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Archive for November, 2000

Govardhana I?m feeling better, but

November 9th, 2000

Govardhana

I?m feeling better, but I?ve decided to forego today?s parikrama anyway. I fear that when I return from being in the sun from 10-12, I will be too exhausted for
concentrated chanting. Better I concentrate on chanting, but my determination could be stronger.

I am humbled by the Vaishnavas living here. Kesava Bharati is chanting 64 rounds and reading two chapters of Bhagavad-gita a day alongside an hour of assorted prayers, an editing marathon for the Brhad-Bhagavatamrta, hosting numerous Vaishnavas who visit during kartik, and kindly downloading my email so this journal can regularly be sent. How does he do it? He doesn’t waste time and doesn’t rest until his vrata is complete.

Kesava Bharati is humbled by the ashram pujari, Ranga Caitanya. For the four months of caturmasya, he has been eating only boiled sabji and dry chapatis in
addition to his vow to complete a full Govardhana parikrama every day?half in the morning and half in the evening. He also chants 64 rounds a day and performs all of his temple pujari service diligently and with enthusiasm, including bathing and dressing Sri Sri Krishna-Balarama (the ashram?s two large black and white Govardhana silas). He doesn’t speak much English so I haven’t spoken to him much, but from the few casual exchanges I sense he is a very sweet person.

How does he do it? There’s enough time in the day if one adds it all up. After all, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Sarasvati took the vow of Haridas Thakura for ten years. That’s one billion names?one hundred and ninety two rounds a day!

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Govardhana – Bhisma-Pancaka Bhisma, like

November 8th, 2000

Govardhana – Bhisma-Pancaka

Bhisma, like Bhima, was a powerful ksatriya and a voracious eater. He thus lamented that he couldn’t follow the austerities of kartik. Lord Krishna knows the heart of his pure devotees. He thus offered Bhisma the concession that he would gain the same benefit of following the whole kartik if he could just follow the last five days. The last five days of kartik are therefore called Bhisma-Pancaka.Many Vaishnavas perform some extra austerity or vow on those days, so I’ve decided to add a half-parikrama of Govardhana to my personal vows every day, so that by the end of kartik, I will have completed at least two full Govardhana parikramas.

Today I started Bhisma-Pancaka by circumambulating the Dana-gati, Govinda-kunda, Punchari, Jatipur-half of Govardhana. Surprisingly, everything went wrong. It’s surprising because in other years, I’ve done the full 22-kilometer parikrama everyday without problem. I don’t, however, do well in the sun. Pita (the fire element in the body) increases and my life airs become imbalanced. That, however, was not the real problem. A reoccurring pain in my body stirred. It had little or nothing to do with the long walk around Govardhana, but what sometimes amounts to some discomfort was suddenly quite painful, and it remained that way for the whole day.

I identified my aches as a proverbial pinch by Krishna. Whenever we get too comfortable in this world, even in spiritual life, and become attached to staying permanently here, expect a wake up call: “This temporary material world is full of suffering. Take to the Holy Name of Krishna as our only business.” (Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur)

Another fruit of my chanting seems to be detachment, which I need to learn attain my spiritual goals.

I am too physically exhausted and uncomfortable to do much of anything today. I definitely feel too much pain to continue writing. Will I be able to go tomorrow?

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Govardhana As kartika continues, chanting

November 7th, 2000

Govardhana

As kartika continues, chanting becomes easier, much easier. It becomes difficult to think to think of living any other way in any other place. At the same time, the inspiration to give Krishna consciousness to others also increases. That is the dilemma of spiritual life.

Received a letter today from Ekachakra dasa. Akincana Krishna dasa and he opened a Krishna club at NYU and new people came. When they initially approached me with the idea, I was naturally enthusiastic and encouraged them. His Holiness Radhantha Swami also visited the ashram and very much encouraged them. He stressed aggressive preaching, not in the sense of the old-style forcefulness in pushing ourselves on others, but in our determination to establish opportunities to give Krishna consciousness to others and to preach despite all obstacles?including our modes and mind. They initially met with resistance from the university, especially since the University funds the program, but after much perseverance, their first meeting was finally last week. I am looking forward to return to New York so I can spend some time with them but, for now, my duty is to stay here and purify myself.

Ravindra Svarupa’s younger son, Rupa, came to Govardhana today. He is a very interesting, very independent, and an extremely intelligent 23-year-old. He would have made a great?what we called in the old days??heavy hippy.? He is the only mathematics major at Antioch University, where he is also getting college credit for serving in Vrindaban’s Food for Life program. Ravindra Svarupa told me seriously after meeting his son this morning, ?I wish I was as smart as him.?

I took Rupa to Radha-kunda this morning and we visited all the tirthasthans there. He’s not a sadhaka, but he is devotional and respectful to the dhama and its inhabitants, with a healthy fear of committing offenses here.

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Govardhana ?O Lord, although You

November 6th, 2000

Govardhana

?O Lord, although You are able to give all kinds of benedictions, I do not pray to you for liberation, nor eternal life in Vaikuntha, nor any other boon. My only prayer is that your childhood pastimes may constantly appear in my mind. O Lord, I don’t even want to know Your feature of Paramatma. I simply wish that your childhood pastimes may ever be enacted in my heart.? (Damodarastakam 5)

When one has devotion he does not perform devotional service with the mindset that he has to attain something else by it, nor that he will accrue some benefit for doing it. His consciousness will be that now Krishna should be pleased by my activity. One should therefore chant because Krishna is pleased by our glorification, or at least that our chanting will purify us, and thus one day Krishna will be pleased by our devotion. The gopis do not chant on beads, but they chant Hare Krishna for the pleasure of Krishna. Our chanting should be done sweetly for the Lord’s pleasure.

If one is chants the Damodarastakam properly, it will express and nourish one’s own aspiration for devotional service. I am very attached to the intimate ceremony here. One should take advantage of kartika by simply offering the Lord these sublime prayers, wherever one might live.

Without bhakti, devotional service can even feel burdensome?like working for someone you have no relationship with and without recompense. That same service done with bhakti is the deepest pleasure of the heart, like doing humble service for one’s most beloved.

Without at least some austerity, however, it will be difficult to get bhakti and devotional service will remain a burden. Even singing these simple prayers and
offering a lamp to the Deity, a moderate vow for kartika, can bring some devotion to our hearts and make our devotional service easier. Who will not avail himself of such an opportunity?

“As indicated in the Padma Purana, this practice is extremely powerful, especially when performed in Vrindaban. In his commentary, Jiva Goswami says that if one performs kartika-vrata in Vrindaban, even without devotion, the Lord will very easily offer his personal service.” (Waves of Devotion, p.93)

His Holiness Giriraja Swami once told me?though I forget his reference?that kartika is like a sale for bhakti. What is usually sold at a very high personal price, bhakti, is given away cheaply during kartika for a relatively minimal effort.

Govardhana The spiritual enlivenment of

November 5th, 2000

Govardhana

The spiritual enlivenment of kartika in Govardhana awakens remembrances of ecstasy.

  • Chanting at the Henry Street temple in Brooklyn at my first Sunday feasts. No pleasure in this world could compare. I gave up everything to pursue the selfless pleasure of spiritual life.
  • Lord Caitanya’s mercy the first time I went out on book distribution. The inundation of Lord’s Caitanya’s mercy was mystical. What was it? I became too busy as a teacher to continue and give it much time.
  • Kirtana procession to the Yamuna every afternoon for two years without fail when I first came to Vrindaban. The next morning at mangala-arati, I would immediately and enthusiastically begin jumping when the Deities would appear, still feeling the double purification of harinama and yamuna-snana.
  • A midnight bath in Radha-kunda on Bahulastami, Her appearance day. I was with Yasodananda Swami, Jagat Guru Swami, and Pradyumna. I witnessed our false egos wash away into small puddles next to us on the floor. That humility gave a taste for chanting?kirtinayah sada hari.
  • Kumbha-mela in 1988. Bathing at the Triveni [the confluence of the Ganga, Yamuna, and Sarasvati] at 3:30 in the morning, followed by mangal-arati with Lokantha Swami leading. As he sang, I was so convinced that nectar was flowing from the heavens that I would tilt my head to let it come more directly in my ears.
  • Nabadvipa Mandala Parikrama, 1994. Nine days in another world.
  • Kartika in Gita-nagari, 1995. Divine austerity and Radha-Damodara’s mercy gives me a taste for the holy name.
  • Maha-yajna, New Ekachakra Dhama, April 2000. Relief, affection, and devotion flood the dhama as the gods stop the rain to bring sunshine and auspiciousness.
  • Kartika in Govardhana, 2000. Sleeping is considered dandavat-parikrama. Where else can one get such a boon in the ignorance of his day?
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Govardhana narada-vinojjivana sudhormi-niryasa-madhuripura tvam krsna-nama

November 4th, 2000

Govardhana

narada-vinojjivana sudhormi-niryasa-madhuripura
tvam krsna-nama kamam sphura me rasane rasena sada

?O Krsna-nama! You infuse life in Narada Muni’s vina, and the sweetness which flows from You is the personification of the essence of waves of nectar. Therefore, I pray that You always manifest on my tongue with transcendental rasa.? (Namastaka 8)

I am inspired here. I feel like I should make this month-long vrata a life’s program. Now I am 50 years of age. It’s time to get serious. Absorption in hearing and chanting elevates the consciousness. One becomes peaceful, and a small hankering for Krishna’s service, bhakti, becomes a reality. Why live any other way? This doesn’t mean stopping the preaching, but really preaching. It means giving up idleness and prajalpa and other obstacles to bhakti. It means to really absorb oneself in Srila Prabhupada’s mission, to purify oneself and give Krishna consciousness to others. What else to I have to do by Krishna’s grace? Otherwise, what is the meaning of sannyasa?

Increasing one’s chanting does not reduce the amount of time one has for other things. It does, however:

  • create enthusiasm for spiritual life by making it more attractive and easier to do.
  • force one to use his time carefully.
  • help one to reduce one?s bodily necessities?eating and sleeping?by creating an enthusiasm for life, spiritual life.
  • force others to approach one seriously and to respect one?s time.
  • enable one to do his spiritual practices with concentration, efficiently and more quickly without sacrificing the quality of one?s practices.

With all that said, it would be difficult to maintain my vrata, because it is difficult to keep a rigorous vow for long periods of time before the mind becomes distracted or slackens. Once spiritual impetus is lost, a nama-vrata becomes a chore.

I am determined, however, to significantly increase my chanting and to maintain the schedule I have, with the exception of studying and writing during the day instead of chanting.

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Govardhana ?One should chant the

November 3rd, 2000

Govardhana

?One should chant the holy name of the Lord in a humble state of mind, thinking oneself lower than the straw in the street, more humble than a blade of grass, more a tolerant than a tree, devoid of all sense of false prestige and ready to offer all respects to others.?

Once a disciple of Srila Prabhupada called him a Vaishnava. Srila Prabhupada humbly but emphatically said, ?No! Vaishnava is not an easy thing!? He was teaching us that being a Vaishnava is not just an external thing?kunti-mala and tilaka?but a deep internalized conception that I am a servant of Krishna. It is difficult to become a Vaishnava, and I speak for myself, because it is everything we are not?not by our culture, not by our upbringing. A Vaishnava is the epitome of humility because he sees everyone as a servant of Krishna and thus becomes consciously focused on serving the desires and needs of others.

In Govardhana, I try to be self-sufficient, to take care of my own needs. Today as I was walking across the roof from the pujari room where I had just polished my own deity paraphernalia, I saw the brahmacaris in the courtyard looking up at me affectionately, but with disappointment. I could read their minds: ?Why are you washing your own deity paraphernalia, Maharaja, when that is our service. Please, we can do it.? It was their heartfelt desire to serve. That is Vaishnava.

I shout down to them, ?I can?t also do devotional service!??

We should all pray to become Vaishnavas, to change our ego to that of a servant. We can start by becoming the servant of even one close friend, instead of maneuvering to Lord over them. I pray, O Gopal Giridhari, when will I become a Vaishnava!

Went to Jahnava Baithak at Radha-kunda at 10:30 AM to finish my nama-vrata until lunch. Two devotees from Philadephia come up to where I was chanting to pay respects and ask some very nice questions. They are staying for a couple months in Vrindaban and by coincidence are living in the ashram across from my house in Vrindaban. They heard I will be giving classes in my room later in the month and tell me to count on them coming every day without fail. They also spontaneously offer to cook lunch for me everyday, which is convenient. I am always enlivened with opportunities to preach in America while living in Vraja. Sisya means to take the mood of his guru, so although I like the sadhu lifestyle, I also have a spirit and heart for preaching, like my Guru Maharaja.

The devotees from Philadephia leave. I continue my chanting. Across the shore on the bank of Radha-kunda, two young ISKCON couples arrive. Early twenties,
obviously not married, obviously on a date. Radha-kunda is non different from Srimati Radharani?Her liquid prema. Even Krishna worships Radha-kunda. What are they doing? They have no idea where they are!

I was disgusted that dhoti, tilak, kunti-mala, and sikha are just being used as a fashion by some unscrupulous local devotees in order to feign spirituality so they can pick up somewhat naive foreign girls.

Srila Prabhupada said that those who disrespect Radha-kunda are not bathing in Radha-kunda, but Naraka-kunda. Naraka means hell. Aparadha literally means distance [apa] from Radha [radha]. Their so-called coming to Radha-kunda will simply distance them from Radha.

Govardhana Went to Vrindaban for

November 2nd, 2000

Govardhana

Went to Vrindaban for the day for a few needed errands. The driver was passionate and half-mad. His association was disturbing.

Staying in a secluded place, regulating one’s life, and associating with the holy name elevates ones modes quickly. I felt very peaceful and pensive and determined not to become infected by the passion of the day. The main business of a brahmana in the days of yore was the cultivation of goodness. I was also feeling protective of my carefully cultivated mode over the past few weeks. You cannot be happy to sit and chant for long periods of time if one is too influenced by passion (distraction) and ignorance (sleep). As I watched our madly honking and swerving driver I could understand clearly why the brahmanas were so careful with what they ate and whom they associated with.

?Dhire! Dhire!? [Hindi for slow down] I tell the driver. He ignores me. ?Dhire! Dhire!? I raise my voice. He ignores me. ?DHIRE! DHIRE!? I shout at the driver. He angrily mumbles something back. I’m ready to kill him (figuratively), but continue my chanting?no longer peaceful, no longer attentive.

Three hours in Vrindaban: I met with Partha Sarathi Prabhu, who is staying in my room, and had a deep discussion with him; heard Fakir Mohan speak next door; exchanged jokes with Dadu; greeted Kurma Rupa; checked the sale of my book at Rasabihari Lal?s; picked up two sets of clothes at Ganga Prasad?s; accepted an invitation for a sumptuous Bengali gourmet lunch with Bhakti Vidya Purna Maharaja, cooked by his disciple; rasa with Balaram Baba; and a warm greeting from my close friend Udayaram?the old sadhu who keeps the neighborhood free of monkeys with his slingshot. I also met Mother Sacideva, Mani Mayi, Sunita, and others as I rush madly from one place to another so that I may quickly return to Govardhana.

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