Vrindaban For the last year

January 7th, 2001


For the last year I have been seeking inspiration to understand in which way I should direct my service to Srila Prabhupada?s mission. I was given the gurukula and I took that service as my life and soul. I left that to preach in America, and although I certainly feel that preaching in the US is part of my service, it doesn?t fully utilize my energies and abilities because of various circumstances and restrictions beyond my control. To find clear direction in service is a real concern of mine. Sacinanada Swami gave me the advice to increase my desire and prayer for that clarity. I did.

I think I felt a breakthrough today. I hope it is not just sentiment. While working on my next book, a comprehensive study of the First Canto, a surge of satisfaction beset my heart. I have a strong inspiration to write, to feel absorbed and engaged in the service, and it is conducive to my situation.

Years ago I wrote Satsvarupa Maharaja about my uncertainty to as what Srila Prabhupada wants me to do now that it is not possible for me to pursue his instruction to develop gurukula. He gave me very practical advice?a bit bold for the time. I remember it something like this: ?Just find out what you want to do for Krishna, and just accept that as what Srila Prabhupada wants you to do.? It wasn?t advice to act whimsically, but practical advice to offer my best to Krishna and to understand that that?s what Srila Prabhupada wants.

Devotional service means to please Krishna. We generally like to do activities that we do well, and whatever we do well is naturally the best we can offer to Krishna. Isn?t that how the spiritual master practically engages his disciples? Arjuna fully surrendered to Lord Krishna?sarva dharman parityajya?and Krishna told him to fight.

I am sitting at my desk, in direct view of Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi. His presence is felt, although my windows and curtains are closed to seal my room off from the harsh winter winds. This realization came while I was writing on Srimad Bhagavatam, 1.1.8. I return to my writing and am taken aback when I realize what is described in the section I am about to study:

?The secret of success in spiritual life is in satisfying the spiritual master and thereby getting his sincere blessings. Srila Visvanatha Cakravarti has sung in his famous eight stanzas on the spiritual master as follows: ‘I offer my respectful obeisances unto the lotus feet of my spiritual master. Only by his satisfaction can one please the Personality of Godhead, and when he is dissatisfied there is only
havoc on the path of spiritual realization.’?

I take it as a further confirmation and continue to write.

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