Waves of Devotion

Boston

Meditation On Humility IX – Closing Thoughts
“Don’t think you?re better than everyone, or anyone.”?One brijabasi sadhu to a friend.

?Low self-esteem is still governed by false ego; upset that they can’t live up to their material ambitions. A humble person still feels insignificant, but he has the self-worth to know that he is part of Krishna. Part of humility is to feel fallen, but that gives one self-worth because he feels God?s mercy and care: ?I am may be fallen and worthless, but I must be worth something because Krishna has made all this effort to save me.?” ?Srila Ravindra Svarupa (paraphrased by Maha Muni)

“Humility means not to think less of yourself, but to think of your self less.” ?Varsana Maharaja

Meditation On Humility X
There was a very nice program tonight arranged by Nitai Priya at her apartment. I read my meditations on humility and left it open for discussion. I was astounded by the level of participation by the audience and by the intensity of the discussion that pursued. Everyone seemed to have something to say.

The dialogue was stirred by a question brought up by Kaustubha. How should one respond to even a peer who is abusive, and corrects one maliciously out of envy? Can a humble man respond and defend oneself, or should one acquiesce out of humility?

I think the conversation stirred up on two accounts: People feeling exploited in institutional, hierarchical situations, where superiors use the philosophy of humility to exploit subordinates, and the inherent misunderstanding of the word humble.

I really enjoyed seeing how enlivened the devotees were to all be so involved in the discussion. I think I should incorporate more audience participation into my style of lecturing. So many interesting points were made. This is what I gleaned from the discussion from my view, although the discussion continued passionately through prasadam:

Humility has two connotations?one favorable and one unfavorable. In a favorable sense, humility indicates an absence of pride and assertiveness; in spiritual terms, a realization of the self. In unfavorable terms, it refers to an almost abject lack of self-respect. If one takes humility in the first sense,when attacked, one will generally not defend himself?especially if it just a matter of pride. In the discussion, examples were cited of Maharaja Rahugana?s abuse of Jada Bharat; Vidura, when cursed by his nephew Duryodhana; and Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, when falsely accused by Ramachandra Puri. All turned the other cheek, so to speak. Of course, in certain circumstances one can respond, but not out of pride, but out compassion or duty to correct one?s accuser. One’s first inclination, however, is certainly not to defend out of false ego.

If one takes humility in the second sense, which is akin to a lack of self-esteem (and especially if the philosophy of humility is being used to exploit one), to respond to it may even be healthy. One’s submission in this case will, in all likelihood, not be done out of humility and may even reinforce one?s lack of self-respect.

The subject of responding according to ones level of realization was brought up in this discussion. Even a healthy person?though not one on the highest platform?may feel a need to defend oneself in certain circumstances, such as when one feels that his self-dignity is being abused to the extent that if he aquiesces he will no longer be able to function in the world with a reasonable degree of self-respect. One has to be careful, however, not to make excuses for
ones own pride.

I’ll stop here. The discussion can go on. I welcome anyone input to the discussion. Send me your comments. I may or may not post it in the journal, but I will certainly respond.

Boston

Meditation On Humility (VIII)
Lack of self-esteem that manifests in submissiveness and shyness can be conducive to humility. Lack of self-esteem that manifests in bravado and pride can nourish false prestige. To one degree or another, a conditioned soul manifests one or another at times. I need to go deeper here on this thought, but I will leave it for the audience to meditate on.

Boston

Meditation on humility VII
“One should chant the holy name in a humble state of mind, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street and more tolerant than the tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige, and ready to offer all respects to others. In such a state of mind one can chant the name constantly.” (Siksastaka 3)

Many years ago, I was in Jagannatha Puri, on a solitary retreat and was chanting 64 rounds. During that time I realized that I had some envy for a devotee who I had been unconsciously viewing as a competitor and who had become successful. When those feelings arose, I decided to try to uproot them by chanting the first verse in the Siksastakam quoted above?trnad api sunicena?in between each round. I especially meditated on the phrase ?devoid of all sense of false prestige ready to offer all respects to others.? Especially while chanting that phrase, I began intentionally trying to change my attitude toward that devotee by consciously offering him respects. I distinctly remember receiving much mercy in terms of attraction for the holy name.

New Ekachakra Dham

Meditation On Humility VI
Pure devotional service is causeless. If there is some reason or motive for what you do, like prestige or fame, your actions are not pure devotional service because there is a cause. I pray to be happy with anonymity or, if I’m praised, give all credit where credit is due?to guru and Krishna.

?If you examine me you will see no good qualities. Your mercy is all that I am made of.? ?Narottama dasa Thakur

?My enemies flatter me.? ?Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Thakur

?I am in not in this for name and fame.? ?pure devotee sadhu grafitti artist in Vrindaban, when asked to pose for a picture for BTG

New Ekachakra Dham

Meditation On Humility V
I understand what humility is, but have I realized what humility is? Am I humble? It is definitely something to strive for. I am trying by devotional service and by reading about Krishna and transcendental knowledge. Real knowledge?knowledge of Krishna?does not make one proud, but bends him with that knowledge like the supple branch of a tree over-laden with ripe fruits

Without humility there is no bhakti. Bhakti, or devotion, begins with the experience of Krishna’s grace. Unearned kindness naturally invokes a sense of unworthiness making us humble.

Grace also requires a humble mood as a conduit because mercy can only flow downward. A pauper can never be kind or merciful to a millionaire in terms of his wealth. Since only the humble man can experience mercy, only the humble man can attain bhakti.

Narada had many qualities. He was renounced, well-behaved, and sober, but those qualities alone were not sufficient to attain the mercy of the Bhaktivedantas. He received the mercy of pure devotional service from the Bhaktivedantas because he was poor and humble and attracted the mercy of these great souls, who were dina-vatsalah?kind to the poor.

It is not that being poor makes one humble, but if it creates within one a realization of ones dependence on God, one?s poverty is an asset. God can make us poor to help us be humble, but he can also give us the world to make us feel undeserving.

New Ekachakra-dhama

Meditation On Humility IV
A humble person doesn’t necessarily denigrate his abilities or opulence. Even though he might recognize them, he sees them as God’s to be given or taken by His grace. Therefore, despite recognizable talents, a humble person feels insignificant and dependent on God’s mercy.

A humble person also does not lack personal confidence or initiative as he is dependent on Krishna, the Supreme Powerful, and confident in His shelter, protection, and empowerment.

Although our position is infinitesimal, we should not be discouraged that our potential for happiness is infinitesimal, since humility and dependence allow one to possess love, the greatest happiness, which is the essence of God’s pleasure potency. Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu tells us this in his Siksastakam?anandam buddhi vardhanam?that the infinitesimal living entity can experience an unlimited ocean of happiness by purely chanting the holy name of Krishna.

Boston

Meditation On Humility III
Krishna Kaviraja prayed that ?I am lower than a worm in stool.? A question arises: What’s the difference between humility and low self-esteem?

Humility is a lack of false prestige. It doesn’t, however, necessitate condemning oneself. Our constitutional position as servant may be cosmologically very small, but it is not worthless, as it has relation to God.

A truly humble person may still feel unworthy and in need of God’s mercy, but it is not a psychological aberration. It is an expression of one’s deep realization of God as unlimited and fully independent, and one’s deep realization of the self in relation to Him as infinitesimal and dependent.

On the other hand, people with low self-esteem may desire prestige. They feel unworthy in relation to the status of others, not out of a revelation of their position in relation to God. As their unworthiness is not a product of realized knowledge it still fosters our material illusion and causes duality and pain.

Boston

Meditation On Humility II
We are constitutionally infinitesimal. We are thus not the controller and not independent. It is a tough pill to swallow, but to accept this willingly is humility. Humility therefore means to realize and be satisfied with the self. It’s not just an intellectual understanding, but a realization of one’s cosmic insignificance.

New Jersey

Meditation On Humility I
Something is pure only in its original nature, without additions. For example, water, when pure, is only water.

Srila Prabhupada comments, “Living entities in a pure state are called devotees.” (BG 9.30, purport). Purification thus means the gradual cleansing from the self of anything external to its pure state of devotion.

We are naturally attached to the things we need to be purified of as we have adopted them out of material attachment. Relinquishing attachments is painful. Purification is, therefore, painful. The false ego, the conception that we are independent from God, especially has to be gradually removed. Purification therefore also takes humility.

New Jersey

Went today to inaugurate the 24-hour kirtan in honor of Dadu, Sri Krishna Mohan, who passed away almost two weeks ago. I already wrote about his passing in a previous journal. Since he left there have been programs at his home every night. I could see how comforted the family was in such a spiritual atmosphere. They are feeling deep separation and shed many tears, but it was noticeable that they were not at all morose. That’s because their separation was enriched with so much love and honor for their father whose life was successful and whose destiny is assured, and because that love and honor is being nourished by so many devotees who are visiting daily.I sensed that the underlying joyfulness in their home?despite, almost contradictorily, their grave feelings of loss?was because in their remembrance of Krishna Mohan, their home was pervaded by the love of a devotee, and such love is happiness, even in separation.

I did kirtan for almost an hour. The organizers of the program from ISKCON-Towaco then transferred the kirtan quietly to an adjacent room so that I could speak?especially to his extended family, many of whom I have never met before. It was as much a pleasure to be with them as it was a pleasure to be with Krishna Mohan because, like him, they were alive with piety and emotion in our personal exchanges. I took the theme of my talk from something I read which I expanded and applied to the life of Krishna Mohan: A person is remembered neither by what they had or even what they accomplished, but how they made people feel.

I am receiving some nice letters from devotees who met Dadu even briefly who read about his passing from my journal and remembered him. Some excerpts:

“I was very sad to hear about Dadu. I loved him very much.” ?Narottama

“Was also saddened when I received your journal earlier this week about the passing of Krishna Mohan Prabhu. Actually, I was surprised how sorrowful I was after reading it. I remember Dadu from living in Towaco and seeing him regularly. He was certainly a special person. Next Friday is the 30th Anniversary of Sri Sri Radha-Gopivallabha’s installation in Boston and I am helping to sponsor that festival in honor of Dadu and the benefit of Satyabhama and Krishna-priya and their family.” ?Rathi Krishna