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Mayapur ?He who lives in

January 14th, 2001

Mayapur

?He who lives in Nabadvipa-dhama is very fortunate, for he achieves attraction for Krishna. He who happens to go there becomes freed from all offenses. What one attains by traveling to all the holy places is attained just by remembering Nabadvipa. In this way the scriptures sing. He who sees Nabadvipa-dhama gets ecstatic love of Krishna birth after birth. Even one who goes to Navadvipa desiring to gain material comforts through pious activities will not take another birth. The sastras say that one who walks around Nabadvipa attains the fruit of millions of asvamedhas-yajnas at every step. And one who lives in Nabadvipa and chants mantras obtains the sound of Caitanya as his mantra and easily gets free from maya. What yogis obtain after ten years at other tirthas is obtained in three nights at Navadvipa.? (Nabdvipa Mahatmya, Parikrama-Khanda, Chapter 1)

The facilities for our group are ideal. We have all to ourselves a small but spacious new guesthouse/conference hall in a rustic setting next to the temple goshalla and its pastoral gurukula, but only five minutes from the bustle of the temple by a scenic, tree-lined and winding dirt road raised over acres of the temple?s paddy fields. A few hundred feet behind our guesthouse flows the Jalungi River. From the window of my room I can even see across the river to svananda-sukhada kunja, Bhaktivinoda Thakur?s residence.

Everything is perfect, but where is our group? They were to arrive at 7AM. It is past 2PM.

I remember hearing a Bhagavatam class over twenty years ago years where the speaker described waiting as the greatest surrender. Surrender means to accept Krishna?s will. That?s hard to do when Krishna?s will is delaying the arrival of your friends. I am anxious to see all the new pilgrims and I struggle to surrender and wait patiently.

The group finally arrives after 3PM. Their plane was turned back to Delhi because of the heavy fog in Calcutta. It?s a nice mix of devotees, from recent high school graduates to working people, from newcomers to seasoned devotees. Many have longstanding friendships, but everyone feels welcome.

Several members of the tour had written to me independently with the same concern?they feel unqualified to enter the dhama and have some trepidation about going. Although many are not the strictest practitioners they are approaching the tour seriously in a humble mood. That makes them qualified to receive the mercy of the dhama and good association for me.

They settle in quickly. Not really knowing what to expect, I can sense their relief when they see that the facility is suitable in terms of their comforts, but also in terms of the setting in rustic India.

After prasadam we walk five minutes to Srila Prabhupada?s samadhi, a spectacular and powerful Vatican-like sacred space that appropriately communicates Srila Prabhupada?s stature. We are then surprised to find ourselves unexpectedly right in the middle of the temple?s colorful Sunday Deity procession, which happens to be circumambulating the samadhi at exactly the time we finish our darshan. The kirtans, the mantras, the flaming torches, and the beautiful Deities on Their huge elephant carrier? We are enchanted. It?s an exotic entrance into Mayapur that more than makes up for the tiresome journey to get here.

Calcutta/Mayapur Met Kaustubha, Jai Nitai,

January 13th, 2001

Calcutta/Mayapur
 
Met Kaustubha, Jai Nitai, and Joe at the airport. Kaustubha and Jai Nitai agree to wait until tomorrow morning to pick up the devotees arriving from America so that I can go with Joe to Mayapur to make sure everything is ready for the tour.
 
Joe, as many devotees know, is a professional comedian in New York. We talked on the way about my theory of the philosophical basis of comedy based on Bhagavad-gītā, 3.27. To paraphrase, “The spirit soul bewildered by the three modes of nature thinks himself the doer, but is forced to act helplessly according to the three modes of material nature.”
 
With a straight face I tell him what a serious subject it is. Of course, I’m only half-serious. It’s a long and very bumpy four-hour ride to Mayapur, and it’s really hard to concentrate on much else then a good conversation. I think, however, I’m onto an interesting realization and it leads to a thought-provoking discussion. We even discussed the different types of comedy and how they fit into my theory.
 
My premise is that everything in this world moves by God’s will for the purpose of liberating those souls who have turned away from Him and have adopted ahaṅkāra, the false egoist conception of being the doer or controller. This platform is foolish and laughable because, on this platform, one is not acting intelligently but indiscriminately by the force of his nature. Humor is the process of parodying non-malicious conditioned activities and thus discouraging them. This was my basic analysis of the purpose of humor based on the above Bhagavad-gītā verse where Kṛṣṇa calls the conditioned souls mūḍhās, or fools. In other words, a person with a good sense of humor can sense the passions of people and, in an indirect or subtle way, make comments or tell stories that mock and hopefully deter such conditioning. In contrast, when one controls his impulses and his actions are guided by intelligence, it is sober, respected, and thus generally praised and encouraged. Of course, everything has its useful and inappropriate application, but humor definitely has a place in spiritual life, even in the spiritual world.
 
We also developed my thesis in fun ways. For example, it came to light that the more one is under the modes of nature, surrendering his freewill and his ability to act with discernment, the more humorous his actions are. We concluded that that’s why a lot of comedy is based on people from New York, which is such hotbed of insane, passionate, and impulsive activity. We also thought that’s why New Yorkers often make good comedians: they somehow also have the smarts to recognize and appreciate such madness.
 
We also discussed the idea of me giving a seminar to his comedy group about the philosophy of humor. We had a laugh about how funny that could be and how difficult it would be to do with a straight face.
 
Of course, this was not a fully developed thesis, just some philosophical fun, but Joe caught the idea and the discussion was Kṛṣṇa conscious. We thus concluded that humor, appropriately applied, can serve a liberating purpose for a somewhat discriminating person by discouraging actions that are passionate or ignorant, and by not acting impulsively or foolish oneself.
 
An hour from Mayapur we see the sign for Śāntipura, the home of Śrī Advaita Ācārya. Time to get serious. We begin kirtan and prepare ourselves for entering the dhāma.
 
Audārya-dhāma! We immediately feel the magnanimity of Lord Caitanya. We enter and receive a warm welcome from many of my friends there.
 
 

Vrindaban/Delhi I leave as scheduled

January 12th, 2001

Vrindaban/Delhi

I leave as scheduled to Delhi to pick up my train to Calcutta, where I will meet the devotees coming from the US for pilgrimage. As usual, when traveling out of Delhi, I stop for prasadam at the house of my friend, Ghanashyama. They are exceptionally hospitable. With a phone call and a few hours notice I can send anyone there to take prasadam or stay the night.

Ghanashyama left home when he was ten years old to go to Vrindaban to be a sadhu. His father finally found him and told him that he didn?t mind if he didn?t want to get married, but he should help his family until he reached maturity. On the request of his father he completed his education and became a civil engineer to help support a joint family of his five brothers. However, he still remained somewhat of a sadhu and never married. He is renown in his community for his beautiful brajabasi bhajans?especially about Giriraja.

He is now working on a construction project in Nigeria, but his brothers always welcome me. When he is informed that I am staying at his house in Delhi, he often sends me a message by email. Last year he shared with me a thought-provoking realization:

?I think Vaishnavas sometimes get all their remaining karmic reactions for several lives in one lifetime so that they can finish up their business in this world and return to Godhead at the end of this life.?

This year, as planned, he retired to Vrindaban at fifty.

I can only stay a few hours and rush to catch the late afternoon Rajadhani to Calcutta. I am eager again to see Mayapur.

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Vrindaban His Holiness Radhanatha Swami

January 11th, 2001

Vrindaban

His Holiness Radhanatha Swami will be here for the day. I finished my morning program early so I could attend his class. I was surprised that the temple room, which by design is partially exposed to the outside, was packed in the middle of the chilly and cold winter.

ISKCON is not as united as it needs to be. There are too many disputes and grudges. Unfortunately, that is also the case here in Vrindaban, and it is therefore difficult to sense the spirit of community which, for most people, is necessary for spiritual life. A spiritual leader, however, immediately creates a sense of community, uniting people around the desire to hear about Krishna. I sensed that today upon entering the temple.

Maharaja told the story about the Chand Kazi in a very animated way. At the end of class, someone asked how the devotees felt toward the Chand Kazi considering that he had initially persecuted the Vaishnavas. Maharaja spoke very strongly about the Vaishnavas? quality of forgiveness.

I was sitting near the altar in front of Krishna-Balarama. I noticed a former Vrindaban gurukula student from America, sitting in the front of the class. He had been at times very vocal about the mistakes made in the pioneer days of the development of gurukula, and my responsibility for them as head of one the main schools. Fortunately, this former student has very good parents who supported him. Thus, despite whatever difficulties he faced in his youth, he is well-situated, happily married, and a good devotee.

When Maharaja was speaking about forgiveness, I sensed that?seeing both the former student and myself in the audience?he was also subtly directing the point to him, especially as I believe this devotee has regard for Maharaja. That Maharaja?s preaching may have been somewhat directed in this way seemed to be confirmed later in the day when I returned to the temple in the evening for Aindra?s kirtan and noticed this devotee chanting right opposite me. When the kirtan finished, he surprisingly came over to me in a friendly and respectful manner to ask me how I was doing. We talked casually for a few minutes before he had to leave tomeet his wife. I was relieved that he seemed to have forgiven me and it also gave me hope that in time progress can be made with some of the other students that are still affected by bad experiences in gurukula.

His decision to approach me could have been simply a result of his natural maturity. Still, I can?t help but sense that the discourse this morning was a factor.

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Vrindaban I am very busy

January 10th, 2001

Vrindaban

I am very busy trying to get everything done and ready in two days for the pilgrimage to Mayapur. No time to mull over my realizations for the day. Even if I did, I doubt how many I would have in this whirl of passion.

Vrindaban Met a young devotee

January 9th, 2001

Vrindaban

Met a young devotee just out of high school who was originally coming for my tour, but came with a friend who convinced him to come early. It was a mistake. He has already decided to return to the West after two days in Vrindaban. I didn?t try to convince him to stay as his mind was already back home and his parents?who didn?t want him here in the first place?already booked his return flight. If only he had come to Vrindaban as planned he could have had a different experience. He might not have even wanted to leave.

I gave some encouragement and advice:

?There is a fruit to your short and abruptly ended tour in the form of an important lesson. Spiritual activities should be done more carefully under guidance, especially in areas where one is inexperienced and the intelligence is not yet fixed.?

His difficulties also show how much perception is dependent on consciousness?especially in relationship to spiritual phenomena like the holy dhama. Bhaktivinoda Thakur therefore compares the dhama to a beautiful ocean covered by a thin layer of oil, as Yogamaya shelters the charm of the holy dhama from materialists by a thin veil of material energy. The holy dhama?s glories are thus revealed to one who approaches it with a suitable consciousness under the proper guidance.

Vrindaban Up early for studies,

January 8th, 2001

Vrindaban

Up early for studies, a little exercise, chanting, bathing, and then giriraja-puja. A morning filled with spiritual sound has a strong effect on one?s consciousness. Today I will need it.

Got into an argument with Panditji, our chokidar (the gatekeeper). He didn?t give a bill for some items he was supposed to purchase for the ashram, and some things that he bought were definitely used. He is generally respectful in his own loud way, but he is very proud and has a terrible temper. Although it is certain that he cheated us, he took offense that I questioned him. He now also comes and goes when he wants. I complained to Muna, our neighbor, who is supposed to be managing the japa-kutir for Baladeva. Muna says he will speak to the chokidar. Panditji does keep the place very clean and well repaired, but I prefer that he is not here. I just tolerate. Some young Indian devotees who I helped bring to Krishna consciousness came to see me to complain about how they are being treated. The issue is somewhat complex and the people dealing with them have legitimate concerns. I make some calls and try to mediate. It could have been resolved easily, but now the differences seem irreconcilable. It?s a touch of the craziness of kali-yuga, the age of quarrel and confusion. When my service in Vrindaban was administration, this would have been a typical day. Actually with the problems we had to face it would have even been one of the more relatively peaceful days! I now have quite a different life and it?s a blessing. I want to keep Vrindaban sacred which is difficult for me to do in the midst of constant turmoil. I didn?t come here for that.

Vrindaban For the last year

January 7th, 2001

Vrindaban

For the last year I have been seeking inspiration to understand in which way I should direct my service to Srila Prabhupada?s mission. I was given the gurukula and I took that service as my life and soul. I left that to preach in America, and although I certainly feel that preaching in the US is part of my service, it doesn?t fully utilize my energies and abilities because of various circumstances and restrictions beyond my control. To find clear direction in service is a real concern of mine. Sacinanada Swami gave me the advice to increase my desire and prayer for that clarity. I did.

I think I felt a breakthrough today. I hope it is not just sentiment. While working on my next book, a comprehensive study of the First Canto, a surge of satisfaction beset my heart. I have a strong inspiration to write, to feel absorbed and engaged in the service, and it is conducive to my situation.

Years ago I wrote Satsvarupa Maharaja about my uncertainty to as what Srila Prabhupada wants me to do now that it is not possible for me to pursue his instruction to develop gurukula. He gave me very practical advice?a bit bold for the time. I remember it something like this: ?Just find out what you want to do for Krishna, and just accept that as what Srila Prabhupada wants you to do.? It wasn?t advice to act whimsically, but practical advice to offer my best to Krishna and to understand that that?s what Srila Prabhupada wants.

Devotional service means to please Krishna. We generally like to do activities that we do well, and whatever we do well is naturally the best we can offer to Krishna. Isn?t that how the spiritual master practically engages his disciples? Arjuna fully surrendered to Lord Krishna?sarva dharman parityajya?and Krishna told him to fight.

I am sitting at my desk, in direct view of Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi. His presence is felt, although my windows and curtains are closed to seal my room off from the harsh winter winds. This realization came while I was writing on Srimad Bhagavatam, 1.1.8. I return to my writing and am taken aback when I realize what is described in the section I am about to study:

?The secret of success in spiritual life is in satisfying the spiritual master and thereby getting his sincere blessings. Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti has sung in his famous eight stanzas on the spiritual master as follows: ‘I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of my spiritual master. Only by his satisfaction can one please the Personality of Godhead, and when he is dissatisfied there is only
havoc on the path of spiritual realization.’?

I take it as a further confirmation and continue to write.

Vrindaban A morning visit to

January 6th, 2001

Vrindaban

A morning visit to one of my favorite lila-sthans, Govinda-kunda, the mystical pond on the side of Govardhana Hill where Lord Indra bathed Lord Govinda with the sacred waters of the celestial Ganges and the milk of the divine surabhi cow.

We sit by at the base of the mount of Govardhana by the large elongated sila that I occasionally worship with opulence and devotion and affectionately call Govinda-Hari. The morning sun rises in the east, shining straight across Govinda-kunda, radiating and shimmering on the large boulders of the sacred hill standing before us. We also sit and bask for a moment with welcome relief from the chilly winter night. I close my eyes and feel a rare and soothing silence slightly mixed with some distant shouts from the peaceful residents of Annayor, the small adjacent village, who wash their clothes and bathe there. A stilled and tranquil mind is rare for a born New Yorker, but that is the mystical potency of this sacred space.

I sense that the devotees with me also feel the hallowed moment. Bathed in the sanctity of this holy place, I begin to speak of its glories. I suddenly recall another magical day spent at Govinda-kunda and tell a personal story indicative of her sacredness. It is late morning and Govinda-kunda is especially quiet?the solitude assisted by the heat of a mid-April sun. We are searching for a sila. It is something I never do, and something I don?t recommend, but my friend has been sanctioned, and certain unique events indicate that Giriraja is calling him for service.

After a long search, His Lordship appeared?a small perfectly square-sized shiny Govardhana sila the size of a small matchbox. We then seek, as is the tradition for this solemn worship, the blessings of a local brijabasi. I approach a lone brijabasi nearby who was sweeping the dirt floor of a simple makeshift Govardhana temple which humbly consisted of a stone platform before a huge Govardhan sila protruding from the mountain, covered by a simple shed. The handful of brahmanas at Govinda-kunda who maintain the few temples surrounding it are not the scholarly types, but poor, simple and friendly brijabasis. Not much concerned for the inviolability of this wonderful tirtha, they gladly give their blessings to anyone?for some small donation, of course. With confidence, I called this old brijabasi over and causally asked him to give us the sila we selected. I pointed to our small Giriraja, now neatly placed on a larg!e boulder in front of us. We were staggered by the response.

His raised his right hand, pointing his index finger, and forcefully rebuked us for our apparent irreverence. Occasionally pointing at Govardhana Hill he shouted, ?Bhagavan hai! Visvatma hai!” This is Krishna! This is the soul of the universe! After giving us a good admonishment, he finished our hopes with his final answer: ?If I give you this sila then?MAI SARIRA NASTA!?my body will be destroyed.”

My humble friend fell to his knees crying in shock, ?I?m not qualified! I?m not qualified!” We got the message, although Giriraja eventually came to my friend in another way. Still, time is short and the puja must start so I begin kirtan.

A full abhisheka begins. Govinda Hari is bathed repeatedly in water from Govinda-kunda and massaged with a full 200-gram bottle of fine saffron oil. With a new towel he is dried and then painted elaborately with will six different colored tilaks. By now the brahmanas arrive. They wait patiently, irreverently sitting on Govardhana Hill right behind our worship. From experience they are confident that I will amply renumerate them both for their blessings and for their ability to keep the many young village children who have arrived from disturbing our ceremony. A large herd of white cows pass, kicking up the soft sands. It?s Krishna Book-like: the cows, the brahmanas, the brijabasi children and Giri-Govardhana. We become more and more absorbed in our worship.

Next Govinda Hari is offered a large tulasi garland, six rose garlands, and a triple-twined red, white and black gunja-mala. We forgot the flute and peacock feather today, but Govinda Hari is stunning and the brahmanas grunt and nod their heads to the side, brijabasi style, in approval.

It is a small festival today so we do not pack the sweets in the fine wicker baskets that we keep for the worship. Still, three boxes of high class sweets from a brijabasi sweet shop are offered before Giriraja to fed to the the brahmanas, children, our devotees, and the cows, in that order. A dozen rupee notes and a bunch of coins are also placed there as daksina to the brahamanas for their blessings, but more as a bribe to keep our happy festival free from their harassment. Arati begins and everyone is given incense to offer which is carefully placed all around Giriraja like a smoking picket fence. The kirtan gets louder and the brahamanas are smiling ear-to-ear, patting us with both hands on our head and shoulders indicating, ?Well done, well done, I offer you all our blessings.? The festival is so engaging that one becomes lost in time. It?s over and we leave, but the effect is very powerful. We fe!el it strongly in our hearts.

Vrindaban How the psyche changes

January 5th, 2001

Vrindaban

How the psyche changes due to vaisnava aparadha (offense). Paraphrased from Bhakti-sandarbha:

Crookedness, duplicity – a devotee is simple and straightforward, but aparadha brings on duplicity. The heart becomes hard and cruel by accumulated offense, but one still poses externally as a Vaishnava.

Lack of faith in sastra – Offense gradually covers our faith and we lose trust and interest in sastra.

Attachment – The quality of bhakti is firm faith in the Lord and our position as his servant. Due to offense, attachment and absorption develops in those things that will deviate one from nistha (firm and fixed faith) in devotional service.

Slackness – One loses interest in the practices of devotional practices.

Pride – A devotee does not have pride that he is doing great service. Rather he is humble and feels he is not sufficiently serving his guru and Krishna. Due to aparadha one starts to feel that his service is the best and others are envious of him.

If these desires are not diminishing?or even increasing?despite practicing devotional service, one has to sincerely introspect if it may be the fruit of vaisnava aparadha.

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