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Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance Day

November 7th, 2005

November 4, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought XI:
Mercy is the distance between the value of what we are getting and our sense of qualification to receive it. Therefore, the more humble we are (the less deserving we deem ourselves) the more we feel mercy. This feeling of mercy is the taste for chanting. Thus in a humble state of mind, bathed in mercy and feeling consequent affection for the gracious giver of mercy, we can chant the holy name constantly. Thus tranad api…

Japa Thought XII:
How to feel humble? Simple—introspect and be honest with ourselves.

November 5, 2005
Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance Festival
Govardhana

The main festival is in Sri Sri Krishna Balalram Mandir where Srila Prabhupada left this world. A small group of us, however—Hari Sauri Prabhu, Jayadvaita Swami, Kesava Bharati Maharaja, Gopi-paranadhana Prabhu, and myself—stay in Govardhana to commemorate the day at the ashram here. The festival is intimate and has its own unique attraction.

Hari Sauri Prabhu spoke for nearly three hours on Srila Prabhupada and book publishing. It wasn’t planned that way, but as he spoke we all unanimously deferred our speaking time to him. The senior devotees in attendance, except for myself (though I also write and publish on my own), primarily serve in the BBT by translating and editing books, so this subject was particularly intriguing to us. Although by Hari Sauri’s own admission, it wasn’t a comprehensive presentation on the subject. It was only based on what he noted down while serving Srila Prabhupada and it was clear that he could have spoken much longer.

I jotted down a few notes about his talk. Two of my favorites:

“Srila Prabhupada told me how he used to walk the streets of Delhi selling Back to Godhead and for other publishing related work. He described to me how during this time he was seriously gored by a bull and that the knock was so forceful that he was convinced it was fatal. As he was flying through the air his initial thought was ‘I am being punished for leaving my family.’ He then quickly checked his thought. He meditated on Rupa Raghunatha and felt complete relief.”

“Harikesa Swami told me that Srila Prabhupada had darshan of Srila Rupa Gosvami at Radha Damodar. I therefore asked Srila Prabhupada if that was true. He quickly dismissed me saying, ‘Oh everyone knows that.’ What could I say? I basically forgot about it for almost twenty-eight years until last year. A new book on Srila Prabhupada was published by Mulaprkrti comprised of interviews with people who knew him in India before he created ISKCON. In one interview, Gopal Chandra Bose, a respected scholar from Vrindavana, describes his visits to see Srila Prabhupada at Radha Damodar in his youth. On one such visit Srila Prabhupada shared with him a special secret. The previous night while chanting by Sri Rupa’s Samadhi he had darshan of Srila Rupa Gosvami. It not only confirmed something Srila Prabhupada had only cryptically affirmed twenty-eight years before, but finally I was able to hear the details. There is no doubt that Srila Prabhupada was receiving special encouragement from the Six Gosvami’s to write his books and to envision the spreading of Sri Caitanya’s teachings all over the world.”

I was also quite happy to hear this. Did Srila Rupa Gosvami actually appear before Srila Prabhupada? It’s certainly possible. What we do know for sure is that by the grace of the transcendental system Srila Prabhupada was given shelter at the foot of Srila Rupa Gosvami’s Samadhi and developed a deep and an intimate relationship with him that inspired his mission.

November 6, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought XIII:
The sixth treasure of the holy name, according to the Siksastakam, is that one relishes nectar at every step. It’s a description of prema-bhakti, an advanced stage of Krishna consciousness. Bhaktivinoda Thakur, however, gives an analysis of this verse that makes it immediately applicable in our chanting. He says that this sixth treasure of the holy name means, among other things, that one can relish each and every one of the sixteen syllables of the maha-mantra. I am not relishing prema-bhakti at every step, but by chanting each syllable with the intention of trying to relish nectar at every step, it definitely brings one towards that goal.

November 7, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought XIV:
When we think we are the controllers, we can’t recognize who is. If one is thus proud (attached to the false ego) one can neither hear nor realize Krishna in the form of the holy name. Chanting thus means to bow our heads to each syllable of the holy name begging for service, otherwise how will it be possible to realize its sweet presence?

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An Argument for God As A Blue Boy

November 3rd, 2005

November 3, 2005
Govardhana

Karttika Thought: An argument for God as a blue boy

God, a blue boy? Yes. It’s reasonable. How? For something to be reasonable it must in some way conform to some type of accepted experience. How can Krishna possibly conform to our common experience? Simple, we perceive two undeniable principles in this world; first, every being moves for their own pleasure, second, that pleasure is love. If there is an Absolute Reality, would it not then be reasonable to assume that it also moves for its own pleasure and that pleasure is love. Is it also not sound to presume that an omnipotent being would not only actualize its desire for its own pleasure, but also enjoy such love to the highest degree? Is it not, therefore, sensible to consider that Sri Krishna – an exquisite blue boy eternally enjoying the highest development of love (rasa) in a world meant to perfectly facilitate that love (Vrindavana) – is a reasonable conception of the Absolute Reality?

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Kartika Journal – Govardhana Puja and Japa Thoughts

November 2nd, 2005

November 1, 2005
Sri Govardhana Puja
Govardhana

Gopiparanadhana Prabhu offered a point in his morning lecture that I’d never heard before: “It is said in Govardhana that if you see a herd of white cows on Govardhan Hill, but there is no gwala (cowherd), they are Krishna and Balarama’s cows and They are also there, although we may not see them.”

Gauranga Prabhu from Chowpatty called me this morning to see if I could accompany him and five hundred devotees from Bombay/Pune on parikram. I welcomed the opportunity. Unfortunately, I could only come for a short time due to previous commitments here, at the ISKCON Bhaktivedanta ashrama.

We choose a suitable place in the forest twenty minutes down the road from the ashram for my talk. I sit on a small raised dirt mound about twenty yards from Govardhan Hill. It’s a perfect sitting place. As I speak the devotees can simultaneously face me and be in direct view of Govardhan. All of a sudden, half way through my talk, the devotees light up. They are looking behind me. I turn around. A large herd of more than fifty healthy white cows peacefully pass by happily grazing by the side of Giriraja. I look around, but there is absolutely not a single gwala (cowherd) in sight.

“It’s Krishna Balarama’s cows!” I excitedly tell the devotees and relate what I had just heard an hour before from Gopi. The sight and the thought create a wonderful mood. The devotees are joyous to have glimpsed the eternal dhama and on such an auspicious day!

November 2, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought X:
Many things are just beyond my control, including the perfection of my spiritual life. I am powerless in so many ways, but I am never hopeless. I take shelter of the holy name with full confidence that all problems are solved by this simple vibration. Whatever my situation, I am certain that the holy name will do what’s best. That gives me comfort. I pray, however, for love (bhakti). That is the real need of the heart. All other wants are just misplaced yearnings for that.

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Karitka Journal -Sastra and Japa Thoughts

October 31st, 2005

October 28, 2005
Govardhana

Sastra Thought I:
(from Bhakti Sandarbha’s discussion on vadanam (prayers), which also includes obeisances): When one pays obeisances one should actually feel inferior to the person one is paying them to. If that is not there, it is just ritual. Devotion is a condition of heart. Bhakti is the process to change it. Observe ourselves: How do we actually feel during devotional activity? If humility and a service attitude are not the force behind our devotions, we can only sincerely lament.

October 29, 2005
Govardhana

I was surprised how many responses I got from the “My Sweet Lord” entry. A few below:

“I just wanted to write you my appreciations for your Karttika journal. The last “my sweet lord” series and the “visrambhena guror seva” entry especially. Somehow the verse had come into my mind a few days before receiving your email, although I didn’t really think of its meaning, it just kind of came into my head like a pop song.”

“Thank you so much for these thoughts. Just this week the words of that song by George Harrison came to my mind and I found I was really crying out—“My sweet Lord, I really want to see you and be with you” I felt like I was going deeper in my chanting. Thanks for sharing.”

“It was only the other day when I, too, was thinking of George Harrison’s mood of praying in his songs. It is devoid of fear. Instead, he wants a sweet, kind and loving relationship with Krishna. This mood is evident in another of his songs, “Give Me Peace”, in which he prays to Krishna:

“Give me life, give me life
keep me free from birth…
give me hope, help me cope
with this heavy load…
Trying to touch and reach You
with heart and soul…”

October 30, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought VIII:
The ability to focus the mind or sustain any endeavor is based on dhrti (determination) and dhrti is driven by faith. It’s simple. Without faith in what we are doing (that we are convinced of an auspicious result), then why bother at all, especially if it entails some austerity? I thus search for faith in every mala, some faith, whether it’s the mercy of guru, the inspiration of a sadhu or a sweet remembrance of the dhama, anything to arouse devotion and impel determination. If, however, the mind becomes focused on the holy name, then one has entered the ultimate source of inspiration. Nothing else is required. How fortunate are those with simple faith in the holy name!

October 31, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought IX:
Each verse in Siksastakam is an expression of the proper frame of mind for the chanter. Mood is everything for the chanter as the holy name first appears in the heart and then manifests on the tongue. At noon today I meditate on the disposition of pure devotion as found in verse four, “I don’t want wealth, followers or the opposite sex. I just want your causeless devotion service birth after birth.” I chant consciously to realize this mood so that my mantra arises from substance, the sincere heart that wants Sri Krishna and nothing else.

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October 24, 2005 Govardhana Maha

October 27th, 2005

October 24, 2005
Govardhana

Maha Nidhi Swami gave a contemporary example of chanting with mamata (intimacy) by referring to “My Sweet Lord” by George Harrison. He joked, “if Dattatreya had twenty-four gurus, including the python and the prostitute, then why can’t we find some instruction in George Harrison?”

“My sweet lord,
Hm, my lord.
Hm, my lord
I really want to see you.
Really want to be with you
But it takes so long my lord
My sweet lord
Hm, my Lord
Hm, my Lord
my my my Lord (Hare Krishna)”

Japa Thought IV
I found my self chanting today in the mood of “My sweet Lord, I really want to see you, really want to be with you!” It was a nice meditation on the holy name. A realization came. What does my sweet Lord mean? It means a personal Lord who intimately reciprocates ones devotion, not only a Lord of Majesty that invokes obligation. Conclusion: We should all meditate on how the holy name is “my sweet Lord”.

October 25, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought V
Yesterday we found the words of Sri Guru in George Harrison. Today we found it in even a more unlikely source, my younger brother!

Karttika can be sweet, very sweet. The foundation of that sweetness, however, is a disciplined spiritual life. Chanting and hearing all day—not a moment wasted. Today chanting was especially pleasant, but at the pinnacle of absorption a bitter thought arose: “Can I maintain this life?” I pondered the problem and deeply prayed. I suddenly felt inspired and encouraged by my brother’s words, “It’s a way of life!”

This past year, under the guidance of a nutritionist, my younger brother lost nearly 50 pounds. I asked him if he would be able to maintain it once he has reached his goal. He said with undeniable conviction, “Yes, it’s not just diet. It’s a way of life!” I was impressed.

I can chant and relish Krishna consciousness everyday in this way. I just need to cut the fat of material consciousness and unnecessary diversion, not just during Karttika, but as a way of life. Thank you Ricky!

October 26, 2005
Govardhana

(Guest) Japa Thought VI
Maha Nidhi Swami described that in his study and practice of chanting it was confirmed again and again that the basis of attentive chanting was two considerations, the mind and the heart. To give due consideration to the mind means to think of the mantra’s meaning while chanting. He quoted Srila Viswanatha Cakravarti Thakura “mantra artha cintaya”, that one must chant mantra thinking of its meaning. He marveled how Srila Prabhupada also stressed the mind and the heart as his two main instructions for chanting:

1. Mind (thinking of the meaning) – Srila Prabhupada said that while chanting we should think “O my Lord, O energy of the Lord, please engage me in Your service!”
2. Heart (proper mood) – He also said “The chanting is exactly like genuine crying by the child for his mother.”

October 27, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought VII
Chanting means to search for myself, that humble servant of Krishna. It is locked away from me by the false ego, the conception that I am something else. Face it—I just don’t want to be me, a tiny unpaid servant soul? I chant for humility, the key to the door of the soul.

visrambhena guroh seva

October 22nd, 2005

Note: I will occasionally write about Maha Nidhi Swami’s class on bhajan rahasya. Although the class is clearly referenced, on just a few occasions it was not obvious to me which points were directly from bhajan rahasya and which were references and realizations that Maharaja was bringing into the discussion. My own recollection of the different points from the class may thus occasionally reflect this apparent ambiguity.

September 21, 2005
Govardhana

Bhajan rahasya I
In my first Karttika journal entry I described how Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur discussed the concept of mamata, a sense of intimacy with Sri Krishna. In today’s class it was discussed how that sense of mamata begins with Sri Guru. In fact, the third principle of devotional service (according to Srila Rupa Gosvami) is visrambhena guroh seva, to serve the spiritual master with trust and confidence. Maha Nidhi Swami shared with us the etymological meaning of visrambha. “Vi” means “without” and “srambha” means “majesty”.

How can serving the spiritual master without majesty be a principle of devotional service when Srila Prabhupada taught us that the spiritual master is to be seen “as good as God”?

It was discussed in class how the mood of visrambhena guroh seva is very special and should not be mistaken for mundane intimacy and over familiarity. Here’s what I gathered:

When one has mature affection for the spiritual master, one is focused exclusively on the heart of the guru. The fulfillment of the guru’s desires thus takes precedence over anything else, even the etiquette in relating to his position. In other words, what naturally becomes prominent in any affectionate bond is not the nature of the relationship and the protocol involved, but the desires of ones beloved. Example:

In Srila Prabhupada’s last days in this world he expressed a desire to go to Govardhan by bullock cart. Srila Prabhupada’s Ayurvedic doctor, however, strongly advised that such a trip would be tantamount to suicide. I remember shortly afterwards hearing Bhakti Caru Maharaja and Tamal Krishna Maharaja affectionately tell Srila Prabhupada, “Srila Prabhupda, we can’t let you go”. Although to some their response may appear inappropriate, it was certainly not a sign of disrespect. Rather it was mature love at the level of intimacy, the realm of visrambhena guroh seva where service dictated by deep feelings of affection rule majesty and etiquette.

Maha Nidhi Swami gave his own example of visrambhena guroh seva:

Srila Prabhupada was arriving in Los Angeles at the domestic terminal. One devotee, instead of greeting him, made the deliberate decision to stay at the international terminal to distribute his books. A short time after Srila Prabhupada’s arrival, he asked for that devotee. When told where he was and what he was doing, Srila Prabhupada broadly smiled and said, “Yes, that is very good.” The devotee was so focused on the heart of Srila Prabhupada that he forwent the etiquette of formally greeting him. That’s visrambhena guroh seva.

Jiva Gosvami’s definition of visrambha sums up nicely the mood of mamata: “complete identity with the beloved such that the identity and feelings of one and their beloved are not separate.”

Karitka – October 18-20, 2005

October 20th, 2005

October 18, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought II
Unfortunately, I have few japa thoughts today. We fasted all day because of the lunar eclipse and broke the fast at night. My regulation the next day was thus affected.

Lesson: One’s determination in chanting is not just dependent on one’s resolve at the moment of chanting, but also on how one lived one’s life the previous day, especially the previous night. It would have been better to have fasted for the sake of my vow. I could then have risen at my scheduled time and focused with more concentration.

October 19, 2005
Govardhana

Japa Thought III:
An advanced ISKCON sadhaka, who requested anonymity, shared their japa thoughts with me: “In my japa I follow the inspiration I get from Srila Prabhupada, Sri Rupa, and other acarya’s. I’m sometimes not sure where that inspiration will take me, but I have faith in their direction and I depend on them. I’m never let down. They always reciprocate. Naturally, such dependence creates faith and inevitably leads to further realizations. Most importantly, these sweet and very real spiritual relationships grow in such a way that they become the primary relationships in my life, much sweeter than any others.”

October 20, 2005
Govardhana

“When will Sacinandana Gaurahari appear on the path of my eyes? He accepted the Gauidya Vaisnavas in this world, who are like bees at His lotus feet, as His own, and He instructed them to chant the Hare Krishna maha mantra by counting a fixed number of rounds.”

Stavali (Sri Sacisunv-astaka, 5)

Japa Thought III:
Maha Nidhi Swami explained the mood of Bhaktivnoda Thakur in relation to the above verse by Raghunatha dasa Goswami from Sri Bhajan Rahasya:

“When chanting the Hare Krishna Mantra we can worship verses like these and enter them with our mind and heart. We can pray to mix our heart with Raghunatha Dasa Goswami and meditate on how the relationship between Sri Gauranga and His devotees is so affectionate that the Lord considers the devotees his own!”

Another beautiful line is, “When will Sacinananda Gaurhari appear on the path of my eyes?” Imagine the heart of Raghunatha Dasa Goswami as he is meditating in separation on Mahaprabhu’s compassion and intense prema. Visualize his subsequent transformation, as these same feelings arise in his own heart by chanting with longing and remembering His Lord. Finally, humbly pray for these feelings to come in one’s own heart by the mercy of the Lord and His devotees. This is bhajan rahasya. (The last paragraph is in my own words from what I learned in the class today.)

Karttika – Bhajan Rahasya

October 17th, 2005

Several people have written looking forward to my Karttika journal. Thank you. Karttika means niyam seva, increasing our devotional activities and doing those activities the same time everyday. Frankly, it leaves little time for writing, but still I hope to write something everyday and share what little I can with you.

October 17. 2005
Sri Govardhana

Bhajan Rahasya

Today is a lunar eclipse. Such days pass by outside of India without much notice, but in a holy place it means that everything is closed, including the Deities for twelve hours around the time of the eclipse. The eclipse is about four o’clock in the afternoon and somehow that means that from eight o’clock A.M. to eight o’clock P.M. there is no cooking, eating, or going outside one’s room. Although on purnima there is usually hundreds of thousands of pilgrims joyfully and loudly circumambulating Govardhana Hill, today, outside the ashram, it is desolate and silent. One sadhu told me that since Mars is closer to the earth than it has been in 60,000 years, it causes lunar and solar eclipses along with many disasters. Sure seems that way. A devotee is not affected in the sense that everything brings them closer to Sri Krishna. During the main time of the eclipse from four o’clock to eight o’clock P.M. the serious sadhakas w ill sit facing east chanting mantras (quietly in their rooms). Today Govardhana is thus intensely reverberating with the holy name. How auspicious!

I’m attending Maha Nidhi Swami’s class every day at 3:30 P.M. (cancelled today because of the eclipse). It makes my schedule even tighter. As lunch here is at two o’clock P.M., I hurriedly scoot over to his ashram in Radha Kunda by bicycle as soon I am finished. I manage to arrive just as the class is beginning. It’s tiring, but worth it.

For Karttika (he started on Ekadasi) Maharaja is lecturing on Bhajan Rahasya by Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur. He explained that Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur instituted the study of Bhajan Rahasya in all his temples during the month of Karttika, which I assume is the inspiration for Maharaja’s class. I’m enjoying the class and eager to learn this important book.

Yesterday he explained Bhaktivinoda’s discussion of mamata, “spiritual possessiveness”, which is the essence of bhajan. I naturally incorporated what I learned into my morning meditations:

Japa Thought I: One must chant with mamata. What is mamata? It is the mood of “mineness”, a sense of exclusiveness in relationship that leads to and is symptomatic of attachment. We should thus chant with a sense of exclusive relationship (possessiveness) with the holy name. How can one feel exclusiveness for something that belongs to many people, such as Krishna’s holy name? It is just like when one has a Deity. Giridhari may be the Lord of the world, but it is your Giriraja, your Gaura Nitai, not others. Another practical example: Your father may be the President of the United States (God forbid!) and thus belongs to all the people, but still in your relationship with him, he is your father, and no one else’s, not even your mother’s. There is a sense exclusiveness and intimacy that fosters deeper attachment. And even if one has siblings, still each child’s relationship with the father is special. It br ings out uniqueness in the father exclusive to that relationship that fosters a healthy possessiveness and deepens attachment. I even read in one purport (I forgot where) that Krishna reveals to each devotee an exclusive form of mercy to deliver them. So everyone has a “my Krishna” who appears in the form of the holy name.

So today I tried to chant with a sense of mamata, that the holy name that has descended on my tongue is “My Krishna”. Without some sense of relationship or exclusiveness (even if our eternal relationship has not been revealed) how can one enter bhajan, spiritual practice with heart?

Entering The Dhama – Would I see the big black snake again?

September 19th, 2005

September 19, 2005
Sri Vrindavana

Would I see the big black snake again?

Sri Vrindavana is Krishna’s internal potency. It’s thus Radha’s place and moves for the pleasure of Her beloved (Sri Krishna), which is also naturally Her pleasure. Thus if you’re not here to serve Them, you’re not in Vrindavana. Entering Vrindavana, therefore, means adopting the mood of a humble servant and relinquishing the false ego. Hence, in my journals I usually describe my first day of pilgrimage, of how the dhama humbles me in order to welcome me.

How would Krishna usher me into His dhama this year, or would He at all?

Would it be as He did five years ago, by the big black snake that sat on the step at Kesi Ghat eating a fish? Seeing it, I bolted from the Yamuna water as the sadhu and the brijabasi children laughed. Quite a first day!

Or would it be the monkeys, who cornered my assistant Mikey while he was gathering flowers for Giriraja? Or by the hideous bat that mysteriously landed on my shoulder last year?

Entering Vrindavana 2005

6:00 AM – Arrive In Delhi. Always smiling Gopal is waiting to picking me up. The first sight of a happy brijabasi in over six months is a feast for my eyes. So far, the entry is smooth.

7:00 AM – Turn onto the Mathura/Agra road. We’re still two hours away, but I intensely feel Vrindavana. The purification starts. Everything I keep and identify that is separate from the soul (the servant of Krishna) that I usually have no qualms about possessing and enjoying, is suddenly painfully exposed as anartha, unwanted. I can hardly bare it.

9:00 AM – We bypass our residence and drive directly to the Yamuna. I just can’t enter dhama life without first washing away my sins. I walk along Kesi Ghat looking for an appropriate place to bathe. Thump! What’s that on my back!? My glasses, my only glasses, tumble to floor. The monkey’s swipe scratches my temple, draws blood, but this furry brijabasi mischief maker uncharacteristically fumbles the glasses. They hit the ground before me! I pounce on them a millisecond before my aggressor’s paw. Krishna’s merciful. I could hardly tolerate helplessly watching my glasses gleefully twisted and chewed from a high perch above my reach.

I wipe the blood with my cloth and enter Yamuna’s sacred water. Relief!

11:00 AM – Walk into Radha Raman Bagichha, my Vrindavana neighborhood. Thousands of sadhus crowd the lane. The car cannot enter to get to my house. We carry my luggage in. What’s going on? The first known brijabasi I see on this trip is Balaram Baba, an auspicious sign. He smiles and greets me, “We are feeding three thousand sadhus today. Take bath. Then you join us.”

12:30 PM – I sit peacefully with the sadhus waiting patiently for prasadam. I am completely at home and have no desire to be any other place then where I am. I’ve entered the dhama!

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Sri Vyasa Puja Offering – “I have found that jewel!”

August 26th, 2005

Dear Srila Prabhupada,

Please accept my humble obeisance’s. All glories to your divine grace.

My offering this year is a story from my visit to Buenos Aires, an incident that not only moved me, but reminded me of the glory of your mission, how living for others helps oneself:

It’s Sunday. At least three hundred people are packed into the moderately sized temple room. My topic: The Philosophy of Karma.

My main point is that the world moves around us with the intention to give us realizations. If one understands destiny in this way and responds appropriately to it, then life becomes an opportunity for education in transcendence. I argue my point very forcefully for over an hour; every event we face is offering us “jewels of realization.” The silence pervading the audience indicates attentiveness and agreement. There is even loud and sustained applause when I finish. Naturally, I was satisfied with the presentation, but it went on just a bit too long. The feast was waiting. A time was set later for questions.

Making sense out of suffering is a hot topic. It touches people so personally. After the feast many people approached me with questions. It’s a difficult subject, but I was prepared for tough questions. I was thus able to satisfy all inquiries, except one:

Just before finishing the last questions a simple man humbly approached. I acknowledged his query. His eyes were filled with tears, his face with sadness. He shyly spoke while sobbing:

“My 18 year old daughter recently died in an accident. She was my only child. We miss her so deeply. My wife and I have not been able to sleep even one night. We’re devastated! You spoke that destiny gives ‘jewels of realization’. What possible jewel can I take from this?”

I offer an explanation, but he is not satisfied, although he sincerely wants to be. How to explain karma to one so pained by fate? In fact, I’m so pained by his story that for a moment I even begin to question the workings of destiny.

“Am I speaking just words without realization?” I ponder. “He’s right. Is fate not cruel?”

The temple during the crowded noisy aftermath of the Sunday feast is hardly the place to answer deep and personal inquiries. I admit to this humble man that it is difficult to answer his question is this setting; that to help him I need to see him privately. I request him to return tomorrow before my talk. He assures me that he will.

Roberto (the gentleman’s name) was already waiting for me when I arrived the next day. Kaveri, my translator, is already chatting with him. I try again. “It is not a time for philosophy. Your pain is an expression of attachment for your daughter. I don’t have the heart to try to convince you not to feel that pain right now, nor would it be possible. Some explanation, however, may help you cope with that pain and eventually manage your loss.”

This is a very serious trauma. Taking notes of my limits-I am not a trained grief counselor-I slowly begin by explaining something of the nature of the eternality of the soul while attentively observing Roberto’s reaction. I don’t remember all the details of my explanation, but his receptivity and obvious piety inspired me to go deeper. When our conversation touched the point that perhaps his daughter’s death was bringing him closer to God, he did not object. He also seemed to understand that if in fact he did become closer to God, then his daughter’s death not only had meaning, but she would certainly be blessed by God.

Although Roberto was open to my thoughts, after some time I could sense that there was only so much I could say. The conversation was thus brief and ended by my assurance that if he took shelter of God, in time he would understand His mercy. I then asked the very nice brahmacari who first brought Roberto to me to spend time with Roberto before our guest left for home. I then left for my lecture in the adjacent room.

As I am leaving the class I am surprised to see Roberto waiting at the door. I had no idea he again stayed for the class and kirtan. I was stunned by his transformation. His once sad face was glowing. He humbly shared his thoughts with the simple words:

“I have found that jewel!”

He wasn’t kidding. Although last week was the first time he has ever visited a temple (he got a book a few years ago on the street), Roberto has been coming to the temple ever day since. Many times he expressed to me and others his sincere realizations about the relief and shelter he has found in Krishna-consciousness, although, of course, he still misses his daughter.

Srila Prabhupada, I also found that jewel, many jewels, in just this one brief event in your service:

Jewel One: The whole encounter with Roberto, from hearing and feeling his pain to sharing his relief, really softened my heart. There was naturally also transference of that emotion to my spiritual practices. The incident with Roberto, and other events related to my preaching here, definitely added a special flavor to my bhajan.

Chanting has to be focused on one’s heart. It certainly helps when you start with an open one. If we don’t feel for others and try to help them, our hearts will naturally close to others as well as to God. There is no doubt that this is why you so much stressed compassion for others as a cornerstone of your mission. Intelligent people will thus thoughtfully dedicate themselves to your sankirtan mission, especially as for the most part we, the residents of kali-yuga, come to your lotus feet under-nurtured and thus closed hearted.

Jewel Two: When Roberto said, “I have found that jewel,” I also immediately felt humbled to be a conduit for your mercy and honored to be your servant. Spontaneously, I transferred Roberto’s expression of gratitude to you thinking, “How many people like Roberto have been given life by your teachings? I certainly have.” Such thoughts and sentiments were certainly reaffirming for my guru-nistha. And again there was a natural conversion of these emotions born of gratitude to my spiritual practices. Gratefulness thus also began to flavor my chanting helping it to become even more heart deep.

Chanting must be done with deep thankfulness to the spiritual master. If we don’t feel gratitude, we can’t feel humble and without humility there is no taste. There is no doubt that this why you stressed guru-nistha so much as the foundation of bhakti.

I aspire for the heart of the eternal brijabasi’s, a soft heart melted with compassion and filled with gratitude. You have understood us perfectly and have given us exactly the right path to evoke this transformation. Bless me that I may walk that jeweled studded path and continue to share its wealth with others.

Your eternal servant,
Dhanurdhara Swami

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