Dhanurdhara Swami January 5th, 2001
How the psyche changes due to vaisnava aparadha (offense). Paraphrased from Bhakti-sandarbha:
Crookedness, duplicity – a devotee is simple and straightforward, but aparadha brings on duplicity. The heart becomes hard and cruel by accumulated offense, but one still poses externally as a Vaishnava.
Lack of faith in sastra – Offense gradually covers our faith and we lose trust and interest in sastra.
Attachment – The quality of bhakti is firm faith in the Lord and our position as his servant. Due to offense, attachment and absorption develops in those things that will deviate one from nistha (firm and fixed faith) in devotional service.
Slackness – One loses interest in the practices of devotional practices.
Pride – A devotee does not have pride that he is doing great service. Rather he is humble and feels he is not sufficiently serving his guru and Krishna. Due to aparadha one starts to feel that his service is the best and others are envious of him.
If these desires are not diminishing?or even increasing?despite practicing devotional service, one has to sincerely introspect if it may be the fruit of vaisnava aparadha.