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Saving Sergeant Schoenberg

February 22nd, 2005

February 22, 2005
Vrindavana

Saving Sergeant Schoenberg *

Although B.B. Govinda Swami has a place in Vrindavana next door to where I am staying, I rarely see him. He doesn’t visit much, only in the spring when I’m already in the West. When I heard today that he would be stopping here for the night on his way from the Middle East to Central Asia, I immediately went to see him.

It was nice to see Maharaja again, but he was talking long distance on a speaker cell-phone when I came in. I could hear the conversation. I was surprised that it was from a US soldier in Iraq! Govinda Swami immediately explained to the caller who I was and then introduced the soldier to me:

?This is Sergeant Schoenberg, Partha-sarathi dasa. He?s in Iraq. Everyday at 3 PM, when possible, he holds kirtan for over thirty soldiers. Fifteen also came yesterday for his Bhagavatam class. They?re even letting him use the camp chapel. His tour of duty is up in only thirty days, but he is thinking of staying on as a chaplain for soldiers of Eastern religion. There is talk that they may even offer it for him. Please offer him some inspirational words. He would appreciate it.? Govinda Swami then suddenly handed me the phone and asked me to speak.

What could I do but speak from the heart? Naturally, being here for almost six months, the mood of Vraja came out:

?Risk is always rewarded in Krishna consciousness. That?s why parikiya rasa is the highest. The gopis risk everything for Krishna, even their good karma?their reputation, their families?but that risk heightens their love for Krishna to the highest level of prema. Similarly, Srila Prabhupada told us that a preacher who takes risks for spreading Krishna consciousness, particularly in the Muslim countries, is especially rewarded. Your efforts to help give Krishna consciousness to others, even at the risk of life, will certainly be noted by Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu.?

I wish I wasn’t put on the spot so that I could weigh my thoughts and words more carefully. Comparing gopi bhava to fighting in Iraq? Who am I to encourage someone to risk their life?

Two days later I received the following letter and essay from Partha-sarathi:

Dear Maharaja

Please accept my humble obeisances. All Glories to Srila Prabhupada

Hare Krishna! My name is Partha-sarathi dasa. I am a devotee who has been fighting and preaching in Iraq for 19 months. We spoke briefly in H.H. B.B. Govinda Maharaja’s room in Vrindavana the other day. I wanted to thank you for the kind words you said to me. It was very inspiring and it helped me a lot with my day. I have enclosed an article I have written about it. I feel more devotees need to know more about death. Please let me know what you think.

Your servant,
Partha-sarathi dasa

Face To Face With Death
by Partha-sarathi dasa

Iraq is an intense place with death around every corner. You never know when some car bomb will go off or you might be killed in an ambush. Soldiers everyday die, but would it be possible for me to be fixed on Krishna facing death?

As I sit in my vehicle, I keep on staring at the crimson blood on my uniform. The events of today are indelibly etched into my consciousness.

Earlier, I was driving down the road as part of convoy heading to another base camp. It was three of us in our vehicle. We were scanning the surroundings to avoid an ambush.

I notice another US convoy coming our way. I briefly turn again to scan the road. When I turn back to the convoy ahead I see a flash of light and then the loud boom that always follows. The vehicle bursts into flames. The air quickly fills with the stench of burning rubber and metal.

My driver and I immediately jump out of our vehicle. Our gunner sets up to protect us and secure the site. Other soldiers in the convoy follow suit as we run towards the damaged vehicle. I prepare myself for the worst, but hope for the best. My beating heart calls out, “O Krishna, let these soldiers be O.K.!”

It was much worse than I thought. The passenger and gunner are seriously injured, each covered in blood. Thankfully, at least the driver was saved as the blast came from the right side. We quickly grab the two soldiers out of the smoldering vehicle to give whatever medical care we can. Two of us work feverishly to save the passenger, another two on the gunner. We are trained to reassure the casualties. While administering care, I bend down and start describing relevant teachings from the Bhagavatam, even something of the glories of Lord Nrsimhadeva. It?s intense, but I remain focused on his care while simultaneously concentrating on the powerful verses in the Srimad Bhagavatam that I continue to chant softly.

Medevac (medical evacuation) arrives. As we prepare to move the seriously wounded, I spontaneously rip a piece of Lord Nrsimha?s dhoti that I always keep tied around my wrist and place it in the soldier?s hand. I turn to him and chant “Hare Krishna!” Our duty done, I solemnly walk away hoping that my prayers have been heard.

* ?Saving Sergeant Schoenberg? means that Sergeant Schoenberg is doing the saving, not that he is being saved.

Japa Thoughts

February 19th, 2005

February 19, 2005
Vrindavana

Japa Thoughts

Japa takes concentration. A moment of inattention and the mind jumps from the holy name to a mundane thought. We even sometimes become lost in one of the deep groves of attachment (samskaras) imbedded in our consciousness, sliding on the path of those thoughts until our good sense drags us back to the holy name. How easy it is to free fall in chutes of attachment created by our sinful life whether it?s the long furrow of sex life, the rut of money worries, the daydream of family, the channel of frivolous sports, the trough of friends, enemies, and politics?the fancy of anything but the holy name. ?He did this to me!? we think, and we glide into the fantasy of revenge. So many problems, so many dreams, endless trivial thoughts?a roller coaster of useless adventure ?full of sound and furry, signifying nothing.? And it plagues us!

The purpose of sadhana, the serious practice of Krishna consciousness, is to create within the inner recess of the mind the proper samskara?devotion for the Lord, especially in the form of kirtan. It takes some discipline, but if we realize something of the purpose of life, and a little of the glory of the holy name, that effort is nothing compared to what we will gain.

Japa is thus very important. We are dealing directly with the mind and changing the desire of the mind by practice and detachment. If we don?t devote some time in our day to changing the nature of our merciless mind now by practice (sadhana), then when will we change it? ?Trust no future however pleasant.?

A concession and recommendation: If we are lyrical by nature, if we already have a samskara for music, then we may follow our trough of melody and inject the holy name. We should do kirtan, as much as possible.

One way or another in this life, by devotional service in practice, we must create a deep impression for holy name, which is, in fact, condensed bliss, otherwise ours is a life wasted.

Lessons from Bhakti Sandarbha 1

February 1st, 2005

February 1, 2005
Vrindavana

Lessons from Bhakti Sandarbha 1

Note: My focus of studies now is Sri Bhakti Sandarbha. Sri Bhakti Sandarbha is Sri Jiva Goswami?s greatest exposition on the process of devotional service. I will occasionally write journal entries focused on my realizations from the text.

Surrender! Part 1 *

Sri Jiva lists surrender (saranagata) as the first practice of pure devotional service. It is the gateway to bhakti as devotion begins with a sense of belonging to the Lord.

Surrender is not the best translation for saranagata. Sanskrit words often imply deep and subtle concepts not conveyed properly in English by a single word.

Saranagata implies a feeling of love in the act of submission, while surrender a sense of force or defeat.

?Taking shelter? better conveys the sense of saranagata. And what is taking shelter?

Taking shelter is submitting, out of dependence and with affection, to a person capable and willing to meet the needs we are unable to meet ourselves. But, what is our deepest need?

Our deepest need is to fully repose our love in a worthy object of love. Why?

Our needs are determined by our nature, what we are made for. A fish thus needs water, a child the shelter of their mother, and the intellectual the haven of his library. And we (the soul) need??

We are infinitesimal particles of conscious of the Supreme consciousness. As a part is naturally made to serve what it is part of, loving service is our eternal nature and greatest need. But do we have to take shelter of God to fully satisfy our need to love?

Yes, that?s the definition of God. He is the asraya or shelter. But why is He our shelter? **

He is bhagavan, one fully replete with qualities that make Him worthy of love.

That naturally includes all beauty, which also means inner beauty, the fullest capacity to reciprocate love.

And those qualities, which inspire our love, don?t end in time and space, for He is ananta (unlimited).

God is also artha (the ultimate reality). He is not illusory like material objects. Unless we see things in relation to God our love will be fleeting and unfulfilled.

And He is atma, the most dear. Why? Naturally one most loves the self (atma). God is the atma of the atma and thus priya, our beloved, the most pleasing to serve.

Finally He is isvara, the Supreme Controller. He not only has the full power to satisfy our needs, but to sustain them eternally.

Conclusion: Krishna is our ultimate shelter. Without fully depending on Him we will always feel empty and in want.

* The concept of surrender (saranagata) is discussed in Sri Bhakti Sandarbha Anuccheda 235

** The following description of Krishna as the worthy object of our worship is from Srimad Bhagavatam 2.2.6 and discussed is Sri Bhakti Sandarbha Anuccheda 2.

Japa thought: The foundation of chanting is namasraya, to consciously take shelter of the holy name by helplessly begging for mercy.

January 27, 2005 Mayapur The

January 27th, 2005

January 27, 2005
Mayapur

The devotees arrived for my yatra yesterday. The majority of them are not very experienced devotees, but that doesn’t matter here. They are quickly spiritually uplifted and devotionally overwhelmed. They can’t believe its happening to them. Even the most skeptical can’t fathom any other conclusion then the mercy of Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu and His dhama.

January 18, 2005 Mayapur Arrived

January 18th, 2005

January 18, 2005
Mayapur

Arrived yesterday. I have heard so much about the Panca Tattva Deities. I was a little skeptical. Could they be as powerful as people report? After-all, Krishna is present in all His Deities forms. How I would react?

I was not disappointed. It was quite overwhelming. Strong devotional sentiments were immediately drawn from my heart, especially a sense of mission, Their mission. What is ecstasy, but an intense and selfless desire to serve?

January 16, 2005 Bombay This

January 16th, 2005

January 16, 2005
Bombay

This is my last day in Bombay. I have been here for almost a week. Although most have heard so much about the success of Chowpatty, when you come it is always so much better than what you’ve heard. I won’t go into the details. Better to visit yourself.

It did give me an insight into the success of a preaching institution. Here they very much stress humble service to the devotees. It makes sense as a foundational principle of a preaching movement. Obviously the primary success of any spiritual mission is the spiritual transformation of its members. That means to become gradually free from false ego by the mission’s practices. Almost by definition that’s a problem.

To attract new members and then to facilitate them, a successful mission also entails a substantial increase to its resources. Unfortunately, it is natural for the conditioned soul to use what they acquire for sense gratification. With the “success” of any mission comes an allurement to the material platform, especially for its leaders. Thus success, expansion, often leads to failure, material consciousness. As the Supreme Lord is compassion to His devotees, He may not give a spiritual movement the success of sustained expansion, unless its members cultivate true humility.

Of course, there is not an absolute correlation. There are pure devotees who lead simple missions and less pure ones who lead big ones. The way Krishna deals with His sincere devotees and the lessons He chooses to teach through them is inconceivable. It is a fact, though, that before Krishna gives ISKCON “the world”, or even a small part of it, our devotees will have to be more and more in the mood of humble servants. A short story came to mind in this regard:

I remember in 1971 visiting the Brooklyn temple on Henry Street for lunch. It was an impressive scene. The devotees were observably dedicated and disciplined. I especially remember so many young, bright and dynamic brahmacari’s.

And the devotees had the highest standard in taking prasadam. It was very well cooked and equally well served. They were listening in silence and with attention to a taped lecture from a morning class.

I still vividly remember a single statement from that lecture attributed to Srila Prabhupada. I don’t know why it struck me so powerfully:

“If all my devotees became Krishna consciousness, then like Arjuna, we could take over the world in eighteen days [the duration of the battle
of Kuruksetra].”

Lesson from Chowpatty: To fill Srila Prabhupada’s legacy we have to become humbler than a blade of grass so that we can be trusted with a success that will sustain.

Kiddie Parikrama

January 5th, 2005

January 5, 2005
Vrindavana

Kiddie Parikrama

The beginning of winter in Vrindavana has always been my best time for serious writing and studying. It’s usually exceedingly foggy and cold. One naturally feels like staying indoors. It’s also the holiday season. Few foreign devotees visit as the international fares rise substantially making travel to India quite costly. I thus have few responsibilities during this time. Often I don’t even see a soul until late afternoon. This year, however, was different.

Many families close to me, mostly from New York, but other places also, came to Vrindavana for the holidays. Six families are here with eleven children ranging in age from two to nine. All but three of those children were under five.

The families did not come as a group, nor had I planned a program for them. When they asked for help, I agreed.

One of my main services is serving the foreign pilgrims. I thus wanted to enliven these hard working parents who, in separation from the dhama, couldn’t wait any longer for pilgrimage, although burdened (out of love) with small children. I thus organized “the braja mandal kiddie parikrama.”

Kiddie parikrama doesn’t mean that I geared the programs just for the children. It indicates that I organized programs so that parents with children would not be overly distracted and could also participate. That means shorter outings, more stories, less philosophy, plenty of kirtan and places with safe open spaces where children can roam.

Would I recommend it? I’m not sure. I can’t imagine the austerity of taking care of small children when living in a foreign place. As I said it wasn’t something I planned. I just happened to be here and they asked my help. In other words, it worked out much better than expected. For one thing, we were blessed with an exceptionally, once in a decade, mild and sunny winter.

What parikrama was the most enlivening for the children? Why, Nandagram, of course! It was magic. As soon as we entered Nanda Bhavan, they all spontaneously joined in the kirtan, remembering Krishna, the cowherd boys, His parents and the cows.

I began my speech there, “This is the place of Krishna childhood pastimes”. I hear a disturbed voice by side emphatically speak up as if slighted, “AND BALARAM!” It’s seven year old Rasa-parayana an ardent fan of the Lord’s older brother. I realize my oversight. “This is the place of Krishna and Balaram’s childhood pastime”, I continue.

I refused to take the whole group to Radha Kunda. It’s just too sacred for a kiddie parikrama. I became inspired to go anyway, but went twice in two smaller manageable groups. My plan: Close my eyes, chant loudly, take shelter of the holy name, and hope for the best. It somehow worked out.

Other highlights: A flatbed bicycle rksaw parikrama of Govardhana and a ceremonial bathing (abhishek) of Giri-govardhana at Govinda Kunda.

Perhaps this was the first Gaudiya Vaisnava kiddie parikrama in history. A friend, after hearing about it from the enlivened parents told me he liked the idea. He then conjectured that it was an especially good idea as they were Americans. He gave an interesting explanation why:

He had heard that a famous European social philosopher (the name escapes me) visited America over fifty years ago to study American culture and came back with a startling realization:

“In all places of the world the children mostly perform austerities to serve their elders, but in America it is mostly the parents who perform austerities to serve the children!”

Kartika Journal – Bhisma Pancaka

November 25th, 2004

Kartika Journal
Bhisma Pancaka (The last five days of Karttik)
November 22-25, 2004

Question: Someone asked me in reference to the ?japa thoughts? in the journal, ?do you write your ?japa thoughts? during your japa??. The answer was no. Chanting is my most important service. I consider it sacred, an event not to be shared with anything else. At the same time, chanting is an occasion that invokes emotions and gives realizations. I naturally try to apply those realizations while chanting to increase my attention, appreciation, and devotion for the holy name. Usually after chanting I write those realizations down, especially if I think others will benefit from them. Occasionally, during japa, but rarely, I will jot down just a word or two to help me remember those realizations later. (November 22nd)

Japa thought: Our identity is in relationship Krishna. We are Krishna?s servants. If we forget Krishna, we thus forget ourselves. Therefore, when attentively focusing on Sri Krishna in the form of His name, we also see our self, the servant of Krishna, calling Him. In chanting the holy name, we can thus focus on either Krishna as the object of our devotion, or ourselves as His humble servant calling Him in love. Both are in the holy name. (November 22nd)

Japa thought: The best chanting is to just hear the holy name with attention. Hearing the holy name can also mean seeing Krishna. For example, if I chant ?O Prabhupada!? with devotion, I not only hear his name, but I see his stately form and remember his qualities. I also see his pastimes, like sitting in Tompkins Square Park playing his drum for his dancing disciples. Similarly, if with devotion one chants ?O Krishna!?, then certainly one also sees His form, qualities, and pastimes. (November 23rd)

Japa thought: ?Why a humble mind is a prerequisite for tasting the holy name.? I

Bhakti is pleasure, because bhakti means love and love is pleasure. Without love all activities are simply burdensome. To taste the holy name, one must thus love the holy name. Love is the heartfelt desire to serve the wishes of one?s beloved, to become a servant. It therefore requires humility. As one must love the holy name to relish chanting it, and humility is a precondition for love, a humble state of mind is required for tasting the holy name. Thus trnad api? (November 24th)

Japa thought: ?Why a humble mind is a prerequisite for tasting the holy name.? II

It?s natural to feel love for someone who is kind to us. Love is thus very much the natural response to mercy, which is the greatest kindness, for it?s kindness that is underserved. Feeling such mercy, in turn, is related to humility. How? To the extent to which one sees something as mercy, is the degree that one is feeling low and undeserving. To the degree one is proud (feeling deserving), is the extent to which one is not appreciative of kindness and naturally not affectionate in response. In conclusion, humility is required for relishing the holy name as it is conduit for feeling Sri Krishna?s mercy, which in turn excites our love, which is the basis of enjoying any endeavor. Thus trnad api? (November 24th)

Japa thought: ?A humble mind is a prerequisite for tasting the holy name.? III

Prema is our hunger for Krishna. The greater our love for Krishna, the more we hunger for Him. This deep want, this hunger for Krishna, this utterly humble condition is a most powerful excitant for love of Godhead. Begging for the holy name is thus our taste for the holy name. Thus trand api? (November 25th)

Japa thought: ?A humble mind is a prerequisite for tasting the holy name.? IV

Although Krishna is the reservoir of pleasure, why do we not feel intense pleasure when He appears in His holy name? Only disregard for a person blinds us to their worthy qualities. It is thus disregard (offense) only that prevents us from relishing the association of Sri Krishna in His holy name. To relish the holy name we must therefore be reverent and humble in our approach.

In other words, as it is offense only that covers the glory of the holy name, and only humility can shield us from such an attitude, then only in a humble state of mind can we relish the holy name and chant constantly.

?One should chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street, more tolerant than a tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige and ready to offer all respects to others. Only in such a state of mind can one chant the holy name constantly.? (November 25th)

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Karitka Journal

November 11th, 2004

Kartik Journal

November 3 – November 12, 2004
Govardhana

Japa thought: Sri Krishna is attracted to His Name, but also to the person who is chanting it. Have no doubt. Sri Krishna is listening when we chant. (November 3rd)

Japa thought: The mind becomes attentive to that which it loves. We should thus chant with devotion. What if we have no devotion? Then chant for devotion, which is also our devotion. (November 4th)

Japa Thought: We must always search for the meaning of what we chant. Without purpose how will any endeavor enliven us? The holy name is my heartfelt prayer for devotional service, but mystically also Sri Krishna Himself, the object of my devotion. It is thus Sri Sri Radha Krishna in union, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna, and also Sri Sri Radha Krishna in separation, Krishna Krishna Hare Hare. It is the song we sing for Sri Krishna?s pleasure, Who not only sits on our tongue to listen to His Name, but also to hear our love. (November 5th)

Japa thought: Sri Krishna is non-different from His Name. Just absorb oneself in the sound of the Name. What more can I pray for than His direct association in the form of His Holy Name? (November 6th)

Japa thought: Again I ponder, ?Sri Krishna is here, I am His devotee, but is where my love? And if there is no love, then what pleasure will I get from His name?? I am humbled that the All-attractive is not attracting me. I thus chant: No love. I am fallen. No love. I am fallen. (November 7th)

Mysteries of Vrindavana: I sit peacefully chanting at Govinda Kund. Surprisingly an auto riksaw rumbles by in the sand. The passenger looks at me and frantically waves the driver to a halt. A tall well built figure with long dark black hair like Lord Sri Caitanya bolts out. He hugs me. I see a sadly aging figure, a western man my age, but much more worn by the years. ?Do I know you?? he humbly asks. I recognize a god-brother?somehow we always seem to recognize each other, even if we haven?t intimately met. He strangely pleads with me, ?Srila Prabhupada is still my guru, but Lalita Prasad (Srila Bhaktisiddhanta?s Sarasvati Thakur?s younger brother), is my diksa guru. ISKCON doesn?t understand me.? I?m not impressed, but remain polite. I don?t say much wanting to chant. He hugs me again, looks wildly into my eyes, and shares a secret. ?I am translating a book on Visnupriya. Not much is known about her. ?She is prema bhakti coming to teach prema bhakti.? Tears come to his eyes. Can?t say they are real. He then suddenly scoots away. I continue my morning chant. (November 8th)

Japa thought: Nothing can stop spiritual potency from influencing us except aparadha. If we are not tasting the Holy Name, then it is aparadha only, most likely to the devotees. As only humility can protect us from offense, then only in a humble frame of mind can we taste the holy name and chant incessantly. (November 9th)

Bhagavatam thought: There are different types of sukrti (piety), thus different auspicious results for our good deeds. Jnana sukri, the act of proper study, gifts one with advancement in knowledge. Karma sukrti, the act of good works, bestows material enjoyment. But how do we get devotion and what exactly is bhakti sukrti? The naga- patnis, the wives of Kaliya, seeing Sri Krishna dance on their husband?s head, ask Sri Krishna the same question: How did our sinful husband get such contact with the Lord to the extent that the Lord?s lotus feet were touching his hoods? What type of good deeds (sukrti) did he perform to reap such an auspicious result? In their next inquiry they thus describe the essence of such devotional sukrti:

?Did he in some previous existence carefully execute religious duties with compassion for all living beings, and that is why You, the life of all living beings, are so satisfied with Him??

As we are separated from the Absolute Reality, Sri Krishna, by envy, or hate, the method of realizing that Absolute Reality is naturally just the opposite?devotion, or love. The process of devotional service thus begins with humility and respect. As Lord Caitanya advised in His Siksastaka, one has to execute devotional service by humbly chanting the Hare Krishna mantra, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street, never expecting honor for oneself, but offering all kinds of honor to others. The naga-patnis thus also question:

?Did our husband carefully perform austerities in a previous life, with his mind free of pride and full respect for others? Is that why you are pleased with him?

To acquire Krishna?s mercy we are thus encouraged to accrue bhakti-sukrti by giving Krishna-consciousness to others in a mood of compassion and by becoming the humble servant of all devotees. (November 10th)

Bhagavtam thought: In the second verse of Srimad Bhagvatam it is described that by hearing about the Absolute Reality, Sri Krishna, immediately, at once (sadya), real devotion manifests in our heart to the extent that Sri Krishna is captured there.

Why, however, does this not happen to us? Sri Vyasadeva answers: krtibhih, one has to be pious. What type of piety? He explains, nirmatsaranam satam, the piety of being without envy. This means to give up competitive (fruitive) activity, to relinquish the endeavor to be better than others for the purpose of false ego, and ultimately renouncing the desire to be the controller and enjoyer. The piety to bestow devotion is thus giving up envy by becoming the humble servant of servant of guru and the vaisnavas. (November 11th)

Kartik Begins

November 2nd, 2004

Kartik Journal
October 26 – November 2, 2004

NY to Amman (Jordan): I shuffled down the aisle looking for 11B, my preferred aisle seat. My neighbor for the flight, now known to me only as 11B window seat, gently points with his right palm to my open seat in a surprisingly welcoming motion. He then greets me with a few friendly words. It?s nearly midnight. My new friend promptly curls himself up towards the window and sleeps before any further conversation could ensue. ?What a nice guy,? I thought. I soon follow into slumber. (October 26th)

NY to Amman (Jordan): I rose early, much earlier than my other passengers. After washing, I worship Giriraja (manasa puja), then chant plane rounds. After several hours the cabin lights welcome the day. My friend rises, smiles and coolly (a warm type cool) announces himself, ?Good morning my friend?. We chat.

My fellow passenger was born in Jordan, but a New Yorker for thirty years. He has a thin neatly trimmed beard and a swarthy complexion. I like his funky black cabby cap matching his dark long sleeve shirt and simple pants. As the conversation ensues, I became curious about his work. I hesitate to ask. Surely he?s just a cabbie and who?s proud of that? I ask anyway?can?t help myself. His answer surprises me.

Ray is from an established and popular Jordanian family. His ancestors migrated from Greece thousands of years ago. They are thus one of the oldest and established families in the country. Although Jordan is ninety-five per cent Muslim, his family is Catholic, but respected and charitable land holders. In fact, for generations they have known the royal family and thus are ?frequently in and out of the palace?. Ray, in fact, is personally close to Queen Nori, the wife of the late King Hussein.

My friend is also a member of an influential US committee connected with the US embassy that renovates ancient churches, mosques, and temples. They are currently overseeing an old church renovation in Amman, the capital of Jordan. Ray is here, however, to visit his beloved parents, who now live in a small palace quaintly perched on a small mountain over-looking Jerusalem. He purchased it recently for his own retirement in a few years.

Ray was educated in the USA as an engineer and now lives and works near Millbrook, NY. He?s now a landscape architect and heads his own company, Stone Unlimited. I ask him if he knows my disciple Madan Mohan, as Madan is also a landscape designer in the same area. He does and even mentions where he lives, but his remembrance is vague.

My friend also talks a lot about religious tolerance and very much appreciates that I?m a Hindu monk. He begs me to visit him in Jordan and NY and gives me his calling card. I find him very genuine so I will certainly take up his invitation.

It was a simple plane ride, but enriched with the flavor of the hand of Krishna personally selecting my seat and my neighbors too. I?m intrigued by that. The real story is still hopefully to be told if this ?chance? meeting brings me to Jordan in the future to preach.

A doubt arose, ?If Ray was so prominent why was he in economy class?? A military escort awaits him. Doubt dispelled. He waves good-bye. (October 27th)

Entering the dhama: Eric, who is accompanying me to Vrindavana this year, asks this morning just before we land, ?Are you afraid??, referring to going to such an exalted place as Vrindavana. I replied, ?Not at all. I?m looking forward to it?. Later I thought, ?Maybe I should be afraid.? Vrindavana is the spiritual world. Shouldn?t that humble me and make me wary of my lack of qualification and the purification required to stay there? (October 28th)

Entering the dhama: As usual Gopal, our well-known brijabasi driver, meets me at the airport. Seeing his smile and manner, I already feel Braja – the happy Braja. As we leave the airport, however, the apprehension that Eric inquired about starts to overcome me. What?s going on? Yes, I am unqualified and will certainly have to be purified to stay in Braja! Will my false ego be laid bare? My attachments routed? As I ride through the back streets of Delhi on the way to the Mathura road, I distinctly feel the rays of Braja. It?s still 93 miles southeast, but I swear it?s touching me. How is that possible? Like the sun?we feel it directly even 93 millions of miles away. I?m apprehensive, but excited, a healthy mood for approaching the dhama. (October 28th)

Home at last: It?s purnima, the full moon day, when practically all of North India comes to Govardhana for a family 24 kilometer stroll. We?re stuck dead in an impossible huge traffic jam just before the famous ?Giriraja Misthan Bandar? (sweet shop). The turn-off to Aniyor and our ashram is just a few hundred feet away, but we?re not moving. I?m not anxious, however. I?ve come for this, to be among the devotees in Govardhana. (October 28th)

Sadhus of Vrindavana: Why am I here? To chant and chant more. I will leave the ashram after breakfast every day for someplace in Govardhana to finish the bulk of my chanting before lunch. Today it?s Govinda Kunda. Before I can find a quiet place to chant, an old friend greets me. It?s Ranga Caitanya, ?lal baba?.

Ranga Caitanya was our ISKCON pujari in Govardhana several years ago. Even then his nature was to be a tyagi, a severe renunciate. He lives now in a small bhajan kutir across from Govinda Kunda. He still, however, remains faithful in his own way to Srila Prabhupada. Unlike the other babajis who all wear white, he keeps his saffron or red cloth. The babajis thus affectionately call him ?lal (red) baba?.

Ranga Caitanya is also very gentle and humble. He goes around Govardhana twice every day and eats only what he can beg (madhukari). He begs me to stay for lunch and ushers me into to his very small, five by eight, windowless room. Fortunately his door faces east to greet the rising sun. He has an altar, his books, a few possessions and a place where he both sleeps and chants and that?s all. I find his simple and quiet life very attractive, but could I trade my comforts and convenience for his austerity?

I just ate breakfast. I thus take only one sumptuous brijabasi roti (flat bread), half of a sweet, and a glass of buttermilk. For me it?s a feast. (October 29th)

Sadhus of ISKCON: Sivaram Swami visits today. When I?m not chanting, I spend my time with him. Maharaja is affectionate, deep, devotional, and empowered?great association. ISKCON needs spiritual exemplars. I?m sorry when he leaves. (October 30th)

Japa thought: Chanting means three things: Krishna, His devotee, and their relationship. That relationship is love, but why I am not feeling it when chanting the holy name? At least I chant with the cognizance that Krishna is there in His name and that I am His aspiring servant. I thus pray for that love, which is also that love, at least the beginning of that love. (October 31st)

Japa thought: Attentive chanting means that only Krishna in the form of His holy name pervades our consciousness. It is also the symptom of prema. How? Real love means that the object of ones love exclusively permeates one?s thoughts and perceptions. Why am I not feeling prema when chanting? I am not attentive. I share Krishna in my consciousness with my selfishness, desires, and ego. I humbly pray that by Krishna?s mercy my mind is conquered by Him. It all begins, however, with attentive chanting, putting Krishna exclusively in our consciousness. (November 1st)

Vrindavana thought: Eric went to Vrindavana today and returned with his own Vrindavana adventure story. When he told me a monkey grabbed his glasses at Kesi Ghat I joked, ?Good, you needed that.? He laughed.

To enter the dhama, the false ego needs to be removed and we have to be off the mental plane. In other words, we have to deeply want to be in Vrindavana, the place that is just not about ?us?. There is nothing that drives home that message than the monkey coolly sitting above us on the wall telling us, ?If you want to stay here, then this is what its like. It?s not about you, the fool standing there in bewilderment as I chew up your glasses. Ha! Ha! Ha! Sure you want to stay?? Eric makes his choice. He decides to stay, but without his new glasses. (November 1st)

Japa thought: Chanting is begging for Krishna to the point where our entreaty brings us to tears. Can?t do that without humility Therefore trnad api. (November 1st)

Japa thought: As I am chanting, suddenly thousands of beautiful bird?s wiz by my window. I?m awestruck by the beauty and potency of God. What a farce, to pretend I am significant! I bow down and chant before Sri Krishna begging forgiveness to never again forget my tiny position. (November 2nd)

Japa thought: Real chanting begins when you want what you don?t have, Krishna. Without that want ?Krishna! Krishna! Krishna! I want Krishna!? our mantra has no meaning. (November 2nd).

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