Waves of Devotion

Dhanurdhara Swami November 11th, 2004

Kartik Journal

November 3 – November 12, 2004
Govardhana

Japa thought: Sri Krishna is attracted to His Name, but also to the person who is chanting it. Have no doubt. Sri Krishna is listening when we chant. (November 3rd)

Japa thought: The mind becomes attentive to that which it loves. We should thus chant with devotion. What if we have no devotion? Then chant for devotion, which is also our devotion. (November 4th)

Japa Thought: We must always search for the meaning of what we chant. Without purpose how will any endeavor enliven us? The holy name is my heartfelt prayer for devotional service, but mystically also Sri Krishna Himself, the object of my devotion. It is thus Sri Sri Radha Krishna in union, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, and also Sri Sri Radha Krishna in separation, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. It is the song we sing for Sri Krishna?s pleasure, Who not only sits on our tongue to listen to His Name, but also to hear our love. (November 5th)

Japa thought: Sri Krishna is non-different from His Name. Just absorb oneself in the sound of the Name. What more can I pray for than His direct association in the form of His Holy Name? (November 6th)

Japa thought: Again I ponder, ?Sri Krishna is here, I am His devotee, but is where my love? And if there is no love, then what pleasure will I get from His name?? I am humbled that the All-attractive is not attracting me. I thus chant: No love. I am fallen. No love. I am fallen. (November 7th)

Mysteries of Vrindavana: I sit peacefully chanting at Govinda Kund. Surprisingly an auto riksaw rumbles by in the sand. The passenger looks at me and frantically waves the driver to a halt. A tall well built figure with long dark black hair like Lord Sri Caitanya bolts out. He hugs me. I see a sadly aging figure, a western man my age, but much more worn by the years. ?Do I know you?? he humbly asks. I recognize a god-brother?somehow we always seem to recognize each other, even if we haven?t intimately met. He strangely pleads with me, ?Srila Prabhupada is still my guru, but Lalita Prasad (Srila Bhaktisiddhanta?s Sarasvati Thakur?s younger brother), is my diksa guru. ISKCON doesn?t understand me.? I?m not impressed, but remain polite. I don?t say much wanting to chant. He hugs me again, looks wildly into my eyes, and shares a secret. ?I am translating a book on Visnupriya. Not much is known about her. ?She is prema bhakti coming to teach prema bhakti.? Tears come to his eyes. Can?t say they are real. He then suddenly scoots away. I continue my morning chant. (November 8th)

Japa thought: Nothing can stop spiritual potency from influencing us except aparadha. If we are not tasting the Holy Name, then it is aparadha only, most likely to the devotees. As only humility can protect us from offense, then only in a humble frame of mind can we taste the holy name and chant incessantly. (November 9th)

Bhagavatam thought: There are different types of sukrti (piety), thus different auspicious results for our good deeds. Jnana sukri, the act of proper study, gifts one with advancement in knowledge. Karma sukrti, the act of good works, bestows material enjoyment. But how do we get devotion and what exactly is bhakti sukrti? The naga- patnis, the wives of Kaliya, seeing Sri Krishna dance on their husband?s head, ask Sri Krishna the same question: How did our sinful husband get such contact with the Lord to the extent that the Lord?s lotus feet were touching his hoods? What type of good deeds (sukrti) did he perform to reap such an auspicious result? In their next inquiry they thus describe the essence of such devotional sukrti:

?Did he in some previous existence carefully execute religious duties with compassion for all living beings, and that is why You, the life of all living beings, are so satisfied with Him??

As we are separated from the Absolute Reality, Sri Krishna, by envy, or hate, the method of realizing that Absolute Reality is naturally just the opposite?devotion, or love. The process of devotional service thus begins with humility and respect. As Lord Caitanya advised in His Siksastaka, one has to execute devotional service by humbly chanting the Hare Krishna mantra, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street, never expecting honor for oneself, but offering all kinds of honor to others. The naga-patnis thus also question:

?Did our husband carefully perform austerities in a previous life, with his mind free of pride and full respect for others? Is that why you are pleased with him?

To acquire Krishna?s mercy we are thus encouraged to accrue bhakti-sukrti by giving Krishna-consciousness to others in a mood of compassion and by becoming the humble servant of all devotees. (November 10th)

Bhagavtam thought: In the second verse of Srimad Bhagvatam it is described that by hearing about the Absolute Reality, Sri Krishna, immediately, at once (sadya), real devotion manifests in our heart to the extent that Sri Krishna is captured there.

Why, however, does this not happen to us? Sri Vyasadeva answers: krtibhih, one has to be pious. What type of piety? He explains, nirmatsaranam satam, the piety of being without envy. This means to give up competitive (fruitive) activity, to relinquish the endeavor to be better than others for the purpose of false ego, and ultimately renouncing the desire to be the controller and enjoyer. The piety to bestow devotion is thus giving up envy by becoming the humble servant of servant of guru and the vaisnavas. (November 11th)

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Dhanurdhara Swami November 2nd, 2004

Kartik Journal
October 26 – November 2, 2004

NY to Amman (Jordan): I shuffled down the aisle looking for 11B, my preferred aisle seat. My neighbor for the flight, now known to me only as 11B window seat, gently points with his right palm to my open seat in a surprisingly welcoming motion. He then greets me with a few friendly words. It?s nearly midnight. My new friend promptly curls himself up towards the window and sleeps before any further conversation could ensue. ?What a nice guy,? I thought. I soon follow into slumber. (October 26th)

NY to Amman (Jordan): I rose early, much earlier than my other passengers. After washing, I worship Giriraja (manasa puja), then chant plane rounds. After several hours the cabin lights welcome the day. My friend rises, smiles and coolly (a warm type cool) announces himself, ?Good morning my friend?. We chat.

My fellow passenger was born in Jordan, but a New Yorker for thirty years. He has a thin neatly trimmed beard and a swarthy complexion. I like his funky black cabby cap matching his dark long sleeve shirt and simple pants. As the conversation ensues, I became curious about his work. I hesitate to ask. Surely he?s just a cabbie and who?s proud of that? I ask anyway?can?t help myself. His answer surprises me.

Ray is from an established and popular Jordanian family. His ancestors migrated from Greece thousands of years ago. They are thus one of the oldest and established families in the country. Although Jordan is ninety-five per cent Muslim, his family is Catholic, but respected and charitable land holders. In fact, for generations they have known the royal family and thus are ?frequently in and out of the palace?. Ray, in fact, is personally close to Queen Nori, the wife of the late King Hussein.

My friend is also a member of an influential US committee connected with the US embassy that renovates ancient churches, mosques, and temples. They are currently overseeing an old church renovation in Amman, the capital of Jordan. Ray is here, however, to visit his beloved parents, who now live in a small palace quaintly perched on a small mountain over-looking Jerusalem. He purchased it recently for his own retirement in a few years.

Ray was educated in the USA as an engineer and now lives and works near Millbrook, NY. He?s now a landscape architect and heads his own company, Stone Unlimited. I ask him if he knows my disciple Madan Mohan, as Madan is also a landscape designer in the same area. He does and even mentions where he lives, but his remembrance is vague.

My friend also talks a lot about religious tolerance and very much appreciates that I?m a Hindu monk. He begs me to visit him in Jordan and NY and gives me his calling card. I find him very genuine so I will certainly take up his invitation.

It was a simple plane ride, but enriched with the flavor of the hand of Krishna personally selecting my seat and my neighbors too. I?m intrigued by that. The real story is still hopefully to be told if this ?chance? meeting brings me to Jordan in the future to preach.

A doubt arose, ?If Ray was so prominent why was he in economy class?? A military escort awaits him. Doubt dispelled. He waves good-bye. (October 27th)

Entering the dhama: Eric, who is accompanying me to Vrindavana this year, asks this morning just before we land, ?Are you afraid??, referring to going to such an exalted place as Vrindavana. I replied, ?Not at all. I?m looking forward to it?. Later I thought, ?Maybe I should be afraid.? Vrindavana is the spiritual world. Shouldn?t that humble me and make me wary of my lack of qualification and the purification required to stay there? (October 28th)

Entering the dhama: As usual Gopal, our well-known brijabasi driver, meets me at the airport. Seeing his smile and manner, I already feel Braja – the happy Braja. As we leave the airport, however, the apprehension that Eric inquired about starts to overcome me. What?s going on? Yes, I am unqualified and will certainly have to be purified to stay in Braja! Will my false ego be laid bare? My attachments routed? As I ride through the back streets of Delhi on the way to the Mathura road, I distinctly feel the rays of Braja. It?s still 93 miles southeast, but I swear it?s touching me. How is that possible? Like the sun?we feel it directly even 93 millions of miles away. I?m apprehensive, but excited, a healthy mood for approaching the dhama. (October 28th)

Home at last: It?s purnima, the full moon day, when practically all of North India comes to Govardhana for a family 24 kilometer stroll. We?re stuck dead in an impossible huge traffic jam just before the famous ?Giriraja Misthan Bandar? (sweet shop). The turn-off to Aniyor and our ashram is just a few hundred feet away, but we?re not moving. I?m not anxious, however. I?ve come for this, to be among the devotees in Govardhana. (October 28th)

Sadhus of Vrindavana: Why am I here? To chant and chant more. I will leave the ashram after breakfast every day for someplace in Govardhana to finish the bulk of my chanting before lunch. Today it?s Govinda Kunda. Before I can find a quiet place to chant, an old friend greets me. It?s Ranga Caitanya, ?lal baba?.

Ranga Caitanya was our ISKCON pujari in Govardhana several years ago. Even then his nature was to be a tyagi, a severe renunciate. He lives now in a small bhajan kutir across from Govinda Kunda. He still, however, remains faithful in his own way to Srila Prabhupada. Unlike the other babajis who all wear white, he keeps his saffron or red cloth. The babajis thus affectionately call him ?lal (red) baba?.

Ranga Caitanya is also very gentle and humble. He goes around Govardhana twice every day and eats only what he can beg (madhukari). He begs me to stay for lunch and ushers me into to his very small, five by eight, windowless room. Fortunately his door faces east to greet the rising sun. He has an altar, his books, a few possessions and a place where he both sleeps and chants and that?s all. I find his simple and quiet life very attractive, but could I trade my comforts and convenience for his austerity?

I just ate breakfast. I thus take only one sumptuous brijabasi roti (flat bread), half of a sweet, and a glass of buttermilk. For me it?s a feast. (October 29th)

Sadhus of ISKCON: Sivaram Swami visits today. When I?m not chanting, I spend my time with him. Maharaja is affectionate, deep, devotional, and empowered?great association. ISKCON needs spiritual exemplars. I?m sorry when he leaves. (October 30th)

Japa thought: Chanting means three things: Krishna, His devotee, and their relationship. That relationship is love, but why I am not feeling it when chanting the holy name? At least I chant with the cognizance that Krishna is there in His name and that I am His aspiring servant. I thus pray for that love, which is also that love, at least the beginning of that love. (October 31st)

Japa thought: Attentive chanting means that only Krishna in the form of His holy name pervades our consciousness. It is also the symptom of prema. How? Real love means that the object of ones love exclusively permeates one?s thoughts and perceptions. Why am I not feeling prema when chanting? I am not attentive. I share Krishna in my consciousness with my selfishness, desires, and ego. I humbly pray that by Krishna?s mercy my mind is conquered by Him. It all begins, however, with attentive chanting, putting Krishna exclusively in our consciousness. (November 1st)

Vrindavana thought: Eric went to Vrindavana today and returned with his own Vrindavana adventure story. When he told me a monkey grabbed his glasses at Kesi Ghat I joked, ?Good, you needed that.? He laughed.

To enter the dhama, the false ego needs to be removed and we have to be off the mental plane. In other words, we have to deeply want to be in Vrindavana, the place that is just not about ?us?. There is nothing that drives home that message than the monkey coolly sitting above us on the wall telling us, ?If you want to stay here, then this is what its like. It?s not about you, the fool standing there in bewilderment as I chew up your glasses. Ha! Ha! Ha! Sure you want to stay?? Eric makes his choice. He decides to stay, but without his new glasses. (November 1st)

Japa thought: Chanting is begging for Krishna to the point where our entreaty brings us to tears. Can?t do that without humility Therefore trnad api. (November 1st)

Japa thought: As I am chanting, suddenly thousands of beautiful bird?s wiz by my window. I?m awestruck by the beauty and potency of God. What a farce, to pretend I am significant! I bow down and chant before Sri Krishna begging forgiveness to never again forget my tiny position. (November 2nd)

Japa thought: Real chanting begins when you want what you don?t have, Krishna. Without that want ?Krishna! Krishna! Krishna! I want Krishna!? our mantra has no meaning. (November 2nd).

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Dhanurdhara Swami August 31st, 2004

Recently my mother related to me how she was advising her daughter-in-law who had become overwhelmed with the responsibilities of her family and job. She quoted to her a Yiddish saying that her own mother told her when she was similarly overwhelmed with the care of her three young sons. She said something to the effect that ?it will all soon pass?. Now that my disciples have children, and I am often living among them, I have become more aware how much sacrifice a mother has to make. Somehow, until my mother recently told me about her own struggles as a mother raising young children, I never realized that she also underwent a similar sacrifice taking care of me and my two brothers. When she told me, my immediate reaction was to feel bad for the pain that I caused her by the insensitive way I joined the Hare Krishna movement (although I, of course, have no regrets with the fact that I joined). I have to say my admiration for motherhood has soared over the last few years!

A realization I recently gained from astrology about the importance of motherhood increased this appreciation more. In astrology different planets and different houses are the karaka, or main indicators, for the different prominent aspects of ones life. For example, we can look to the position of the sun and the strength of the ninth house for the nature of ones relationship with the father. The tenth house deals with one?s occupation, and Jupiter ones wisdom, guru or religiosity. In the same way, the moon and fourth house indicate ones mother. What struck me is the fact that the moon and the fourth house are also the indicators of the mind. As the mother and the mind have the same exact karaka, astrology shows that the strength of one?s relationship with one?s mother, the nurturing aspect of ones life, is also the main determining factor for ones strength of mind.

When we say ?mind? in this context, we are also referring simultaneously to what we call the heart. A strong mind thus means that one can both freely express, and when needed control, ones feelings. In other words, a person with a good mind is thus open-hearted and secure, but at the same time not overwhelmed by mood swings. They can thus control their mind, make decisions, and think clearly. A good mind (heart) is thus the foundation of properly relating, communicating, and learning, the emblems of culture.

An interesting incident last year reinforced this realization about the correlation between the mother and the mind. His Holiness Radhanatha Swami asked me to accompany him to place his mother?s ashes in the Yamuna. From the soberness and attentiveness he gave to this task, I could sense his gratitude and strong relationship with his mother, although he had left his family to become a monk, and is certainly a detached person. I was also told this later, about the positive influence his mother had on his life. As I reflected on the nature of his good heart, his ability to be open hearted and loving, and also the strength of his mind, his ability to remain fixed and undisturbed, it further dawned on me the strong connection between the nature of ones mind and the quality of the nurturing influences in one?s early life.

This understanding is also confirmed by my observation of those lacking formative nurturing influences. Years ago I was dealing with a person in Vrindaban who had all the signs of serious clinical depression. He was gradually losing touch with reality and needed serious mental health care. It took me months of pushing to finally get the temple authorities to seek professional consultation. Afterwards, I spoke to one of the leaders, a very cultured Indian, and told him frankly that he could never understand the need for psychiatric care because he had a loving mother at home who fed him. I also knew his mother and how close they were. He was startled by my statement, and told me I was absolutely right. He related to me that when he would sometimes read in the newspaper how the rich and famous had clinical depression, he would say to himself ?what is this depression?? having no personal frame of reference to understand it. We then discussed how much the sense of being loved in a family is transferred through the serving and taking of meals affectionately prepared by a loving mother, and especially how the children were inoculated against insecurity and depression by the love and security impressed within them by this loving exchange.

As a person?s real success is based on one?s strength of mind, there is, in a sense, a mother behind every successful man. As the strength of a society is the character of its people, the nature of their hearts and minds, we can also gauge how essential motherhood is to the proper development of society. Thank you mothers!

*Although the nurturing influences in one?s life is the most significant factor in the development of ones mind (heart), even if this is lacking it can be compensated for, or rectified, by other factors, like training and other forms of personal development, especially by cultivating a loving relationship with God and His devotees. Similarly, even if those nurturing influences are there, the mind can be disturbed by other factors such as sinful reactions from bad karma or traumatic experiences. However, the effect of the appropriate nurturing in childhood on the development of one?s mind cannot be underestimated. Also there is a difference between proper nurturing and co-dependence and other forms of over-indulgence.

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Dhanurdhara Swami August 28th, 2004

August 28, 2004
Sri Vrindavana dhama
 
Guru-tattva II: How to see the Guru as God
 
The importance of guru-bhakti is highlighted in another famous verse about guru-tattva discussed in Sri Bhakti-sandarbha:
 
“One should know the preceptor to be my very self. One should never disregard or envy him in any way, thinking him to be mortal, because the guru is the embodiment of all the gods.”
 
This is probably one of the five most often quoted verses about the spiritual master. Sri Jiva Goswami reveals a startling fact about this verse. It does not even necessarily refer to a spiritual master, but a teacher in general!*
 
The thinking behind this verse is a little subtle. All teachers, even those teaching material knowledge, are to be seen, in a sense, by a cultured person as God, as all knowledge is ultimately meant to culture us towards the Absolute Reality. This refers to the parents who maintain social traditions, the maestro who knows the universal principles of music, or even the academic teacher who instructs us in basic reading and writing. In other words, as God's main relationship to this world is to educate us, and he does this through his representatives, the instructions of a teacher should be seen as God manifest through them. More important than this understanding, however, is the psychology behind it.
 
First, this mindset, abject faith in the teacher, is a prerequisite for learning, for without seriously considering a subject, it is impossible to understand it. Teaching also takes great effort. Unless the student establishes a conduit for learning that is nonresistance, the teacher will not be enthused to use their valuable time to enlighten them. Therefore the legitimate teacher must be seen and approached with great faith to create at atmosphere for learning, what to speak of how we must accept a spiritual master.
 
There's a problem however. It's hard to give up the false ego. We hate authority. Indeed, that attitude separates us from God. The tendency is thus to disregard and envy the guru. Often at best we struggle with it, because we just abhor the inferior position. The caution is therefore given, don't let your ego, your fear of being subordinate, obstruct your learning, Do not ?disregard or envy him thinking he is a mortal man? for you will remain in ignorance.
 
But what if he is mortal man? If he is guru, teacher, and you want to learn then he is devata, God, otherwise you will not. The person may be mortal, but if they have knowledge and you approach them properly, then Krishna, who represents knowledge, will certainly appear through them. Otherwise the relationship will not bear fruit and the teacher will be forced to neglect you.
 
Of course the expert teacher knows the nature of their students. Especially today most people are suspicious of authority, and for good reasons. The competent teacher has to know the art of creating an atmosphere where the student wants to learn. Still, it is expected that the intelligent student will eventually learn the subtleties of studentship so that his progress will not be thwarted with misconceptions, such as equating surrender and faithfulness with blind following.
 
In the very next section, Sri Jiva not only reinforces the need to approach the teacher properly, but makes his real point, the necessity for approaching the spiritual master with the highest regard:
 
“This being the case [that such respect even applies to the teacher of relative knowledge], it is all the more incumbent on those pursuing the path of spiritual realization, to have such feelings towards their guru, as Sri Narada told Yudhisthira:
 
“The spiritual master should be considered to be directly the Supreme Lord because he gives transcendental knowledge for enlightenment. Consequently, for one who maintains the material conception that the spiritual master is an ordinary human being, everything is frustrated. His enlightenment and his Vedic studies are like the bathing of an elephant.?” (Bhag. 7:15.26)
 
Srila Prabhupada's purport here is enlightening. It analyzes the same point being discussed:
 
“One may argue by saying that since the spiritual master's relatives and the men of the neighborhood consider him an ordinary human being, what is the fault on the part of the disciple who considers the spiritual maser an ordinary human being? This will be answered in the next verse, but the injunction is that the spiritual master should never be considered an ordinary man.”
 
In that next verse Sri Narada again compares seeing the spiritual master to directly seeing the Supreme Lord because he purely represents His teachings.
 
*Specifically he reveals that in the context of the Bhagavatam this verse is about a student who is studying karma.
 
 

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Dhanurdhara Swami August 27th, 2004

August 27, 2004
Sri Vrindavana dhama
 
Guru Tattva I: The Glories of Guru Bhakti
 
Sadhu-sanga is the single most important component for spiritual advancement on the path of bhakti. It has three components: the sadhu, our relationship with him, and our own receptivity. All are important, but in many ways our receptiveness is the most essential, for unless we open our hearts with faith, how will we benefit from sadhu-sanga?
 
I am thus going to discuss the subject of discipleship found in Sri Bhakti-sandarbha in the section where guru-tattva is analyzed. I will do this by commenting on two main verses quoted by Sri Jiva beginning with a very famous text from the Svetasvatara Upanishad:

“Unto those great souls who have implicit faith in both the Lord and the spiritual master, all the imports of Vedic knowledge are automatically revealed.”

 
“Implicit faith” refers to guru bhakti, devotion to the spiritual master. Why does guru bhakti help reveal the import of the sastra? It's because bhakti is the humble position of giving oneself to God and His devotees with love and it takes saranagata, or surrender. Bhakti thus naturally entails ridding oneself of the false ego, the consciousness that separates us from the Absolute Reality. As the ultimate aim of all scriptural studies is the eradication of false ego, one who has embraced guru bhakti, the position of humble servant, has intuitively understood the import of all scriptures. It's simple. When one understands the essence of a thesis, one has naturally understood the relevance of its parts. In other words, a humble soul, who has given himself to God through the Lord's devotees, upon hearing the sastra naturally, understands its intended import, others will not.
 
How many times have we witnessed prideful souls independent of guru miss even the most fundamental devotional precepts of humility and service, even when they are expert in intellectualizing and quoting sastra?
 
Guru bhakti, the mood of humble servant, thus acts like a password to the domain of sastra. Without it, we have no access to it.
 
 

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Dhanurdhara Swami August 16th, 2004

Purusottama Journal

August 1 – 16, 2004
Sri Vrindaban Dham

Vrindaban life: There’s not much social interaction or dynamic preaching here for me at this time of the year. My friends and students usually come later. There is, in that sense, little to satisfy my personal nature, only chanting and studying almost all day. It’s tapa, or heat, and I can feel the purification, but it’s divine, and also makes me happy. (August 1st )

Japa thoughts: Time is relative. When an activity lacks relish, time almost unbearably stretches. When an activity is full of pleasure, the oppression of time mystically dissolves. Is our japa “a moment that takes ten years or more”, or “a few hours that goes by in a flash”? Thoughts of finishing our rounds bring on the oppression of time. Ideally it’s the chanting itself that is important, not what we get from it. Attention in chanting plus thoughts of its relevance equals timelessness, because focus keeps us in the present. Concentrate on the holy name, think of its meaning and importance, and go deeper and deeper. Time will gradually cease. (August 1st)

Japa thoughts: Relevance of chanting the holy name: It cleans the heart and reveals Sri Krishna, and also our own true nature. It extinguishes suffering. It invokes the pleasurable sentiments of devotion and enlightens us with transcendental knowledge. We have a loving relationship with the holy name. In fact, our beloved has appeared. We thus humble ourselves and feel satisfied before the holy name. Sincere chanting pleases the spiritual master, which also makes us happy, as his pleasure is ours. We thus chant with affection for the holy name, and also for the giver of the holy name. Activities with love can never bore or burden us. (August 3rd)

Sadhus of Vrindaban: I went with Brajajana to Surya Kunda, a sublime, solitary and off-beaten place, where Sri Radha meets Sri Krishna every Sunday at noon on the pretext of worshipping the sun God, Surya Narayan, for the good health and long life of her husband. After visiting the temple of Surya Narayan, and paying respects to the bhajan kutir of Srila Jagannatha Dasa Babaji, we visit another pristine forest ashram on the bank of Surya Kunda, the place of bhajan and the samadhi mandir of a late and apparently famous local siddha mahatma or perfected soul. Unfortunately, I didn’t get his name. The ashram mostly consists of a large almost open-aired temple pavilion looking out on the forestry banks of Surya Kunda. Three dignified looking elderly men are dispersed in the temple, sitting peacefully, two absorbed in sastra and one in the holy name. Goodness pervades. They offer us humble respect, gently smile, and then dispassionately return to their service. I can sense pure devotion, hearing about Sri Krishna simply because of liking to do so, a state where one’s heart and attention flow effortlessly to His name and pastimes. They must sit there everyday, all year, for what else is here in this inaccessible and simple village. I also want to hear and chant more because of a simple liking to do so, not just obligation or fear. That’s certainly coming more and more, but I want to go even deeper. I’m enlivened by seeing the saints of Surya Kunda. I pray for akincana bhakti. (August 6th)

Vrindaban thoughts: The saints of Surya Kunda did inspire me. I try to continue my spiritual practices until lunch at noon. I sit late morning reading, “The Killing of the Kaliya Serpent”. Would I rather be preaching? I am preaching here in my own way. I give class twice a day and write. I want what Krishna wants for me. At least for now it’s this. (August 7th)

Bhagavatam thoughts: Bhakti flows unimpeded to Krishna. Why? Very simple, you can only stop an action by obstructing its cause. Bhakti is pure love, and love by definition is causeless. If it has a cause or motive, then it’s obviously not love. In other words, the only thing that can stop pure love is to stop loving, so if you have pure love, it will flow non stop, because there is no cause to stop it. If there were a reason or motive, it wouldn’t be love. For example, if we work for money, then the work can easily be stopped by just stopping the money or salary. If we are serving out of love, however, our service will continue, even without payment or prestige. It can’t be stopped. Its causeless devotion like the mood of the gopis who pray:

“I know no one but Krishna as my Lord, and He shall remain so even if He handles me roughly by His embrace or makes me brokenhearted by not being present before me. He is completely free to do anything and everything, for He is my worshipful Lord, unconditionally.” (August 9th)

Japa thoughts: Chanting the holy name means turning oneself towards the Absolute Reality, Sri Krishna. It must be done with some affection. Why? If God is everywhere and everything, then we can only turn to and from Him in the sense of our consciousness. It is a fact. Not wanting the Absolute Reality, we become blinded to reality by envy or aversion. We thus fall in to maya, the illusion that God is not here. As it is, only non devotion, or dislike, turns us from the all-pervading Absolute Reality, then only the reverse, heartfelt affection, will reveal God and His holy name. Chant with attention, but chant with affection. It is the only means (abhideya) to reveal the Absolute Reality and to give us the experience (prayojana) of the Absolute Reality, love of Godhead.
(August 11th)

Vrindaban thought: I heard the distressing news of Sripad Bhakti-tirtha Swami’s illness, a very sincere servant of Srila Prabhupada and the holy name. My day is dedicated to prayers for his welfare. (August 12th)

Bhagavatam thoughts: As the import of all sastra is humble service, to deeply understand sastra one has to approach sastra and the teacher representing it in the mood of a humble servant. This methodology ingenuously affords sastra some protection from those who are proud, who would only use it only to enhance their prestige. A Sanskrit scholar here, an old friend, told that me that guru bhakti, the ultimate mood of humble service, serves almost as a password to enter the domain of the sastra. I pray not to forget why I am studying here. (August 13th)

Vrindaban life: After evening class I take a brisk walk to the Goshalla where Nandandana and his wife serve me fresh hot milk. She had just finished the milking before I arrived. I sit in front of their house watching the cows and admiring those who have real life, who do things directly connected with their own sustenance and survival. Afterwards I visit my godbrother, Prema Kishor, who has house on a small farm on the other side of the parikram path, right across from the Goshalla. Although only fifty yard from the parikram path, his house faces the Yamuna and his farm extends towards her shore. There is absolutely nothing between his property and the river. After his rigorous morning sadhana, which includes picking plenty of fragrant flowers and fresh tulasi for Giriraj, he works all day on the farm growing the flowers, harvesting the wheat, cultivating the vegetables and taking care of his cows. He even has a small orchid. I listen intently as he speaks, “Srila Prabhupada wanted his preachers to spend time in the Dham, but what is the Dham. It’s vraja, the forest and pasturing grounds of Vrindaban. It’s the sound of birds, the fragrance of flowers, the feel of its earth, the taste of its natural bounty.” Today I lament as a city boy who grew up thinking that milk came from a store. Those impressions run deep. (August 14th)

Bhagavatam meditations: I read something today that confirmed that our main spiritual practice is the mood of humble service to guru and the vaisnavas: “For those devoid of ego, Sri Krishna is not at all distant. But for those who are full of ego, mountain ranges stand between them and the Lord.” (Brahma Vaivarta Purana) (August 16th)

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Dhanurdhara Swami July 30th, 2004

Author?s Note: Approximately every three years on the Indian lunar calendar a leap year, called Purusottama, is added. It is considered very auspicious, much like Karttik, where completing spiritual vows accrues immense spiritual benefit. Throngs of pilgrims, hundreds of thousands, thus flock to Vrindaban this month. In this regard, the vow to complete dandavat parikram (prostrated obeisances around Vrindaban) has become increasingly popular. I see pilgrims doing it everyday while walking to and from the temple on the parikrama path. I?ve especially noticed a lot of youth there, mostly below fourteen. It seems to have become like a fad for them. Thousands are prostrating themselves in the mud of the parikram road. I sense in them the bravado of boys meeting a physical challenge. As I walk by, I thus occasionally nod in appreciation. They smile or gesture in return. I have my own chanting vow, but mostly I am studying and teaching Sri Bhakti Sandarbha. I still, however, have some time to jot down a few journal notes to share with you. The first are below. More will come.

Purusottama Journal

July 15-July 30th, 2004
Sri Vrindaban Dham

Two thoughts on my way to Vrindavan by the main highway from Delhi:

Thought 1: I can feel the pressure of the Dham even before reaching her borders. What is that pressure? The pressure is bhagavat dharma?putting Krishna in the center of our lives. Without putting Krishna in the center our lives twenty-fours a day, there is no meaning to ?I am a resident of Vrindaban?.

Thought 2: It?s the rainy season in vraja, one of its six distinct seasons. The effects of the changing seasons can be used for spiritual life. For example, in the winter one is forced to spend more time at home, which is good for introspection. Similarly, in the rainy season sannyasi?s traditionally settled in holy places, as the rains made their wanderings difficult, if not impossible. They took advantage of the season to regulate and increase their spiritual practices. Things are different today, but I see no harm in keeping the traditional spirit of the season by coming here to regulate and increase my spiritual practices. I look forward to it. (July 15th)

Vrindaban life: I take the taxi from the airport right to the bank of the Yamuna for an auspicious bath, before doing anything else. It?s my habit. The rains have not come. The water is warm and shallow. I walk to mid-stream and wade alone for quite some time gazing at the Kesi Ghat skyline. Again, home at last! (July 15th)

Vrindaban Life: At evening aratik a god-brother informs me that our god-sister, Mulaprakrti dd, has passed away. He invites me to a memorial for her that evening at Srila Prabhupada?s house.

Mulaprakrti is one of a group of god-sisters who dedicated themselves to book distribution in LA. They would try to go out every day of the week for nearly twelve hours, and she, I am told, was one of the best them. Their austerities weren?t artificial. They had a deep conviction, perhaps even from past lives, to dedicate themselves to guru, to sacrifice on his behalf. I think if there was some other motive, the result of their austerities would not have been Vrindaban. Their dedication to Sri Caitanya?s mission brought practically all of them here, either to reside, or to leave their body. Having lived here in Vraja myself, I know many of them. I can attest to their sincerity and remarkable service attitude. There is a lesson to be learned here from devotees like Mulaprakrti, and Gauri devi dasi (another LA Sankirtan god-sister who successfully left this world in Vrindaban):

Never underestimate the power of service and sacrifice to the mission of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu under the blessings of Srila Prabhupada. (July 17th)

Sadhus of Vrindaban: Staying this year at Giriraja Swami?s small house/ashram in the giriraja bagiccha (garden), a cul-de sac just off the parikram path. It?s old vraja, just sadhus and ashrams. Across from me is Balaram Baba?s ashram, a small ashram, more like a modest house, but dedicated to kirtan and sadhu seva.

For this month Balarama Baba is feeding a minimum of over five hundred sadhus and pandits daily, sometimes even a thousand. He personally invites me also. At eleven in the morning, the prasadam is served conveniently outside our gate on the small eight foot wide brick path that winds through this small neighborhood. It?s served through out the small twelve house/ashram neighborhood on every path, in every little ashram, even the small goshalla to the back of me, and will be served every day this month. I honor the prasadam with the local Sanskrit students in the front courtyard of Sivaram/Govinda Swami?s house, a more peaceful setting to take.

Balarama Baba, graying, but not yet fifty, works hard, but remains jolly. He wear?s only a short white lungi rolled just below his bare chest with only a cell phone half tucked into his lungi, hanging from his neck by a cord necklace. Today thick wads of five rupee notes also are tucked all around his lungi, a real money belt. He walks briskly through the crowd, up and down the aisles, quickly dealing the notes, like playing cards, into each sadhus lap. Plop!-Five rupees in mine- How embarrassing! An ?ugly American? eats with poor sadhus, and gets charity too!

The prasadam is clean, very expertly served, and tasty, but can I eat puris and sweets everyday? I take mostly the rice, dahl and subji. I feel at home with the sadhus and brijabasi?s. I pray to become one. (July 18th)

Vrindaban thoughts: The law of co-incidence as a proof of God?s existence: Co-incidence means related incidences that have coincided supposedly by chance, despite the high improbability of them doing so. When we have multiple co-incidences, the probability of them being by chance becomes highly improbable, almost impossible. At least the likelihood of them coming together by some supreme intelligent force is far more probable than the odds of them coming together randomly. (July 20th)

Vrindaban life: Go the Yamuna with Bhurijana for a late afternoon bath. We also sit in the middle of her shallow waters, and gaze at the Kesi Ghat skyline. Wonderful, purifying, refreshing, no need to speak much, but Bhurijana shares a thought:

ISKCON life has at times been complex and difficult, but we got Vrindaban by that life, a wonderful and undeniable spiritual experience. It is Prabhupada that gave us that life, a life that brought us to Vrindaban. His potency and mercy can?t be denied. We remain eternally indebted. (July 22nd)

Japa thoughts: I pray deeply for perfection. I then hesitate. Perfection means becoming a devotee, meaning being only for Krishna. What would Krishna have to do to give me perfection? Am I ready to give up everything independent of Him? Do I want those things and attachment pulled away suddenly by force to fulfill my prayer? I pray deeply for perfection, but do I deeply pray for perfection? (July 25th)

Bhagavatam thought: Read today that the demigods fear that the devotees will go beyond them to the Lord?s abode by worshipping Him. They thus place obstacles before the devotees. The devotees, however, are protected by the Lord, crossing over those obstacles by using them as steppingstones. My own thought: How is the devotee protected? The Lord gives the devotee the knowledge and realization to use whatever apparent obstacles that have come to bring the devotee closer to Him. It is fact. Everything in our destiny is favorable as long as we have the knowledge and realization to learn the lesson of destiny. (July 27th)

Japa thought: Mantra cleans the heart. Today, I get a glimpse of myself, beyond any pretense. It?s bitter sweet. I see myself and feel bad about it. Humbling oneself before Krishna, however, is the taste of devotion. (July 30th)

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Dhanurdhara Swami July 20th, 2004

Sri Vrindaban

There is a range for creative speculation in Krishna consciousness. We may conjecture how the conclusions of sastra are true. This scope gives more leeway for the expressions of rasa , the flavor of the Absolute Truth.

For example, when I was at the home of an aristocratic Bengali Vaisnava, the lady of the house responded to my heartfelt appreciation of the many delicious Bengali preparations at dinner, especially sak, by suddenly describing her own idea of why Sri Caitanya appeared. Her theory, whether literally true or not, definitely added some savor (rasa) to my understanding about Mahaprabhu?s appearance:

?God also liked the many varieties of Bengali Prasad. That?s why he appeared as Sri Caitanya.” Lord Krishna relished the simple sak (spinach) at the home of his devotee Vidura, over the royal fare offered by King Duryodhana. Yes, it?s right there in Mahabharat, ?sak?! Sri Krishna thought, ?Here in the North you seldom get such nice vegetable offerings like this tasty sak. Mostly we get only aloo gobhi (cauliflower and potatoes). In Bengal, however, so many varieties of succulent subji grow. I?m tired of just puris, rotis, a little subji and so many heavy sweets! Let me take birth there.?

Eating all those delectable subji?s I couldn?t agree with her more!

I added my own thought on the appearance of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu, but inspired from a statement in sastra (Jaiva Dharma):

“The tenderness of the heart experienced towards Krishna is known as bhakti. All other jivas are servants of Krishna, and tenderness towards them is compassion (daya).” Jaiva Dharma p. 206

My idea on Sri Caitanya?s appearance was based on the above inspiration:

Radha and Krishna and Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu are the exact same original personality of Godhead, only Their mood is different. When the mood of madhurya (the sweetness in intimate relation) predominates, the original Godhead is known as Radha/Krishna. When audarya (magnanimity) predominates the same Godhead is called Sri Caitanya. These are the two original and full complementary manifestations of Godhead.

It should not be surprising that a change in mood can alter ones physical appearance. For instance?happiness makes one more beautiful. We become red with rage and pale with fright.

In the same way, the original personality of Godhead has two different appearances according to his frame of mind; Sri Caitanya when over-flowing with magnanimity; Radha/Krishna when overflowing with the sweetest intimate love .

As the mood of overflowing magnanimity marks the manifestation of Sri Caitanya, to understand the cause of His appearance we have to understand the cause of that magnanimity. As these transformations in mood are all of the same original personality of Godhead (svayam bhagavan) we must first clearly understand the meaning of svayam bhagavan to understand the cause of that magnanimity.

Svayam bhagavan means God when God is most Himself. One is most oneself when one?s heart is fully open in reciprocation to the most intimate and intense love. Such love also needs the encouragement of the most intimate setting. Svayam Bhagavan is thus Sri Krishna, God at home in Sri Vrindaban, wholly reciprocating the perfect love of the Brijbasi?s, his most intimate associates, by opening his heart and giving Himself fully to them.

One?s heart cannot remain open, however, if marred by selfishness. God at the acme of His open heart (svayam bhagavan) must thus also have compassion for those suffering bereft of that love. Even a tinge of callousness closes the heart to perfect love. Svayam Bhagavan must therefore be the giver of love to remain the enjoyer of love. Sri Caitanya is thus Sri Krishna when out of compassion He reflects on those bereft of that love. And Navadvipa is that same Vrindaban transformed to facilitate that overflowing grace.

In conclusion, magnanimity (audarya) is the cause of Sri Caitanya, not in the sense that it precedes His being, in the sense that it is the very essence and mood of His being.

Magnanimity, the cause of Sri Caitanya, also tells us something very important about attaining love of God:

As pure love leads to pure compassion, since it is the same tender heart towards Krishna just reflected to the living entities, pure compassion also helps bring us to pure love, as it is the same tender heart towards the living entities just reflected back to Krishna. Embracing the mood of Lord Caitanya, by serving his mission of sacrifice and compassion, thus naturally prepares one to become a resident of Vrindaban, as it cultivates the heart of a Brijabasi, one of tenderness and sacrifice. Simply put, the giver of love is well suited to become the enjoyer of that love.

All our great teachers thus inform us that Daya (compassion) gives us special access to Bhakti (pure love).

?When one dives deeply into the ocean of Gaura-prema, and swims in the waves that ocean, one immediately becomes one of the confidential associates of Radha and Krishna. (Srila Narottama das Thakur)

?Showing compassion to the living entities by giving them the holy name of Krishna is the essence of all religion.? (Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur)

?Preaching is the essence? (Srila Bhaktivedanta Swami)

Conclusion: There is certainly flavor in the appearance of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu!

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Dhanurdhara Swami June 8th, 2004

Princeton, New Jersey

I tried to chant with concentration. As my attention became more focused, I tried to understand how the holy name is not merely akash (material sound produced by air), but Krishna Himself.

Like all endeavors, chanting the holy name should begin with thought and proceed to desire and will. In other words, we think of the spiritual master’s order to chant, we desire to chant, we move our lips, and a sound is produced. Although chanting the holy name appears to go through the same process, the holy name actually descends. It is not mechanically produced because it is not material. How?

Without resolving the subtleties of this quandary, I approached the problem of the non-mechanistic appearance of the holy name in a practical way to increase the quality of my chanting: I focused on my desire to chant. I prayed for the pure name to descend. I desired to be attentive and to pronounce clearly, begging for sincerity. More and more, I saw the holy name as reciprocation with my desire, rather than a product of mechanized endeavor.

In other words, while listening to my chanting, I intensely focused on my core desire to be a good chanter-as if my connection to the appearance of the holy name was my desire for it and not my physical ability to produce it. Chanting in this way gave more of a feel for the holy name as a divine manifestation of mercy instead of an ordinary product of my works. And finally, as that which comes by mercy evokes our love and our heart naturally flows to that which we love, my attentiveness also increased.

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Dhanurdhara Swami May 27th, 2004

Vasant Falls, New York

I just finished assembling my journals into book form for a final edit. The book will be called Greetings from Vrndavana. I’m looking forward to writing new journal entries after a long intermission.

Fortunately, I finished the work before my computer crashed. I knew it was on the blink, but I dreaded the day when it needed to be sent for repair. Leaving the shop on my way home, however, I felt a surprising relief, a sense of liberation. Even though I use the computer almost exclusively for my writing and correspondence, it felt as if some shackle of illusion had been lifted.

I vaguely remember a popular book from my college days called The Medium is the Massage by Marshal McLuhan. His point was that the medium in which one receives information has a greater influence than the message it conveys. I recall him describing television as a cold medium because one generally learns passively from it. In contrast, he described the press as a hot medium because we have to activate our intellect in order to assimilate what we’ve read. McLuhan concluded that cold mediums. like television, make one lazy and dull the intelligence, while hot mediums have the opposite effect, regardless of the content one receives from either.

I am convinced that, like television, the medium of the computer also has insidious effects because it subtly injects one with the need for incessant distraction-an especially menacing prospect for those on a spiritual path where the mind needs to be calmed to touch one’s essence.

I lived in Vrndavana for 20 years without even a phone. I didn’t die of boredom; instead, I remained absorbed in scripture, nama, and seva. To be peaceful now, I require the world at my doorstep with the click of a button, even while living in Vrndavana. Something is wrong.

According to the Svetasvatara Upanisad, God sits within our heart to observe and advise us in the form of the paramatma, the Supersoul. It describes this by the analogy of two birds in a tree: one bird is eating the fruits of happiness and distress, while the other is watching, waiting for his friend to turn to him. The observant bird is compared to the Supersoul and the engrossed bird is compared to the individual living entity. The idea is that as long as we are externally absorbed in the chatter of the mind, we cannot hear the voice of God in the heart directing us.

Riding home, unshackled from my computer, it suddenly hit me how the medium of mass communication so strongly allures us to the platform of the mind, and how the effect is so pervasive that we usually mistake our bondage for normal life. I felt cheated of my innocence, a life unfettered by the unremitting dialogue of the mind that affords one the quietude to turn toward the Lord in the heart. Sadly we have been drawn in droves to the life of the engrossed bird. Perhaps it is more like lemmings to the sea.

Just to the right of the foot of Srila Prabhupada’s bed in Vrndavana hangs two beautiful paintings: one of Krishna and the cowherd boys returning home from the forest of Vrndavana, the other of Radha and Krishna by the bank of the Yamuna under a kadamba tree. Srila Prabhupada called such paintings of Krishna “windows to the spiritual world.” In my early Vrndavana days, I would gaze at these masterpieces during japa and think of Srila Prabhupada’s “windows” analogy. It made so much sense. Today I thought of another “windows” analogy, and unfortunately, it made just as much sense: Computers are the windows to the material world.

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