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Vrindaban Time is ticking away

February 5th, 2001

Vrindaban

Time is ticking away in Vrindaban. I become conscious of the worth of every moment. I should live everyday in this consciousness, not only when leaving here reminds me of the value of every moment in life for advancement in devotional service.

I leave in a week. I need to energize myself for a serious use of my final days here, but I feel the counterforce of winding down my stay here.

Vrindaban I called Raghunatha, the

February 3rd, 2001

Vrindaban

I called Raghunatha, the director of the Bhaktivedanta Hospital, to confirm a date for a minor surgery I require. Raghunatha told me that he had just returned from Bhuj, the epicenter of the huge earthquake that had devastated Gujurat, where the Bhaktivedanta Hospital team rushed a team of doctors to assist in the medical relief, distribute prasadam, hold kirtana, and provide counseling.

These doctors have their jobs, families, and are strict in their spiritual practices. They also diligent in the various devotional services they have, so already every spare moment is being utilized in Krishna?s service. This emergency relief work must be a great sacrifice for them. I worked hard for most of my life for Srila Prabhupada’s mission and now Krishna has given me time for my spiritual practices, but their surrender and selflessness makes me feel almost guilty about staying longer in Vrindaban to personally enjoy my spiritual life.

Raghunatha described to me the devastation and fear he saw in Gujarat. He asked one taxi driver who picked him up at the airport what it was like in his town during the earthquake. The driver described how his simple dwelling suddenly began to shake violently and how he quickly grabbed his wife and child and ran out to the road. He then described seeing a large greenish brown cloud hover over the whole village like the aftermath of an explosion, and how when it settled minutes later, there was absolutely nothing left of his village?only rubble.

While speaking to Raghunatha, I recalled Srila Prabhupada’s words in his last days to his young sannyasis. “Don’t think this won’t happen to you.” I am now enjoying Vrindaban life, but I shouldn’t forget the inherent suffering nature of material existence, and how I also will inevitably face material devastation, in one form or another, unless by advancement in Krishna consciousness, I transcend the dualities of the world.

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Vrindaban Most of the devotees

February 1st, 2001

Vrindaban

Most of the devotees leave tonight. Many told me they had life-changing experiences confirming my conviction that pilgrimage?times of the year dedicated solely to the pleasure of God?are an essential part for spiritual development.

We enjoyed the krishna-katha so much at Javat and Nandagram yesterday that I feel impelled to continue speaking on Chandrika Camutkara, Krishna’s uproarious pranks written by Viswanatha Cakravarti Thakur, instead of Caitanya-Bhagavata for my evening class. We also roll in waves of hilarity as Krishna disguises himself as a female doctor to cure Srimati Radharani.

Nandagram It’s the last day

January 31st, 2001

Nandagram

It’s the last day of parikrama. I warn the devotees who are remaining:

“You are feeling at home in Vrindaban because our program engages you fully in devotional service. Our program ends tomorrow. If you relax and give up the mood of full engagement in devotional service there will be trouble. You will not feel comfortable here. Fruitive longing (passion) and lethargy (ignorance) go against the grain of the internal energy and the pressure of being here in material consciousness can be unbearable.”

Srila Prabhupada therefore warned that “one should stay either three days or three years in Vrindaban.” I interpret this to mean that one can come on pilgrimage and focus his consciousness seriously on chanting and hearing as his service for a few days, or weeks at most. If one stays longer he must make a serious commitment to some regular service?otherwise, it is better to leave.

I didn’t feel so prepared this year for the parikramas in terms of preparing all the elaborate lilas of the various places, although from living in Vrindaban so many years, I know basically where those places are, and what pastimes took place there. Therefore from the beginning, although I always spoke something, I concentrated on engaging everyone in kirtan, and in that way, attempted to invoke the mercy of each pastime place. I think by this humble process, we were fairly successful in the imbibing of each place as within the name of Krishna are Krishna’s forms, qualities, and pastimes.

Our first stop today was Javat, the place where Srimati Radharani lives for six months of the year at her in-laws? house. My inspiration here, however, is that on our last day of the tour we should today absorb ourselves in the Radha-Krishna lila that took place here.

Javat is the only temple that has deities of Jatila (Radharani’s mother-in-law), Kutila (Radharani?s sister-in-law), and Abhimanyu (her so-called husband). They are worshipable because Radhika’s in-laws serve the parakiya-rasa (unwedded love) of the Supreme Lord Sri Krishna, by placing various obstacles in the meeting of Radha and Krishna to increase the risk and flavor of such love.

We sit peacefully before the deities of Radha and Krishna, the main deities here, and I speak extensively from Camutkara-Chandrika (?the moon beam of sheer astonishment”), a wonderful book by Srila Vishvanatha Cakravarti where he describes the various pranks that Krishna played on Abhimanyu and his family in Javat to attain the association of Srimati Radharani. The stories are hilarious, very engaging and do give the devotees a special sense of Krishna’s exchanges of love with Srimati Radharani.Chanting the holy name, mixed with remembrance of the appropriate pastimes approached in the proper mood, creates rasa, the flavor of devotion. We visit Nanda Bhavan, Krishna?s home, the center of all Krishna’s pastimes, as all Krishna’s divine lila begins from home and returns there by night. We see Nanda Baba, Yasoda Mayi, Krishna, and Balarama?the stately and sweet deities of Nanda Bhavan?and hear more and more of Radha and Krishna’s lila. We climb to the roof of Nanda Bhavan and gain a spectacular view of all the places of Krishna’s pastimes. We sight the very road where Akrura took Krishna and Balarama to Mathura and recall the gopis? pain of separation as Krishna mounts his chariot. In amusement, our guide points out Moti Kund, the place where Krishna planted pearls as seeds, harvested the jewels, and teased the gopis. We turn a bit to the right and spot Uddhava Kyari, the sanctified field where Uddhava, the topmost devotee of Krishna outside of Vraja, was humbled by witnessing the extraordinary mahabhava of Srimati Radharani and the gopis. We envision Krishna, Balarama, and his cowherd friends descending Nandisvara Hill with Their 108 herds of cows and see their destination?the forests and pastures between Nandagram and Javat. Our panoramic view of the very places of Krishna’s pastimes not only touches our hearts, but bolsters our faith. The activities of Krishna are mapped and we gain a visible sense of its history.

It is noon on our last day of parikrama. Time to visit just one final place of pastimes. Leaving Nandagram we march through it’s pastures for a half-hour trek to a favorite of the devotees, the out-of-the-way but gorgeous forest of Ter Kadamaba, where Krishna tends the cows during the day and meets Radha at night?the most sacrosanct and secluded lila-sthan, chosen by the topmost connoisseur of Vraja, Srila Rupa Goswami, as his bhajan sthali. It was in this place that he chose to compose his two masterpieces, Bhakti-rasamrita-sindhu and Ujjvala-nilamani.

We sit at Ter Kadamaba under a striking forest bower by the steps of a beautiful kunda and as rupanugas, followers of Sri Rupa Goswami, we appropriately end our pilgrimage by feeling and chanting a sweet prayer:

sri rupa-manjari pada, sei mora samprada
sei mora bhajana pujana

“The lotus feet of Sri Rupa Manjari are my treasure, my devotional service, my life.”

Vrindaban Nothing scheduled today. The

January 30th, 2001

Vrindaban

Nothing scheduled today. The devotees can revisit their favorite places, shop, or spend the day back reading. It’s been a wonderful tour. It will officially end in two days. I am now beginning to hanker for time to myself. I therefore literally plan to not leave my room for at least two weeks after the tour. Today, however, I will visit some old friends in Vrindaban to free myself of any last obligations.

At one place, I unexpectedly meet a former gurukula student and am quite surprised that he has now taken initiation for a local babaji. I am surprised because this young devotee?s father is a very staunch disciple of Srila Prabhupada and?practically from his very birth?this student always loved Srila Prabhupada deeply, like a grandfather. We talk. Interestingly, it seems that his love for Srila Prabhupada, and his tacit rejection of him (by accepting a teacher opposed to the authenticity of our parampara), are not at all a source of conflict for him. I surmise he has conveniently put these two cherished opposing ideals, his new guru and Srila Prabhupada, in two different non-overlapping compartments of his mind so that they do not clash and force him to make choice between them. Somehow Indians seem to have an expertise in doing this, where Westerners tend more toward reductionism. For the Western mind, everything that doesn’t exactly fit together logically leads to agonizing conflicts and difficult “it’s one or the other” choices. We continue our cordial talk. He has left the line of Srila Prabhupada, and that is disturbing, but he no longer takes drugs, says he’s happy, and I see that he is very enthusiastic for practical devotional service. His life is better now so I can’t condemn him.

I’ve also learned the art. He rejects Srila Prabhupada, but he’s doing better in devotional service. I fit them in two separate compartments of mind and I leave it at that.

God is causeless. Logic deals with cause and effect. Therefore the nature of God’s existence is beyond logic. It is therefore helpful sometimes, in some circumstances, to learn the art of acceptance beyond logic.

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Radha-kunda “Of many objects of

January 29th, 2001

Radha-kunda

“Of many objects of favored delight and of all the damsels of Vrajabhumi, Srimati Radharani is certainly the treasured object of Krishna’s love. And in every respect, Her divine kunda is described by the sages as similarly dear to Him. Undoubtedly, Radha-kunda is rarely attained even by the great devotees; therefore it is even more difficult for the ordinary devotees to attain. If one simply bathes once within these holy waters, one’s pure love of Krishna is fully aroused.? (The Nectar of Instruction, Text 11)

I don’t expect perfection today by just one bath. Rupa Gosvami?s statement is the last verse of the Upadesamrita. The full fruit of it s glories can be realized after one has gone through and realized the previous ten verses beginning with the first verse:

“A sober person who can tolerate the urge to speak, the mind’s demands, the actions of anger and the urges of the tongue, belly, and genitals is qualified to make disciples all over the world.”

Nonetheless, there is inconceivable benefit in pilgrimage to Radha-kunda. The most intimate pastimes of Radha and Krishna take place here daily and many of the greatest acaryas in our line lived here to meditate on those pastimes. At least a day is required to appreciate this most sacred of places.

Highlight: Vraja-svananda Sukhada-kunja, the house and bhajan sthali of Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur in Vraja. The goal of life is to obtain the pure love of Sri Sri Radha and Krishna. The acaryas carefully outline the path to obtain that goal. I express my own conviction with confidence: The Bhaktivedanta marg, coming from Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasavati Thakur, pursued thoughtfully and fixed on the proper goal, is the best path for us to practically obtain this sublime goal of life.

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Vrindaban Finish the parikrama of

January 28th, 2001

Vrindaban

Finish the parikrama of the seven major temples by visiting Radha-Damodar, Radha-Shyamasundar, and Madan Mohan. We also visit Banke-Bihari Mandir. I purposely save the temple of Banke-Bihari for near the end of our parikrama. It’s the most popular Deity in Vrindaban, in the middle of the city, and always mobbed with pilgrims, inside and outside, of the temple. We can’t do kirtan there, and there is no quiet place in or around the temple to sit and hear about Krishna, so I doubt how much the new devotees can get from the visit, although the spontaneous devotion of the pilgrims leaves a strong impression on us about the spirit of vraja-bhakti.

The deity of Banke-Bihari is mystically tucked away twenty feet at the back of a six-foot high platform that is gated in the front from the public. His pujaris unusually close the deity curtains for a moment every minute. This is done, local lore tells us, to prevent Banke-Bihari from leaving the altar. If the Deity sees His loving devotees for concentrated periods of time, His attachment for them will be overwhelming, and He will leave the temple in search of them, as has happened, it is told, many times in the past.

Navigating through the immense crowds pushing to see Banke-Bihari can be daunting for a newcomer, although a few of the men on our party (of moshpit experience) seem to be entertained by the jostling near the altar, as the pilgrims eagerly position themselves for a good look at their Lord.

We end today’s parikrama at the samadhi of Sanatana Gosvami. His sacred tomb is a magic place of peacefulness, a uniquely secluded walled area on a plateau on the hill of the Madan Mohan Deity. In contrast to Banke-Bihari, it is an oasis of calm where?without inhibition?we sing the glories of the Six Gosvamis and hear about Sri Sanatana Gosvami.

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Vrindaban My body and mind

Govardhana We leave at 6:30

January 26th, 2001

Govardhana

We leave at 6:30 am for a full Govardhana parikrama. I am a little worried about my health. The long walking could inflame a recurring problem as it did on my last parikrama of Govardhana. I really need to rest today. My plan is to inform the devotees at the beginning of the parikrama of my plight. I can walk only to the first initial places on the eastern side of the hill and then will have to take a jeep around to the other places to meet them.

When I get to Govardhana for the beginning of the parikrama, however, I became absorbed in my introductory talk. I forget to mention anything about my abbreviated parikrama. By the time I remember, I’ve already walked for an hour. I am feeling better, however, and the weather is also perfect. I resolve to continue rather than embarrassingly retreat midway. Surprisingly, by the mercy of Giriraja, I am gaining strength.

We need to return to the Bhaktivedanta Ashram for lunch around two o’clock so I keep a steady pace. The speed, in my estimation, is medium at most, and most of the devotees are keeping up, although a few seem to be struggling just a bit. For me it has been a relatively easy parikrama, but carrying the other devotees through successfully?most of whom are first-timers?is constantly on my mind. We complete the parikrama at about 2PM at Radha-kunda.

By the time we finish, the winter sun is very pleasantly strong. The men even sit comfortably without shirts on the steps of Radha-kunda. Those who felt they could approach this most sacred place with the proper reverence, and with the blessings of guru, humbly take bath. Bath in Radha-kunda, especially after the purification of Govardhana parikrama, is an electrifying spiritual event. It steadies and focuses the consciousness in a “be here and now” mood flavored with devotion far more than any practice I can imagine. I watch as the devotees bathe. They are stunned by that experience.

When I returned I was surprised to find out how many of the devotees felt the pace was tortuous and that they were pushed to the limits to keep up, like I was
leading some type of extreme sports outing. I feel a bit bad and wished they had said something, but they have already forgiven me as the fruit of their austerities?the uplifting spiritual charge of Radha-kunda bath?more than made up for whatever pain it took to get there.

Vrindaban During japa my mind

January 25th, 2001

Vrindaban

During japa my mind is drawn to yesterdays experience at Varsana. I pray for such remembrances everyday.

Our plan today: visit the seven major temples of Vrindaban. We start with Radha-Govindaji and manage to also see Radha-Raman, Radha-Gokulananda and the samadhis of Visvanatha and Narottama, but that’s all. It’s still a lot for a morning. We will plan another day to see the rest of the major temples.

It’s difficult to keep up with the journal. The days are busy. By the evening I’m very tired. I can’t write much more today.

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