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Govardhana I asked an Indian

October 10th, 2000

Govardhana

I asked an Indian sadhu why only Westerners come to his lectures. He said that people in India, by psychology, are rarely able to afford luxury and that spiritual life now has become a luxury. That’s why Indians living in India no longer make so many contributions anymore to science, sports, philosophy, etc.

Bhurijana arrived today. I met with him briefly in the evening and hope to get more of his association. Srila Prabhupada has trained many intelligent men and, as they get older, they will give tremendous strength to the Krishna consciousness movement. He talked about the possibility of returning to Vrindaban in two years to live humbly and just speak the Bhagavatam. I felt like joining him. Bhurijana’s simplicity, detachment, and wisdom makes an impression, although he is unassuming. Srila Prabhupada said, “Don’t try to become a great devotee, just become a good devotee.”

I asked him why he is no longer taking disciples. He said that although he lectures systematically on Bhagavatam three times a week in the evening at the Perth temple, where many people are coming and becoming devotees, they don’t realize that he is guru because he lives at home and takes care of his family. They think he is more like a congregation member and that a guru is someone in saffron who just flies into the temple a few days a year. I told him that he is lucky that he is preaching in Australia because he would never get away with that in New York.

He was interested in my meetings with Varsana Maharaja. We both agreed that he is a special sadhu and has the heart of a devotee.

Jaya Gurupada, Bhurijana’s son, came up to his room to visit him while I was there. Bhurijana wants to spend some more time with him here. He explained that a father has a mystical sakti with his son, and if he deals with him carefully, there is a very subtle transference of experience and wisdom. His son is twenty and will soon leave home to go out on his own so he wants to make sure that he spends quality time with him in Vrindaban.

Jaya Gurupada was in the gurukula for ten years, since he was five years old. He is a good person?secure in himself, but unique. Born at Gita-nagari, raised in Vrindaban, but now living in Australia and fully identifying himself as an Australian. Since Bhurijana is from America, I always playfully argue with Jaya Gurupada that the USA is so much better than Australia, and that he should therefore embrace his father’s place of birth as his culture. He jokingly retorted today, “You mates have baseball, and although the championship is just among America teams you have the nerve to call it a World Series!” Good point.

Vrindaban – Ekadasi I went

October 9th, 2000

Vrindaban – Ekadasi

I went to visit Bhaktivedanta Ashram in Govardhana. On my way, I stopped briefly for a sacred bath. As always, it was a very purifying experience.

The potency of the dhama is not just subjective, it is inherent in the place. To realize that potency, however, consciousness is the primary factor. Narottama dasa Thakur therefore says ?when my mind is peaceful and I am free from the desire for sense gratification, then I will actually see Vrindaban!? I have come to Vrindaban this time relatively free of other distractions and I hope that will help me reap the benefit of residing in a holy place.

The mind is a repository of desires. When we try to focus on Krishna, often those desires act like static interference. Respectfully bathing in Radha-kunda seems to have the power to clear the mind of the whirlpool of those impulsive thoughts. It allows one to focus one’s consciousness on Krishna in a way that was probably not possible before. After taking many devotees on pilgrimage there, I’ve witnessed that many have had this experience when they approach Radha-kunda in the most humble and respectful manner. It is mystical.

I waded in Radha-kunda for just a few minutes, thankful to Srila Prabhupada for the gift of Vrindaban. I prayed that my stay would be spiritually fruitful.

At Bhaktivedanta Ashram in Govardhana, I gave copies of Waves of Devotion to Kesava Bharati and Jayadvaita Swami. Jayadvaita Swami immediately immersed himself silently in the book for some time, checking all the details. I was a little nervous, but the longer he looked, the more he appreciated the book?from the font that was used for the print to the logic of the layout. He finally said, ?To understand Nectar of Devotion people will have to get your book!?

A younger devotee and resident of Vrindaban came to visit me. He was feeling the purification of his prolonged stay in the dhama. I know the feeling. He revealed his mind.

This devotee had become somewhat known for his renunciation, but has now realized that his renunciation had a lot to do with a neglected and bitter childhood that soured him to relationships. His renunciation was therefore somewhat of a psychological reaction, a passion, and not fully an internal and natural detachment. He realized that marriage was necessary and that Krishna consciousness would have to be practiced from a more honest platform.

As I listened he poured out his heart.

I very much admired this devotee. His ability to open his heart at the risk of vulnerability before a senior devotee was certainly a sign of dependence on Krishna. I didn’t agree that his renunciation was purely superficial, but I did agree that his present level of renunciation exceeded his realization and wasn’t indicative of a fully integrated person. What amazed me was the astuteness of his self-analysis. This astute analysis also indicated to me that, by his sincerity, he had broken through the defense mechanism and rationalization that prevent most individuals from seeing themselves and becoming whole persons. It was also noteworthy that this was achieved solely by his sincere practice of Krishna consciousness, which is consistent with how the process of Krishna consciousness ideally works as described in Srimad-Bhagavatam (1.2.17).

In all of my dealings with many devotees, only one other time did I see a devotee with the intelligence and sincerity to so quickly and independently identify and confront their deepest conditioning, their passions, without a prolonged process of spiritual or psychological counseling.

There are a lot of interesting books in Vrindaban. I read this statement about the protection of women in a relatively obscure book by an Indian intellectual. It may not be politically correct, but it made sense, especially along the lines of the culture and tradition of India:

?By nature women are soft-hearted, kind, tolerant, and affectionate. The human brain has basically two aspects: the logical and analytical aspect, and the emotive, affectionate side. The general tendency is that men are more logical and women more affectionate. God has designed women like this so they will be able to care for their children.

?The father only gives the seed, but the mother has to carry, nurture, and raise the child. If women were ruled strictly by logic, they would not be able to perform that tremendous task properly. They would think, ?What is the use of carrying this burden? What will I gain from this for myself?? and probably decide not to have children. Thus women are naturally ruled more by affection so they can tolerate the burden of child rearing. The word ?mother? signifies loving sentiment. It is a very difficult task for a man to raise children because they generally do not possess this deeply affectionate nature.?

Vrindaban A talk with a

October 8th, 2000

Vrindaban

A talk with a brijabasi friend:
We talked about seva, or practical devotional service. I told him that my study of the Sandarbhas strengthened my faith in Srila Prabhupada because they made it so evident that the things Srila Prabhupada emphasized are strictly in line with emphasis of Srila Jiva Goswami. One of those points is the necessity for practical service. My friend also began to glorify practical devotional service.

He described how a guru must be conversant with details of philosophy, but that one could still be a pure devotee if he only understood the gist or substance of the philosophy, bhakti. He gave the example of the South Indian brahmana who couldn’t pronounce the Bhagavad-gita properly but gained the darshan of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu because he understood its essence. The brahmana was crying in ecstasy because he understood that, even though Krishna is God, out of love for His devotee, He became His devotee?s charioteer.

My friend then described how he became attracted to his own teacher. He heard that he was a renown scholar, but when he went to see him, his teacher was simply sweeping the floor. Although he studies from his teacher and is now himself somewhat of a renown scholar, he still goes out everyday for at least three hours of go-seva (service to the cows) at his teacher?s gosala. Such service has helped him practically realize what he had been learning from his teacher because the essence of Gaudiya Vaishnavism is hanging one?s ego to: ?I am a servant.? One must therefore serve the guru humbly. Even when one becomes self-realized, one will continue to humbly serve because he will be fixed in the pure conception that ?I am servant,? and that consciousness will certainly manifest externally in practical service.

We may get so many ideas about what devotional service is but, ultimately, it all comes back to the conceptions that Srila Prabhupada gave us.

Nrsimha Avatar came to visit me to get my book. His present service is to visit temples and teach deity worship. He said that Srila Prabhupada didn’t emphasize the puja in deity worship as much as he did cleanliness, punctuality, decorating the deities lavishly, and offering them sumptuous bhoga.

He told me that his main inspiration for deity worship is Jnanivas Prabhu in Mayapur. Jnanivas emphasizes the cultivation of the proper attitude for the deity?that the deity should be the center of one’s life. Jnanivas is revered in ISKCON because his whole life is practically centered on the needs of Sri Sri Radha-Madhava. That realization really struck me. I am not satisfied with my standard of worship. I really need to put the needs of Sri Sri Radha-Giridhari first and endeavor to get them nice flowers, fresh tulasi, suitable offerings, and to keep everything spotlessly clean.

Today in Vrindaban Krishna invoked a theme: just become a humble servant.

Vrindaban Aindra greeted me affectionately.

October 7th, 2000

Vrindaban

Aindra greeted me affectionately. We talked in his room. It must be a transcendental room. The ambiance of the mud walls, the shellacked Tamal branch in the middle of the room, the countless silas and deities, and certainly Aindra’s association had a definitively uplifting and peaceful influence?despite the messiness of the rest of the room, which seemed to have absolutely no ill effect.

I told Aindra that I was fully-shaved because I had just arrived this morning and that, when I enter the dhama, shaving and then bathing in the Yamuna is like ridding myself of the contamination of living in the West. He said that he just read a very similar thing in the Padma-Purana?that a pilgrim sheds his hair upon entering the dhama because the sins one accrues are stored within the hair. Whether it is psychological, inspirational, or factual, my ritual of entering of the dhama definitely felt liberating?a fresh start. Come to Vrindaban for a fresh start in spiritual life!

There is a pain to the sincere execution of Krishna consciousness. Krishna consciousness cleanses our heart, which purifies our attachments. Even the pain of death is ultimately the distress of giving up our attachments. Entering Vrindaban for serious devotional practices immediately invokes an understanding that if one is sincere in his vow one’s anarthas will be confronted and uprooted. Am I ready?

A widow came for advice: I warned against phalgu-vairagya?the renunciation of those things that could be used in Krishna?s service. She is very austere, but feeling insecure. Her guru had left, ISKCON is shaky, she is not secure in her present service, and she has no family. She was offered some protection from a family that appreciates her. They offered her some suitable part-time employment and promised to take care of her needs. She balked at the idea. ?A renunciate should not become dependent on the householders,? she told me. I replied, ?We need security to execute Krishna consciousness and certainly a woman needs to be protected. Don’t falsely renounce such protection since your mental peace is essential for your Krishna consciousness.? She felt relieved.

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Vrindaban I entered a myriad

October 6th, 2000

Vrindaban

I entered a myriad of signs lining the pathway held by various drivers searching for their pick-up. I wasn’t sure if the message announcing my arrival had reached Gokula Taruni, so I was also searching in return for my name. What a relief to spot the smiling face of Gopal, our brijabasi driver!

D?j? vu all over again. All of my entries into Vrindaban are the same. The feeling of unworthiness, the grime of my long journey representing the contamination of a prolonged stay in America, the instant relief of a yamuna-snana (bath), and the happiness of seeing my old brijabasi friends.

As I was returning from the Yamuna, Dadu, the old ISKCON mailman, passed me in a rikshaw but didn’t see me. He was wearing a yellow marigold garland wrapped twice around his around his head like a crown, a sort of transcendental statue of liberty. I see many people in America trying to be unique, but it’s just a fashion. Dadu is legitimately himself. Whatever he manifests externally mostly reflects his soul?not Madison Avenue, not any so-called scene.

The water at Kesi-ghat was deep and flowing swiftly. It was five o’clock and the sun was beginning to set in the west, sending a reflection of yellow light through its waters like a pathway cutting diagonally to the base of the ghat where I was sitting. I entered carefully into her waters and, facing the simmering golden pathway, I reflected on the unparalleled natural beauty of Vraja. After chanting my gayatri I waded like a child in her soothing waters. Home at last!

After five minutes, Ramesh, the driver who took me to Kesi-ghat, calmly pointed twenty feet to my left to the last step of the ghat. A large snake sat there with a fish in its mouth. I don’t know how to describe my reaction other than to say that I calmly panicked. Quickly placing my hands two feet above me on the steps I swiftly kicked my right foot up onto the first step of the ghat and vaulted myself out of the water or, I should say, tried to vault myself out of the water. I floundered and fell back in. I finally made it out and quickly moved up a few steps to where I had placed my things. As I looked to my right, about ten feet on the other side of the snake, I saw a sadhu calmly washing his lota. He was smiling and gesturing to me. He was laughing and flapping his right hand, which obviously represented to him my panic in getting out of the water. He laughed and laughed.

The brijabasi childen, who were the only other people there and who had been sporting blissfully in the Yamuna when I arrived, were also amused, their cunning smiles and laughter representing the anxiety and carefree hearts of young, simple, brijabasi children.

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