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Govardhana I finish my afternoon

November 13th, 2001

Govardhana

I finish my afternoon chanting by 6PM and stroll outside my room on the roof of the palace ashram. Govardhana Hill rises in front of the ashram and is always a welcoming sight. I hear a lecture coming from the Modi Bhavan, the large dharmasala (guest house for pilgrims) next door, who are hosting a local Vaishnava sadhu. I listen carefully:

“Krishna’s beauty is ever expanding and manifests according to the love of His devotees. As the gopis have the greatest love for Krishna, He is most beautiful in their presence?especially in the presence of Srimati Radharani, the greatest of all gopis. When Srimati Radharani’s love is at the stage of transcendental pique (maan), Krishna becomes desperate to pacify Her. He humbly approaches Radhika to beg Her forgiveness. He is sweating, His hands are folded, He bends slightly from the waist, and streams of tears are pouring from His eyes. His beauty is unlimitedly enhanced by His sweet humble mood. No other person but Sri Radhika can bring out in Sri Krishna such a sweet temper, and thus in the presence of no other person is His beauty so stunning.”

I was struggling this evening to complete my chanting. After listening to the sadhu say a few words I thought, “This is the fruit of my chanting today krishna-katha.”

Japa Realizations III
Taste in chanting requires some nice thoughts of Krishna so that His name is understood properly and can manifest naturally with all His glory.

Govardhana Japa Realizations II The

November 12th, 2001

Govardhana

Japa Realizations II
The holy name is non-different from Krishna, but can we create Krishna by our lips and tongue? It is not a mechanical construct. Rather, the holy name descends and takes the form of syllables and sounds to one who is eager,dependent, and humble?one who invokes at least a dim reflection of the holy name by approaching Him without offense. Perfection therefore requires mercy. Mercy requires humility. Chant and beg for Krishna to appear on our tongue for His descent in His own sweet will.

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Govardhana When I awaken this

November 11th, 2001

Govardhana

When I awaken this morning, I can barely walk to the bathroom; the feet are that bad. I dress and shuffle slowly to the temple, but I cannot stand during mangal-arati. I have to be more careful about vows that require physical austerity, because the body has limits. I should have been more prepared. Still, I’m very disappointed. I’ve failed to maintain my vow.

There is some solace, however. I can still take shelter of my nama-vrata, and perhaps my afternoon chanting will be more attentive. It is difficult to hear while I’m concentrating on negotiating rough roads with sore feet.

Nama-vrata, a vow to significantly increase the number of rounds daily, sounds like a great austerity. Normally it would be, but not at Govardhana. Chanting here is much easier. Of course, the struggle is there and determination is required, but the dhama gives a strength and enthusiasm in Krishna consciousness that is difficult to imagine elsewhere. Even newcomers experience a substantial surge in their spiritual capabilities here, provided their approach is proper. And when one performs a little austerity here for the purpose of increasing one’s devotional service, peacefulness and enthusiasm inevitably blossom?especially prayerfully circumambulating Giri-Govardhana and begging for the mercy for the holy name.

I am writing this journal entry by the window of my room, which looks out onto the beautiful Dan-ghati view of Govardhana?the place where Krishna enacted the tax pastime. My vision has significantly changed in only a week. Giriraja no longer looks distant. He is friendly and inviting, eager to fulfill the desires of his devotees, whatever they may be. It’s better to ask for krishna-prema.

Bolo Giriraja Maharaja ki jaya!

Japa Realizations I
Harinama is a prayer, but what are we praying for? Our chanting should be thoughtful, not mindless. We should concentrate on hearing each syllable, but why? For us it is not a mechanical ritual adopted from our forefathers, but a dynamic process of realization that we have boldly embraced in this lifetime for enlightenment. Why we came is why we should chant?at the very least. If we are not cognizant of our prayers, has Krishna appeared on our tongue?

Govardhana I really worked on

November 10th, 2001

Govardhana

I really worked on my feet last night?soaking, scrubbing, massaging with oil. They feel slightly better, but they are still quite bad. Again I ponder whether or not I should go. I reason, “My feet were worse yesterday and I made it, so today I should certainly be true to my vow.” Just a short ways into the parikrama I realize that my feet today are much more sensitive. My pace slows to a crawl. The Radha-kunda side of Govardhana has long sections of rocky, broken paved roads, and hard rugged dirt paths. Even when I am healthy these stretches are testing. Frequently I stop to sift painful small granules of sand from the long and deepening cracks opening in both feet.

It is not even a quarter of the way around and I sense defeat. Although I am determined to complete my vow, I realize the toll taken physically, there is no way I will be unable to walk tomorrow. Three and a half hours later I collapse in relief at the front gate. Asit, as he does every night, is waiting for me at the ashram door. He greets me affectionately and helps me upstairs to my room. I’m tired, but very spiritually enlivened. With my feet burning, but my spirits so high, it becomes so obvious that happiness and distress don’t exactly parallel physical pleasure and pain. Actually, I’m feeling so enthused in service to Giriraja that I’m ready again for the long haul tomorrow.

Govardhana In July I wrote

November 9th, 2001

Govardhana

In July I wrote a series of journal entries on humility and asked the reader to send their realizations. They are still coming. Yesterday I received a powerful quote by Srila Bhakti Raksaka Sridhara Dev Goswami from Brahma Muhurta that seemed to succinctly sum up the discussion we had on humility:

“Humility means not to encroach on the rights of others. And also, it should not be such as to kill one’s own self. It must be natural.”

Woke up this morning with very swollen feet from yesterday’s parikrama around Govardhana Hill. Years ago, while I was living in Vrindaban, I could do a full ovardhana-parikrama for several consecutive days without any problem. My feet were gradually cultured for the task by living in Vrindaban. This year I came directly from America to Govardhana, went out on parikrama, and continued going on parikrama for eight days so far without break. My feet are getting worse everyday.

I have changed my parikrama schedule because of the heat. I am leaving at 3:30 in the afternoon instead of mid-morning. By 3PM today, however, I was still not sure if I would be able to go. I contemplated just wearing shoes to make it easier, but as an old resident of Vraja, the offense of worshiping Krishna with shoes seemed more painful than the blisters on my feet. I don’t want to give up. I made a vow, and unless I am absolutely physically unable to continue, I am determined to keep it.

Going around everyday is an austerity?even when I’m healthy. I want to make sure that I do not renounce the parikrama prematurely just to avoid that austerity. Many old?even physically disabled?devotees limp around Giriraja daily. What are my aches compared to theirs? They have ample excuse to stop, but they remain fixed in their vows. And so should I!

I ask Asit, the temple manager, what he thought. He is a Govardhana-basi, a resident here. He is respectful of me and says, “Okay, wear shoes. No problem.” But in the same breath says, “Go. Giriraja will protect you. The feet will get better as you go” Asit is a real devotee, so what he says is not just words but realization. Hearing his faith in Giriraja almost makes me feel like an infidel to stay back.

As I sit in front of the ashram with Asit, Devaki Pran walks in. Devaki Pranis an ISKCON devotee from the Maharastra State in India. Still in his late thirties, he has somehow retired to Radha-kunda. He goes around Govardhana Hill twice daily, every day of the year, and three times on Ekadasis and festivals. Once he even went around four times, walking for nearly for 18 hours. I show him how badly bruised my feet are and ask his opinion on what I should do. He shakes his hand nonchalantly in the direction of the parikrama path indicating that I should without question go. “No problem,” he says. “Just walk slowly. Giriraja will protect you.”

The pain has substantially subsided since the morning and Giriraja looks inviting. I confidently decide to go. Besides, today I walk on the Govinda-kunda side where stretches of soft sand make the walk slightly easier. My cane also helps to propel me along. Giriraja is helping! I remain focused and determined and even pick up the pace. The pain gradually subsides. The walk remains austere, but tolerable. Two hours and forty minutes later I fall to the ground in front the ashram and thank Giriraja for a successful parikrama. I drag myself upstairs to soak my feet in hot water. The feet are sore, but the spirits are uplifted. It’s the mercy of Giriraja and it’s worth the price. No gain without pain.

Govardhana Downloading e-mail in India,

November 4th, 2001

Govardhana

Downloading e-mail in India, especially in a small town like Govardhana, can be time consuming. I just don’t have time for it during Kartik. Even the mode of the whole operation would impair my life here. Luckily, an old colleague has offered to do it for me weekly in Vrindaban. So it’s off to Vrinbaban to send off the journal and quickly check my mail.

At 7 AM I leave for Vrindaban on a tempo, an archaic Indian put-put open taxi, pouring soot emissions into the cab?an antique of sorts imported from Germany in 1937, now built in India, but without a single change in design in 64 years! The advantage? If you like the native flavor, it’s the mode of travel by the locals, the village brijabasis, and it’s cheap. Damn cheap. The 14 rupee fee (.25 US) suits my budget for my stay here if I am to make the weekly one-hour trip.

I hop off the tempo in front of the ISKCON Krishna-Balaram Mandir. Naturally, I meet many friends. It takes a half-hour just to walk forty feet into the building. Several visitors have been looking for me wanting to know if I will be doing any parikramas. I politely refuse, but I’m torn. A sadhu, as much as possible, is open and welcoming when a person approaches for spiritual help. I try to be that way and it also suits my nature. This month, however, is reserved for myself. If I give, give, give, and don’t put anything in, what will be left to give? This is the month to get something to give, and I’m resolute in my purpose, although it pains me to see acquaintances somewhat lost here in Vrindaban.

By nature, I’m somewhat extroverted. I use the term not so much in the sense of frailty, but as a disposition. An extrovert is more energized by the external environment, by people, and less inclined to the lonely internal world of solitude, thoughts, and dreams. An introverted disposition is the opposite. Years of practicing Krishna consciousness, however, has tempered my disposition. My room on the roof of the Bhaktivedanta Ashram is cave-like. To enter its three-foot walls you have to pass through two thick doors, and when the windows are closed, it is silent and pitch black. I like the cave and rarely leave except for the lone daily march around Govardhana. I am happy in my world of japa, thoughts, and dreams?at least for the month.

The sweetest part of the day: Damodarastakam (the eight verses in glorification of Lord Damodara). Raghunananda is a simple village man from Orissa. He is also surprisingly a sangeet-acarya?a master of classical Vaishnava song. I don’t have much of an ear for music, but I’ve never heard singing like Raghunananda in the evening at the small temple here. The beauty and richness of his voice and the subtle, wholly unpretentious devotional nuances of his singing enraptures our small gathering.

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Govardhana Each year I try

November 3rd, 2001

Govardhana

Each year I try to perform Kartik-vrata with a firm objective in mind suitable to my level of Krishna conscious practice and devotion. Constant travel in the West makes it too easy to become unregulated, which is not good for spiritual practice. For Kartik, I want to etch my devotional practices in stone?fixed and determined?so no matter how often during the year my venue of devotional practice changes, my practices remain regular. At the same time, I also want to significantly increase my spontaneous devotion, the practice of devotional service as a sweet feeling of love, not simply an obligation.

Pure love is the one activity that is not done to attain some fruit. It is done for itself. If we love to achieve something other than greater love, our love is not pure. Bhakti (love) is thus not a result oriented pursuit, but a causeless “be here and now” action focused on the moment. We thus chant, not just to finish or to complete a vow or obligation, but to please Krishna out of love for Him. I perform Kartik-vrata to increase my bhakti, to be satisfied in service to Krishna, to rid myself of the fruitive consciousness that relegates the practices of devotional service to a task.

The sweetest part of the day: mangala-arati at Govardhana. I haven’t practiced much Krishna consciousness in a temple setting for years. The quaint and intimate gathering during brahma-muhurta (the hour before sunrise) infects one with a simple devotion. I forgot how uplifting and auspicious the prayers to the spiritual master (gurvastakam) can be when sung properly, at the right time, and in the right association.

Govardhana In Kartik, niyama-seva is

November 2nd, 2001

Govardhana

In Kartik, niyama-seva is recommended?the practice of simple devotions at the same time, everyday. Regulation is bliss in Krishna consciousness. Reserving set times in one’s day for particular Krishna consciousness practices enables one to attend exclusively to those devotions without distraction. From focused, concentrated worship, a taste for spiritual life arises. It’s the only way to execute Krishna consciousness. It’s the example set by Das Raghunatha; it’s the Bhaktivinoda-marg and the Prabhupada path.

After breakfast I begin Govardhana-parikrama. It’s still a little hot, but luckily I found a large straw hat that I received as a gift several years ago to shade me from the sun. It’s a Vietnamese peasant look, which I think looks somewhat ridiculous with my sannyasa robes. Still, except for the brijabasi children who mock me by yelling, “Topi! Topi!”?brajabhasa for hat?the sadhus and pilgrims seem to be even more respectful for some reason, bowing gently at the waist, as the “Sombrero Sannyasi” parades by.

I’m setting a good pace, only two and half hours at most, for half a full Govardhana-parikrama. This year I’ve divided the 24 kilometer parikrama in two equal parts: One day I go around the 12 kilometer southern side by Govinda-kunda, the next day I walk the 12 kilometer northern side around Radha-kunda. The lungs are good, the joints are getting loose, and the stamina is excellent, but my bare feet are sore and burning, only to ache all day. It’s November, but the late morning sun is still near 90 degrees. The sands are a little hot now, but the weather will cool day-by-day and the feet will toughen up quickly, I hope. Regardless, I try to focus on the name and tolerate the simple austerity.

Frankly, my life in the West had become a bit soft, so I look forward to a month of simple living, absorption in chanting, and the consequent tolerance of a few bodily inconveniences. It’s the Goswami life. I hanker for it.

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Govardhana I’m still struggling to

November 1st, 2001

Govardhana

I’m still struggling to write the journal. I was wondering if I should even continue?at least for this month. I can’t fathom the difficulty. I’ve been focused on my vow with determination. I rose early, engaged in chanting and hearing about Krishna for pretty much the whole day. I also walked around Govardhana Hill but, still, little came. Nothing to write about.

Most of the receivers of the journal are working quite hard to meet their responsibilities. At times their worldly duties seem to overwhelm even spiritual life. For many, their solace, their hope, is to one day again return to visit Vrindaban or Mayapur?places where Krishna consciousness was so real for them.

Even when my father visited Sri Vrindaban in 1982 he noticed the predominance of Krishna in Vrindaban as compared to the West. He told me, while pinching his thumb and index finger together to indicate something very small, “In the West Hare Krishna is this big.” Then, stretching his arms open wide, a classic pose to indicate something gigantic, he commented in contrast, “But here [in Vrindaban], it is this big!”

I will try to continue the journal this month to spark memories and remembrances of Krishna consciousness, which are vivid in the dhama?images that seem to inspire devotees in spiritual life, whether they have visited here or not.

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Govardhan “O Radha-Giridhari, decorate my

October 31st, 2001

Govardhan

“O Radha-Giridhari, decorate my statements so that they may be pleasing to Your Lordship and inspire the devotees to increase their devotional service to Your lotus feet.”

Arrived at the ISKCON Govardhana Palace, the unparalleled place for Krishna bhajan. Whether it’s the design of the old Vaishnava King’s Vraja residence built perfectly according to vastu-sastra or the association of the saintly brahmacaris here or the omnipresence of Giri-Govardhana or a combination of various factors, peace of mind and a focus on the holy name takes on a new dimension here.

I sit in the evening on the porch outside the King’s neat little bhajan-sthali on the middle turrets of his palace. I look out at Govardhana. The incomparable view of Govardhana here always invokes the intimacy of seeing a dear and kind friend, but surprisingly, today, He seems a bit more foreign. Perhaps I have become too familiar.

As we age in Krishna consciousness we should not, due to familiarity, lose our reverence for the manifestations of the Lord, whether it’s His deity form or even His maha-prasadam. Instead, as we mature in Krishna consciousness, our realization of the Lord’s glories should also deepen. We should humbly submit ourselves with even greater meekness before the holy name, the Deity, and the Lord’s dhama.

Great souls never lose their reverence for even the simplest of the Lord’s manifestations in this world. When even an ordinary pilgrim would offer Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur some prasadam from the Deity he would circumambulate that man three times and prostrate himself before him to respect the Lord’s manifestation as maha-prasadam.

When my Godbrother, His Grace Bimala Prasad, visited his 97 year old siksa-guru, the most respected Sripad Bhakti Pramod Puri Maharaja, he was taken aback and embarrassed to see the old and sickly man immediately pay his full dandavats. When he asked the revered saint why he had offered his respects, the old sadhu folded his hands in a directed way to indicate Bimala’s harinama shawl. Bimal Prasad realized that Maharaja was such a humble and respectful saint that with sincere deference he was even submitting himself to the holy name manifest on his chadar.

The Lord mercifully appears in so many ways to deliver us, but we neglect him. I make a mental note to be much more guarded in the presence of the Lord, especially as His holy dhama. Kartik begins tomorrow. I am so much looking forward to the worship of Sri Radha in Her special month.

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