Karttika 2006: Japa Meditations – October 18, 2006

October 18th, 2006

Karttika 2006
Japa Meditations

October 18, 2006
Govardhana

I open my heart before the holy name: “This is who I am.” It is embarrassing, but unless I open my heart to the holy name, why will the holy name have the confidence to reveal itself to me?

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Karttika 2006: Japa Meditations – October 17, 2006

October 17th, 2006

Karttika 2006
Japa Meditations

October 17, 2006
Govardhana

Walk the Talk Japa

There is a phrase, “walk the talk”. It means carrying out (walk) what you actually say (talk). I am chanting for service. That’s my talk. But do I actually want to walk that path, to be an unalloyed servant, surrendering to and living for another? It is a difficult platform of consciousness to attain. I am struggling with it. Unless I mean what I say, what is the potency of the mantra? My chanting today is for sincerity. I pray to walk my talk, but I need mercy.

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Karttika 2006: Japa Meditations – October 16, 2006

October 16th, 2006

Karttika 2006
Japa Meditations

October 16, 2006
Govardhana

An old scholar friend of mine unexpectedly showed up at my door. Even in my hidden kutir acquaintances still find me. It’s the second day in a row that someone just showed up. I welcome my guest, but it leaves little time after my chanting for writing my japa realizations. My very learned friend, however, filled my late morning with quality katha. I especially remember a quote from a Bhagavatam commentator about how to view adversity:

“When providence seems to be digging a hole to throw us in, it is actually planning to quench our thirst by drawing water from the ground.”

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Karttika 2006: Japa Meditations – October 15, 2006

October 15th, 2006

Karttika 2006
Japa Meditations

October 15, 2006
Radha-Kunda

Attended Maha Nidhi Swami’s class on bhajan rahasya-two questions and a side point:

Question: How is japa also seva?
Maharaja: Seva means to please the object of love. Krishna is most pleased by prema (love). The more prema in the name the more seva in the japa.

Question: Which chanting is best, loud japa or silent japa?
Maharaja: That japa that gurudeva teaches us, for gurudeva knows best how to please Krishna.

As I am leaving a devotee, a good young sadhaka, asks how is my health.

“It’s good. Why do you ask?”

“I was sick this morning,” he replied. “ I couldn’t chant, but I had a realization. Better I develop faith in the holy name now. How will I develop it later when I am old and health becomes a problem?”

His realization struck me. “Thank you,” I replied. “It’s something I needed to hear.”

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Karttika 2006: Japa Meditations – October 14, 2006

October 14th, 2006

Karttika 2006
Japa Meditations

October 14, 2006
Govardhana

Ocean Chanting

Drowning—water everywhere, nothing else. Ocean chanting, the holy name everywhere, nothing else. I pray to drown in the ocean of nama kirtan. It takes concentration and mercy. My prayers finally reach Sri Caitanya. I think of Srivas Angan and the nocturnal kirtans. I imagine my japa as the name in that kirtan. I listen attentively and imagine I am drowning, the holy name everywhere, nothing else.

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Karttika 2006: Japa Meditations – October 13, 2006

October 13th, 2006

Karttika 2006
Japa Meditations

October 13, 2006
Govardhana

I want entrance – absorption – into the holy name. What is that door that leads to such immersion? It is attraction to Sri Krishna. I thus search for my taste – the particular manifestation of the Lord that today will somehow evoke my natural love and open my heart to Sri Nama. I begin my japa. I pray to Sri Guru and the Vaisnavas and, gradually, in my chanting progressively reach the lotus feet of Sri Rupa Gosvami. I think of his samadhi at Radha Damodara, his bhajan kutir at Ter Kadamba, I sing his song (sri rupa manjari pada) and meditate on the special mercy he received from Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu. The heart opens. A slight taste comes. I gain entrance – absorption – into the holy name knowing it is only mercy.

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Karttika 2006: Japa Meditations – October 10-12, 2006

October 13th, 2006

Karttika 2006
Japa Meditations

October 10, 2006
Govardhana

Caterpillar Logic and Taste for the Holy Name

Bhaktivinoda Thakur explains that the fourth verse of the Siksastakam represents the stage of ruci, taste:

“O Almighty Lord! I have no desire to accumulate wealth, nor have I any desire to enjoy beautiful women, nor do I want any number of followers. I only want Your causeless devotional service in my life, birth after birth.”

Just as the caterpillar cannot go to the next leaf unless it is firmly planted on the leaf before, we cannot attain the platform of ruci (taste) until we become detached from material life symptomized by na dhanam, na janam…

October 11, 2006
Govardhana

As a river requires two embankments to surge forcefully, spiritual taste, prema, flows within the banks of union and separation. Similarly chanting with relish requires these two opposing moods.

I chant. Yes, Krishna is there in His holy name. It is the internal potency – Vrindavana, sweetness personified – but I am so unfortunate that I have no attraction for the holy name. I chant with union and separation.

October 12, 2006
Govardhana

What is the holy name without the heart, without some feeling? Chanting means searching for the heart, how we feel about Sri Krishna in the form of His name. Chant the name, but search for the heart of the name, for feelings towards it, even the feeling of sadness and repentance of one with no devotion for it.

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Karttika 2006: Japa Meditations – October 8-9, 2006

October 12th, 2006

Karttika 2006
Japa Meditations

October 8, 2006
Govardhana

Chanting is calling for the soul. What is the soul? The soul is consciousness. What is the nature of that consciousness? It is the mood of humble service. Where to find that consciousness within? It is our fixedness in guru, gratitude for the gifts of spiritual life, repentance for false ego, and the mood of humility in service. I call for the soul. Hare Krishna. Am I a sincere servant? I call for the soul. Hare Krishna. Where is my gratefulness? Am I thankful or spoiled? I call for the soul. Krishna Krishna. Am I sorry for forgetting God for a life of false ego? Krishna Krishna. I chant searching for the soul – the sincere, grateful, repentant and humble servant of guru.

October 9, 2006
Govardhana

Who is my friend, who is my enemy? A multitude of considerations, desires, and distinctions attack this sadhaka in his meditation. Such thoughts born of false ego cover the soul and make the name a stranger on my tongue. I chant for strength to avoid the mundane and to reveal the soul, the servant of Krishna.

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Karttika 2006: Japa Meditations – October 7, 2006

October 7th, 2006

Karttika 2006
Japa Meditations

October 7, 2006
Govardhana

Is Krishna there in His holy name even when chanted without devotion? Yes, but as a stranger. A stranger can stand before us, but not reveal themselves if we have no love or relationship with them. Similarly, if we chant without bhakti, without relationship or love, Sri Krishna’s essence, the beauty of His person, His very heart will not be revealed even when standing directly before us in His name. Chanting, therefore, begins by giving our heart to the Supreme in His most accessible manifestation, Sri Guru. I chant searching for Srila Prabhupada, to gauge my surrender and pray for it to deepen so that the heart of the holy name is revealed.

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Entering the Dhama 2006

October 6th, 2006

October 6, 2006
Vrindavana

Entering the Dhama 2006

“This is the first year in so many years that I entered the dhama without an incident,” I casually mention to Nityananda, my assistant this year in Vraja, “ Almost always on my first day something humbling happens.”

We are in Vrindavana for the day, my second day in Vraja, to tie up a few loose ends. This evening we will head back to Govardhana, where I arrived yesterday.

“Each year that I enter Vraja,” I continue, “there is some mystical encounter to help purify me of false ego. I consider these encounters the special mercy of Krishna to help me gain real entrance to the dhama. One year I had a run in with a black snake at the Yamuna; the next year I mistook some old tires as a black snake; then a bat landed on my shoulder and last year a monkey attempted to swipe my glasses at Kesi Ghat. Each time the confrontation happened on my very first day in dhama. All were humbling, but helpful in removing any vestiges of the false conception of controller and enjoyer – the antithesis of selfless servant, the mood that reveals Vraja.

“This year,” I explain, “in contrast, my entrance to the dhama has been only welcoming. I think it is because I already endured four intense month’s of purification in America.”

I then share with Nityananda my take on this sudden change of fortune in dhama entrance,“I did notice a special feeling of unworthiness this year approaching the dhama. Considering what I went through, how could I enter the dhama with ahankara, the conception that I am the controller? Nothing went my way practically the whole time I was in America.”

I further share my thoughts on my smooth arrival to Vraja, “I feel it as Krishna’s love for his forlorn devotee. After being so intensely criticized, it’s very soothing to feel a pleasant welcoming from the dhama. It’s only Srimati Radhika. Without her mercy nothing in Vraja happens.”

As we ride into the beginning of Loi Bazaar, I carefully take my glasses off and hold them in my hand weary of the place. It’s monkey ambush central for sure.

Shyamasundari suddenly rides past and sees me. She stops to greet me. “More good fortune,” I think to myself. Last year she graciously offered an exquisite hand painted outfit for Giriraja for Gaura Purnima. She designs most of the outfits for Sivaram Swami’s Deities in Hungary and offered to make outfits for Giriraja in reciprocation for my classes in Vrindavana. I was hoping that I would see her.

“Maharaja,” Shyamasundari explains, “I was looking for you. I just completed a new outfit for Giriraja. I was wondering how I would get it for you.”

“More good news” I thought, “everything I need is coming effortlessly.”

Thump! Whack! A quick slap on my hand. Chaos breaks. Time freezes in a moment of shock and confusion. I quickly come to my senses. My glasses are gone. I look up on the steel awning. Our furry enemy is gleefully twisting and chewing my glasses. No!

I run helplessly to the nearest fruit cart and grab some oranges. I throw them to the monkey. He doesn’t take the bait. He stares down and chews and chews on my glasses. The stakes are getting higher. He’s holding out, for bananas, but none are around. Will anything be left (of my glasses) by the time I find them?

The brijabasi children spring into action. They throw up some biscuits and then climb the wall. They are just barely hanging over edge, their legs dangling below the awning, hoping the monkey will drop the glasses in exchange. Our monkey, though, coolly moves from their reach. He continues to chomp on the frames. He’s laughing at me!

A small crowd gathers to watch the fun. The children try again. No luck.

All of sudden the monkey grabs the biscuits. One boy still hanging sweeps the awning with his hands. He’s got the glasses!

Miraculously they are fully intact except for a very small piece of rubber chewed from the end of the ear piece leaving the thin wire at the end exposed, a helpful reminder for my rest of my stay that I am certainly not the controller and enjoyer here.

Note: Kartik starts tomorrow. Hopefully I am now prepared now for some “trnad api” chanting. I pray for such realizations and that I may also share them with you.