Govardhana In July I wrote

November 9th, 2001

Govardhana

In July I wrote a series of journal entries on humility and asked the reader to send their realizations. They are still coming. Yesterday I received a powerful quote by Srila Bhakti Raksaka Sridhara Dev Goswami from Brahma Muhurta that seemed to succinctly sum up the discussion we had on humility:

“Humility means not to encroach on the rights of others. And also, it should not be such as to kill one’s own self. It must be natural.”

Woke up this morning with very swollen feet from yesterday’s parikrama around Govardhana Hill. Years ago, while I was living in Vrindaban, I could do a full ovardhana-parikrama for several consecutive days without any problem. My feet were gradually cultured for the task by living in Vrindaban. This year I came directly from America to Govardhana, went out on parikrama, and continued going on parikrama for eight days so far without break. My feet are getting worse everyday.

I have changed my parikrama schedule because of the heat. I am leaving at 3:30 in the afternoon instead of mid-morning. By 3PM today, however, I was still not sure if I would be able to go. I contemplated just wearing shoes to make it easier, but as an old resident of Vraja, the offense of worshiping Krishna with shoes seemed more painful than the blisters on my feet. I don’t want to give up. I made a vow, and unless I am absolutely physically unable to continue, I am determined to keep it.

Going around everyday is an austerity?even when I’m healthy. I want to make sure that I do not renounce the parikrama prematurely just to avoid that austerity. Many old?even physically disabled?devotees limp around Giriraja daily. What are my aches compared to theirs? They have ample excuse to stop, but they remain fixed in their vows. And so should I!

I ask Asit, the temple manager, what he thought. He is a Govardhana-basi, a resident here. He is respectful of me and says, “Okay, wear shoes. No problem.” But in the same breath says, “Go. Giriraja will protect you. The feet will get better as you go” Asit is a real devotee, so what he says is not just words but realization. Hearing his faith in Giriraja almost makes me feel like an infidel to stay back.

As I sit in front of the ashram with Asit, Devaki Pran walks in. Devaki Pranis an ISKCON devotee from the Maharastra State in India. Still in his late thirties, he has somehow retired to Radha-kunda. He goes around Govardhana Hill twice daily, every day of the year, and three times on Ekadasis and festivals. Once he even went around four times, walking for nearly for 18 hours. I show him how badly bruised my feet are and ask his opinion on what I should do. He shakes his hand nonchalantly in the direction of the parikrama path indicating that I should without question go. “No problem,” he says. “Just walk slowly. Giriraja will protect you.”

The pain has substantially subsided since the morning and Giriraja looks inviting. I confidently decide to go. Besides, today I walk on the Govinda-kunda side where stretches of soft sand make the walk slightly easier. My cane also helps to propel me along. Giriraja is helping! I remain focused and determined and even pick up the pace. The pain gradually subsides. The walk remains austere, but tolerable. Two hours and forty minutes later I fall to the ground in front the ashram and thank Giriraja for a successful parikrama. I drag myself upstairs to soak my feet in hot water. The feet are sore, but the spirits are uplifted. It’s the mercy of Giriraja and it’s worth the price. No gain without pain.

Govardhana Downloading e-mail in India,

November 4th, 2001

Govardhana

Downloading e-mail in India, especially in a small town like Govardhana, can be time consuming. I just don’t have time for it during Kartik. Even the mode of the whole operation would impair my life here. Luckily, an old colleague has offered to do it for me weekly in Vrindaban. So it’s off to Vrinbaban to send off the journal and quickly check my mail.

At 7 AM I leave for Vrindaban on a tempo, an archaic Indian put-put open taxi, pouring soot emissions into the cab?an antique of sorts imported from Germany in 1937, now built in India, but without a single change in design in 64 years! The advantage? If you like the native flavor, it’s the mode of travel by the locals, the village brijabasis, and it’s cheap. Damn cheap. The 14 rupee fee (.25 US) suits my budget for my stay here if I am to make the weekly one-hour trip.

I hop off the tempo in front of the ISKCON Krishna-Balaram Mandir. Naturally, I meet many friends. It takes a half-hour just to walk forty feet into the building. Several visitors have been looking for me wanting to know if I will be doing any parikramas. I politely refuse, but I’m torn. A sadhu, as much as possible, is open and welcoming when a person approaches for spiritual help. I try to be that way and it also suits my nature. This month, however, is reserved for myself. If I give, give, give, and don’t put anything in, what will be left to give? This is the month to get something to give, and I’m resolute in my purpose, although it pains me to see acquaintances somewhat lost here in Vrindaban.

By nature, I’m somewhat extroverted. I use the term not so much in the sense of frailty, but as a disposition. An extrovert is more energized by the external environment, by people, and less inclined to the lonely internal world of solitude, thoughts, and dreams. An introverted disposition is the opposite. Years of practicing Krishna consciousness, however, has tempered my disposition. My room on the roof of the Bhaktivedanta Ashram is cave-like. To enter its three-foot walls you have to pass through two thick doors, and when the windows are closed, it is silent and pitch black. I like the cave and rarely leave except for the lone daily march around Govardhana. I am happy in my world of japa, thoughts, and dreams?at least for the month.

The sweetest part of the day: Damodarastakam (the eight verses in glorification of Lord Damodara). Raghunananda is a simple village man from Orissa. He is also surprisingly a sangeet-acarya?a master of classical Vaishnava song. I don’t have much of an ear for music, but I’ve never heard singing like Raghunananda in the evening at the small temple here. The beauty and richness of his voice and the subtle, wholly unpretentious devotional nuances of his singing enraptures our small gathering.

  • Uncategorized
  • Comments Off on Govardhana Downloading e-mail in India,

Govardhana Each year I try

November 3rd, 2001

Govardhana

Each year I try to perform Kartik-vrata with a firm objective in mind suitable to my level of Krishna conscious practice and devotion. Constant travel in the West makes it too easy to become unregulated, which is not good for spiritual practice. For Kartik, I want to etch my devotional practices in stone?fixed and determined?so no matter how often during the year my venue of devotional practice changes, my practices remain regular. At the same time, I also want to significantly increase my spontaneous devotion, the practice of devotional service as a sweet feeling of love, not simply an obligation.

Pure love is the one activity that is not done to attain some fruit. It is done for itself. If we love to achieve something other than greater love, our love is not pure. Bhakti (love) is thus not a result oriented pursuit, but a causeless “be here and now” action focused on the moment. We thus chant, not just to finish or to complete a vow or obligation, but to please Krishna out of love for Him. I perform Kartik-vrata to increase my bhakti, to be satisfied in service to Krishna, to rid myself of the fruitive consciousness that relegates the practices of devotional service to a task.

The sweetest part of the day: mangala-arati at Govardhana. I haven’t practiced much Krishna consciousness in a temple setting for years. The quaint and intimate gathering during brahma-muhurta (the hour before sunrise) infects one with a simple devotion. I forgot how uplifting and auspicious the prayers to the spiritual master (gurvastakam) can be when sung properly, at the right time, and in the right association.

Govardhana In Kartik, niyama-seva is

November 2nd, 2001

Govardhana

In Kartik, niyama-seva is recommended?the practice of simple devotions at the same time, everyday. Regulation is bliss in Krishna consciousness. Reserving set times in one’s day for particular Krishna consciousness practices enables one to attend exclusively to those devotions without distraction. From focused, concentrated worship, a taste for spiritual life arises. It’s the only way to execute Krishna consciousness. It’s the example set by Das Raghunatha; it’s the Bhaktivinoda-marg and the Prabhupada path.

After breakfast I begin Govardhana-parikrama. It’s still a little hot, but luckily I found a large straw hat that I received as a gift several years ago to shade me from the sun. It’s a Vietnamese peasant look, which I think looks somewhat ridiculous with my sannyasa robes. Still, except for the brijabasi children who mock me by yelling, “Topi! Topi!”?brajabhasa for hat?the sadhus and pilgrims seem to be even more respectful for some reason, bowing gently at the waist, as the “Sombrero Sannyasi” parades by.

I’m setting a good pace, only two and half hours at most, for half a full Govardhana-parikrama. This year I’ve divided the 24 kilometer parikrama in two equal parts: One day I go around the 12 kilometer southern side by Govinda-kunda, the next day I walk the 12 kilometer northern side around Radha-kunda. The lungs are good, the joints are getting loose, and the stamina is excellent, but my bare feet are sore and burning, only to ache all day. It’s November, but the late morning sun is still near 90 degrees. The sands are a little hot now, but the weather will cool day-by-day and the feet will toughen up quickly, I hope. Regardless, I try to focus on the name and tolerate the simple austerity.

Frankly, my life in the West had become a bit soft, so I look forward to a month of simple living, absorption in chanting, and the consequent tolerance of a few bodily inconveniences. It’s the Goswami life. I hanker for it.

  • Uncategorized
  • Comments Off on Govardhana In Kartik, niyama-seva is

Govardhana I’m still struggling to

November 1st, 2001

Govardhana

I’m still struggling to write the journal. I was wondering if I should even continue?at least for this month. I can’t fathom the difficulty. I’ve been focused on my vow with determination. I rose early, engaged in chanting and hearing about Krishna for pretty much the whole day. I also walked around Govardhana Hill but, still, little came. Nothing to write about.

Most of the receivers of the journal are working quite hard to meet their responsibilities. At times their worldly duties seem to overwhelm even spiritual life. For many, their solace, their hope, is to one day again return to visit Vrindaban or Mayapur?places where Krishna consciousness was so real for them.

Even when my father visited Sri Vrindaban in 1982 he noticed the predominance of Krishna in Vrindaban as compared to the West. He told me, while pinching his thumb and index finger together to indicate something very small, “In the West Hare Krishna is this big.” Then, stretching his arms open wide, a classic pose to indicate something gigantic, he commented in contrast, “But here [in Vrindaban], it is this big!”

I will try to continue the journal this month to spark memories and remembrances of Krishna consciousness, which are vivid in the dhama?images that seem to inspire devotees in spiritual life, whether they have visited here or not.

  • Uncategorized
  • Comments Off on Govardhana I’m still struggling to

Govardhan “O Radha-Giridhari, decorate my

October 31st, 2001

Govardhan

“O Radha-Giridhari, decorate my statements so that they may be pleasing to Your Lordship and inspire the devotees to increase their devotional service to Your lotus feet.”

Arrived at the ISKCON Govardhana Palace, the unparalleled place for Krishna bhajan. Whether it’s the design of the old Vaishnava King’s Vraja residence built perfectly according to vastu-sastra or the association of the saintly brahmacaris here or the omnipresence of Giri-Govardhana or a combination of various factors, peace of mind and a focus on the holy name takes on a new dimension here.

I sit in the evening on the porch outside the King’s neat little bhajan-sthali on the middle turrets of his palace. I look out at Govardhana. The incomparable view of Govardhana here always invokes the intimacy of seeing a dear and kind friend, but surprisingly, today, He seems a bit more foreign. Perhaps I have become too familiar.

As we age in Krishna consciousness we should not, due to familiarity, lose our reverence for the manifestations of the Lord, whether it’s His deity form or even His maha-prasadam. Instead, as we mature in Krishna consciousness, our realization of the Lord’s glories should also deepen. We should humbly submit ourselves with even greater meekness before the holy name, the Deity, and the Lord’s dhama.

Great souls never lose their reverence for even the simplest of the Lord’s manifestations in this world. When even an ordinary pilgrim would offer Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati Thakur some prasadam from the Deity he would circumambulate that man three times and prostrate himself before him to respect the Lord’s manifestation as maha-prasadam.

When my Godbrother, His Grace Bimala Prasad, visited his 97 year old siksa-guru, the most respected Sripad Bhakti Pramod Puri Maharaja, he was taken aback and embarrassed to see the old and sickly man immediately pay his full dandavats. When he asked the revered saint why he had offered his respects, the old sadhu folded his hands in a directed way to indicate Bimala’s harinama shawl. Bimal Prasad realized that Maharaja was such a humble and respectful saint that with sincere deference he was even submitting himself to the holy name manifest on his chadar.

The Lord mercifully appears in so many ways to deliver us, but we neglect him. I make a mental note to be much more guarded in the presence of the Lord, especially as His holy dhama. Kartik begins tomorrow. I am so much looking forward to the worship of Sri Radha in Her special month.

  • Uncategorized
  • Comments Off on Govardhan “O Radha-Giridhari, decorate my

October 29-30, 2001

October 30th, 2001

Vrindaban

“O Radha-Giridhari, decorate my statements so that they may be pleasing to Your Lordship and inspire the devotees to increase their devotional service to Your lotus feet.”

Writing has been so easy for the last year, but my page has been practically blank for the last few days since entering Vrindaban. Why? Maybe I have become proud. We cannot claim any abilities independent of God. All potencies are His, to be given and taken at His will. God may therefore mercifully withdraw our so-called talents to enlighten us, especially in Vrindaban, where the internal potency reigns to nourish the Lord’s service and frustrate the false ego?the sense of doer-ship independent of the Lord’s empowerment.

That’s the dhama?only for Radha! Am I ready?

Vrindaban I heard some good

October 28th, 2001

Vrindaban

I heard some good news. His Grace Bhurijan Prabhu, his wife, Her Grace Jagattarini Prabhu, and His Holiness Sacinandana Swami will be in Govardhana at the beginning of December leading a sadhana retreat for two weeks. They are all dear friends, advanced in Krishna consciousness, and I am eager to spend time with them. I will extend my stay at Govardhana for another two weeks after Kartik and hope to attend part of their retreat. We always require siksa, instructions on how to hone and increase our practice of Krishna consciousness.

Factually, we are not so advanced as to gain much advantage from our visit to the holy dhama. The sadhus, however, are quite capable of realizing the glories of the dhama. Therefore, they frequent the holy dhama, and we also find solace there, but only for their association.

It can’t be stressed enough: The most effective way of nurturing bhakti is sadhu-sanga.

October 26-27, 2001

October 27th, 2001

Vrindaban

A few social visits, some business to attend. Not much else to say. Vrindaban is meant for bhajan. Hopefully in a few days I will be ready for the real business of life?-chanting and hearing about Krishna-?and then perhaps I will really have something to say.

Vrindaban It’s been seven months

October 25th, 2001

Vrindaban

It’s been seven months since I’ve visited Vrindaban, my longest self-imposed exile from Vrindaban in twenty-two years. My entrance to the holy dhama, however, always invokes the same emotions?and in the same order. A sense of relief, a feeling of worthlessness and humility, and a charge of exhilaration and excitement followed by a glimmer of devotion. And the same persons always usher me in: Gopal, the blissful brijbasi driver, Dadu,the saintly mailman, and the ominous black snake at Kesi-ghata. I’ve described my pattern of entering the dhama many times. Patterns repeat, so there’s not much need to say more, except for my encounter with that ominous black snake. Our meeting took on a new twist, and it merits a few words more.

Another set piece to my fixed pattern of entering Vrindaban is to bathe in the Yamuna before doing anything else. I wouldn’t feel fit to be here without the powerful purifying effect of Her merciful waves. Thus on my request Gopal, my friendly and lovable brijbasi driver, drove me directly from Delhi Airport to the bank of the Yamuna at Kesi-ghata.

As I strolled on the path above the stone stairs of the intricately carved red sandstone ghata looking for a suitable place to enter his holiest of rivers, I spotted a large black snake on the bottom step of the first of the five separate bathing sections comprising Kesi-ghata. I was twenty feet away and looked carefully to see if it was just a piece of tire or a rope, but it was moving. It was a large dangerous black snake! I continued my walk, but with apprehension, somewhat fearful to bathe in the river that my big black friend seemed to be protecting. With trepidation, I quickly entered the Yamuna a few sections down, rapidly submerged myself three times, and with relief, immediately vaulted myself to shore. Proceeding back along the same path I again passed the first section of the ghata where I first spotted the snake. There he was, still there, and in the exact same position. From the top of the steps I looked at him again. Yep, he was still moving?but why was it in the same exact place? I squinted and focused again. No! It was only a piece of a black bicycle tire. Before bathing, I took off my glasses and any object twenty feet away naturally appeared blurry, unfocused, and slightly vibrating. The cause of my fear was not real, but in my mind!

A realization came akin to what I have been thinking and preaching about for weeks since the World Trade Tower disaster-?that the fearful world we live in is a product of our mind and not the actual nature of reality. Here was a classic example: the rope and the snake. For five minutes I lived in a world threatened by a dangerous snake, which in fact, existed solely in my mind. I realized that just as the presence of this snake was enough to alter my view of the world and determine my actions and feelings?in spite of the fact that it was a creation of the mind?similarly, we always live a world of self-created fears that determine our actions and feelings, but are, in truth, creations of the mind. For example, we live in constant fear of death. Non-existence, or death, however, is just as much an illusion for the eternal, undying self as the big black snake that haunted my entrance to the dhama.

  • Uncategorized
  • Comments Off on Vrindaban It’s been seven months