s service, bhakti, becomes a reality. Why live any other way? This doesn’t mean stopping the preaching, but really preaching. It means giving up idleness and prajalpa and other obstacles to bhakti. It means to really absorb oneself in Srila Prabhupada’s mission, to purify oneself and give Krishna consciousness to others. What else to I have to do by Krishna’s grace? Otherwise, what is the meaning of sannyasa?

Increasing one’s chanting does not reduce the amount of time one has for other things. It does, however:

  • create enthusiasm for spiritual life by making it more attractive and easier to do.
  • force one to use his time carefully.
  • help one to reduce one?s bodily necessities?eating and sleeping?by creating an enthusiasm for life, spiritual life.
  • force others to approach one seriously and to respect one?s time.
  • enable one to do his spiritual practices with concentration, efficiently and more quickly without sacrificing the quality of one?s practices.

With all that said, it would be difficult to maintain my vrata, because it is difficult to keep a rigorous vow for long periods of time before the mind becomes distracted or slackens. Once spiritual impetus is lost, a nama-vrata becomes a chore.

I am determined, however, to significantly increase my chanting and to maintain the schedule I have, with the exception of studying and writing during the day instead of chanting.

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Govardhana ?One should chant the

November 3rd, 2000

Govardhana

?One should chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street, more humble than a blade of grass, more a tolerant than a tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige and ready to offer all respects to others.?

Once a disciple of Srila Prabhupada called him a Vaishnava. Srila Prabhupada humbly but emphatically said, ?No! Vaishnava is not an easy thing!? He was teaching us that being a Vaishnava is not just an external thing?kunti-mala and tilaka?but a deep internalized conception that I am a servant of Krishna. It is difficult to become a Vaishnava, and I speak for myself, because it is everything we are not?not by our culture, not by our upbringing. A Vaishnava is the epitome of humility because he sees everyone as a servant of Krishna and thus becomes consciously focused on serving the desires and needs of others.

In Govardhana, I try to be self-sufficient, to take care of my own needs. Today as I was walking across the roof from the pujari room where I had just polished my own deity paraphernalia, I saw the brahmacaris in the courtyard looking up at me affectionately, but with disappointment. I could read their minds: ?Why are you washing your own deity paraphernalia, Maharaja, when that is our service. Please, we can do it.? It was their heartfelt desire to serve. That is Vaishnava.

I shout down to them, ?I can?t also do devotional service!??

We should all pray to become Vaishnavas, to change our ego to that of a servant. We can start by becoming the servant of even one close friend, instead of maneuvering to Lord over them. I pray, O Gopal Giridhari, when will I become a Vaishnava!

Went to Jahnava Baithak at Radha-kunda at 10:30 AM to finish my nama-vrata until lunch. Two devotees from Philadephia come up to where I was chanting to pay respects and ask some very nice questions. They are staying for a couple months in Vrindaban and by coincidence are living in the ashram across from my house in Vrindaban. They heard I will be giving classes in my room later in the month and tell me to count on them coming every day without fail. They also spontaneously offer to cook lunch for me everyday, which is convenient. I am always enlivened with opportunities to preach in America while living in Vraja. Sisya means to take the mood of his guru, so although I like the sadhu lifestyle, I also have a spirit and heart for preaching, like my Guru Maharaja.

The devotees from Philadephia leave. I continue my chanting. Across the shore on the bank of Radha-kunda, two young ISKCON couples arrive. Early twenties,
obviously not married, obviously on a date. Radha-kunda is non different from Srimati Radharani?Her liquid prema. Even Krishna worships Radha-kunda. What are they doing? They have no idea where they are!

I was disgusted that dhoti, tilak, kunti-mala, and sikha are just being used as a fashion by some unscrupulous local devotees in order to feign spirituality so they can pick up somewhat naive foreign girls.

Srila Prabhupada said that those who disrespect Radha-kunda are not bathing in Radha-kunda, but Naraka-kunda. Naraka means hell. Aparadha literally means distance [apa] from Radha [radha]. Their so-called coming to Radha-kunda will simply distance them from Radha.

Govardhana Went to Vrindaban for

November 2nd, 2000

Govardhana

Went to Vrindaban for the day for a few needed errands. The driver was passionate and half-mad. His association was disturbing.

Staying in a secluded place, regulating one’s life, and associating with the holy name elevates ones modes quickly. I felt very peaceful and pensive and determined not to become infected by the passion of the day. The main business of a brahmana in the days of yore was the cultivation of goodness. I was also feeling protective of my carefully cultivated mode over the past few weeks. You cannot be happy to sit and chant for long periods of time if one is too influenced by passion (distraction) and ignorance (sleep). As I watched our madly honking and swerving driver I could understand clearly why the brahmanas were so careful with what they ate and whom they associated with.

?Dhire! Dhire!? [Hindi for slow down] I tell the driver. He ignores me. ?Dhire! Dhire!? I raise my voice. He ignores me. ?DHIRE! DHIRE!? I shout at the driver. He angrily mumbles something back. I’m ready to kill him (figuratively), but continue my chanting?no longer peaceful, no longer attentive.

Three hours in Vrindaban: I met with Partha Sarathi Prabhu, who is staying in my room, and had a deep discussion with him; heard Fakir Mohan speak next door; exchanged jokes with Dadu; greeted Kurma Rupa; checked the sale of my book at Rasabihari Lal?s; picked up two sets of clothes at Ganga Prasad?s; accepted an invitation for a sumptuous Bengali gourmet lunch with Bhakti Vidya Purna Maharaja, cooked by his disciple; rasa with Balaram Baba; and a warm greeting from my close friend Udayaram?the old sadhu who keeps the neighborhood free of monkeys with his slingshot. I also met Mother Sacideva, Mani Mayi, Sunita, and others as I rush madly from one place to another so that I may quickly return to Govardhana.

Govardhana I thought about the

October 30th, 2000

Govardhana

I thought about the relationship between my nama-vrata and preaching Krishna consciousness. It is clear to me that if I want to give Krishna consciousness, I must have Krishna consciousness, and the process is chanting the holy name. The best way for me to accomplish that is to focus my attention on the holy name in a holy place. If, in preaching Krishna consciousness, one only gives the mission or surrender to the mission, but neglects to inculcate a taste for Krishna consciousness in others?and especially that for nama-kirtana?one may miss actually giving others the true mission of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. In other words, we should not only bring others into the mission for the sake of spreading it, but for the sake of actually becoming Krishna conscious ourselves. I looked at the sadhu again and heard, “Baba!” I couldn’t exactly hear what he was saying, but I understood him clearly. Language obviously isn’t the only means of communication.? “What are you so afraid of. Don’t you realize that Krishna is in everyone’s heart?”

As I walked up to the top of the ghat and turned right to walk around the corner to my rikshaw, I looked back. The sadhu was still laughing and flapping his right hand. I also began to laugh and enjoyed the fun of exchanging a kind of laughing ecstasy (hasya-rasa) with him. We maintained eye contact and our mutual laughter until I eventually drifted out of sight. By Krishna’s mercy, I had entered the dhama.

Govardhana adharam madhuram vadanam madhuram

October 29th, 2000

Govardhana

adharam madhuram vadanam madhuram nayanam madhuram hastitam madhuram
hrdayam madhuram gamanam madhuram madhuradhi pater akhilam madhuram

?His lips are sweet, His face is sweet, His eyes are sweet, His smile is sweet, His heart is sweet, His gait is sweet. Everything is sweet about the Emperor of Sweetness!?

Bhinatvam nama maminoh. Krishna and His name are nondifferent. The holy name is therefore a very sweet person. We have a loving relationship with that sweet person who is unlimitedly kind to us. Chanting in that mood invokes the sentiment and devotion that maintains dynamism in chanting.

Hundreds of devotees siege the ashram throughout the day, at different times, for Govardhana parikrama. It is nice to see His Holiness Bhakti Caru Maharja and His Holiness Gopal Krishna Maharaja. The atmosphere at Bhaktivedanta Sadhana Ashram (our ashram) is sublime, but with so many people coming, it is also a bit distracting. My rounds suffer and there is not much time for reading.

Good news! I left five of my books at Rasabihari Lal’s, the bookstore at Loi Bazaar, and all are sold in two days. I need to find a way to get more of these books to India.

We should be careful about associating with the local residents of Vrindaban. Real brijabasis have svabhavika-bhakti, natural love for Krishna, but externally they may even lead ordinary lives. They are difficult to understand and dealing with them can be confusing. There are, however, a few simple hearted brijabasis that I got to know and love in the course in living in Vrindaban for more than twenty years. At Bhaktivedanta Ashram all the devotees have deep affection for Nanuram. Nanuram is a relatively tall, aging-but-ageless?is he 50 or 75??simple-hearted Govardhana-basi (resident of Govardhana) who visits the ashram regularly at prasadam time. When asked for his age, his reply is always the same: ?Younger than you.? When pressed further, he sincerely says he has to ask his mother. Nanu means child. His mother still calls him Nanu, so he feels young.

He often goes to Kesava Bharati’s room for animated conversations that sometimes last almost half an hour. There are lots of joking and other affectionate exchanges. The amazing thing is that Nanuram only speaks and understands the local vernacular, brajabhasa, and Kesava Bharati doesn’t understand a word of it. This has been going on for two years. Nanurama has yet to figure out that Kesava Bharati doesn’t understand what he is saying, but they still seem to bond. It’s an amazing thing to watch. All I can figure out is that they are both so much from the heart that despite a lack of verbal communication they still achieve a high level of mutual understanding.

Unfortunately, Nanuram’s wife died and left him no children and he has to take care of his old and sickly mother. Nanuram, however, seems to have no worries?or at least there are no overt symptoms of anxiety. He does Govardhana parikrama everyday as far as he needs to go to be invited for prasadam. He generally eats at several places a day. He is on the thin side, but his face is bright with color?the emblem of health.

The custom for rich men visiting Govardhana is to feed the brahmanas and sadhus living in the dhama and give them a small donation for coming. Nanuram has been known to take a full feast at one place, and two hours later, at the next feast, eat three kilos of rabri (cooked down milk with sugar). He remains, however, after a small nap on his left side, energetic and hungry. I have seen this personally during the feast days at our ashram.

Govardhana is the place where Krishna ate unlimited foodstuffs while simultaneously retaining a voracious hunger. It seems a benediction must have even been passed down to the residents of Govardhana. Nanuram now also comes to talk to me. I enjoy it, although I can’t understand a word he says.

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Govardhana – Govardhana-puja nirupadhi-karunena sri-saci-nandanena

October 28th, 2000

Govardhana – Govardhana-puja

nirupadhi-karunena sri-saci-nandanena tvayi kapati-satho’pi
tvat-priyenarpito’smi iti khalu mama yogyayogyatam tamagrhnan nija
nikata-nivasam dehi goverdhan tvam

“O Govardhana! Although I am a cheater and a rogue, the greatly merciful Sri Sacinandana Krsna Caitanya, who is most dear to you, has offered me unto You (so You are therefore obliged to accept me). Without considering whether I am qualified or unqualified, please bestow upon me a residence near Your side.” ?Verse 10, Sri Govardhana-Vasa-Prarthana-Dasakam by Sri Raghuntha das Goswami

Rose early to chant. I concentrated on an important realization about chanting that Partha Sarathi Prabhu shared with me last year. He said that to advance in bhakti we must get the mercy of the great souls past and present. The conduit for that mercy is our attachment to those great souls. Attachment to the great souls comes from the service, worship, and glorification of them. We should, therefore, pray to the saints in our guru?s parampara and the eternal associates of the Lord before chanting. One should especially pray for the mercy of one’s spiritual master.

My chanting begins with prayers to Srila Prabhupada. At least initially, I chant with deliberate consciousness of his kindness toward me, of my dependence on his mercy, and of my relationship with him. There is not a better darshan of Giri-Govardhana than the one through the window of my room here while sitting on my bed. The tall neem trees in our courtyard thirty feet from our veranda perfectly frame the most verdant and lofty section of Govardhana Parvat (mountain). Near the bottom of that frame, through the ornate spiked fence on top of the stonewall surrounding our ashram, I see a steady march of colorful pilgrims, frequently in groups, often chanting responsively?radhe rahde shyam milate! It makes me think that, this year, there is probably no need to build a Giriraja out of prasadam to honor my Giriraja Maharaja as I do in most places of the world when I celebrate Govardhana-puja.

The ashram does, however, offer a beautiful abhiseka and sumptuous annukut festival on the foothill of Giri-Govardhana across from our ashram. Indradyumna Swami expertly leads kirtana for hours. The devotees are in the spiritual world, but now realize it. It was that nice.

My personal worship for Giriraj Maharaja was simple this year, but very sweet. My godbrother, Satyanarayana, bought sweets at the famous Giriraja Misthan Bandar (sweet shop) and some fruits for my personal puja. Satyanarayan is the godbrother who supervised the printing of my book. We have a good friendship and we enjoyed serving my Deities together.

It’s been a long day, but I cannot forget Govinda Hari. Govinda Hari is my worshipful Govardhana sila who sits as a five-foot elongated boulder at the base of Govardhana Hill, near the sacred Govinda-kunda. It is 5 o’clock in the evening, but I go on bicycle ride with Krishna Kripa from Houston to bathe and clean him with the sacred waters of Govinda-kunda. We happily chant nija nikata nivasam goverdhan tvam, begging Giri-Govardhana for eternal residence there. It was a short bike ride and a simple worship, but the heart feels cleanse and satisfied.

On the way back to our ashram I see Gaura-Narayana and the other brahmacaris from our ashram walking toward us on Govardhana parikrama. They are incredible souls?especially Gaura Narayana and his assistant, Asita: They have already worked day and night for two days preparing the festival and then worked all day today organizing it, and yet what do they do when they finish? A full parikrama of Govardhana Hill at 6 in the evening!

“How fortunate they are,” I thought as I was whizzing by them on my new green bicycle towards the ashram, “that this is their concept of recreation.”

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Govardhana The brijabasis celebrate Govardhan-puja

October 27th, 2000

Govardhana

The brijabasis celebrate Govardhan-puja today, but the ISKCON calendar lists Govardhana-puja for tomorrow. It feels awkward celebrating major festivals in Vrindaban on different days than everyone else here. It would be much simpler to just celebrate when everyone else does. Narayana Maharaja’s Vraja Mandala parikrama party is staying next door to us at the Modi Bhavan, a large and scenic dharmasala (hostel) complex built and managed by the prominent Indian industrialist, Kedaranatha Modi. They are holding their Govardhana-puja today directly across from where they are staying, at the foot of Govardhana Hill.

Their festival is a very colorful. Hundreds of well-prepared bhoga preparations are brought for offering to the base of the hill in small decorated wicker baskets, held mostly on the heads of their lady pilgrims. First, however, they hold a large spontaneous abhisheka. Last year I was nearly trampled by a stampede of spontaneous devotion from hundreds of Punjabi lady Vaishnavas eager to bathe the one large stone on Govardhana that the Kesava Gaudiya Math establishes as their focus of worship today.

I went with Indradyumna Swami to offer our respects. Although we stood humbly behind hundreds of pilgrims, we were spotted and invited to bathe Giri-Govardhana first with their other sannyasis.

Since most of the pilgrims were at one time in ISKCON, I knew many of them, and many came to affectionately greet me. There was also an element whose mood was very cold and unwelcoming. Once a group gets big, it becomes very difficult for many of its members to represent its original ideals. I understand this, but I am exhausted with sectarianism and want to stay clear of it, wherever it is. I did not return for the feast.

I read something on the self-destruction of movements that Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu gave me today. It’s food for thought:

?I have had with my friend Wes Jackson a number of useful conversations about the necessity of getting out of movements?even movements that have seemed necessary and dear to us?when they have lapsed into self-righteousness and self-betrayal, as movements seem almost invariably to do. People in movements too readily learn to deny others the rights and privileges they demand for themselves. They too easily become unable to mean their own language, as when a ?peace movement? becomes violent. They often become too specialized, as if finally they cannot help taking refuge in the pinhole vision of intellectuals. They almost always fail to be radical enough, dealing finally in effects rather than causes. Or they deal with single issues or single solutions, as if to assure themselves that they will not be radical enough.”
?In Distrust of Movements, Wendell Berry

One devotee asked me if Fakir Mohan is bona fide and how he got such a strange name. I asked his assistant, Madhavananda, and he told me some of Fakir Mohan’s history.

As a young boy in Orissa, barely 14 years of age, Fakir Mohan, became very attracted to the songs of Bhaktivinoda Thakur and left home to join the Gaudiya Math, never to return home again. As he was a very intelligent young boy, the acarya in that Gaudiya Math?I don’t remember his name?surprisingly sent him back to school. After completing college, he returned to the Math, but when his guru saw how well he did in school, he ordered him to return to school, get his PhD, and to become a teacher. Following his guru’s order, he became a professor of Sanskrit, went to classes in full Vaishnava dress wearing tilak, taught Krishna consciousness through his subjects, and beyond the bare necessities of life, used his earnings for missionary activities?especially the publication of books he wrote himself on Gaudiya Vaishnavism in Orissa. All this time, he remained a naisthika brahmacari, a strict celibate, for his entire life.

Fakir is an Urdu name for a Muslim mendicant, but it has become a generic name in Orissa, even for Hindus. Hundreds of years ago there was a Vaishnava saint named Fakir Mohan, and Madhavananda thinks that Fakir Mohan’s guru named him after that saint.

Is he bona fide? I listened carefully to everything he spoke so far and it seemed very supportive of Srila Prabhupada?s teachings. He has the qualities of an advanced Vaishnava, and even the more conservative ISKCON devotees at the Krishna Balaram Mandir seem to respect him. He is not initiated directly by Srila Prabhupada, so there might be some differences on some things?hopefully minor, I don’t know. If I hear anything different, then I will, of course, follow the authority of Srila Prabhupada, but that doesn’t mean there cannot be elevated souls that are not in direct line with Srila Prabhupada. Certainly, Srila
Prabhupada didn’t think that way.

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