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Vasant Falls, New York On

June 23rd, 2002

Vasant Falls, New York

On Suffering I

Years ago our Sanskrit teacher in gurukula, a very learned Vaisnava, made an interesting comment to me with conviction about death. ?The real pain of death is not the physical pain,? he said. ?The body can tolerate physical pain, and when it becomes too severe one goes into coma. The real pain of death is the forceful and traumatic relinquishment of all attachments.? What he said struck me. I thought deeply about it to the extent of visualizing the moment of death in order to get a feel for what it would be like to face the sudden prospect of having all of my cherished attachments?including my false ego or identity?torn away from me, obliterated. I sensed the pain and was convinced of his point.

Recently, more than fifteen years later, I received further insight into what he said in response to some personal challenges.

I am getting older, now nearly 52. After more than thirty years of dedication to Srila Prabhupada’s mission, my destiny doesn’t seem to be manifesting the type of life offering of service to Srila Prabhupada that I would have liked to present him. Various attempts to serve him to my potential have been for the most part frustrated?especially in the last five years. I want to make a greater contribution to my spiritual master’s mission, but destiny does not seem to be moving in that direction. At times this bothers me.

Of course, I’m not that old. Srila Prabhupada himself struggled for many years, into his 70s, before his mission bore fruit. Perhaps he, too, wished it were different during his years of struggle, although His faith in, and understanding of, Krishna’s mercy was undoubtedly unflinching. Of course, many devotees have been directed by providence to a more sedentary life, dedicated to personal prayer and practice. I enjoy that, but at the same time, when I am apparently thwarted from using my potential to push on the mission of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu in a more active way, I question if such a life is what Srila Prabhupada wants and I feel disturbed.

I usually don’t dwell on apparent difficulties. It’s not my nature. I’m actually good at pushing the aches away by philosophy, psychology, or even transcendence, but this time I got a different realization: Let the pain come and value it for my growth in Krishna consciousness.

I think the realization first grew from the gnawing but enlightening discovery that my frustration has nothing to do with destiny. In fact, since destiny?the circumstances one finds oneself in?is a manifestation of Krishna’s will, and devotional service is the willing resignation to Krishna’s will, destiny is intertwined with one’s devotional service, not opposed to it. One thus suffers only when his personal attachments are frustrated by his destiny and thus opposed to Krishna’s will and not solely because of the nature of one’s fate. A devotee who is focused on Krishna’s pleasure and resigned to His will is detached. He is satisfied in all circumstances, even when destiny moves against one’s comforts and pleasures.

Thinking in this way I also realized that I was suffering not only due to attachment, but due to the attachment itself?a subtle desire for distinction. I was not disturbed because my destiny seemed unable to bear the fruit of service, but because it was not suiting my personal ambitions. I was able to see the value of that suffering and I understoood why I shouldn’t try to deny or transcend it; my suffering served as a reminder of the root cause of my distress and became an inspiration to ascend to a higher platform of detachment and surrender (resignation to God’s will).

In other words, rather than attempting to transcend suffering, which is only a symptom of attachment, it’s better to focus on uprooting the attachment itself, which is the cause of our suffering. If suffering assists in highlighting that attachment, then better to willingly endure it.

I then thought of another reason to readily bear any suffering imbued with a desire to become detached (as opposed to suffering that is imbued with a resentment that one is not enjoying his senses more). Since suffering is the dissatisfaction that arises when Krishna’s will doesn’t suit our whims for pleasure and comfort, to embrace that suffering reminds us that we are not the controllers, but dependent on God?a humble cue that is internally very conducive to one’s devotional practices, especially chanting.

These recent realizations, that the root of suffering is attachment, brought me back to my friend’s comment about death 15 years ago:

?The real pain of death is not the physical pain. The body can tolerate physical pain, and when it becomes too severe one goes into coma. The real pain of death is the forceful and traumatic relinquishment of all attachments.?

Remembering my friend’s comment, I visualized death in a mood of knowledge and detachment. What would death be like if, at that fatal moment, one had sincerely embraced the sentiment of a lover of God (“What You [Krishna] want I will do”), the mood that if death is God’s will it is the destiny I want to serve?

The moment of death for a pure devotee? Pain? Perhaps. Fear? Anxiety? Certainly not. Suffering? How can one suffer if, in deep devotion imbued with knowledge, one acquiesces to the will of the Supreme, who is one’s object of love and dearmost well-wisher?even if it that means to relinquish the present body?

Harish, Israel The Israeli airport

May 26th, 2002

Harish, Israel

The Israeli airport security is unprecedented. Last time, I was thoroughly searched and my tulasi leaves for Giriraja were mistaken for marijuana. Only after they were chemically analyzed was I released from security. This time I wore nondevotional clothing, including a hat, to avoid attention. Like all passengers, I am asked a few questions before they x-ray my luggage. I am not sure why?maybe it’s because my place of stay was an obscure village near the West Bank or because I am not used to wearing anything but devotional clothing and what I scrape together to wear still looks somewhat out of the ordinary?but I was casually pointed to the special security line. My computer was tested and I was asked if I sent any emails from Israel. I said yes, and they asked to see them. My screen opened up to my suspicious looking opening journal entry:

“There are no markets, malls, or hospitals for people to assemble, so the devotees feel safe that it is a very unlikely target for a terrorist attack. ‘If someone is going to sacrifice their life,’ they say, ‘they want an adequate return of carnage. They will only attack places where masses of people assemble, not here.'”

Fortunately, she just glanced to check the origin of the entry and didn’t focus on what it said. Otherwise, I am sure there would have been further interrogation.

I leave Harish at 4:30 for the long flight back to the U.S. Sitting next to me on the flight are a young American couple?typical young, rich,liberal, Jewish college graduates in jeans, t-shirts, and sandals. The husband, however, has a very small yarmulka (a traditional Jewish skull cap) pinned by a hairpin to the top of his bushy, disheveled, and fairly long hair. He is friendly and I find out that he has just been in Israel for a year studying to become a rabbi at the Hebrew Union?a reformed (liberal) Jewish seminary. He is a very nice person, but sentimental. I am surprised that despite his studies his philosophical conceptions are very shallow. My mood,however, is respectful. Over the years I’ve grown to a more accomodating view of religion, and I appreciate those who are devoted to God regardless of their faith. I listened patiently to his understanding but it was obvious that his understanding of his own tradition was not only unsubstantial, but also very much affected by his own new age liberal prejudices and conceptions. I patiently asked questions that might help him think more deeply about his convictions, Finally I asked, “What is the attainment of your practices in reform Judaism?”

“Every reform Jew has his own attainment,” he responded. I was shocked by his lack of reasoning for a group is defined by its common practices and goals. I was not in devotional clothes, but I did share with him that I was a Hindu monk. When he asked me if I still considered myself Jewish, recalling his statement about how every Jew has his own attainment or spiritual goal, I responded, “Yes. I’m in your group, but my attainment is Krishna.”

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Harish, Israel -Narasimha Caturdasi In

May 25th, 2002

Harish, Israel -Narasimha Caturdasi

In the morning I speak in Ariel for more than three hours on the pastime of Lord Nrsimhadeva, describing the story from beginning to end and attempting to touch most of its important messages. I then return to Harish for a very nice festival where the Harish devotees are hosting their congregation?devotees from all over Israel. There is a full program with an elaborate drama and not much time for speaking. I emphasize just one theme,based on Hiranyakasipu’s failure to achieve perfection despite unprecedented material power: Perfection can only arise by a change in consciousness.

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Harish, Israel By speaking here

May 24th, 2002

Harish, Israel

By speaking here for a week my relationship with the devotees has grown. It is my next to last day, so the day is mostly spent meeting with various devotees.

A middle-aged lady who has been coming to my evening classes introduces me to her daughter?a 19-year-old who is not a devotee. The lady says that her daughter has questions. With very deep sadness her daughter cries, “I find no meaning in life. What is the meaning of life?” Her desperation and utter sincerity certainly invokes a deep compassion within me. With urgency, I try to help her. I explain the principle of what gives things meaning. I explain that in all bona fide traditions, saints and mystics have dealt with this question. I describe the Krishna conscious view of life. I give her a “Science of Self-Realization” and ask her to read it with an open mind and to write me if she has questions. I lament that I can’t always see all those forgetful of God with this compassion. I glorify Srila Prabhupada whose fathomless compassion imbued him at all times with the urgency to preach and help others.

Tel Aviv I spoke at

May 23rd, 2002

Tel Aviv

I spoke at their weekly Tel Aviv program, at an apartment that the devotees maintain for such gatherings. Almost half of the people attending are my age and were attracted to Krishna consciousness by Varshabhanvi’s saintly qualities and by her thoughtful and potent preaching.

One becomes satisfied by his dharma or duty. I am a sannyasa so this opportunity to travel and preach vigorously in a foreign country is very satisfying to that side of me.

The Israelis are very intellectual so it is also a good field for my style of lecturing. One lady, a student of Indology at Jerusalem University, came up after the lecture crying. She told me that she accepts the knowledge I shared with her as a valuable gift. I have had good response since I came here. I also gained a realization of what excites intelligent and sincere people about good philosophy:

One’s conceptions are intertwined with one’s attachments. We are in this world to enjoy, so we need to justify our comforts and pleasures because real enjoyment needs to be free from guilt. The truth, therefore, not only challenges our conceptions, but our attachments as well. It is thus often strongly resisted. When tattva, or truth, however, is presented thoughtfully and with clarity and force?especially to a sincere listener?it breaks through that resistance, opening up new areas of perception and giving one a liberating experience.

Harish, Israel I read on

May 22nd, 2002

Harish, Israel

I read on the Internet about a wave of suicide bombings, but I feel very peaceful here. Preaching can be a very potent form of surrender. One of the six symptoms of surrender is the experience and confidence that Krishna is one’s protector. I thus feel safe in the mood of a preacher.

I have a small house to myself in Harish with Gunavatar. I study, chant, and write during the day and, at night, I do a program at a different devotee’s house in Harish. For me, that’s the perfect life so I am very happy in Israel.

Harish, Israel I introduced Gunavatar

May 21st, 2002

Harish, Israel

I introduced Gunavatar and Varshabhanavi to Tamal Krishna Maharaja and, naturally, the devotees they introduced to Krishna consciousness also became his disciples. I thus spoke for more than two hours tonight on my association with Maharaja.

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Harish, Israel Harish, one hour

May 20th, 2002

Harish, Israel

Harish, one hour from Tel Aviv, is now the center of Krishna consciousness in Israel. Initially, the government laid the structure for a nice city to develop there, but since the city is so close to the violence coming from the West Bank, it has never become a popular place. As a consequence, its development has been stalled. The houses are therefore very cheap and the devotees can easily afford to settle there.

The devotees living in Harish all work at outside jobs except for Gunavatar and Varshabhanavi, who are maintained by the growing congregation of devotees that they have developed throughout Israel. As such, they are free to preach and constantly travel throughout Israel, teaching seminars on philosophy and establishing nama-hatta centers?each traveling separately and covering different places.

I like the missionary spirit here. Although the devotees have careers and work outside, they are very active in the development of Srila Prabhupada’s mission?especially the devotees from Harish. Several times a year they organize a strong devotee presence in several of the country’s alternative retreat festivals. I asked Varshabhanavi how she was able to maintain such a spirit of preaching among the householders. She thought that perhaps because there is only one small community for preaching Krishna consciousness in Israel, the devotees feel more responsible for the mission, as compared to America where there are so many centers and communities.

Harish, Israel I very much

May 19th, 2002

Harish, Israel

I very much enjoyed my stay in Ariel. I ride back, however, to Harish for lunch.

Israel is the land of “milk and honey,” and Varshabhanavi is such a wonderful cook that I am only eating once a day at noon. I asked Gunavatar how the youth in such a religious-based country have become so degraded. His answer was simple: “Television!” He explained that although Israel has a national identity as Jews, the people have surprisingly little culture or tradition because most of the residents, or their immediate ancestors, had to leave the culture of their birth to
settle here. For example, there are black Jews from Ethiopia, Indian Jews from India, Iranian Jews from the Middle East, and New York Jews from New York. Although they are all Jews, they are extremely culturally different from one another because their culture has more to do with their country of origin than their place of birth. Gunavatar explains that this consequent void in culture caused by a country of uprooted citizens has left a vacuum conveniently filled by frivolousness and immorality promoted by TV.

Tejyas Prabhu once shared with me his insight that the root of all social problems are communities that are not static. A static community is a community where one’s ancestors have lived, where one lives, and where one’s children will likely live. A static community naturally creates a sense of responsibility in the citizens that a community of transients cannot duplicate. A static community also provides tradition as a vehicle to communicate among the citizens a set pattern of living based on principles.

Ariel, Israel There is another

May 18th, 2002

Ariel, Israel

There is another substantial Vaisnava community in Israel located in Ariel, the largest settlement on the West Bank. It is spearheaded by Jagadish and his wife, Jugala-Priti, and serves a growing community of devotees from Russia who immigrated to Israel to escape the severe economic oppression in the CIS. I met Jugala-Priti in 1996 when she joined the ISKCON center in Tel Aviv, established and guided by Gunavatar and Varshabhanavi. Although we met only a few times, she has become one of my best students, having gone through my Bhagavad-gita series of tapes over ten times and regularly teaching Bhakti-sastri in Ariel. Today over 70 devotees have congregated to hear me speak in a large hall in her basement that serves as the temple for their growing congregation. I am staying overnight after the lecture because the devotees have advised me to avoid driving to Harish at night.

During the Palestinian uprising, several people were shot on the road from Ariel to Tel Aviv where it swerves through a few Arab villages in the West Bank.

Before the class I am shown to my quarters next to the temple room. They are quite comfortable and also re-assuring; my room also serves as a bomb shelter common to all houses in Ariel. I lecture on an appropriate topic?the existential basis of fear, real or apparent. It’s a great audience. They like to hear and after three hours I stop, even though I sense no sign of impatience from the audience. They would gladly sit for more.

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