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October 12, 2003 – Karttika

October 12th, 2003

Govardhana

The five kutirs on the roof are gradually filling up as more devotees arrive. That such an ideal facility is not fully utilized simply confirms that ?you cannot just buy a train ticket to Vrndavana.? I?m just puzzled by what I?m doing here.

Japa Thoughts III
The world is not moving my way. It?s moving Krishna?s way. I should be happy about that, but it takes humility to accept that we are not the controller but the controlled. I?ve struggled trying to move the world my way my whole life. How frustrating! Not only does the world not move my way, but ultimately, life based on false ego will be wiped away by the waves of time.

I am praying to chant with humility, to be satisfied with Krishna?s will even when it moves against mine. The service mood is required?happiness with another?s will.

Japa Thoughts IV
When a hungry man eats, their hunger is reduced. The hunger of a devotee for devotional service, however, increases when they try to satisfy it by tasting the holy name. The symptom of spiritual advancement is thus humility?the mood that I am hungry for spiritual life, I am in need of the holy name, and that I have no devotion.

When we are not chanting, we may also feel we have no devotion, but that is not a symptom of spiritual consciousness. It is a fact. If we were actually hungry for the holy name, then we would still chant it, feeling void of devotion.

October 11, 2003 – Karttika

October 11th, 2003

Govardhana

There is not much happening here. So far I am the only senior devotee visiting, although more should come within a few days. I am also the only devotee occupying one of the kutirs on the roof. Because it is the sadhus who inspire my realizations by their personal insights and their faith in the holy name, I can?t imagine what I will write without their association.

But I am not alone. Giriraja is here, sitting right outside my window in all His glory. I feel His mercy in the form of access to the holy name?at least a lot more entr?e than I am usually granted. There is no other explanation for this than His kindness.

Sadhu-Sanga II
I shared with Kesava Bharati Maharaja the story of a visit that I recently had with an old friend in Vrndavana. My friend was in ISKCON, but when his spiritual master left, he took shelter of a renowned Vaisnava babaji. When he left, several of my friends and acquaintances also gradually went with him. I was sad, since for the most part, they were very qualified devotees in Srila Prabhupada?s mission.

I was surprised when my friend told me that, after 20 years, he was leaving Vrndavana to live with his children. He then casually informed me about my other friends in his group. I was shocked. One, an aristocratic chap, went crazy and wound up in a mental hospital in Agra. Another, an accomplished scholar, was now somehow into Rajnesh. One more, known for his steadiness, devotion, and austerities was now confused and uncertain.

In discussing this with Kesava Bharati Maharaja, he mirrored my thoughts: ?Srila Prabhupada is especially empowered to preach in the West. To leave his mission and mercy is putting oneself at risk?especially as a Westerner who came by his mercy.?

October 10, 2003 – Karttika

October 10th, 2003

Govardhana

Japa Thoughts I
To be in a place means to touch, hear, smell, taste, and see it. When we finally attain the spiritual world we will experience the supreme abode through our purified senses. We will hear Krishna?s sonorous voice, relish the pleasing fragrance of his garland, feel the affection of His embrace, and witness His unparalleled form. Chanting Hare Krishna is meeting Krishna, especially the sound of Krishna. Attentive and affectionate chanting is thus being in the spiritual world by hearing it.

Japa Thoughts II
I fear pure chanting because I sense it will reveal my relationship with Krishna and that relationship with Krishna won?t be in this body, with this family or friends, or perhaps even with this gender.

Many have told me that even though they realize that they are eternal and they understand that death is not the end of existence, they fear death because they don?t want to lose what they presently think of as themselves, even though it is a false identity. A good reason to chant Hare Krishna: to realize our real identity while still in this body.

Sadhu-Sanga I
Kesava Bharati dasa Goswami and I discussed the nature of pure devotional service this morning. He emphasized that it is not austerity or scholarship that makes our service pure, but our steadiness on the path?when we don?t ?flinch? in the face of adversity. I thought about his perspective deeply.

While executing devotional service, disturbances come which makes remaining fixed in service difficult. We too frequently react impulsively and flinch from the standards of Vaisnava behavior, especially in dealing with other Vaisnavas. A devotee doesn?t recoil from the proper mood of etiquette, humility and devotion, no matter the circumstance.

The best example of unflinching devotional service is Prahlada Maharaja. His father wanted him to relinquish his worship of Vishnu. He threatened Prahlada by trying to crush him with huge boulders, piercing him with razor lances, and finally, by throwing him in a pit of snakes. Prahlada?s devotional service was so resolute that he never deviated in his resolve to worship Vishnu, reasoning, ?The pain of not serving Krishna is greater than the agony of venomous serpents or any torment. I will never stop serving Vishnu!?

Another example that has always intrigued me is the unwavering integrity of Vasudeva. He turned over his first-born child to Kamsa simply to maintain his promise. Srila Prabhupada describes Vasudeva?s character: ?For a great soul like Vasudeva, there is nothing considered to be painful in the course of discharging one’s duty.?

We go through many tests requiring us to tolerate difficulties, especially the austerity of being humble. I pray to ?not flinch? in my devotion, accepting Krishna?s will as my own.

Vrindavana Dear Vaisnavas (Journal Subscribers),

October 6th, 2003

Vrindavana

Dear Vaisnavas (Journal Subscribers),

Hare Krishna! All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

In three days I will be headed to Govardhana to spend the month of Karttika. It is especially recommended to perform Karttika-vrata in Vrindavana:

“In the Padma Purana it is said, “The Lord may easily offer liberation or material happiness to a devotee, but after some devotional service has been executed, particularly in Mathura during the month of Karttika, the devotees want only to attain pure devotional service unto the Lord.” The purport is that the Lord does not award devotional service to ordinary persons who are not serious about it. But even such unserious persons who execute devotional service according to the regulative principles during the month of Karttika, and within the jurisdiction of Mathura in India, are very easily awarded the Lord’s personal service. (NOD 103)

Although there is special potency to executing devotional service in Vrindaban, the potency of devotional service cannot be limited by time or space. In fact, the most potent Karttika I ever observed was in America at Gita Nagari in 1995.

I am thus writing this to encourage you to increase your devotional service in Karttika in some practical way and to reap the benefit of Srimati Radharani’s special month. As Mother Yasoda was able to bind Krishna in this month with the ropes of her affection, a devotee who honors Srimat Radharani in her special month by increasing their devotional service certainly attracts Sri Radha’s mercy.

It is especially pleasing to the Lord to sing the Damodarastakam prayers and to offer a lamp to Sri Sri Radha Damodar in whatever manifestation the Lord appears in your home.

My journals have increasingly taken the form of essays. For Karttika, however, I will again keep a regular daily journal. I have arranged that it be sent regularly and promptly during Karttika. In my journal I will share my meditations and experiences and hopefully invoke remembrances of Vrindaban to enhance your own Karttika observance.

In the service of the Vasinavas,

Dhanurdhara Swami

Below is a correspondence that I would like to share with you on my last journal entry “Be faithful”.

You said in your 8/23 journal entry, “Is what I said clear? No? Then get a clear understanding. I’m eager to hear from you.” Therefore, I am saying that I’m still not clear on the difference between submissive hearing and blind acceptance. In my view, just because someone has enough faith in guru to enable him to try to get a clear understanding of the guru’s instruction, this does not preclude blind acceptance since the disciple can blindly accept an instruction that he has properly understood from guru.

A non-submissive hearer will say, “Based on my very limited experience, I will accept this instruction as true or reject that instruction as false.” A submissive or faithful hearer will instead say, “Based on the fact that a particular instruction is coming from a bona-fide guru, I will accept it as true regardless of whether I presently have realization of that truth, and I will try to get a clear understanding of the truth that is being spoken by guru.” This is my understanding of the difference between a submissive and non-submissive hearer. My problem is that my perception of a submissive hearer does not prevent him from the pitfall of blind acceptance because it seems to me that to the extent that a person accepts but does not have realization of a truth is the extent to which he blindly accepts that truth. Please untie this knot for me.

It is not so clear what your point is here. In answer to what I think is your question, a submissive hearer accepts with faith, but that is not blind following. Blind following is when you accept something without trying to understand it clearly, even to the extent of not questioning that which appears outrageous or immoral. So blind following is accepting something without trying to understand it, while the submissive hearer respectfully questions what he doesn’t understand

Faith is always required in learning and to be submissive in that way is a far cry from blind faith. In the Chandogya Upanishads (7.19.1) it says:

“When a person develops sraddha (faith), he can think about a subject and understand it, wheareas one cannot do so without sradhha. Indeed only a person with sraddha can reflect on anything.”

I hope this answers your question.

Wishing you well,

Dhanurdhara Swami

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Does ISKCON Have A Moral Theology?

September 25th, 2003

September 25, 2003
Vṛndāvana

 

When my friend Reverend William Muldin, a Catholic priest, humbly commented, “I have been reading Śrīla Prabhupāda’s books, but I don’t find a moral theology,” he struck upon something I was pondering. I probed further.

“Certainly, in Śrīla Prabupada’s books there is a very clear conception of right and wrong,” I replied.

“That’s true,” he said, “but I don’t see the science of how conscience is formed, the tools by which the reader can make moral decisions.”

We discussed the matter for some time. He also kindly sent me an interesting book called Reason Informed by Faith: Foundations of Catholic Morality.

Don’t worry, I am not going to become a Catholic. But Bill has a point, and it doesn’t minimize Śrīla Prabhupāda’s books. The Bhāgavatam deals with transcendence. It secondarily describes a highly defined culture, varṇāśrama, which outlines the elaborate laws and duties that purify one in support of devotional service. The setting in which a Vaiṣṇava finds himself today, however, is quite different. The question that Bill was alluding to arises from this point: Does the Bhāgavatam overtly give us the tools to apply those codes of behavior to the ever-changing and often complex situations of today’s world?

For example, I essentially avoided contact with my parents for years based on the principles of sannyāsa-dharma and those injunctions against associating with non-devotees. There are precedents of slight concessions to the rule—Śaṅkarācārya returning home to perform his mother’s funeral rites or at least one occasion where Lord Caitanya visited Mother Śacī, for example—but these are exceptions. The rule for Vaiṣṇava sannyāsa is that such relations are discouraged, especially with non-devotees. As a result of my aloofness, my parents naturally suffered. Because they had no concept of sannyāsa-dharma, my coldness didn’t help them or their friends appreciate Kṛṣṇa consciousness.

Especially after my father died five years ago, I began to feel somewhat guilty about this. I resolved that I was being too insensitive and decided to visit my mother more regularly, but not without questioning my shift in conscience. Was I neglecting my duty or more deeply understanding it? Was I being sentimental or compassionate? Was I falling from transcendence or moving toward it? Was there a verse, direct instruction, or story in the Bhāgavatam to justify my decision?

I did make a decision, but looking back, I am not sure what guidelines I used. I also see how my dilemma supports Bill’s humble perception that Śrīla Prabhupāda’s books do not outline a comprehensive moral theology, although it became clear to me later how the Bhāgavatam does offer the resolution to this and other tough moral decisions. I will discuss this later.

I think I recognize how my shift in determining conscience came about. It developed at around the same time that I was suffering the effects of my contribution to the pain of those who attended gurukula. I began to realize how their distress was at least in part caused by my rigidity to the adherence of rules to the exclusion of their effects; my strict application of Śrīla Prabhupāda’s instructions to the overlook of their intention.

By seeing the effects of a morality exclusively adherent to law in my own life, and reflecting on the ill effects of this mode on the development of early ISKCON, I unconsciously, for better or worse, shifted the development of my conscience from one that was based exclusively on rules to one based on how my behavior affected me in terms of the type of person I was becoming. In other words, I made the decision to regularly visit my parents based on how it affected my character and influenced others, rather than its strict accordance with prescribed rules. The determination for how I basically led my life and made moral decisions, however, fundamentally remained the same: through faithful observance to the principles of śāstra.

Although my convictions concerning the basis of morality remained the same, the adjustment in my thinking came from the understanding that the development of conscience in today’s rapidly changing world needed just a little more finesse than a strict application of codes of law. I was still not certain exactly where the Bhāgavatam trained us to do this.

By the same token, I began to reflect on areas where my own views and the views of others in regard to the development of conscience may have needed refinement. One area was in the role of women in ISKCON. Was the stringent application of varṇāśrama in this regard correct? Did it help us and others develop the qualities of a Vaiṣṇava? Is it morally more important to consider a woman’s role in terms of how it matches the highest ideals of Vedic culture or how it affects the distribution of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu’s mercy to the modern world—or a careful juxtaposition of both? Where in Bhāgavatam can we find reference to make such fine adjustments properly without neglecting the principles or rendering them impractical?

I am not necessarily advocating feminism; there are differences and a social order needs to be cognizant of them. I did, however, question whether or not these principles needed to be applied with a clearer cognizance, considering the country and culture in which they are implemented, for us to make the best moral decision in this regard.

I think Indian-born parents living in America have had to face similar considerations in determining what their American-born children could and could not do, especially their daughters.

Cultured Indians have a very refined and admirable social culture based on principles of śāstra. They have every reason to want their children to follow those mores. Should they totally ignore, however, the society in which their children are living? I would think that, in making choices for their children, the more successful parents, while indoctrinating them with their own core values, could take into consideration that their children are living in a culture different from their ideals. I presume that, for many Indian parents, it was an unexpected and perhaps difficult shift in child-rearing to go from an absolute obedience in the norms of Indian culture to one of occasionally accommodating the effect of those customs on the emotional and social development of their children. It is unexpected, perhaps, because such moral dilemmas hardly arose in their own youth, where the values of their parents and the society in which they all lived were basically the same.

If we think sincerely about the matter, the circumstances in which we confront tough decisions concerning the application of Kṛṣṇa consciousness are quite pervasive. I have even witnessed advanced devotees, leaders in ISKCON, wrestle with the question of whether their strict attendance at Śrīla Prabhupāda’s morning program best served their Kṛṣṇa consciousness. On what basis, for example, could they alter their participation for their own individual needs without violating Prabhupāda’s instructions and their responsibilities as leaders?

Now back to Bill’s question. The Bhāgavatam is based on nitya-dharma, the eternal duty of the living entity, love of God. It is thus more concerned with transcendence and less concerned with provisional religious duties (varṇāśrama) based on temporary designations. One obvious reason here for the Bhāgavatam’s lack of concern, besides its lofty focus, was that the text was spoken in a culture already sustaining and stressing those duties. It does at times, however, allude to the importance of secondary duties in relation to supporting devotional service, for it is important in spiritual life to make sound decisions in all matters.

Whether it concerns these duties directly or indirectly related to devotional service, there are often subtleties in their application based on the circumstances under which they are to be executed. Because the multiplicity of those circumstances is so vast, especially in today’s ever-changing world, no scripture can possibly directly address every situation with an exact statement or parable. Therefore, more than ever, people require a mechanism for making sound decisions based on śāstra.

From Bill, I understood that the main mechanism for doing this in the Catholic Church was the system of confession, where the priest aims to help the parishioner understand the nature and extent of his sin. Priests are trained for this work in seminaries, which before Vatican II, consisted almost exclusively of studying Catholic law. I also understood that one of the purposes of Vatican II was to address the increasing shortcomings of this almost exclusively rule-based system by shifting the focus and worldview of Christian moral development. The focus began to shift from observance of Christian law to the effect of one’s actions on character and Christian faith— the worldview to one accommodating the interpretation of morals within their context and audience. Within this shift of focus and outlook, however, the core values and laws of the Church for the most part were to remain intact.

I know very little about Vatican II, so I am not qualified to comment on the effect and efficacy of their endeavor, and I am certainly not recommending such a council for ISKCON. I am only commenting that the Catholic Church saw a necessity for a shift in the application of their core principles to keep Christ’s teachings relevant for their congregation. I am also discussing the Catholic Church here in order to clarify what Bill meant by “moral theology.”

One of the six principles unfavorable for devotional service is niyamāgraha, which means both neglecting the rules of devotional service and practicing them without serving their intent. The bhakti-śāstras thus certainly recognize the need to negotiate the laws of religion with their objectives when at variance. The Bhāgavatam recommends ācārya puruṣa veda—that the purport of śāstra is revealed by realized teachers.

Ācārya literally means “one who selects.” The realized teacher extracts and emphasizes principles of śāstra according to time, place, and circumstance. Śrīla Prabhupāda allowed women in the West to join his āśramas to be trained, which was unprecedented in our tradition. I assume he made this bold move because he understood that not doing so, under the circumstances, would belie compassion—one of the main principles of Vaiṣṇavism. What was religiously wrong in one circumstance, the traditional culture of the East, was thus religiously correct in another circumstance, the unfortunate culture of the West. It was the ācārya who negotiated such refinements.

The moral theology of the Bhāgavatam is carried within the system of spiritual authority recommended therein, where not only ācāryas, but realized brāhmaṇas and mature elders, advise the society on the nuances of śāstra so that, when necessary, things may be adjusted for practicality without contradicting its principles.

Thus in answer to Bill’s sincere inquiry, there is a comprehensive moral theology in Śrīla Prabhupāda’s books, but its practical application in a young religious movement has one glaring impediment: It’s a young religious movement! In this regard, Ravīndra Svarūpa Prabhu gave a simple and brilliant description of the difficulty Śrīla Prabhupāda faced in establishing ISKCON as a functional and mature society: “Śrīla Prabhupāda was the only adult in ISKCON!”

His Holiness Jayādvaita Swami made a similar analysis years ago during a conference discussing the role of women in ISKCON. After days of witnessing the sincerity and validity of variant concerns, he offered an unusual, but discerning resolution. “ISKCON needs grandmothers,” he said. This is insightful. Until a society matures with the full range of generations, especially those learned and experienced in life, moral dilemmas will remain especially difficult to resolve, despite śāstra.

The want of established spiritual communities with mature guides has a conspicuous effect on our development as Vaiṣṇavas. Without deeply understanding our moral theology, we, too, often make bad decisions—either falsely adhering to principles beyond our realization, even when they contradict the principles of compassion and love, or thoughtlessly accepting certain aspects of modern life in the name of practicality and corrupting our families.

In the fervor of ISKCON’s early days, I sense we tended toward the former: a renunciation of things needed for an overall healthy development. Unfortunately, at the present, we seem to be leaning toward the latter. In some ways, the effect of the latter could be even worse. Without proper discernment, practical concessions often grow into lifestyles that bury our devotional life. Only a discerning person, learned in śāstra and experienced in years, can carefully balance the strict principles of spiritual life with their practical application in modern life and inspire others to do the same. We need such people in our lives and communities.

When Bill raised his question concerning moral theology it struck me how relevant this issue was to the development of ISKCON. As a result, I am currently reading the book he gave me to understand how their tradition dealt with such issues.

Meditating on the problem increased my appreciation for Śrīla Prabhupāda’s vision to create a brāhminical class of men. It also heightened my sadness, for in the necessity of establishing the Kṛṣṇa consciousness movement quickly, this aspect of our mission was naturally somewhat neglected.

As ISKCON becomes more of a congregational movement and the lives of devotees become more complicated, it is even more crucial that we educate qualified brāhmaṇas and develop a culture to accept and support them. If we don’t have regular access to people of wisdom, whether they are brāhmaṇas or “grandmothers,” it will be difficult for us to negotiate the fine line between practicality and principles needed to keep us socially healthy and devotional.

The test to see if we are making sound judgments, despite a lack of guidance, is specifically whether or not we are becoming healthy individuals and moving forward in our spiritual life. One sure sign that we are is that our attraction for the holy name is increasing despite our situation. The sure sign that we’re not is that compromise made in the name of so-called realism gradually snowballs into materialism, and our taste for the holy name begins to wane.

In trying to become Kṛṣṇa conscious, and especially in trying to spread Kṛṣṇa consciousness, I am more clearly realizing the Bhāgavatam’s prophecy that the age of Kali will be surcharged with an increasing opposition to spiritual life. I sense we are all experiencing this. Therefore, I think that—while it is essential that we culture our lives with sound decisions and have the proper guidance to do so—the most important decision to ponder is whether or not we are developing a culture of kīrtana, despite whatever situation we find ourselves in. In this regard, the Bhāgavatam ends with a penetrating insight and our ultimate theology:

“My dear King, although Kali-yuga is an ocean of faults, there is still one good quality about this age: Simply by chanting the Hare Kṛṣṇa mahā-mantra, one can become free from material bondage and be promoted to the transcendental kingdom.” (Bhāg. 12.3.51)

(The aforementioned verse is from the third chapter of the Twelfth Canto of Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam and reflects its conclusion. The final verse in the Bhāgavatam states: “I offer my respectful obeisances unto the Supreme Lord, Hari, the congregational chanting of whose holy names (ma-saṅkīrtana) destroys all sinful reactions, and the offering of obeisances unto whom relieves all material suffering.”)

 

Be Faithful

August 23rd, 2003

Vrndavana

Note: Every year when my disciples celebrate my Vyasa Puja, I write a separate series of journal entries for them (one a day for a week) to be read on Vyasa Puja. I am including one of the entries for the subscribers of the journal. It is therefore dated last month when it was written.

– Dhanurdhara Swami

Be Faithful (Through Submissive Hearing)

To learn truth, one must submissively hear from a bona fide teacher. This is a tough one for the modern mind, even for devotees. Faith, however, is the precursor to all knowledge. Unless you seriously consider a truth, how will you ever understand it?

For example, if you enter a classroom to learn about the composition of water but do not have enough faith in your teacher to perform the experiment under his guidance, then how will you be able to confirm that H2O is water? At the gurukula in Vrndavana, there is a master teacher of mrdanga named Bablu. Serious students learn from him with unquestioned faith. They accept what he says implicitly and learn quickly. Could they possibly learn what he has mastered without unquestioned faith?

The same process of faithful hearing holds true for spiritual knowledge. Without implicit faith in a spiritual master, can we learn spiritual truth and become realized?

Our problem is that we are conditioned to filter whatever we hear though our intelligence, which is blindly faithful to the cumulative experience of our upbringing, education, emotions, fears, and so on. It?s a highly limited method of processing information and it will certainly not help us to see God in the world, the highest perception of reality.

We must therefore hear with faith from a bona fide guru, to be molded in mind and heart through his instructions. There is no other way to accurately process what we perceive as the highest reality. If we are habituated by pride, however, constantly judging the validity of those instructions through the filter of our conditioned intelligence, we are doomed to our present worldview. Are we happy with that vision? Is that a vision that is giving us success in life, freeing us from fear and suffering?

I can hear your filter of knowledge protesting my instructions: ?I will not be a blind follower!? Yes, if you heard me recommend blind following, then you should immediately question what I said, because a guru does not want blind followers. If you hear without proper understanding, then what is the benefit of your hearing? It is the responsibility of the guru to encourage thoughtfulness and to clear all doubts, but if in the name of thoughtfulness we block the ability of the teacher to help mold our intelligence by a higher process of understanding, then we are wasting our time in spiritual life.

Srila Prabhupada explains this brilliantly in Bhagavad-gita, 4.34, the verse about approaching a spiritual master. Please read this short excerpt carefully. There?s a lot here:

?In this verse both blind following and absurd inquiries are condemned. One should not only submissively hear from the spiritual master, but one must get a clear understanding from him, by submission and service.?

Prabhupada tells us to ?get a clear understanding,? but don?t become your own authority. Hear with faith and submission. Otherwise, you will never learn the truth.

I can this say with conviction, because I have accepted guru with faith. Yes, there are things that Srila Prabhupada said that I have difficulty understanding and won?t accept blindly. I wish he were here so that I could question him to get a clear understanding. But I won?t let a few details obstruct his teachings, my faith in them, or my desire to mold my heart and mind by them.

I discussed the concept of submissive hearing with Mahamuni in relation to his studies of the Anglican Church. He sent me something written by John Henry Newman, one of their great scholars, which profoundly expresses the same point. It went something like this. Please just try to grasp the essence of this statement without being sidetracked by the details:

?Even if the local priest says something wrong, it?s better to be molded by the tradition than to get stuck on the details and not see God. Afterward, we can discuss the details.?

Is what I said clear? No? Then get a clear understanding. I?m eager to hear from you.

The Big Black Snake Again: Entering the Dhama 2003

August 19th, 2003

Vrndavana

We live in a world that we falsely view as a productof our desires and fears. Because everyone sees theworld differently, we conflict with those who share
our world.

For example, before getting married, the husband and wife have exclusive control of their living space. But after marriage, they are thrust into a shared space.
The question then arises: How should that space look, especially when the husband and wife come from varied backgrounds with opposing tastes and wants? A fight frequently ensues for control until the stronger partner wins. Sometimes one of the partners comes to the conclusion that their mate no longer matches what they had envisioned them to be at the time of their fleeting romance. Frustrated, they might even try to transform their partner or seek a new one more agreeable to their conceit.

Entering the dhama means relinquishing such narcissism?the tendency to see the world as if it only exists for oneself?for Vrndavana is an eternal reality
moving exclusively for the pleasure of Sri Sri Radha and Krishna. To reside here is to implicitly make the claim, ?I will live in the dhama only for service!?

To test the integrity of our assertion, the Lord, through His internal potency, sometimes moves things in the dhama against our self-absorbed interest. We are forced to question ourselves: Do I want to stay in a place where I have no control, a place that exists solely for the pleasure of God?

My test usually comes on the first day with the appearance, real or imaginary, of the big black snake at Kesi-ghata (see my previous journals, dated October 24-31, 2001 and October 5, 2002, for an explanation).

First Test
This year it wasn?t a big black snake, but there was definitely something black. It started with a dream: I was standing by a great ocean, something like the one in Puri. Bhurijana Prabhu was there along with a revered unknown Vrndavana sadhu, a person I wanted to please. The waves of that ocean continually washed up a huge black fish the size of a dolphin. Thinking that the sadhu would be entertained, I tried to show him this phenomenon, but I could not catch his attention.

In my waking state, I asked Bhurijana Prabhu what he thought this meant. He said that he didn?t know much about dreams, but from what little he did know, he thought the ocean might represent the subconscious and the black fish could be the shadow, or dark side of the subconscious. The black fish coming to shore is thus the dark side of oneself emerging from the subconscious.

His analysis made sense to me. Coming to Vrndavana means to become purified of the false ego, the pretentious self. We think we are devotees, but scratch beyond the mask of pretension and the ugly face of egocentrism arises.

If by coming to Vrndavana I can identify and rid myself of the false ego, the sadhus will be pleased and I may gain entrance into the dhama.

Second Test
Coming here on the plane, Mikey told me how he wanted to arrive in Vrndavana with nothing as a sign of his insignificant position. Nice thought. Saci-Suta, his friend and well-wisher, however, insisted that he take Saci?s sleeping bag. Mikey was very appreciative, but he told me that he would have been happier if he could have come with nothing.

You get the karma of those that you are with. When we alight from our plane in Delhi I see my name, ?Dennis Winiker,? on the Passenger Service Board, requesting me to report to their desk at baggage claim. We are informed that none of our luggage made the plane in London. We are entering Vrndavana, on the wish of Mikey, with only the clothes on our back.

Third Test
I am sitting in my room, chanting japa. Fatigued from jetlag, I sit in an uncharacteristic pose for japa?lying in a bamboo chair with my feet resting on the bed. Clunk! Something lands on the thin cotton chadar just over my right shoulder. On first thought, I assumed it was a ?tik-tik,? the small harmless lizard. On second thought, however, I thought, it?s much too big! I bolt from my seat and whip my shoulder forward, thrusting the creature to the floor. It was a huge gruesome black bat! The bat, which seems to represent the shadow of my subconscious, then flies hideously around the room and mysteriously disappears. In 30 years I have never seen a bat in a room. What is Krishna telling me?

Fourth Test
Mikey comes to help me with my Giriraja-puja. I ask him to go downstairs to pick tulasi and flowers. I am peacefully halfway through my prayers, enjoying the first worship of Giriraja in Vrndavana, when I hear a rumble outside my door followed by a scream. ?Krishna! Krishna!? I leap from my asana, grab my cane, and open the door. Mikey is backed into a corner by a horde of vicious monkeys and he is barely keeping them at bay by wildly flailing the front of his dhoti before them. I flail my own cane and miss the monkeys, grazing Mikey?s nose, before quickly pulling him inside, bolting the door as the mad monkeys try to push their way in.

Evidently, while going downstairs, Mikey passed a baby monkey crying on the stairs. The mother of that monkey, thinking that Mikey was the cause of the baby?s cries, became livid and returned with two friends to confront him.

?It was pretty scary,? Mikey said. ?More scary then when my head was busted open and bloodied last December with a three-foot crowbar when I was walking through the ghetto in North Philadelphia.?

I told him the little monkey attack reminded me of Alfred Hitchcock?s ?The Birds,? the scariest movie I ever saw. ?Yeah, like that,? he said.

Quite an entrance test, but Mikey humbly assures me that he?s passed the rites of passage by invoking the attitude for entering Vraja: ?Whatever it takes, Maharaja. Vrndavana is my only hope.?

Note: Srila Prabhupada said that, in terms of visiting Vrndavana, a devotee should stay for ?three days or three years.? I take that to mean that it is easier to maintain a humble service mood if you visit for a short pilgrimage, but for those who stay longer, there should be a serious commitment to service. I find that these tests often come when one makes the claim to reside longer and not on short pilgrimages, where it is exciting and easy to keep focus. On our short pilgrimage, we also enter Vrndavana by first going to through Mayapur, where offenses are forgiven. This is the recommended method for going to Vrndavana.

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New York City When New

August 14th, 2003

New York City

When New York Turned Into Vrndavana
When I was a young child, not more than six years ofage, my father would occasionally show up at my door at bedtime, poke his head in, and ask in a fatherly manner, ?Where was Moses when the lights went out?? Whether I responded reasonably??In the dark!??or remained silent in protest, the result was the same: I was soon in the dark. And no matter how much my desire to stay up late was foiled, deep down I enjoyed the affectionate exchange with my dad.

Affectionate exchanges are life. Without them, the heart closes and the soul dries; neurosis consumes us. Therefore, the perfect place is Vrndavana?an anti-psychotic world where everything moves for the purpose of selfless intense affection, called rasa.

In contrast, New York is devoid of rasa. Here, the selfless loving spirit is overwhelmed by the vain pursuit of wealth, fame, and sex appeal. Even those intelligent enough to escape this frenzied passion are certain to be distracted from meaningful relationships by the lure of the lonely world of computers, the busy chatter of cell phones, or the insanity of multimedia. How unfortunate to mistake such loneliness for real community?

Today I sat peacefully on the Upper East Side as the plug of passion was pulled in New York and much of the Northeast?something to do with a malfunction on the Northern Grid.

Factually, however, the Northern Grid is a glitch on normal life. I thus celebrated today as the day when non-electricity was restored to the world. With great relief, I observed:

* A peaceful and quiet environment
* With people sitting on their stoops
* Talking to their neighbors
* Helping one another
* Sharing meaningful relationships
* Manifesting community
* Enjoying real life as New York turned into Vrndavana

A final thought: Today?s power outage ironically blossomed with rasa?just as the ?lights off? of my childhood incongruously flourished with affection.

We Shall Overcome (Our Weaknesses by Honesty and Humility)

August 1st, 2003

Recently, while visiting Towaco, Bhurijana Prabhu was asked a question on how to rid oneself of personal weaknesses. I liked his thoughtful reply. ?The first thing is to recognize them,? he said, ?and then decide which ones we can renounce. We should be humble about the weaknesses we are sincerely unable to give up and proceed in our efforts to become Krishna conscious.?

It was a simple answer, but it made me question my own approach. Do I at times inadvertently preach the ideals in a way that makes Krishna consciousness seem impractical and ridden with guilt? Are there sincere devotees who become overtly disturbed by their inability to practice Krishna consciousness strictly, even when particular injunctions may be beyond their realization to follow at this point in time? I recalled a thoughtful question asked of me at recent lecture:

?Should we judge righteousness as the impeccable practice of Krishna consciousness or the sincere endeavor to move toward that goal from our present platform of realization??

In this regard, another incident came to mind. While I was living in the Brooklyn temple in the mid-?90s, some of the asrama devotees were going across the street every Sunday morning to join a basketball game. A visiting sannyasi, who saw them playing, gave a heavy class the next morning indicating that these devotees had broken the regulative principles. After all, he reasoned, one of Srila Prabhupada?s early lists of the regulative principles associated frivolous sports with gambling. Afterward, I had to comfort one poor soul who was very shaken by the class, assuring him that their mistake was not the same as if they had eaten meat or taken intoxication. However, I was also upset that the devotees had violated the standards of asrama life.

I see things a little more liberally now. There have been too many examples of devotees prematurely renouncing aspects of their life only to be haunted by those same attachments years later.

We cannot gain deep spiritual realization, however, until our determination is unwavering. A few months ago, I had a nice talk with a ?pandit? who highlighted this point by sharing an interesting analysis on the seminal verse from the Padma Purana that states that?atah sri krsna namadi?Krishna can only be known by devotional service, not the blunt material senses. Commenting on the words ?sevon mukhe? (the term used for devotional service in that verse), he put his hands like blinders on the sides of his head and moved them back and forth. Indicating an unwavering fixedness on a goal with this hand motion, he said, ?Srila Prabhupada stressed determined service focused on the order of the spiritual master.? Therefore, ?sevon muhke? refers to service that unswervingly faces the directions of the spiritual master. (Mukhe literally means ?in the face? or ?directly.?) He stressed his point further by moving his head left and right, indicating a confused or irresolute mood, while remarking, ?Devotional service is sevon mukhe, not bahir muhke!? (Bahir means ?external? or ?turning the face away?).

The acarya must therefore set spiritual standards to help us remain fixed on the goal. They also know the nature our minds; that we want to enjoy independent of God without guilt. We thus seek justification for our lack of surrender by using concessions as sanctions to avoid renunciation. Therefore, the acaryas preach the proper standards without compromise.

Although Bhurijana?s answer was, in one sense, an allowance for certain failures, it is not a compromise. In many ways, it demands tough surrender (if we are sincere). We have to be honest enough to recognize and rid ourselves of the indulgences we can relinquish and humble enough, without cheating, to admit our helplessness to surmount those we can?t. It also offers an effective means that empowers us to not only conquer those frailties, but the root of all failings, our own pride?namely, the humble mood of a Vaisnava that enables us to depend on Krishna and beg His mercy. I liked his thoughtful reply, but in good conscience I can?t conclude my article here at its natural ending without a final word of caution.

The test for whether we may have to humbly accept a concession to the strictest standards of Krishna consciousness is whether or not one?s decision to do so is supported by a strong desire to please guru and Krishna. In other words, is it a humble step back to help us move forward with strength toward pure devotion? Or is it a selfish and lazy indulgence?

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Are Vaisnavas Democrats or Republicans? Part II

June 7th, 2003

For the last month I have been traveling throughout the northeast to get the association of my visiting Godbrothers. I gained many realizations in their association, but the constant traveling, late nights, and irregularity made writing very difficult. As a result, I haven’t sent my journal in a while. You can expect, however, to again receive regular journal entries. I’ll start by sharing some of the responses to my last few entries.

Someone wrote, “I thought your article was going to be about politics, not critical thinking.”

My article was about critical thinking. The reference to politics was just a convenient example to explain the need for critical thinking. Krishna consciousness is about “what to do and what not to do.” In that sense, it couldn’t be more about critical thinking. Of course, we shouldn’t misunderstand critical thinking to be analytical ability. One can be very analytical and still not be a critical thinker if one is unable to approach an issue neutrally. I’ve seen so-called broad-minded people parrot phrases like “pro-choice” without ever broaching the obvious issue at hand–whether or not that “choice” is usurping another’s right to life–or apparently educated people men espousing “the right to life,” only to walk under the golden archway the next minute joining the ranks of “93 billion served.”

Critical thinking, however, does not contradict faithfulness; both attitudes are essential to learning. To master any subject one must both faithfully follow the directions of the appropriate experts in the field of that study and raise doubts if their teachings appear equivocal. My recent article, however, saw more of a need to focus on thoughtfulness–the necessity to honestly question our prejudices in the pursuit of knowledge. (In following blindly, there is always a chance that whatever one has accepted faithfully is not actually what the teacher has espoused, but those teachings skewed by our conditioning. Similarly, if one tries to understand things independent of authority solely by analysis, one’s conclusions will certainly be distorted by imperfection and bias. Therefore, Bhagavad-gita advocates submission and inquiry [4.34], and the Bhagavatam recommends faithfulness and thoughtfulness [1.2.13].)

I received the following excerpt from a feminist magazine in response to my article “Are Women Less Intelligent?”:

From the psychologist JoAnn Deak (author of ‘Girls Will Be Girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters’):

“The new information has staggering implications. All brain research before the year 2000 is dated. There is now enough research to show there are significant differences between male and female brains. Male and female brains also process differently. The male brain is more compartmentalized, using one part of the brain for a singular task. In contrast, the female brain uses many parts for a singular task and also engages both hemispheres. What’s more, the limbic system, which houses the brain’s emotional center, is more sensitive and more active in females. While researchers now say that all thought is attached to emotion, in females the emotional component is more intense and more integrated with the rational brain. Not that every male and female fit these predispositions, but research supports the theory that 80% of the sexes follow the pattern.”

Another devotee contributed an interesting insight on the same issue from the prominent social scientist Eric Fromm:

“In contemporary capitalistic society, the meaning of equality is transformed. By equality one refers to the equality of automatons; of men who have lost their individuality. Equality today means ‘sameness’ rather than ‘oneness.’ It is the sameness of abstractions, of the men who work in the same jobs, who have the same amusements, who read the same newspapers, who have the same feelings and the same ideas. In this respect, one must also look with some skepticism at some achievements which are usually praised as signs of our progress, such as the equality of women. Needless to say I am not speaking against the equality of women; but the positive aspects of this tendency for equality must not deceive one. It is part of the trend toward the elimination of differences. Equality is bought at this very price: women are equal because they are not different anymore. The proposition of Enlightenment philosophy l’ame n’a pas de sexe, the soul has no sex, has become the general practice. The polarity of the sexes is disappearing, and with it erotic love, which is based upon this polarity. Men and women become the same, not equals as opposite poles. Contemporary society preaches this ideal of unindividualized equality because it needs human atoms, each one the same, to make them function in a mass aggregation, smoothly, without friction; all obeying the same commands, yet everybody being convinced that he is following his own desires.”

And finally, I received an an interesting political analysis in reference to my article “Are Vaisnavas Republicans or Democrats?”:

“Vaisnavas are republicans (conservative) with themselves and democrats (liberal) with others.
“Republicans are democrats (liberal) with themselves and republicans (conservative) with others.”
“Democrats are democrats (liberal) with themselves and democrat (liberal) or republican (conservative) with others depending on which gets them the vote.”

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