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Vrindaban An old friend visited

February 11th, 2001

Vrindaban

An old friend visited me in the morning. He’s a serious spiritual practitioner and quite learned, but not so well known to others. I haven’t seen or talked to him in several years so I asked him how his spiritual practices have developed. To advance in spiritual life we need bhajan-siksa, instructions on how to develop and deepen our spiritual practices. In the absence of Srila Prabhupada, or a regular access to a proper siksa-guru, I take shelter of the sadhus?especially my Godbrothers. In discussions with them, I mold my personal spiritual practices considering my own practical assessment of my spiritual life. My friend has had his fair share of “trials by fire” and he shared his personal realizations on chanting.

He explained to me that in his in-depth of study of Srila Prabhupada’s books, again and again Srila Prabhupada talks about taking shelter of and meditating on the lotus feet of the Lord, so during his japa he often just meditates on the lotus feet of Lord. He described how such meditation gives him a sense of deep peace and happiness, despite any external difficulties. I recognized within him the voice of conviction based on realization, so I immediately made a mental note to see how this realization could be incorporated into my own practices.

He said he also sometimes mediates on the forms of Radha and Krishna when chanting. I confronted him, not necessarily because I disagreed with him, but because I wanted to see his response. “But we are just suppose to hear the name,? I challenged.

He responded strongly. “But within the name is the Lord’s form. After so many years of chanting we should be thinking of Krishna. It’s the essence of sadhana-bhakti, the focus of all Srila Prabhupada’s teachings, and the goal of life. My happiness comes from thinking of Krishna and that happens spontaneously when one chants His name.”

“What about thinking of the Lord’s lila?? I asked. He replied, “When I read the Bhagavatam, or Krishna?s pastimes, then sometimes the next day the pastimes will also appear in His name. Should I artificially not think of Krishna?”

We should focus primarily on hearing the holy name. We should, however, live our lives in such a way that devotion awakens in our heart and the holy name automatically invokes the Lord’s form and activities.

Vrindaban I leave in a

February 10th, 2001

Vrindaban

I leave in a few days so I have stopped my evening class, but evidently not everyone knows. Just as I was leaving the japa-kutir to tie up some final business in town, Mother Thakurani, an older lady gurukula teacher, arrived at my door for class. She is with another lady, an actress from Venezuala, who became disillusioned with material life and dropped everything to search for God. In a chance visit to Vrindaban, she discovered Krishna consciousness. I agree to meet them in two days.

There’s a great scope for preaching in Vrindaban, especially at this time of the year. It’s just another reason that makes me sad to leave. It seems that the Krishna-Balarama Mandir, with hundreds of residents, and hundreds of visiting pilgrims from all over the world, could do more outside of the regular program to engage the devotees in chanting and hearing. After all, chanting and hearing is the purpose of coming to Vrindaban. I wonder what chance this lady will get to understand Srila Prabhupada’s teachings.

Vrindban My stay in Vrindaban

February 9th, 2001

Vrindban

My stay in Vrindaban has been purifying. My attraction for chanting and hearing has increased. It has also enthused me to preach. I recall a verse that relates the internal development of Krishna consciousness with preaching. I was also able to find it:

“By sincere effort to hear Srimad-Bhagavatam, one realizes his constitutional relationship with the Lord in the transcendental humor of servitude, friendship, paternal affection, or conjugal love, and by such self-realization one becomes situated at once in the transcendental loving service of the Lord. Not only were all the pure devotees like Narada self-realized souls, but they were engaged in preaching work automatically by spiritual impetus, and thus they delivered many poor souls entangled in the material modes.? (Bhag. 2.8.5)

Although I am very much enthused to further the mission of Srila Prabhupada, the voice in my heart is directing me strongly to do in the West exactly what I do here?chant, study, and write with an open door to those who want to visit or hear me speak. It is quite a different outlook from last year where I was inspired to plan and preach vigorously in an outreach manner. Someone once told me that Bhaktisiddhanta once said that the best preacher is a bhajanandi who preaches. I never confirmed that statement, but I personally feel comfortable with the idea. The more I purify myself, the more effective I become in enthusing others in Krishna consciousness. Ultimately, I am open to Krishna’s direction, and always open for opportunities to preach, but unless I am clearly directed or asked otherwise, my heart tells me to not make plans, just chant, hear, and write wherever I am invited to stay.

Vrindaban “The demigods place many

February 8th, 2001

Vrindaban

“The demigods place many obstacles on the path of those who worship You to transcend the temporary abodes of the demigods and reach Your Supreme abode. Those who offer the demigods their assigned shares in the sacrificial performances encounter no such obstacles. But because You are the direct protector of Your devotee, he is able to step over the head of whatever obstacles the demigods place before him.? (Bhag. 11.4.10)

I read this interesting verse this morning in the Bhakti-sandarbha. The demigods are envious that the devotees will transcend their abode and thus put obstacles in their way. Jiva Gosvami, in his explanation to this text, reiterates that the troubles sent to a devotee do not remain obstacles on his path, but become steppingstones on a stairway toward God. In other words, the troubles sent a devotee, although externally appearing as obstacles, are meant to strengthen him by giving exactly the realizations required to move forward in spiritual life.

The image of Dhruva Maharaja comes to mind. He faced death personified at the end of his life, but instead of death subduing him, he stepped on the head of death to enter his celestial airplane back to Godhead. This verse from the Bhagavatam helps us understand the sense that a devotee becomes free from karma. It does not necessarily mean that when one becomes a devotee the reactions of his past do not come to him. That can happen. It means that the real fruit of karma, distress, does not come to him, as a devotee by dint of transcendental knowledge, reacts to all circumstances in a positive way to impel him further on his life’s mission. He thus transcends the distress of his past sins, his karma, by rising above the duality of happiness and distress.

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Vrindaban I’m finally settled in

February 7th, 2001

Vrindaban

I’m finally settled in my regular Vrindaban program and I am even happily cooking for myself, but still the energy of leaving soon is unsettling and I am not satisfied with the quality of my studies.

An Ayurvedic doctor once told me that a person that lives in the present is in the mode of goodness, a person who lives in the future the mode of passion, and a person who lives in the past the mode of ignorance. It takes me time to settle into the present, which is why I don’t like traveling and never did, but it is my duty as a sannyasi and I surrender to my fate.

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Nityananda Trayodasi Kaustubha has been

February 6th, 2001

Nityananda Trayodasi

Kaustubha has been praying for Gaura-Nitai deities since the beginning of tour. He found an exquisite set of 12″ astadatu Gaura-Nitai deities in Vrindaban that he had refined by Prabhu Dayal, a saintly artisan near Loi Bazaar. This morning at 7AM, in the japa-kutir, we install the deities by abhishek and kirtan. I speak briefly on the glories of Nitai.

Rama Raya comes in quickly to take darshan before running back to the temple to complete his own worship before the temple kirtan begins at 10 o’clock. He speaks briefly and I appreciate his points.

“The Deity one eventually worships should be a manifestation of the Lord that one has already been worshiping is His heart and thus one should be somewhat mature before worshiping personal deities.”

Of course, deity worship is generally considered for neophyte devotees, but his point is well taken. It is not solely for neophyte devotees, and ideally, such worship should have some connection to one’s spiritual sentiments, otherwise deity worship can become a fad, and the deities can go neglected, like a mantle piece on a shelf.

By serving the sankirtan mission sincerely for years, Kaustubha has a naturally deep affinity for Gaura-Nitai. His deities are a manifestation of the Lord in his heart and will be worshiped with affection.

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Vrindaban Time is ticking away

February 5th, 2001

Vrindaban

Time is ticking away in Vrindaban. I become conscious of the worth of every moment. I should live everyday in this consciousness, not only when leaving here reminds me of the value of every moment in life for advancement in devotional service.

I leave in a week. I need to energize myself for a serious use of my final days here, but I feel the counterforce of winding down my stay here.

Vrindaban I called Raghunatha, the

February 3rd, 2001

Vrindaban

I called Raghunatha, the director of the Bhaktivedanta Hospital, to confirm a date for a minor surgery I require. Raghunatha told me that he had just returned from Bhuj, the epicenter of the huge earthquake that had devastated Gujurat, where the Bhaktivedanta Hospital team rushed a team of doctors to assist in the medical relief, distribute prasadam, hold kirtana, and provide counseling.

These doctors have their jobs, families, and are strict in their spiritual practices. They also diligent in the various devotional services they have, so already every spare moment is being utilized in Krishna?s service. This emergency relief work must be a great sacrifice for them. I worked hard for most of my life for Srila Prabhupada’s mission and now Krishna has given me time for my spiritual practices, but their surrender and selflessness makes me feel almost guilty about staying longer in Vrindaban to personally enjoy my spiritual life.

Raghunatha described to me the devastation and fear he saw in Gujarat. He asked one taxi driver who picked him up at the airport what it was like in his town during the earthquake. The driver described how his simple dwelling suddenly began to shake violently and how he quickly grabbed his wife and child and ran out to the road. He then described seeing a large greenish brown cloud hover over the whole village like the aftermath of an explosion, and how when it settled minutes later, there was absolutely nothing left of his village?only rubble.

While speaking to Raghunatha, I recalled Srila Prabhupada’s words in his last days to his young sannyasis. “Don’t think this won’t happen to you.” I am now enjoying Vrindaban life, but I shouldn’t forget the inherent suffering nature of material existence, and how I also will inevitably face material devastation, in one form or another, unless by advancement in Krishna consciousness, I transcend the dualities of the world.

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Vrindaban Most of the devotees

February 1st, 2001

Vrindaban

Most of the devotees leave tonight. Many told me they had life-changing experiences confirming my conviction that pilgrimage?times of the year dedicated solely to the pleasure of God?are an essential part for spiritual development.

We enjoyed the krishna-katha so much at Javat and Nandagram yesterday that I feel impelled to continue speaking on Chandrika Camutkara, Krishna’s uproarious pranks written by Viswanatha Cakravarti Thakur, instead of Caitanya-Bhagavata for my evening class. We also roll in waves of hilarity as Krishna disguises himself as a female doctor to cure Srimati Radharani.

Nandagram It’s the last day

January 31st, 2001

Nandagram

It’s the last day of parikrama. I warn the devotees who are remaining:

“You are feeling at home in Vrindaban because our program engages you fully in devotional service. Our program ends tomorrow. If you relax and give up the mood of full engagement in devotional service there will be trouble. You will not feel comfortable here. Fruitive longing (passion) and lethargy (ignorance) go against the grain of the internal energy and the pressure of being here in material consciousness can be unbearable.”

Srila Prabhupada therefore warned that “one should stay either three days or three years in Vrindaban.” I interpret this to mean that one can come on pilgrimage and focus his consciousness seriously on chanting and hearing as his service for a few days, or weeks at most. If one stays longer he must make a serious commitment to some regular service?otherwise, it is better to leave.

I didn’t feel so prepared this year for the parikramas in terms of preparing all the elaborate lilas of the various places, although from living in Vrindaban so many years, I know basically where those places are, and what pastimes took place there. Therefore from the beginning, although I always spoke something, I concentrated on engaging everyone in kirtan, and in that way, attempted to invoke the mercy of each pastime place. I think by this humble process, we were fairly successful in the imbibing of each place as within the name of Krishna are Krishna’s forms, qualities, and pastimes.

Our first stop today was Javat, the place where Srimati Radharani lives for six months of the year at her in-laws? house. My inspiration here, however, is that on our last day of the tour we should today absorb ourselves in the Radha-Krishna lila that took place here.

Javat is the only temple that has deities of Jatila (Radharani’s mother-in-law), Kutila (Radharani?s sister-in-law), and Abhimanyu (her so-called husband). They are worshipable because Radhika’s in-laws serve the parakiya-rasa (unwedded love) of the Supreme Lord Sri Krishna, by placing various obstacles in the meeting of Radha and Krishna to increase the risk and flavor of such love.

We sit peacefully before the deities of Radha and Krishna, the main deities here, and I speak extensively from Camutkara-Chandrika (?the moon beam of sheer astonishment”), a wonderful book by Srila Vishvanatha Cakravarti where he describes the various pranks that Krishna played on Abhimanyu and his family in Javat to attain the association of Srimati Radharani. The stories are hilarious, very engaging and do give the devotees a special sense of Krishna’s exchanges of love with Srimati Radharani.Chanting the holy name, mixed with remembrance of the appropriate pastimes approached in the proper mood, creates rasa, the flavor of devotion. We visit Nanda Bhavan, Krishna?s home, the center of all Krishna’s pastimes, as all Krishna’s divine lila begins from home and returns there by night. We see Nanda Baba, Yasoda Mayi, Krishna, and Balarama?the stately and sweet deities of Nanda Bhavan?and hear more and more of Radha and Krishna’s lila. We climb to the roof of Nanda Bhavan and gain a spectacular view of all the places of Krishna’s pastimes. We sight the very road where Akrura took Krishna and Balarama to Mathura and recall the gopis? pain of separation as Krishna mounts his chariot. In amusement, our guide points out Moti Kund, the place where Krishna planted pearls as seeds, harvested the jewels, and teased the gopis. We turn a bit to the right and spot Uddhava Kyari, the sanctified field where Uddhava, the topmost devotee of Krishna outside of Vraja, was humbled by witnessing the extraordinary mahabhava of Srimati Radharani and the gopis. We envision Krishna, Balarama, and his cowherd friends descending Nandisvara Hill with Their 108 herds of cows and see their destination?the forests and pastures between Nandagram and Javat. Our panoramic view of the very places of Krishna’s pastimes not only touches our hearts, but bolsters our faith. The activities of Krishna are mapped and we gain a visible sense of its history.

It is noon on our last day of parikrama. Time to visit just one final place of pastimes. Leaving Nandagram we march through it’s pastures for a half-hour trek to a favorite of the devotees, the out-of-the-way but gorgeous forest of Ter Kadamaba, where Krishna tends the cows during the day and meets Radha at night?the most sacrosanct and secluded lila-sthan, chosen by the topmost connoisseur of Vraja, Srila Rupa Goswami, as his bhajan sthali. It was in this place that he chose to compose his two masterpieces, Bhakti-rasamrita-sindhu and Ujjvala-nilamani.

We sit at Ter Kadamaba under a striking forest bower by the steps of a beautiful kunda and as rupanugas, followers of Sri Rupa Goswami, we appropriately end our pilgrimage by feeling and chanting a sweet prayer:

sri rupa-manjari pada, sei mora samprada
sei mora bhajana pujana

“The lotus feet of Sri Rupa Manjari are my treasure, my devotional service, my life.”

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