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Govardhana The brijabasis celebrate Govardhan-puja

October 27th, 2000

Govardhana

The brijabasis celebrate Govardhan-puja today, but the ISKCON calendar lists Govardhana-puja for tomorrow. It feels awkward celebrating major festivals in Vrindaban on different days than everyone else here. It would be much simpler to just celebrate when everyone else does. Narayana Maharaja’s Vraja Mandala parikrama party is staying next door to us at the Modi Bhavan, a large and scenic dharmasala (hostel) complex built and managed by the prominent Indian industrialist, Kedaranatha Modi. They are holding their Govardhana-puja today directly across from where they are staying, at the foot of Govardhana Hill.

Their festival is a very colorful. Hundreds of well-prepared bhoga preparations are brought for offering to the base of the hill in small decorated wicker baskets, held mostly on the heads of their lady pilgrims. First, however, they hold a large spontaneous abhisheka. Last year I was nearly trampled by a stampede of spontaneous devotion from hundreds of Punjabi lady Vaishnavas eager to bathe the one large stone on Govardhana that the Kesava Gaudiya Math establishes as their focus of worship today.

I went with Indradyumna Swami to offer our respects. Although we stood humbly behind hundreds of pilgrims, we were spotted and invited to bathe Giri-Govardhana first with their other sannyasis.

Since most of the pilgrims were at one time in ISKCON, I knew many of them, and many came to affectionately greet me. There was also an element whose mood was very cold and unwelcoming. Once a group gets big, it becomes very difficult for many of its members to represent its original ideals. I understand this, but I am exhausted with sectarianism and want to stay clear of it, wherever it is. I did not return for the feast.

I read something on the self-destruction of movements that Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu gave me today. It’s food for thought:

?I have had with my friend Wes Jackson a number of useful conversations about the necessity of getting out of movements?even movements that have seemed necessary and dear to us?when they have lapsed into self-righteousness and self-betrayal, as movements seem almost invariably to do. People in movements too readily learn to deny others the rights and privileges they demand for themselves. They too easily become unable to mean their own language, as when a ?peace movement? becomes violent. They often become too specialized, as if finally they cannot help taking refuge in the pinhole vision of intellectuals. They almost always fail to be radical enough, dealing finally in effects rather than causes. Or they deal with single issues or single solutions, as if to assure themselves that they will not be radical enough.”
?In Distrust of Movements, Wendell Berry

One devotee asked me if Fakir Mohan is bona fide and how he got such a strange name. I asked his assistant, Madhavananda, and he told me some of Fakir Mohan’s history.

As a young boy in Orissa, barely 14 years of age, Fakir Mohan, became very attracted to the songs of Bhaktivinoda Thakur and left home to join the Gaudiya Math, never to return home again. As he was a very intelligent young boy, the acarya in that Gaudiya Math?I don’t remember his name?surprisingly sent him back to school. After completing college, he returned to the Math, but when his guru saw how well he did in school, he ordered him to return to school, get his PhD, and to become a teacher. Following his guru’s order, he became a professor of Sanskrit, went to classes in full Vaishnava dress wearing tilak, taught Krishna consciousness through his subjects, and beyond the bare necessities of life, used his earnings for missionary activities?especially the publication of books he wrote himself on Gaudiya Vaishnavism in Orissa. All this time, he remained a naisthika brahmacari, a strict celibate, for his entire life.

Fakir is an Urdu name for a Muslim mendicant, but it has become a generic name in Orissa, even for Hindus. Hundreds of years ago there was a Vaishnava saint named Fakir Mohan, and Madhavananda thinks that Fakir Mohan’s guru named him after that saint.

Is he bona fide? I listened carefully to everything he spoke so far and it seemed very supportive of Srila Prabhupada?s teachings. He has the qualities of an advanced Vaishnava, and even the more conservative ISKCON devotees at the Krishna Balaram Mandir seem to respect him. He is not initiated directly by Srila Prabhupada, so there might be some differences on some things?hopefully minor, I don’t know. If I hear anything different, then I will, of course, follow the authority of Srila Prabhupada, but that doesn’t mean there cannot be elevated souls that are not in direct line with Srila Prabhupada. Certainly, Srila
Prabhupada didn’t think that way.

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Govardhana Fakir Mohan gave class

October 26th, 2000

Govardhana

Fakir Mohan gave class again. Before class he paid dandavats to each and every sannyasi and, when they returned his obeisances, he affectionately and softly grasped their hands humbly, almost crying, “Bless me, I know nothing!”

I again did not take notes, but one point stuck in my mind: He gave an analogy comparing a guru to a cow, milk to the knowledge he gives, and a proper disciple to her affectionate calf. His point was that unless the guru sees the disciple with affection, like a respectful son or daughter, knowledge does not naturally flow, just like a cow cannot be milked unless it sees its affectionate calf. Still, to get milk, something else is needed?grass. Harinama is the grass. Even if one hears from the guru, unless he offers harinama, knowledge will not manifest.

Went on parikrama to Radha-kunda with Indradyumna and Fakir Mohan. Fakir Mohan sang bhajans the whole way and also translated them to English. He mostly sung the songs of an Orissan Vaishnava, Devakinanda dasa, that expressed his mood:

vrndavana-basi jata vaisnavera gana Prathame vandana kari sabara carana

First I offer my obeisances at the lotus feet of the dear devotees of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu residing in Vrindavan. Falling flat on the ground at their lotus feet, I offer my obeisances to the associates of Mahaprabhu residing in Sri Nilacala, Jagannath Puri Dhama. I offer my obeisances at the lotus feet of one and all of the dear devotees of Mahaprabhu residing in Nabadwip.

nilacala-basi jata mahaprabhura gana Bhumite padiya vandan sabara carana

I offer my obeisances unto the lotus feet of all the dear devotees of Mahaprabhu residing in Gaudadesh. Gauranga Mahaprabhu’s dear devotees may be residing in any corner of the world. Wherever they reside I offer my obeisances unto their lotus feet. I offer my obeisances unto the lotus feet of all those persons who will become Mahaprabhu’s dear devotees in the future. Catching straw in my teeth, I offer obeisances at their lotus feet.
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Govardhana I found out early

October 25th, 2000

Govardhana

I found out early this morning that Fakir Mohan was asked to give class. I adjusted my schedule so I could attend his class but, still, I arrived a few minutes late. A seat was saved for me next to Indradyumna in front of the speaker. He soon handed me the following note:

“His plan was to go on parikrama at 3AM, but I asked him to give class and he immediately agreed. Madhavananda mildly objected and he chastised him! Maybe if we beg him he’ll stay for 2 or 3 days. He’s so humble I think most people can’t recognize him. Srila Prabhupada said that we can understand a person?s position by how they speak. What do you think?”

I was very inspired by his class. He would read a few sentences at a time from Srila Prabhupada’s purport and then explain the point in a very animated, but practical way. He would then quote a verse to demonstrate his point. When he did, he would spontaneously break into a song with zeal, Orrissan style, accompanied by mrdanga. He has a very powerful and melodic voice, louder than a microphone could amplify, but I was most touched by his devotion. He gave heart and soul to each word. “Radha Krishna Bol Bol Bolo Re Sobhai!” he sang with fervor several times. Every verse, even Bhagavad-gita, was sung in this way during the class.

Some remembrances from class (I didn’t take notes): Nama (the holy name) will do everything; nama will give everything. Give nama to guru, not money. The guru wants your faith in Krishna, which can be best given by offering the holy name in sacrifice?yajnaih sankirtan prayair.

When one does nama-seva he will not stop practical devotional service. Rather, it will be done spontaneously and nicely?not forced, like Jagai and Madhai who got prema-bhakti from Lord Caitanya and then, with their own hands, constructed a ghat for the pilgrims and cleaned it everyday.

He sometimes serves an old Vaishnava saint in his nineties from Orissa named Haridas Sena. One of Haridas’s associates joked to him, “Why don’t you take Fakir Mohan as a disciple?” Haridas replied, “But will he jump in the ganga”?indicating that a real disciple must have faith and be surrendered. He humbly mentioned that he is unable to do seva now because of old age, meaning that because he is so old, no one will allow him to serve them.

Govardhana suditasrita-janarti-rasye ramya-cid-ghana sukha-svarupine nama

October 24th, 2000

Govardhana

suditasrita-janarti-rasye ramya-cid-ghana sukha-svarupine nama
gokula-mahotsavaya te krsna purna-vapuse namo namah

?O Hari-nama! O Krsna! You destroy the miseries of those who take Your shelter. For your devotees You are very charming and delightful. Your form is the personification of knowledge and bliss, and therefore you are a festival for the residents of Gokula. I bow down again and again before You,whose form is fully spiritual like Vaikuntha.??Rupa Goswami’s Namastaka (7)

Indrayumna Swami excitedly came to my room to tell me that one very nice sadhu named Fakir Mohan and a few of his associates are requesting to stay for the night in our ashram so that they may leave early in the morning for Govardhana parikrama. It was the same sadhu I had heard about three days ago! I immediately went to greet him.

Fakir Mohan was standing on the round marble veranda protruding over the inside courtyard, which is directly outside the small temple room on the roof. Our ashram devotees naturally surrounded him, as many of them were also Orissan and already had some acquaintance with him.

Fakir Mohan made a strong first impression on me?not by the force of a strong personality, but by his very unassuming and humble nature. He was about Srila Prabhupada’s size, near 70 years of age, toothless, unshaven (for kartik), and wearing a simple hand washed white dhoti and kurta. He was, however, very jovial, bubbling with a devotional fervor and laughter that reminded me of the sincere enthusiasm of Srila Prabhupada’s godbrother Krishna dasa Babaji.

I was introduced to him by his assistant Madhavananda dasa: “This is Dhanurdhara Swami, the Maharaja who sent a message that he was coming to Vrindaban to see you.” Fakir Mohan spontaneously responded with enthusiasm and respect. “Maharaja! Maharaja!” he said with gusto. To my embarrassment he paid dandavat-pranams (full obeisances), then stood up, a little bent at the waist and with folded palms?a classical pose of respect indicating that this body and these hands are for your service. We exchanged pleasant words until he and his party were called for prasadam. I thought, “Today I met a very nice Vaishnava sadhu.?

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Govardhana – Ekadasi Yesterday I

October 22nd, 2000

Govardhana – Ekadasi

Yesterday I was feeling discouraged and hopeless because my concentration was not deep, although I was trying. I felt that I would never become a devotee. Today chanting, however, came easy. Sometimes Krishna encourages one in this way. It is undeserved kindness.

Devamrita Swami came to visit me. Devamrita Swami is from New York and joined in Henry Street after graduating from Yale. He has a rare vitality and vision for preaching. He is making many devotees in New Zealand and I was impressed with the dynamics of his vision. I have heard of his preaching as he sometimes comes to meet Bhurijan Prabhu in Perth and Bhurijan told me about it.

Maharaja opens up independent urban preaching centers where he devises and implements a multitude of programs to interest several different types of people. He has yoga classes, a cutting edge lecture series, and book distribution. He creates a dynamic culture in his centers so that once people visit, they become attracted. Part of that culture is developing camaraderie among the people centered on studying and distributing Srila Prabhupada’s books. His method of book distribution, however, is thoughtful. He stresses developing relationships with the people so that they read the books, maintain some sort of contact, and hopefully visit the center. He told me that a big book distributor in his program is, therefore, someone who just meets a few people a day and not only sells them a book but has such an impression on them that they eventually visit the center. By organizing book distribution in his way everyone connected with the center can easily participate in the mission. It makes sense.

I wrote a quick list today of how bhakti comes into the heart. It is a first draft and subject to discussion and revision.

  • The process is sadhana-bhakti, the conscious utilization of the senses in Krishna’s service for the purpose of awakening devotion in the heart.
  • The essence of sadhana-bhakti is to remember Krishna and never forget Him.
  • The acarya finds the best ways and means for the people to do so among the nine basic practices of devotional service.
  • The best way to remember Krishna is to chant His holy names, although proper execution of any of the nine activities of devotional service can invoke full remembrance of Krishna.
  • Lord Caitanya specifically recommended nama-sankirtan as the best means of becoming Krishna conscious.
  • Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati and Srila Prabhupada emphasized dedicating oneself to distributing the holy name as the best way for us to remain absorbed in chanting and hearing about Krishna.
  • If one does not have the taste to remain fixed in chanting and hearing about Krishna, service to the great souls will give one an affinity for hearing about Krishna.
  • Although chanting is the best way to remember Krishna, unless one has the mercy of the Lord and a service attitude one cannot chant with concentration and devotion. Therefore to do nama-sankirtan properly it is essential to fullysurrender to a bona fide spiritual master.
  • If done properly, there is no dichotomy between chanting and hearing about Krishna and serving the mission of the spiritual master, which includes sadhana-bhakti.
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Govardhana Preliminary stages of chanting:Fix

October 21st, 2000

Govardhana

Preliminary stages of chanting:

  • Fix a time and place for the holy name.
  • Focus the mind on the holy name.
  • Search the heart and pinpoint our present level of spiritual desire.
  • Nourish that desire by determination and prayer.

Even if we have no bhakti, we can pray for bhakti, and that’s bhakti. Some spiritual desire, according to our level of realization, must accompany our chanting. If it doesn’t, our chanting can become simply mechanical. The first level of chanting is accompanied by at least the desire and prayer to control our mind and free it from the distraction of material desire.

I am eating much less and realize that as I am older and less active I need very little to keep the body and soul together. Two small practices can give one an immediate boost in spiritual life: Eating properly and rising early.

An English devotee visiting Govardhana today from Vrindaban told me about a sadhu from Orissa, Fakir Mohan, who is staying in the house next to my place in Vrindaban. Fakir Mohan was a friend of Srila Gaura Govinda Swami. He will stay in Vrindaban for three weeks and speak on the Bhagavatam everyday. I was also told that for the last three years he has been lecturing on just the fourth verse of the Catur-Sloki Bhagavatam to some ISKCON devotees in Orrisa who live near him, but stressing nama-kirtan. I was surprised when I heard that he even gave Srimad Bhagavatam class at Krishna Balarama Mandir for two days. I am eager to meet him and sent a message to his assistant that I would like to visit him and hear him speak and that I will therefore visit Vrindaban in a few days. I hanker for sadhu-sanga.

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Govardhana I received a message

October 20th, 2000

Govardhana

I received a message today from an old friend that upset me. In fact, my mind seemed to dwell on this for much of the day. I recalled something from Narottama dasa Thakur’s famous verse?that when one’s mind is full of anxieties, one cannot see Vrindaban. To maintain Vrindaban consciousness I finally just walked to Govinda-kunda to bathe.

I thought about what upset me:

  • Good relationships?whether it is friend, servant, parent, or lover?mean mutual commitment and service. When one gives oneself to another it is disappointing when the other party does not reciprocate properly, or at all.
  • I am disturbed when Krishna moves things against my plans.
  • Chanting brings purification. Purification means giving up attachments. Krishna is reciprocating my chanting by an arrangement to purify me of my attachments.

As real culture has broken

October 19th, 2000

As real culture has broken down people are losing the ability to relate with others properly and are thus starved for loving relationships. People are thus more insecure, neurotic, and depressed. We need a proper culture.

I woke up early and tried my hardest to focus, but the name would not
come easy. Possible reasons:

  • I indirectly criticized a Vaishnava yesterday and Krishna withdrew His mercy.
  • Krishna is independent. I fell under the illusion that the process of chanting is mechanical, that the Lord will appear on my tongue by my effort and power alone. Krishna withdrew His mercy to teach me dependence on His mercy.

My realization reminded me in some ways of the story of Dhruva Maharaja. By his determined spiritual practice he gained the direct darshan of Krishna, but then Krishna suddenly disappeared. When he tried again to gain the Lord’s darshan by the same process and determination, he failed because the process of Krishna consciousness is not mechanical. Srila Prabhupada analyzes this point brilliantly in his purport to Dhruva’s Maharaja’s failed second attempt at directly seeing the Lord.

?When He pleases, being satisfied with the sincere attempt of devotional service depending completely on the mercy of the Lord, then He may be seen out of his own accord.? (Bhag. 1.6.20)

When you increase your chanting, your taste for chanting increases, which increases one’s concentration, which makes one’s chanting even more attractive. Illusion also has a snowball effect. When one associates with lower modes, spiritual life becomes more difficult, which makes one more susceptible to the modes of nature, which makes chanting more difficult.

Govardhana About five years ago

October 18th, 2000

Govardhana

About five years ago an old sadhu told me that after years of practice the mind could become one’s humble servant. It was said with conviction. Imagine, in the morning, having our distracted minds humbly obeying our order to just focus on the Holy Name without diversion.

Besides its mystical potency, the dhama, like every place, carries the vibration and mood of the people who reside there. It also carries the vibration and mood of the environment that it’s residents construct according to their modes. Unfortunately, the dhama is now being covered by materialism. Vrindaban is now even filled with cyber cafes, although they are quite primitive by modern standards. Even still, although the dhamas are now somewhat externally vibrating with materialism, the potency of the dhama cannot be denied?especially if one approaches the dhama with the determination to live there for the pleasure of Hari.

Fortunately, Govardhana is still just a simple village. The vibration there is very powerful from the pure sadhus and Krishna’s best servant (Haridas-varya), Giri-Govardhana. If one enters Govardhana with some determination for spiritual life, the mind becomes subdued and the holy name becomes much easier to hear. I chanted today with faith and concentration.

Absorption in the holy name touches the heart and one’s vision becomes clear. Unfortunately, that means that one also sees oneself. I saw my selfishness. Even writing this journal seems somewhat self-serving. Ceto darpana marjanam?chanting cleans the heart. The attic is being swept and the dirt is coming out.

Fear is also there. I fear becoming a servant. I am attached to a world that grossly and subtly moves for my comforts and pleasures, not the satisfaction of God. These attachments are deep-rooted and I don’t want to surrender. Good chanting always comes to the point of facing one’s lack of surrender. The choice is then given: Continue with determination, purify yourself, go further and surrender, or slacken up and stay where you are. The anchor of attachment has to be pulled up, but it takes sincerity, it’s takes courage, and it takes strength.

The heart is churning. Hope arises for Krishna’s mercy. At least I am not bored by nama-seva.

I think I realized today what Bhurijana Prabhu was explaining just the other day about the relationship between realizing the bliss of Krishna consciousness and becoming compassionate. We had another sat-sanga in Ravindra Svarupa Prabhu’s room. The discussion was about the nature of Govardhana, but we also discussed how the dhama becomes covered. That led to a discussion about how materialism was rampant.

With the expanding development of information technology, the world is becoming more and more opposed to spiritual life. It has thus become, in many ways, more difficult for devotees to become Krishna conscious than even ten years before. It has become increasingly difficult for people to maintain basic mental health?what to speak of Krishna consciousness. Jayadvaita Swami mentioned how Mrgesh, his assistant for the month who works for one of the biggest chemical (drug) companies, told him that the industry is shifting in a big way to an emphasis on the development of antidepressants. Suddenly I began to remember my last eight months in America, and how I counseled at least five devotees with the initial symptoms of a nervous breakdown and several others with clinical depression. I became disturbed and felt deeply for these devotees. It was a markedly strong emotion, compassion. Govardhana has made spiritual life such a positive reality. I strongly desire to give it to others because spiritual life can pacify the mind and satisfy the heart.

I sometimes worry about my disciples. That is the karma ones gets for taking disciples.

The good old days in Vrindaban meant you were cut off from the rest of the world. I remember when Satsvarupa Maharaja used to visit us in Vrindaban in the late ?70s. He would very much appreciate that there were no phones in Vrindaban and that being in Vrindaban completely isolated you from the world. To us today, such a place may seem even hellish. What is night for the conditioned soul is the time of awakening for the introspective sage.

I am doing my deity seva very carefully for Kartik. No short cuts, but conscientiousness and cleanliness?no succumbing to passion, distraction, ignorance, or laziness. Such worship gives taste in Krishna consciousness. Attentive spiritual life brings bhakti because it is meditation on Krishna. From meditation comes attachment for the object of meditation. That attachment is bhakti and bhakti is pleasure.

Govardhana Received a letter that

October 16th, 2000

Govardhana

Received a letter that mentioned how one of the disciples was prospering in spiritual life, although he had not always done well. I felt very encouraged.

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