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Vrindaban It got back to

December 11th, 2002

Vrindaban

It got back to me that a devotee I knew was being critical of me. Initially,I became critical of him. But then I thought that maybe he was right.

We should not find fault in others. Why? Unless we are correcting that person out of affection, our words are just a manifestation of envy. When we criticize people out of envy, especially a devotee, it generally means that we are making the mistake of identifying someone’s weaknesses or faults as the whole person. That’s especially dangerous to do in relation to a Vaishnava because we are neglecting their primary nature as devotees of God.

We are all conditioned souls with many faults. Faults can be found with anyone, just as even the bright moon has pocks. And if you want to hone in on another’s weakness in an inimical way, there are probably plenty of ill-intentioned people who see our own conditoning as our person, and not just incidental parts of our nature to be purified. How does that feel?

I remember a friend of mine who made a serious mistake and needed help. I called up Tamal Krishna Maharaja and asked if he could help. He said he would. To make sure Maharaja understood all the facts, I reminded him what this person had done. His answer struck me and is probably the basis of my comments above.

“Anyway, his faults are not the whole person. I love [name withheld]!”

Vrindaban Sadhus of Vrindaban II

December 9th, 2002

Vrindaban

Sadhus of Vrindaban II

On my way to the temple every day I pass the Radhe-Shyama baba who lives in that small austere room next to the Radhe-Shyama well at the end of the parikrama path. He’s a nice old man and sometimes I see him across the road chanting and catching a few minutes of winter sun. Sometimes he calls me over and asks for some wheat or rice, which I assume is how he maintainshimself. I always forget to bring something, so today, I decide that I will just give him a hundred rupee donation–a lot for a poor sadhu. I walk over and hand him a hundred-rupee note. His eyes lit up and he hugged me affectionately. We embrace, and I then ask him his name.

“Fool Das,” he replies.

“No, seriously. What is your name?”

“Fool Das,” he says louder.

Japa Thought VII

A respected and spiritually adept friend confided in me about his chanting that morning. “It works,” he said, “to feel terrible about yourself and take shelter of Gaura-Nitai.”

Spiritual Test I

I am contemplating the idea of writing another type ofjournal taken from the notes of my morning reading. I’ve already started. I want to use one excerpt here to form a self-evaluation. Here it is:

“Tests are necessary in spiritual life to strengthen one’s resolve in spiritual life.

“While going to see Srila Rupa Gosvami, Sri Caitanya praised him profusely before the other devotees. He then observed their reactions to test them. Just like we shake a nail to see if it can withstand the force of being banged, the Lord or the spiritual master tests our capacity to handle their full mercy before bestowing it. Lord Caitanya even tests his most confidential associates:

“‘Just to examine Sarvabhauma Bhattacarya and Ramananda Raya, the Lord began to praise the transcendental qualities of Sri Rupa Gosvami before them.’ (Cc. Antya 1.107)

“Of course, their reaction was to become joyous that Sri Rupa was so fortunate.

“The test: Imagine being with someone you consider a peer in front of your spiritual master. How would you feel if the spiritual master profusely praised them?”

Govardhana Sadhus of Vrindaban I

December 8th, 2002

Govardhana

Sadhus of Vrindaban I

Whenever I go out on Govardhana parikrama, I see a very peaceful and slightly built old sadhu doing dandavat parikrama, but bowing many times in one place before he proceeds. Rather than count the number of prostrated obeisances by using a cumbersome pile of small stones as most sadhus do, this particularly sadhu uses a huge five-foot tulasi-mala counter of 250 large beads to count his dandavats. Evidently that’s the number of times he bows in one place. He has a small sign in Hindi which I cannot fully read, but I can read the date he started: January 1, 1994.

I have been told by many experienced Vrindaban devotees that prostrated obeisances around Govardhana takes about 50 hours, or seven hours a day for a week. Most people, however, do fewer hours every day and complete it in over two weeks. For those who do 108 prostrated obeisances in one place, it takes at least four years to complete–even at a pace of three to four hours everyday without fail. I estimate that that our sadhu friend, who is doing 250 flat obeisances, will need at least ten years to complete his vow. And that’s if he pays his full obeisances in one place for four hours everyday for ten years without respite–a daunting physical task even for a younger, trained athlete.

Today I brought a translator to speak to him. I found out that he is a disciple of a Godbrother of Srila Prabhupada named Parvat Maharaja. After chatting for a minute he very humbly pointed to the last line of his sign for my friend to read:

“Please don’t bother me now and may God bless you.”

Govardhana I went to Govardhana

December 7th, 2002

Govardhana

I went to Govardhana for the weekend to spend sometime with Niranjana Swami. There are many more devotees staying here now then there were during Kartik. Jayadvaita Swami, Suhotra Swami, Madhava Maharaja (formerly Maha-Mantra), Partha Sarathi Prabhu, Tejyas Prabhu, and Purnachandra Prabhu are also here. Of course, Kesava Bharati lives here. Many of them probably came now to avoid the crowds at Kartik. Ironically, although senior devotees want to avoid the crowds at Kartik, for the better part of that month, I was the only senior devotee visiting the ashram besides Jayadvaita Swami and Kesava Bharati Prabhu, who are more or less residents.

I’m thinking more about Gaura-lila lately, and how it more easily unifies one’s external and internal life. The internal mood of Lord Caitanya is compassion. The external life of a preacher is also compassion. By immersion in Gaura-lila, it becomes easier for a preacher to relate his active life to his internal life. I think it is important to see some relation between the two–especially as one matures. Otherwise, one may gradually lose attraction for one or the other. We need to do both with fervor.

Vrindaban Several readers of the

December 4th, 2002

Vrindaban

Several readers of the journal expressed interest in a copy of Vaisnava Vandana by Devakinandana dasa. I found a translation in the magazine “Sri Krishna-Kathamrita,” which I recommend–especially the last issue on Vaishnava aparadha. It also has an article on Devakinananda dasa. An excerpt follows:

“…After offending Srivas Thakur, as described in Caitanya-caritamrita (Adi 17.38-59), Mahaprabhu instructed Gopal Capala that, to be forgiven for that offense, he would have take shelter of Srivas Pandit. Srivas Pandit in turn instructed him to take shelter of Purushottam dasa. Purushottam dasa gave him initiation and the name Devakinandana dasa. He then ordered Devakinandana to worship and pray to the Vaishnavas by which he would become free from his offenses. Taking this order on his head, Devakinandana traveled from country to country, collecting the names of all Vaishnava devotees of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu for including in his Vaisnava Vandana.”

The article goes on to explain that Vaisnava Vandana is technically the name of a much longer work by Devakinandana dasa. It is the final 12 verses of this work that are popularly sung by many Gaudiya Vaishnavas as a means to help purify one of past offenses, as well as to prevent Vaishnava aparadha.

The article references Caitanya Caritamrita to supportthe potency of glorification of the Vaishnavas:

“What I say is truth. If a person who has committed blasphemy stops blaspheming others and instead praises Lord Vishnu and the Vaisnhavas, then all of the person’s sins and offenses will be destroyed. That is the right way to destroy them. Millions of rituals of atonement will not destroy them.” (Cc. Antya
3.456-458)

Sri Vaisnava Vandana

vrndavana-basi jate vaisnavera gana
prathame vandana kori sabara carana

First of all, I offer my worship to the lotus feet of the residents of Vrindavan, all of whom are Vaishnavas.

nilacala-basi jataa mahaprabhura gana
bhumite-padiya vandon sabara carana

Next, I fall down on the ground and worship the lotus feet of all of Mahaprabhu’s associates who live in Nilacala, Jagannatha Puri-dhama.

navadvipa-basi jata mahaprabhura bhakta
sabara carana vandon hoiya anurakta

I then worship the devotees of Mahaprabhu in Nabadvipa and pray for loving attachment to their lotus feet.

mahaprabhura bhakta jata gauda-dese sthiti
sabara carana vandon koriya pranati

I then worship the lotus feet of all Mahaprabhu’s devotees residing in Gaudadesh, Bengal.

ye dese ye dese baise gaurangera gana
urdhva-bahu kori’ vandon sabara carana

With upraised arms, I worship the lotus feet of Gauranga Mahaprabhu’s dear devotees, in whatever country they may reside.

hoiyachena hoibena prabhura jata dasa
sabara carana vandon dante kori’ ghasa

With straw in my teeth, I worship the lotus feet of the servants of Mahaprabhu that were in the past or that will ever be in the future.

brahmanda tarite sakti dhare jane jane
e veda purane guna gaya jeba sune

In the Vedas and Puranas it is said that each of the dear devotees of Sriman Mahaprabhu has the potency to deliver the entire universe.

mahaprabura gana saba patita pavana
tai lobhe mui papi loinu sarana

The devotees of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu are deliverers of the most fallen. Being greedy for that deliverance, this sinner surrenders unto them.

vandana korite mui kata sakti dhari
tamo-buddhi-dose mui dambha matra kori

What power or ability do I have to glorify the devotees of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu? Being engrossed in ignorance, it is only out of pride that I attempt
to do so.

tathapi mukera bhagya manera ullasa
dosa ksami’ mo-adhame koro nija dasa

Even though I have no ability to glorify them, still I am feeling great pleasure in the attempt. Please overlook my faults, O Vaishnavas, and make me your
servant.

sarva-vancha siddhi haya yama-bandha chute
jagate durlabha hioya prema-dhana lute

The Vaishnavas bestow the perfection of all desires, including freedom from death, and even the treasure of prema so rare in this world.

manera vasana purna acirate hoya
devakinandana dasa ei lobhe koya

Being greedy that the desire of his heart be fulfilled very soon, Devakinandana dasa writes this song glorifying and praying to the Vaishnavas.

(Note: I have taken the liberty to edit the translation found in Krishna-Kathamrita.)

November 22, 2002 Sri Vrindaban

November 22nd, 2002

November 22, 2002
Sri Vrindaban

Humbler Than A Blade of Grass

I found out that Dr. Fakir Mohan Prabhu is staying at the Gaura Govinda Seva Ashram–the house next to the japa-kutir (my place). I met Prabhu two years ago at Govardhana. He is a retired chairman of the Department of Sanskrit at Utkal University, a research scholar on Oriyan Vaishnavism, a senior Vaishnava, and the foremost authority on Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur. In fact, he recently rediscovered the original Radha-Madhava deities of Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur in Choti, the native place of Bhaktivinoda. He has dedicated himself to restoring that place under the auspices of ISKCON.

Fakir Mohan stays in Vrindaban during the month of Kartik and keeps Sri Sri Radha-Madhava on the altar of our ISKCON temple. He desires that “Their Lordships hear the kirtans of the international devotees” and for “devotees from around the world to have Their audience.”

I went to see Fakir Mohan this morning with Indradyumna Swami. Fakir Mohan literally dived at our feet when he saw us, even though he is 73 years old. He is a lifelong celibate, but has never taken sannyasa. Still, out of etiquette and genuine humility, he reveres all gurus and sannyasis. We were embarrassed to see the care and devotion by which he made a small makeshift asana for us out of a blanket so we could sit comfortably for his class.

He again lectured from the Bhagavatam, 2.9.36, on the glories of the holy name, as he has being doing for the last six years. I didn’t take notes, but I remembered a few points:

  • “Chanting should come first from the heart, then the lips, and then the ears. Then comes rupa, nama, and lila, the Lord’s form, qualities, and pastimes.”
  • “One must chant with sambandha, a relationship with the holy name.”
  • “There are two serious offenses to the holy name: the elephant offense and the lion offense. The elephant offense is criticism of devotees. If you are attacked by a mad elephant nothing can save you except for a lion, for a lion can kill an elephant. Similarly, if you criticize a devotee, only your guru can save you. But if you are attacked by a lion no one can save you. Similarly, the most grievous offense is the lion offense–guru-avajna–to disobey, or disrespect, the guru. If you offend the guru nothing can save you.”

Indradyumna Maharaja introduced Craig to Fakir Mohan just as we were all leaving. Craig is an old high school friend of Maharaja who is visiting India on Maharaja’s request. To our surprise, Fakir Mohan immediately paid his full obeisances to Craig. Craig was naturally also a bit surprised, but visibly moved by Prabhu’s gesture. As Fakir Mohan was getting up, Indradyumna Swami explained, “Craig is my friend from school and he is becoming a devotee!” With a sweeping upward gesture of his right hand, Fakir Mohan declared with conviction, “Then he is better than George Bush, the President of the United States!”

On my way to the temple in the evening I again ran into Fakir Mohan. Whenever he hears of a visiting ISKCON sannyasa, he immediately goes to see them and pays his respects. He had just returned from visiting Sacinananda Swami, but lamented that he couldn’t find Partha Sarathi Prabhu. When I told him that I knew where he was staying, he immediately begged me to take him.

At Partha Sarathi’s room Fakir Mohan sang a beautiful song called “Mangala-gita,” describing the deep separation felt by the residents of Vrindaban for Krishna as He mounted the chariot with Akrura to leave for Mathura. It is such a moving song, but unfortunately, after a short while Partha Sarathi had to excuse himself to see his mother, sister, and other family members who were visiting from England. Fakir Mohan asked Partha Sarathi if he could also please see them, so we all went.

Like most senior ISKCON leaders, Partha Sarathi neglected his parents and practically anything they represented when he joined ISKCON in the early ’70s. That was our mood as the pioneers of the Hare Krishna movement and as its dedicated missionaries. Like most of us, Partha Sarathi is now trying to make up for his past indifference. He told me that he had practically nothing to do with them for 28 years, but had now come to the realization that he should be compassionate to his family and try to give them some appreciation for Krishna consciousness. Although they know practically nothing about what he is doing, they have all become quite favorable during their short visit to Vrindaban.

Partha Sarathi’s mother is a very refined, reserved, and sweet English lady from Oxford. His sister was five years old when he left and is eager to revive her relationship with her brother. His aunt, brother, and sister-in-law are also here. All seem to be favorably overwhelmed by their experience in Vrndaban.

When Partha introduced Fakir Mohan to his mother, again to our astonishment, Fakir Mohan immediately paid his obeisances to her. He then began glorifying Partha Sarathi by quoting verses describing how when someone becomes a devotee “14 generations in the past and 17 generations in the future become liberated.” Afterwards, he paid obeisances to each and every family member. Partha Sarathi was a little embarrassed, so he explained Fakir Mohan’s position as “a distinguished professor, a naisthika brahmacari (a perfect celibate), a research scholar, a sangeetacarya (master of classical Indian singing), and an exalted saint.”

“Yes,” Fakir Mohan responded, “it is our etiquette to offer respect, but it is not just etiquette.” He paused for just a moment, and then said with an utmost conviction, “It is not just etiquette. We feel it.”

Sri Vrindaban Japa Kutir I’m

November 21st, 2002

Sri Vrindaban
Japa Kutir

I’m back in Vrindaban today. I didn’t know if I would have a place to stay here because the japa-kutir, my place of residence, was sold by the previous owner. My things are still there.

Years ago when I left the gurukula I vowed to be satisfied by just living in Vrindaban. I didn’t want to be overly concerned with where that residence might be. I reasoned that any residence in the dhama is mercy. I also noticed how, often, devotees who build or purchase houses for themselves rarely spend time in Vrindaban.

When someone told Srila Gaura Kishor dasa Babaji that he had purchased some land in the dhama, Babaji Maharaja was furious with him. “The holy dhama is cintamani, a wish fulfilling jewel,” he said. “One grain of sand cannot be purchased for all the money in the world. You do not own a spec of land in the dhama!”

The new owner of the japa-kutir is a nice devotee. He has taken a humble room downstairs, without even an attached bathroom, and seems satisfied to continue to allow my use of the room on the roof–by far the best residence in the building. His generosity reminded me of the magnanimity of Baladeva Vidyabhusana, the previous owner, who had also given me the best facility and took a more humble room.

The new owner has also let two mature Indian ladies from Burma, who serve in the temple, use the apartment with the kitchen downstairs. Two Indian brahmacaris use the simple single room across the hall from them. One of the brahmacaris is the younger brother of one of the ladies, so the group operates like a family. They take care of the house and cook lunch, so the owner allows them to stay for free. He also invites different devotees for lunch and my meal is brought upstairs. This arrangement now also gives me the opportunity to invite guests for lunch. Ekacakra is thus also invited daily for lunch.

One of the brahmacaris is also an expert kirtaneer (Vaishnava singer), so occasionally there are also kirtans outside of my room on the large veranda.

In general, the new residents here are quite cultured, which creates a pleasing atmosphere. They see their house as Krishna’s house and a place to serve others. How magnanimous are the Vaishnavas!

Govardhana For the last five

November 19th, 2002

Govardhana

For the last five days of Kartik I added brijabasi-seva (serving the local residents) to my spiritual practices by sponsoring and distributing first-class halavah for an hour in the afternoon. Our booth was mobbed. According to Nanuram, our simple local brahmana friend, it was the talk of Govardhana town. I calculated that between seventy-five and one hundred-and-fifty thousand pilgrims walked past our ashram every 24 hours for the last five days. Here’s how I did it:

I would watch the front gate from the roof and count the number of people who would pass our gate in a minute. Depending on the time of day, I counted between fifty and a hundred people passing every minute. That’s between three and six thousand people an hour, and fifteen to thirty thousand in five hours. Since it takes an average of five hours to complete parikrama, and since the parikramas continue 24 hours a day, I estimated that a little less than five parikrama parties of fifteen to thirty thousand pilgrims pass every 24 hours. That’s about seventy to one hundred-and-forty thousand pilgrims a day. At least seven devotees were participating feverishly in the operation, preparing and serving the cups, and it was worth it because it gave us a chance to associate intimately with the brijabasis, but in an appropriate way.

One thing was evident: These simple villagers are much happier than people in the West, or other Indians living in the cities and towns. After today’s distribution, I casually spoke about this to Gaura Narayana Prabhu, who grew up in a village near Jagannatha Puri over forty years ago. He related the peacefulness of village life in India:

“They don’t worry so much about money because they are self-sufficient, which is ironically Srila Prabhupada’s professed ideal for how our devotees who are not preaching in cities should live. How is the money problem solved? They all have a house with no mortgage and no property tax. Food is in ample supply from the fields. When I was young, we ate four times a day. We were basically quite healthy because of the way we lived. If someone was sick, the elders knew some home remedies from local herbs and plants, so there were no medical expenses. I can barely remember anyone going to a hospital, whereas today, for the smallest thing, one goes and spends money. For more serious illness, every village had a good vaidya, an ayurvedic doctor, or at least one in a village nearby.

“We had a nice welfare system also. If someone needed help, the whole village would support them with whatever they needed, and we didn’t try to make others feel obligated or dependent because of their misfortune. There was no need for transportation. All our family and friends lived in our village and all of the necessities were provided there, so why would anyone take up the trouble to travel somewhere else besides for pilgrimage? We had weavers, barbers, craftsmen, and so on; everything was right there. And we weren’t bored. At night, a local brahmana would go to someone’s house and recite the Mahabharata. It was so quiet–no electricity, no loud speakers, no noise pollution–that you could practically hear the recitation throughout the entire village. Even those who were illiterate knew more sastra than most devotees today, just from hearing. And if someone got a government job, even a few hundred rupees, he was very well off, as all their other needs were met. Now, even if one makes a lot of money, he feels economically oppressed and in anxiety about money, even when the wife works, because the government and so many artificial expenses plunder whatever they have. Actually, every family would have at least a little money from selling their vegetables.”

I thought, Is the anxiety we pay for modern life worth it? The nature of attachment, even to useless things, is such that they bring us under the false impression that the anxiety of being without them is greater than the anxiety we pay to have them. What an illusion!

One main cause of distress in modern life is the lack of stability. Where to live and find a community? Whom to marry? How to earn and find fulfillment in our occupation? Any one of these problems for many seems like a lifetime of distress. Is there any wonder why so many young people today are under so much stress? Hardly anything in their life is settled and their future is so uncertain.

In contrast, in traditional village life, the community where you were born was the community you lived, a suitable mate would be arranged at an early age, and there was training and service according to one’s nature.

I was especially noticing the contrast between the young local brijabasi girls who stopped by our booth for prasadam and the teenage girls of today. The village girls seem so much more mature and less confused. Almost all of them were married with young children who they carried on their hip. They seemed relatively peaceful and carefree as they walked in groups singing songs about Krishna in brajabhasa (the local vernacular).

Kartik, the month of Sri Radha, ends tonight. I am satisfied that I carefully used my time this month for Her pleasure and feel visibly uplifted by the experience–all Prabhupada’s mercy!

Govardhana Bitterness and Hurt: Bhurijana

November 15th, 2002

Govardhana

Bitterness and Hurt:
Bhurijana visited the ashram today and came to my room. He specifically asked about my chanting this month. I discussed my realizations with him and he shared his.

He asked if I was happy in Govardhana. I said I was, but that I also shared some lingering resentment that seemed to arise occasionally over some past experiences. I liked his advice about how he deals with similar feelings that most of us seem to have:

“Don’t try to artificially transcend those feelings because they could come back to haunt you. I learned an effective psychological technique to deal with them that is congruent with Bhagavat philosophy. You feel the anger and bitterness, not transcend it, and you remove yourself in your mind from the circumstances and people responsible. Then, meditating on those feelings but divorced from the situation in which they arose, transfer them to your own karma and accept them in the mood that it is a token reaction for one’s own mistakes–tat te nukampam. In other words, if needed, keep those emotions, but see yourself as the cause. I usually find this way of dealing with the past very effective in purifying oneself of the type of resentment that can force one to take birth again to repay it. I don’t want to come back.”

I tried his meditation on the spot. Very effective.

Our Door to the Spiritual World:
As I discussed my chanting with Bhurijana Prabhu, we broached the subject of how individualistically spiritual life can develop; how different Godbrothers approach both their spiritual practices and internal spiritual life in such variant ways, yet still within the general framework of the principles of Krishna consciousness that Srila Prabhupada gave us. Bhurijana added a profound point to the discussion:

“It seems that the ‘taste’ that Krishna has given us is our door to the spiritual world and we should follow it.”

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Govardhana Japa Thoughts IV Nothing

November 13th, 2002

Govardhana

Japa Thoughts IV
Nothing changed today in my routine. I woke up at the same time. I chanted the same. The result, however, was better: my chanting was clearer and substantially more devotional.

Realization: Success cannot come by effort alone. Mercy is required. If we depend solely on our exertion, our chanting will not be in the proper frame of mind. If we chant in a mood of dependence, relying on His mercy, then to some extent we have already received mercy, for our disposition is already imbued with humility and devotion.

Chant, pray, chant, beg for the mercy. Take full shelter at the lotus feet of Govinda. If our chanting does not come to that point, real chanting has not begun. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati has therefore warned:

“Make your chanting heart deep, not just lip deep.”

Srila Prabhupada describes the relation between work and mercy in attaining the Lord by referencing Narada Muni’s failure to see Lord again by the same process he had attained His audience before:

“When He pleases, being satisfied with the sincere attempt of devotional service depending completely on the mercy of the Lord, then He may be seen out of His own accord.” (Bhag. 1.6.20)

Japa Thoughts V
I can go deeper in my practices with just a little more surrender and a modest effort, but I don’t. Why? I fear the result. I will become a servant. Servant?! Who wants to become a servant? Just see the nature of the mind and its petty attachments. I am doing the work of spiritual life, but I’m not pulling up the anchor of false ego. It’s just like the story of the wedding party: they row all night, but find themselves in the same place at dawn because no one pulled up the anchor! We militantly keep ourselves independent of Krishna’s will to enjoy whimsically.

What to do? How to go further? Just go on chanting. Hopefully, by nama-bala, the strength of numbers, mercy will come.

Japa Thoughts VI
The prayers of a devotee will certainly be fulfilled when one’s appeal is sincere and favorable because God is the ultimate benefactor of the devotee. While chanting this morning, a desire came. “I want to be free again, free to give, without external impediment, all that I have to give to Srila Prabhupada’s mission.” I looked up at Giriraja and offered my desire spontaneously at His lotus feet.

Later in the morning, a parikrama party of one hundred devotees from Khazakstan came by, led by His Holiness B.B. Govinda Swami–a good friend who served together with me in Vrindaban in the late ’70s. He is a forceful person and powerful devotee, so when he asked me to meet his group in our ashram garden, I agreed. I even more reluctantly agreed when he asked me to speak about Govardhana. After I finished, he begged me to also accompany the party at least up to Govinda-kunda, and when we arrived, he asked me to speak once more. I was then invited to come to Khazakstan for a few weeks and Maharaja offered to pay for my ticket from New York. Hmm, I considered. Is this all Giriraja’s response to my humble entreaty?

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